WhatsUp6

Monday July 22, 2002 -- 6:15pm
It's hot, and all I want to do is sleep... in the bath tub, after I fill it up with cold water. I didn't go to kung fu tonight. Bad me. I'm going to try to make myself go tomorrow night AND Friday night. I don't know why I didn't want to go. Sometimes I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay home and be lame.

Last night I wanted a taco, but the taco place was closed. So I just started driving west, determined to find an open taco place. Eventually, I decided it was time to loop back East. We all know how great my sense of direction is. I got so incredibly lost. I usually enjoy getting lost, but after a while I actually started to get worried. I really didn't want to have to call a friend at 9:30pm and tell them I was in Rexford and how the hell do I get home?

My voyage lasted close to three hours, but I did find a taco. It wasn't very good. I should have just gone to Bomber's.

Today the elevator stopped working. Dismay.

Sunday July 21, 2002 -- 12:15pm
Ahhhhhh. Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee is the magic elixer.

There is someone living in my neighborhood who has an unhealthy fascination with the movie, Ghostbusters. They have a blue Volvo station wagon which they have rigged up to look like the car the GBs drove. The license plate reads, "Ecto Two."

Cat owners will frequently say things like, "Cats are better than dogs because they are fine if you leave them alone for a weekend." Such people have obviously not met my cats. The cats were left here alone for all of about 20 hours and managed to dig up the giant aloe plant and redistribute the soil throughout the house. They do this when they are not pleased by my actions. I guess it could be worse, but I wish they would just give me the cold shoulder for a few hours instead.

Binghamton and Stephentown were both terrific. The driving to and from was also fun. I understand now why Dee got so many speeding tickets in college. Route 88 lends itself to seeing just how fast your car is capable of going.

Saturday July 20, 2002 -- 8:45am
I am off to Binghamton to celebrate Natalie's 2nd birthday. Then it's to Stephentown with me for a bon fire and, no doubt, much kvetching about work. As the house is in a rare, but delightful, state of cleanliness, I should be able to spend tomorrow catching up on email. I know you are just at the edge of your seats, awaiting my reply.

Friday July 19, 2002 -- 3:15pm
Taking a mental health day today was a good idea. My mood has changed for the better. I can't help it if everyone's attitude at the museum is negative, but I can protect my own sanity. When I think about it, it's an exciting place to be. A potentially great place, on the precarious brink of failure. If it fails, well, I will be ok. I can get another job, doing something similar. If it gets past this sticky time and goes on to be what it has the potential to be, then I have the satisfaction of playing a role in that. I need to focus on keeping my little sphere of existence positive.

So now that I've cheered up a bit, of course I feel guilty for calling in sick. My body is trying to help by making me dizzy and nauseated. Thanks, Body.

-- 1:00pm
Hmm. Despite only having gotten out of bed an hour ago, I have had an interesting day so far.

Thursday July 18, 2002 -- 3:15pm
Ugh. Hot.

Visitors to the museum really seem to enjoy the Puerto Rico exhibit. This leads me to think that maybe the best thing the museum can do to save itself from the sucking tar pit it seems to be in is create a lot of cheap, croddy, quasi-racists exhibits with little to no educational value. Then we can just sit back and watch the admissions dollars roll in. Blah.

We developed a theory today, based on a dream I had last night, that the director is looking for another job. This would explain his two hour lunches. Also, I ran into our new administrative assistant on Lark Street last night. Definitely a good sign.

Tuesday July 16, 2002 -- 6:30pm
I'm feeling depressed tonight. It's so frustrating that everything the museum tries to do is a total flop. Well, except the camps I guess. But we have good ideas. The yoga thing is a good idea. It's interesting. People have expressed interest in it. But it is probably going to be cancelled because only 2 children have signed up. My first attempt at public programming, a failure. We need a marketing person. Or a miracle. It's so sad, and I think I might be the only one who even cares.

And my kid didn't show today. Another failure. Should have followed her out yesterday and talked to her again. Also, our apartment is beyond disgusting. I can't deal with it. Even my room is gross.

-- 1:50pm
Eish.

-- 6:30am
I woke up at 5 this morning. NOT on purpose. I don't know. I just couldn't fall back to sleep. My legs weren't having it. Thought I was done with that, but apparently not.

So, now I am up, dressed, and ready to go, but don't need to be anywhere for another 2 hours. Hmm. I should be painting or writing I think. What would my therapist.... ha,ha,ha.

I'm not overly excited about going to work today. I wonder what stupid thing will happen. I know I have a "Zoom Into Technology" meeting this afternoon with Mr. Insanity. These meetings seem to consist of everyone trying to get a word in edgewise when Mr. Insanity takes a breath, and nothing ever really being decided on or accomplished. But someone usually brings cookies or donuts, so I guess it's worthwhile.

