| Friday November 8, 2002 -- 7:45am NiMo sent a 12 year old to read our meter today. I think I must be getting old. He looked so young! So, I basically forgot to go to therapy yesterday. My appointment was at noon. At about 11:55 I was in the bathroom at work, looking in the mirror and thinking about how insane it is to like my hair one day and hate the exact same hair the next day, when... insane? Insane? Argh!!! I tried to get there as quickly as I could, but the forces of the universe - and the construction on 787 - were against me. I got there with 20 minutes left to my hour. I declared it a social visit and let Jay talk me into modeling my awesome scarf and my new matching awesome gloves to everyone else. Forgetting about an appointment with Jay can only be a sign of good things. For me, at least. Not sure how poor Jay's ego feels about it. :) The tree in front if our house seems to be the last hold-out for color this year. It's in its glory right now - it looks like it came straight out of a box of Crayola crayons. I think it might actually be radiating its own light today. Wednesday November 6, 2002 -- 6:15pm Some idiot left the coffee pot at the museum on all night last night! Yeah. That would be me. Oops. Important Discovery #326: Don't put into print that you are going to offer an activity until you find out whether or not the activity is physically possible. Ok. Lesson learned. Now, what the hell kind of activity am I going to come up with about Henry Hudson?!? There is literally almost nothing known about him, other than his crews had a marked tendency to mutiny. Hmm. Maybe we can make little models of the Half Moon or something. One last thing, for a little change of pace: The youth staff I work with/for rock. Tuesday November 5, 2002 -- 7:20pm God, I amuse myself. I just read my new little list on the main page of this site, and I must say I am very pleased by #10. Today it occured to me that, while I have become very comfortable discussing my experiences in therapy and with my psychiatrist, and even the fact that my serotonin reuptake is extremely inhibited these days, other people sometimes feel uncomfortable with these topics. Luckily, I don't really give a damn. Thus... Yesterday I went to see my friendly neighborhood psychiatrist, Dr. L. It went something like this: Dr. L: So, Deana, how are you feeling? Deana: Pretty good, actually. I didn't even get that increased prescription filled! Dr. L: Hmm. Deana: The only problem is that I never seem to want to leave the house, and I don't really find anything very interesting. Dr. L: Really. Deana: Yeah. I think maybe I'm just really boring or something. Dr. L: Deana? Are you familiar with the symptoms of your disorder?!? Deana: Well, yeah, but... Dr. L: Go get the prescription filled. See you in 6 weeks. It's all very confusing to me. Dumb brain. I had a moment of genius today. I am very proud of myself. At lunch I asked Jake how the fish in the Hudson River Exhibit were. He said, "I don't know. I haven't looked at them. It's denial." "No," I said. "It's de Hudson!" Don't feel bad. It took everyone else a little while to figure it out. I'm impressed that my brain was capable of functioning that quickly, given the generally spacey state I've been in all day. Also (it was an extremely exciting day) the girl at Dunkin Donuts gave me no less than 20 napkins with my egg and cheese sandwich today. I am convinced it was because my car is covered with crow poop. -- 7:05pm Definition of Pathetic: I just had to run down to the car, where I've been storing the margarine for the past week, so I could have toast for dinner. It's ok though. I made spaghetti last night, so it kind of balances out. Right? I would like to know how the pile of dirty dishes grows when we're not even home. (Damn cats.) Monday November 4, 2002 -- 9:40am Last night I had a dream that I accidentally accepted a part time job as a surfing instructor. I was supposed to meet my boss at 1:30am, downtown. I realized that this was really going to interfere with my regular (?) job, so I just didn't show up. Then, somehow, I was in a farm truck with them anyway, driving for hours towards the coast of Maine, and no one would talk to me. The guilt was terrible, so I finally apologized. The boss embraced me and said it was ok - I could just teach surfing on the days when I didn't have to be at the museum until 11. Oh dear. On Friday, the director came into my office and sat down. Oh dear. He said, "Deana, you're doing a great job." I slammed down my pen, wheeled on him, and said, "What." He looked a little startled, so I elaborated. "What is wrong now?" "Nothing!" "Well, what do you want then?" "I just came in to tell you you're doing a good job!" Oops. A little defensive maybe? Cynical? Sunday November 3, 2002 -- 5:45pm *screams, bangs head against wall* Oh. Sorry. Moving on. I think Minnie is really an unusually intelligent cat. I know you may think I am biased (unless you are Ant or Dee, in which case you agree wholeheartedly) but I do not think this about Bennett. Bennett is super-cute, but not overly bright. Minnie, on the other hand, if I believed in reincarnation I would definitely say she was human in her last life. Or maybe a dolphin. It's in the way she looks at you. There is intelligence behind those yellow eyes. Wisdom, even. I think she gets it. Maybe catness is the penultimate stage to Enlightenment. Although that doesn't account for Bennett, poor thing. Saturday November 2, 2002 -- 6:50pm Bennett and I are having a little war over the Giant Aloe plant. I am not winning. The Aloe is not making out so well either. It's a good thing that cat is so freaking cute. Dee and I had a flying visit down to Binghamton last night. We got to Dana and Doyle's just moments before Ari and Marc arrived. It was a nice little reunion, even if we were all semi-comatose. Except for Natalie, of