Pres. Bush reportedly alarmed at possibility
of black Marxists taking over U.S.

(WASHINGTON - Reatuers) President Bush confered a press conference early
this morning in the Rose Garden to announce, "It is clear that the Harvard-educated
black elite has failed to convert most Afro-Americans."

Dressed in a plaid, body-length nightgown, and brandishing a twelve-gauge shotgun,
Bush repeatedly said, "We have to get ready. These are some big fuckers we gotta kill."

White House spokseman Ari Fleischer tried to temper the President's statement after
2 a.m. speech that repeatedly referred to Triumph of the Will, a 1936 Nazi
propaganda film about the Olympic Games in Berlin.

"Come fuckign on!" said Fleischer. "First, he's a goddamn goober whose parents
just happened to have money. Second, well-- fuck! It's Two in the morning!"

Bush quickly broke in, saying, "Shut the fuck up! There's gonna be a lot of
pissed off homeboys in baggy jeans marauding around here come day break."

Bush added, "And a lot of them are Red Fuckin' Commies. Y'know them
Chinese tatooes that're so popular? You ever take the time to read them,
you numb fuck?! It's all shit from Mao, about hard work and waging war
against the bourgeois elite. Well who the fuck do you think that is, fuck face?
That's your wiry Jew ass, Heart Attack Dick, and me."

Dick Cheney said, "I don't know. He did kill a lot of black people as governor
of Texas. You gotta figure shit like that goes to your head at some point,
even if you don't really believe it."

Bush told Cheney, "You shut the fuck up, too! Your a goddamn cocksucker who
God hath smote with the gay plague-- yeah, he ain't got a fucking heart condition!
You heard me! Tell them, Big Dick. Go on. You can't. Can you?"

Bush then said, "Christ, most gay people are pretty decent. Hell. A lot of them
are closet Republicans. But, Dick was always one of those people my dad
just kept me dragging around because he felt sorry for him."

Bush returned to the topic: "It is clear that within the next three months, a large,
nation-wide uprising of various ethnic minorities-- including the fucking dagos,
the Chinese, and even those fucking pollacks-- will sweep across America. They plan
to install a government controlled by two heretofore unidentified black police officers
from the Rampart division in L.A.'s police department."

Bush continued his rant, thereby fucking up normal AP style of varying quotes,
"Following the bloody race war, after which all white people will be raped, slaughtered,
used in place of horses and hogs, or used to make a really big, but rather bland
'Soccer Mom casserole', they plan to institute a government employing the ruthless
tactics of the French prison system to incorporate the ideologies of Mao Tse-tung,
Vladimir Illyich Lenin, and Karl Marx."

Former President Bill Clinton, speaking by telephone from his Harlem office complex,
said, "Oh, shit dear... a little slower. Yeah. Circle your tongue around. Slow. Oh
fuck you do that good... Man. Fuck, man. Fuck... oh... fuck, yeah."

Clinton went on to say, "I had seriously considered declaring myself dictator, for, say
ten years, like Julius Caesar did. Just because I was really afraid some dumb shit
like this was gonna happen if little baby Bush took office."

Senator Hillary Clinton said, from her office in Washington, "Y'know. We all figured
something like September 11th was gonna happen on his watch. After all, if you
were an NBA-sized camel jockey with a few half-assed pilots to spare, wouldn't you?"

Senator Clinton added, "But, this shit just doesn't figure, even for Bush."

Said Senator John McCain, "I figured the shadow government would do a better
job of controlling his crazy shithouse rat rantings. Fuck-- they kept me from my
rightful place as your President! If they can do that, you would have thought...
Maybe the X-Files is wrong. Circle December 2, 2012 on your calenders, I guess,
but get ready to fight those fucking aliens to death."

McCain concluded by saying, "Hasta la revolucion. Siempre."