It feels like I left the NYC's Snowcapped skyscrapers only a few days ago. Well here is the basic rundown on what has transpired/conspired since I arrived in
London on the 1st of March....
OFF THE PLANE STRAIGHT INTO THE FISH&CHIPS FRYING PAN
Culture shock going from Spain's tapas and sangria blissed happiness to rainy, cold, dark, dreary england, no home, no friends, no job, no money, no
umbrella, tired and wet...very wet!
GROWIN' up in BRITISH HARLEM AKA(CHEAP RENT: EXPENSIVE LIFE INSURANCE)
Found a Home in Harlesden: the harlem of london. Learned why it is a bad idea for a white boy to walk after dark in a suit with a cell phone ringing "the
simpsons" theme song so the boyz in the hood can easily find you. BOOM, CRASH, SMASH, CRASH..."Look mommy no scars!"
ELEVATOR GOING UP
Moved into a family neighborhood with less thugs, the house I moved into is a "TRAVELLERS HOUSE" (but that
is another story all together) found a temp job, opened a bank account (which is almost as fun as the
drill at the dentist office hitting a nerve) ...my employers liked me for some reason, had a few
interviews and was hired for a permanent job:) Had a job, had a girl (met a tall, blonde Danish one and she
actually had the hots for me..must have been mistaking me for someone else), had a home and most importantly
of all i had an UMBRELLA!!! I was dry, safe, relaxed, pampered and the money and knowledge bags were quickly filling up....UNTIL...
SOMEONE CUT THE ELEVATOR CORDS: FREEFALLING
The Dane got into a modeling job and found guys that were taller than her and who would buy her lots of goodies...Dylan didn't get the callback. My new job was in the e-commerce/telecommunications industry...hmmm...down came the crash (Thank You USA!). Got laid off but before I left they felt bad
for the poor immigrant boy from Canada (I shed a few tears and wailed/moaned until they forked over a good buy-out package)...so now...
PAID VACATION IN THE COUNTRYSIDE: MENTAL MINES
Now that I am off for awhile I am trying to explore the English countryside while avoiding spreading Foot
& Mouth Disease...which is supposed to be a lot better than MADCOW DISEASE. What is MADCOW DISEASE you ask??
Madcow cannot be detected and it is 100% fatal to living beings. Here is the synopsis backwards: You
die painfully, your brain starts to melt away, you eat meat of a slaughtered animal, the animal eats the
diseased brains of his own species in his feed, the previous animal brains are scrambled up and pureed,
the diseased animal is killed with a bolt gun, the animal contracts the disease from an unknown source.
PART II TO COME... (I PROMISE IT WILL BE A LITTLE LESS GORIER)