WASHINGTON (AP) -- In the aftermath of Septemeber 11, the President has asked
Congress to investigate whether or not Americans have just become too fucking uptight, and
incapable of laughing.

"Seriously," said Presdient Bush, "Why the fuck aren't people laughing?"

"I suppose a lot of people just can't get over the loss of 3,000 people," Senate Majority Leader
Tom Daschle said. "Go figure. I mean, it's just like losing a 180 pound kitten that walks upright
and talks and pays bills and occassionally shares a good joke and a meaningful physical
relationship with you."

"I'll get us started," said Bush, "Why didn't Superman save the World Trade Center? Give up?
Cause he's in a fucking wheelchair!!!"

The President then snorted loudly and began to point out people who weren't laughing. Those
people were then promptly escorted outside the White House, and taken into a sub-basement
for what spokesman Ari Fleischer described as "re-education".

Several shouts of pity were heard. One victim happened to dash off an e-mail from his cell phone,
saying, "No shit. This little thing from Cingulair really is neat."

Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott said, "I don't know... It's always funny until someone loses and eye. Or in this case a building. Well, actually two, plus one damaged and four airliners. But, I think you dig where I coming from, right?"

Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist, upon hearing of all these shocking disruptions of civil order said, "Well, since we let Clinton walk because oral sex isn't really sex, is there anything we can do to stop the President, short of slamming a fucking plane into a fucking building where he fucking is?!"

One reporter said, "That's not funny since September 11th."

Defense officials promptly beat her to death. Said Donald Rumsfeld, "She was a dirty little bitch who didn't want to go along with our game. Fuck her, and fuck all you pot smoking hippie communist rabble!"