I picked up a card for the kid whom I had to pull from camp duty yesterday. If she shows up today, she will have done something really strong, and I will be proud of her. If she doesn't, then my day becomes more tricky. Do I call her, and use my tactics to get her back? Do I give up and forget it because it's easier that way? Do I call her supervisor from the County and let him deal with it? (I don't trust those guys from County with the job, personally.) Bleh. Furthermore, is it worth anything to tell the director what my experience with the woman who instigated this whole mess was like? Why do I have that compulsion anyway? I think I just want to clear this kid's name. She doesn't make that an easy job. She has the misfortune of being a 17 year old who expects to be treated with respect.

Monday July 15, 2002 -- 9:30pm
You know how people have those bumper stickers that say, "What would Jesus do?" Well, I think I will get one that says, "What would your therapist want you to do?" Asking myself this question has proven effective recently as far as getting my ass out of the house goes. Also, when I feel like doing something stupid I know the answer is that he'd want me to call him. For some reason, I never feel like anything is important enough to warrant calling him at home (yea though I email him 500 times a day with every detail of my existence).

Anyhow, tonight my therapist would have wanted me to get out of my jammies and go to the free concert in the park. I did, and it was freaking awesome. (One of Albany's best features is its penchant for free concerts.)

I didn't stay for the whole thing - sometimes my attention span is very small, even for really good things - but, as soon as I figure out what this guy's name was, I'll be adding a link on the music page. It was African music (I think he is from Nigeria) and it was great. The best part - more intriguing than the music - was the dancers. Three women who never stopped moving for a second. I am trying to figure out how they kept their butts shaking like that for so long. All I know is that they must just eat as much cheesecake and ice cream as they want every day.

Wing Chun was great tonight. I was so pissy after work that I didn't even want to go, but I made myself do it and am glad I did. (Thanks again to my bumper sticker.) Sifu worked with me for most of the time, and I learned sooooo much. I am planning to go again on Friday this week.

Not all people suck. Just the idiotic ones.

-- 4:00pm
People suck. Racism SUCKS. Ageism sucks. And I know I haven't been in the field for 20 years, but, when I have, I hope I still have the good sense to know that people who do not respect teenagers SHOULD NOT BE WORKING WITH THEM!!!!!!! *screams, and bangs head against wall repeatedly*

Sunday July 14, 2002 -- 9:50pm
Suddenly I want a web cam, which is not something I have ever wanted before. I am being possessed by odd demons lately. Last night I had a nightmare about Crayola. Seriously.

-- 10:00am
Heh. Who am I kidding? Did I really think I could stay away with a Sunday coming up?

I forgot to mention that, at Wednesday's staff meeting, the subject of the banners came up - for the first time in about a year. While the director (who brought it up) claimed not to have read my notes from the meeting with the marketing woman prior to reviving the Banner Debate, I don't believe him for a minute. Now he wants to see if they can be mounted on the lamp posts. I hope NiMo gives him permission to do this, because it would be really hysterical to watch the lamp posts be uprooted and tossed down the hill the next time the wind blows.

No, no. I don't mean that. There are only like two people on the entire planet that give a damn if the museum survives and I am one of them. I don't want the precarious lamp posts finding their way down to the bottom of the hill, as most of the hill itself has.

High dramatics around here the other night. It's a well known fact that women who spend great deals of time together begin to align their cycles. (More information than some of you were hoping for, I know.) Dee and I have lived together for almost 3 years. Let's not go into the details. Also, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety should maybe not cohabitate for too long. Eish.

It's Sunday again. I had hoped to wake up early enough to go to The Daily Grind for mocha, but it didn't happen. I was sleeping on the couch (weekly post-bar escapades outside my window moved me there) and couldn't tell what time it was when I woke up. I convinced myself it was ludicrously early and lingered there for much too long. Damn. I am reduced to making extremely strong Dunkin Donuts coffee. They make fun of me at work for making strong coffee, and then for using the leftovers to make ice coffee the next day, but they have no idea what I am capable of when other drinkers are not involved.

By the way, my life outside of work only barely exists. So if I disappear, don't panic. I am probably at the museum.

Friday July 12, 2002 -- 9:30pm
I'll be taking a break from Cyberland for a while. Seems my priorities have taken a hit.

Thursday July 11, 2002 -- 6:20pm
Today was better. Randomly. True story: A man saw on the museum wish list that we were collecting returnable bottles and cans. They are for my youth program. Tomorrow morning he is meeting me at my house to hand over 25 garbage bags full of cans. It's going to take me months just to return them all!

When I was driving to work this afternoon (returning from my doctor's appointment) I saw an odd thing. At the junction of Routes 90 and 787 (treacherous on a normal day) there were thousands of sheets of paper covering the road! They started on the on-ramp to 787 and made a trail onto 787 South. It was crazy! Papers blowing everywhere, like humungous snowflakes. Sadly, I was driving north, so I didn't get to see how far the paper trail went, or the frantic owner of the papers when he or she finally realized what was happening.