RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from BTVS or ANGEL. They're owned by Joss Whedon (who ought to treat them nicer), MutantEnemy, Kuzui, Sandollar, the WB, Fox, etc.
SUMMARY: What if Buffy and Angel and all the rest were real? This story idea popped into my head about 4:00 on a Saturday morning, and wouldn't let me sleep until I got up and wrote it down.
NOTES: Many thanks to the Butterfly Queen for her title suggestion. It was perfect.

�����"Spike," Xander said with an air of having said this numerous times before, "Buffy is just copying inscriptions off headstones for her psychology class. Hopefully there won't be any slayage needed for that."

�����"Hah!" The blonde vampire laughed out loud. "Where the Slayer goes, trouble naturally follows behind, just like Mary's bloody little lamb. She's a walking disaster magnet - or have you somehow missed noticing that along with everything else you've managed to overlook through the years?"

�����Buffy laughed to herself. As irritating as Spike could be, he did have a flair for witty zingers. A familiar figure came up next to her.

�����Angel.

�����Somewhat surprised to see him this early, she smiled at him and whispered a quiet, "Hi." He slid his arm around her and kissed the top of her head in greeting. She snuggled close against his comforting solidity and sighed again, this time with satisfaction.

�����"Cut!" Joss walked out onto the set. Xander, Spike and Willow gathered around him in a huddled conference.

�����Buffy was now free to talk. "I didn't expect to see you this soon," she remarked to Angel.

�����He smiled down at her, giving her a squeeze. "We wrapped up early so I thought I'd drop in and see you."

�����Buffy grinned. "You just wanted to make sure that Riley wasn't flirting with me."

�����Angel snorted but didn't deny the charge. "Where is the All-American Boy, anyway?" He glanced around the room.

�����The blonde Slayer also gazed around her. "Don't know," she said vaguely. "His scenes finished early, so I guess he's gone home."

�����"Gotta go slop those pigs," Angel said in a snide tone.

�����Buffy hit his arm reprovingly. "Stop that. Riley's a nice guy and very professional. It's not his fault that he's playing my boyfriend."

����Angel looked sheepish. "I know. It's just, when I walked in the other day and you two were shooting your kissing scene. . . ."

�����"You were jealous," she finished. "You know that's silly, Angel. You're the one I love. But in case I need to prove it to you - "

�����Pulling his head down she kissed him. After a surprised moment he returned the kiss with enthusiasm. His hand moved to her breast, caressing through the thin knit fabric of her shirt. In answer, Buffy pressed against his pelvis.

�����On the set Joss announced, "Okay, that's a wrap. Jane, I need to see you for a few minutes. Everyone else, I'll see you back here tomorrow morning at eight o'clock sharp. Good night."

�����Xander, Willow and Spike sauntered away, chatting. As they approached Buffy and Angel, still busily entwined, Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, somebody stake me, please. Don't you two ever stop? It's enough to turn my stomach."

�����"Leave them alone," Willow chided him. "I think it's sweet."

�����"Sweet?" The peroxide vampire made a gagging sound. "Now I am going to be sick." He stalked off.

�����Willow grinned and turned to the pair. Her grin faded when she saw they were totally oblivious to anything around them. "Uh . . . Buffy?"

�����Xander shook his head. "You know, I never thought I'd be agreeing with Mr. Blood-and-Guts over there, but this is way beyond disgusting."

�����"It's not disgusting," Willow refuted. "It's just that - " She cast another glance at Buffy and Angel. "I, uh, think maybe they've forgotten where they are, that's all. Xander, maybe we better - "

�����"I'm way ahead of you, Will." Xander raised his voice. "Hey!"

�����The two broke apart, breathing heavily. At least, Buffy was. She turned around and frowned at him.

�����"You don't have to shout," she said, her cheeks flushed. "What do you want?" Very casually she snaked a hand behind her and found Angel's crotch. He had the beginnings of an erection. She squeezed it gently. Angel started, repressing a gasp.

�����Xander rolled his eyes with much the same expression that Spike had worn. "I just thought you two might want to find someplace more private. Unless, of course, Joss has decided to start making porn movies with you two as the stars. In which case - can I be in them too?"

�����Buffy regarded him loftily while still secretly caressing Angel, whose eyes were beginning to glaze. "Really, Xander, what have you got against two people kissing?"

�����"Kissing. Yeah, well I guess there was some of that in there too," he said drily, adding, "Ms. Busy Hands."

�����"You are a little public here, guys," Willow contributed. "Just thought you might want to be reminded of it, that's all. Come on, Xand; Oz and Anya are waiting for us at The Bronze."

�����They left. Buffy leaned back against Angel, smiling as his erection pressed against her. "They're right. We should really find someplace more private."

�����"Right," Angel replied huskily. He looked around and pulled her into a nearby storage closet, shutting the door behind them. "This should do."

�����"Mmm-hmm," Buffy said, kissing him feverishly. She unfastened his belt and then his pants. His swollen flesh sprang into her hand. Bending down, she took him in her mouth for just a moment.

�����Angel groaned, then lifted her with one arm. His free hand busily removed her slacks and panties; she'd already kicked off her shoes. Buffy wrapped her legs around his hips, groaning herself as he slid into her. His hands cupped around her buttocks, lifting her slightly and then letting her sink down again on his tumescence. Again, and again, and again, and . . . .

�����Buffy cried out, followed a moment later by Angel's gasp of completion. Angel moved over to the wall and leaned against it, still holding Buffy, still inside her. After a minute Buffy raised her head and kissed him.

�����"It's a good thing that happiness clause in your curse was only an invention of Joss's for the show."

�����"Damn good thing," he agreed fervently, and kissed her back.

THE END

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