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ONE NIGHT, STANDING OUTSIDE THE BAR, I WAS SHOT IN THE BACK OF MY LEG. THE BULLET IS STILL THERE. SOMETIMES IT BOTHERS ME BUT IT IS ALSO A REMINDER. THANK GOD IT DIDN'T KILL ME. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE: I COULD BE CRIPPLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THANK YOU LORD. BUT IT STILL DID NOT WAKE ME UP.
THEN ONE NIGHT WHILE WORKING AT THE BAR, IN WALKS THIS GUY. LONG HAIR, BROWN EYES, OVER 6 FOOT TALL. HE WALKED UP AND ORDERED A BEER. WHEN HE LOOKED AT ME, I FELL FOR HIM INSTANTLY. WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER, AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER. I THOUGHT THINGS IN MY LIFE WOULD BE BETTER. MY KIDS LIKED HIM; HE LET THEM DO ANYTHING THEY WANTED. �HERE�S SOME MONEY�GO AHEAD,� THAT WAS SO WE COULD JUST GO PARTY.
THEN WE STARTED FIGHTING. I MEAN WE HAD SOME KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT FIGHTS. HE BEAT ME SO MANY TIMES. I'D FIGHT BACK, BUT THAT JUST MADE IT WORSE. MY 2 YOUNGEST CHILDREN SAW HIM WHEN HE HIT ME AND KNOCKED MY TEETH OUT, AND I HAVE KNOCKED HIS TEETH OUT. HE HAS DISLOCATED MY FACE. MY HAND IS STILL BROKEN TODAY, BECAUSE I NEVER HAD IT FIXED. I CAN'T MAKE A FIST WITH MY LEFT HAND. MY KNUCKLES DON'T CONNECT TO THE BONE IN THREE OF MY FINGERS. TO THIS DAY I HAVE A GASH IN MY HEAD AS LONG AS MY FINGER AND DEEP ENOUGH TO LAY MY FINGER IN, WHERE I DID NOT GO TO HOSPITAL, FOR FEAR OF HIM GOING TO JAIL. I STILL COULD NOT HURT HIM LIKE THAT, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM. I HAVE A SCAR ON MY FOREHEAD FROM BEING HIT WITH BRASS KNUCKLES. I�VE GOT A BAD KNEE FROM JUMPING OUT OF A CAR GOING 35 MILES AN HOUR. HE ACTUALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE I DESERVED ALL THAT. FOR A LONG TIME I BELEIVED IT.
HE WOULD SEND ME TO BUY THE CRACK AT FIRST. ONE NIGHT I TOOK 4 OUNCES OF POT, AS I WOULD SOMETIMES DO, BECAUSE HE SOLD POT. SO HE WOULD SEND ME TO TRADE POT FOR CRACK. WELL ONE NIGHT MY HUSBAND�S FRIEND AND I WENT TO MAKE A DEAL. I PULLED UP AND SHOWED THE DEALER WHAT I HAD, AND HE SAID HE WOULD BE RIGHT BACK. HE CAME BACK AND STUCK A GUN IN MY FACE. HE TOLD ME TO HAND HIM WHAT I HAD. I DID AND HE GRABBED THE POT AND HE RAN. I STARTED TO LEAVE, BUT THEN I STOPPED THE CAR.. I KNEW MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED AND I HAD ALREADY HAD THE TASTE IN MY MOUTH FOR CRACK AND WANTED MORE, SO HERE I GO. I POPPED OPEN MY TRUNK AND GOT A TIRE TOOL AND WENT TO THEM. IT WAS WINTER; AND THEY WERE ON THE EDGE OF THE WOODS AROUND A BARRELL OF FIRE. I WENT UP AND TOLD THEM I EITHER WANTED MY POT BACKOR WHAT I CAME AFTER. OR ELSE SOMEBODY WAS GONNA GET HURT. THIS GUY ASKED ME WHO IT WAS THAT TOOK IT. I POINTED HIM OUT. HE TOLD THE GUY TO GIVE IT BACK. HE GAVE ME 3 BAGS. I TOLD HIM �NO, I WANT ALL 4.� HE SAID, �LADY, TAKE THAT AND BE HAPPY!� BUT I SAID NO. A FEW MORE WORDS WERE EXCHANGED AND I TOOK THE THREE BAGS AND MADE MY DEAL AND LEFT. NOW YOU TELL ME GOD WAS NOT THERE PERSONALLY! THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST THING I THINK I HAVE EVER DONE. THANK YOU LORD, FOR BEING THERE FOR ME ONCE AGAIN!
