My Transgender Background

My background as a transsexual is pretty typical. It's amazing how we all go through the same pattern of development, even though at the time we think we're the only person in the world who feels that way!

I had transgendered feelings when I was six years old. I did the usual crossdressing throughout my childhood but never realized how serious my feelings were. Some transsexuals know from early childhood they're really women (or men) but my feelings were more that I wished I could be a girl. I knew I wasn't going to just wake up one day and be a girl or develop a female body at puberty.

I was very shy and never dated until after college. Even then I didn't date very much. The whole dating experience felt alien and weird. I was really uncomfortable in the male dating role. But I was still attracted to women and thought that if I ever managed to get a girlfriend my transgendered feelings would be cured. Was I ever wrong on that one!

I finally did meet someone special. We got along really well and moved in together. For a while life was great but soon my TS feelings started returning. I knew that meant trouble! Eventually I had to come out to her. Unfortunately, she didn't take the news very well. She was shocked when I finally had to admit that I actually wanted to be a woman, not just wear women's clothes. So the relationship started going downhill. It got to the point where I knew I had to get help so I made an appointment with a therapist through my company's Employee Assistance Program. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done because, even though I was still in denial about the true extent of my feelings, I knew deep down inside that I was transsexual and I would end up transitioning.

Here's how things went from that point:

• Jan 1998 - started seeing Employee Assistance Program therapist
• Mar 1998 - started seeing Beth, my current therapist. Went to first support group meeting.
• Oct 1998 - moved to my own place. Still afraid to go out in public though.
• Feb 1999 - Moved back in with my partner. Quit therapy. Thought I could manage my transsexualism!
• Nov 1999 - moved to Denver with my partner
• Jan 2000 - started electrolysis
• Mar 2000 - went to Gold Rush TG conference in Denver
• Apr 2000 - started going out in public as Debby with friends from the Gold Rush
• July 2000 - broke up with partner for good, moved to own place in Boulder
• Dec 2000 - resumed therapy with Beth
• Jan 2001 - started hormones
• May 2001 - came out to employer, parents, and friends. Changed name.
• June 2001 - full time as Debby!

One of the things I had to do as part of my transition was change my name and then update all my things - driver's license, vehicle registration, bank accounts, credit cards, etc. Here's how I changed my name and here's the account of changing my documents.

One thing that surprised me (and my friends) was how fast everything happened once I finally figured out what I wanted to do. Fear and guilt held me back for years but when I finally got over that everything suddenly came together!

What's next? A new job (my employer laid me off less than three weeks after going full time), getting my electrolysis finished up, then Gender Reassignment Surgery in (hopefully) summer 2002. I see that as more of a finishing touch than the primary goal, but it's still very important to me. Going full time was, for me, by far the most important milestone. But May 11, which I now call "Debby's Day," was another big day for me. That's the day the judge signed my name change order! :)

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