"Goodbye - Redux"
by Debbie Nockels
(August 2001)
SERIES: companion piece to "Goodbye"
RATING: G
CATEGORY: Vignette
SPOILERS: "Into The Woods"
COUPLES/KEYWORDS: Buffy/ Riley - Buffy/Angel
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from BTVS or ANGEL. They're owned by Joss Whedon (who ought to treat them nicer), MutantEnemy, Kuzui, Sandollar, David Greenwalt, the WB, UPN, Fox, etc.
SUMMARY: The same alternate ending to "Woods" - from Buffy's POV.
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" . . . think what you're about to lose." His expression is uncharacteristically solemn.
������ "Xander - " I can't say any more; my throat is too tight.
������ "Run," he says, gently.
������ I erupt into the empty streets, running to reach him in time. God, please let me get there in time!
������ ("The guy would do anything for you.")
������ The air burns in my lungs as I sprint down the path, Xander's words echoing over and over in my mind.
������ ("He's never held back with you. He's risked everything.")
������ My foot slips on the loose gravel, and I feel a twinge in my ankle as I stagger to keep from falling. I keep running, the breeze cooling the sweat on my forehead.
������ ("If you think you can love him, really love him . . . then think about what you're about to lose.")
������ Riley. Images flash through my mind. Riley smiling at me, tenderly . . . his warm lips kissing mine . . . his complete willingness to help me with Slaying, without demur or complaint or question . . . the gleam of sweat on his chest when we were having sex . . . his warm body in bed at night . . . his big grin . . . the lost look in his eyes when he told me that he was so much in love with me he couldn't think straight . . .
������ I hear the beginning whap-whap-whap of helicopter blades and my sprint becomes a flat-out, can't-breathe, panicked run. I burst through the trees into the clearing and see Riley, walking toward the 'copter. I call out his name but it comes out in a breathless gasp. Please, hear me!
������ Miraculously, he does. He turns sharply and sees me, and stops, just as I choke out his name again. I dash up to him, gasping for breath.
������ "Buffy." His voice is tentative; he's not sure why I'm here. Maybe I'm going to rip into him again, like I did in the training room. God, why was I such a bitch? Xander was right.
������ ("He's the one that comes around once in a lifetime.")
������ //Once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime//
������ I'm still catching my breath. "I'm glad I - got here - in time. I need - to tell you that - I'm sorry." I see happiness dawn in Riley's face, and his eyes begin to glow -
������ - and suddenly I'm seeing, not Riley's light blue eyes, but dark ones that pierce straight through to my very soul . . . warm, chocolate-colored orbs awash in tears . . . and I feel an iron grip on my arms, hear a voice choking out that he wants to lose himself in me, that even though he knows he'll become a monster again if he does, part of him doesn't care . . . dark, resolute eyes that flinch when I fling back in his face the fact that his heart doesn't beat . . . eyes glazed with pain, physical this time, brown changing to vampire yellow in the moment before I force him to drink from me to save his life . . . shamed eyes that can't look into mine as he tells me he's leaving the next night, without saying goodbye -
������ - and in a flash, literally between one breath and the next, everything changes. My racing heart slows and suddenly I see everything - so clearly. My God, it's so obvious! How could I have not seen it before?
������ ("He's the one that comes around once in a lifetime.")
������ Xander was absolutely right. But now I know it isn't Riley who's the once in a lifetime guy, it's Angel. It was always Angel, almost from the first time we met, when I knocked him flat on his back and he looked up at me with that crooked little smile and my heart did a flip-flop that I ordered myself to ignore, concentrating on my anger at being followed.
������ "You were right," I tell Riley, and it's not at all what I'd intended to say. "I never let you in. I tried to, I really did, but I couldn't - because that part of my heart belongs to Angel. I think it will always belong to him, no matter what." I feel tears begin to rise, and Riley looks like I've punched him in the stomach. I'm flooded with guilt and remorse and regret, and half a dozen similar emotions.
������ "I'm sorry. I wish I'd understood all this last year before we got so involved, because I never wanted to hurt you. I hope you can believe that, Riley. You're a wonderful guy." On an impulse, I kiss him quickly, then move away. "Please, be careful in Belize."
������ I turn and walk away, not looking back. A minute or so later I hear the helicopter rising, the blades beating into the air above me, but I don't look up, not until I know there's no chance Riley could see me gazing after him.
������ "Goodbye, Riley," I whisper. "I'm sorry."
THE END
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