THEN IN 1999 THE LORD WAS DEALING WITH ME. I WOULD SAY I WAS GOING TO GO TO CHURCH BUT I KEPT MAKING EXCUSES TO KEEP FROM GOING. I EVEN PROMISED THIS LITTLE FELLOW, ABOUT 7 YEARS OLD, THAT I WOULD TAKE HIM TO CHURCH. HE WAS THE SON OF A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, AND THEY NEVER CARRIED HIM TO CHURCH EITHER. I TOLD HIM FOR 2 WEEKS IN A ROW WE WOULD GO AND ON SUNDAY MORNING I WOULD TELL HIM NO. WELL, THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY NIGHT, WE WERE ALL PARTYING AT A FRIENDS HOUSE, AND MY HUSBAND CAUGHT ME RUBBING MY FRIEND�S HUSBAND�S BACK. HE SAID IT WAS HURTING AND ASKED ME TO RUB IT. I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT AND SO I DID. WHEN YOU�RE DRINKING YOU DON'T THINK. SO IT LED TO AN ARGUMENT, THEN A FIGHT AND THEN MY HUSBAND GOT SHOT. WELL, THAT WOKE ME UP, I THOUGHT. I CALLED MY SISTER IN BURLINGTON AND WE MOVED DOWN HERE AFTER HE GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. MY DAUGHTER AND I WERE AT MCDONALDS DRIVE-THRU AND I SAID, �LORD THIS IS IT! I�M GONNA SERVE YOU.�
FOR 2 YEARS I DID GOOD. MY HUSBAND WAS DOING GREAT. I WAS SO GLAD TO BE BACK AROUND MY FAMILY. MY DADDY WAS SICK THOUGH. I HATE THAT WHEN I CAME BACK HOME HE WAS REALLY BAD OFF. BUT I WOULD PRAY THAT GOD JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE TIME WITH HIM, AND HE DID: 3 YEARS. I KNOW DADDY WAS TIRED AND READY TO GO HOME, AND I WAS ONLY BEING SELFISH, WANTING TO MAKE UP FOR ME NOT BEING THERE. BUT I GOT A CHANCE TO TALK TO DADDY IN THE HOSPTIAL, I KNOW SOME OF IT HE COULDN'T ANSWER ME BUT I KNOW HE HEARD ME. FORGIVE ME LORD, FOR THAT WRONG TOO: THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT I CAUSED MY MAMA AND DADDY. BUT THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE WHEN I WOULD CALL THEM. MAMA TELLS ME NOW THAT I USED TO CALL AND TALK TO DADDY BUT NEVER WOULD TALK TO HER. I JUST COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF HEARING THE PAIN IN HER VOICE, AND I WOULD, KNOWING I WAS DOING WRONG AND SHE IS PROBABLLY THE CLOSEST THING TO A SAINT AS YOU WILL EVER SEE. SO I JUST WOULDN'T TALK TO HER, I'D TELL DADDY TO TELL HER I LOVED HER. MAMA, I�M SO SORRY. WELL, I DID GOOD FOR 2 YEARS, LIKE I SAID. THEN OUR PREACHER FELL AND SO DID MY HUSBAND AND I. THEN I STARTED HITTING AND MISSING. MY HUSBAND FELL OUT ALL TOGETHER. HE WENT RIGHT BACK TO HIS OLD WAYS. I TRIED TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT, BUT I TRIED TO LIVE LIKE HIM TOO, AND THAT DIDN'T WORK.