course. Not comatose in the least. She's not a little baby anymore - she's really becoming a kid. She did some dancing for us and modeled her Halloween costume (then refused to take it off) and explained how she, Mommy and Daddy would all take care of the new baby. Doyle looked great. Serene and lovely. I don't know how she does it. Everyone seemed well - even me, I think! Work is a problem. It has been 5 months now, and I still have not found a way to manage my time in such a way that I actually get to do anything with my beloved youth program. I'm supposed to do evaluations on all of them now, and I've realized how impossible that is going to be, given that I am almost never there when they are. I think the director and I are going to have to have a somewhat uncomfortable chat sometime soon. *sighs* Thursday October 31, 2002 - Happy Halloween!!!! -- 4:45pm Don't come to my house tonight because we already ate alll of the candy and all we have left is frozen vegetable stew and some mashed potatoes from last Thanksgiving. When the mailman comes to the museum for afternoon pick-up and we don't have any outgoing mail, I always apologize to him. It occurs to me that this probably isn't necessary, but he always says, "Oh, that's ok!" as if he's really concerned. I am sick. I blame the Board. Tuesday October 29, 2002 -- 8:15pm Luckily for my sanity there is this: (click here) -- 7:30pm I think I frighten people when I am angry. I should probably figure out how to use this to my advantage. Unfortunately I have a very difficult time not simply breaking down into a big, sobbing pile of pointlessness when I am good and angry, so most of my concentration goes into containing that. I did, however, manage to get in a few stabs today before storming out of the museum in a rage. I am re-focusing my hatred on the Board. The director isn't so much hateful as he is spineless and pompous. The Board, on the other hand, I haaaaaaaaaaate. And, by the way, if you are on the museum's mailing list, please don't expect your December calendar any earlier than January, because the Evil Board decided yesterday (3 weeks after the calendar should have gone to the printers) that I need to double the prices of camps and offer 2 per day. My response was, "Oh. That's fine. Is the Board going to staff them too?!?" That was a very bitchy thing for me to say to the guy who signs my paychecks, but it also felt very good. I also said, "I would rather make the things we do good than do more things and have everything be crappy! I'm sick of everything we do being crappy!" I love the museum. It kills me to see everything we do be half-assed. So I stormed out and walked up the hill until I couldn't breath and then sat on a stump on the RPI campus and pulled myself together. Oh, and Youth Program? What Youth Program? I need another vacation. -- 8:00am I have sort of a Gipsy-School Girl look going this morning. I need new clothes. For those of you keeping track, I think I have regressed to adolescence recently. Actually, I guess that could sort of be seen as an improvement. I've been going around for years saying I was really only 5. For the last 2 years, I've been saying I was 7. So, really, feeling/behaving like a 14 year old is significant progress! Yay, me! Here's a possible reason why I keep having set-backs on my path to pristine mental health: This morning I went to take my small army of pills. Then something distracted me - like, I looked at one of the cats or breathed or something - and I completely forgot to take any of them. Duh. Luckily I have a stash at work for just such emergencies. Incidentally, I never did fill the increased prescription. I decided I didn't really need it. I can, in fact, survive my mood swings. Monday October 28, 2002 -- 11:40am Gaaa!!! The insidiousness of the director has finally gotten to me! I actually am feeling guilty for not going to the museum today, on my day off! Also, it would seriously be easier to just move than it is to try to clean this apartment. -- 9:45am I forgot to mention that I went fishing last night. Only Angie caught anything - a nice cat fish - but, considering it was the first time I have ever so much as held an actual fishing pole, I am pleased with myself for just managing to cast it and reel it in successfully. Eventually. It was strange to be sitting at the river at night. It's strange for me to be sitting by the river, period, but at night it felt like a different world. The factories and all the ugly concrete of Troy were hidden by the dark, and all there was was the river. But I'm in danger of getting all corny about it, so I'll shut up and go get a shower instead. -- 9:15am Two months until my birthday! Have you decided what you're getting me yet? ;) Try pie. Try. (A web site that epitomizes all that is good and right in this world.) Sunday October 27, 2002 -- 11:15am, or is it 12:15pm? I hate changing the clocks. Friday night we threw a surprise baby shower for Stephanie at the museum. She was completely surprised, which was awesome (especially since the whole thing was basically planned and prepared right under her nose). I said something very bold in front of the director, but I can't remember what it was... which should give you an idea where this story is headed. After everyone else (including the guests of honor) had left, Angie, Artie, Jake and I decided to tie one on. (We got Greg involved, but he is oddly sensible for the artist that he is.) We all seemed to think this was a really good idea, even though every one of us had to get up and come to work the next day. Well, except for Artie. Artie was going to go shoot guns the next day. Even better. We had fun, especially when I decided that we needed to run the planetarium Halloween show. (The text of the Halloween show goes something like this: "Happy Halloweeeeeeen!!! (repeat ad nauseum)." Jake and Greg tried to shatter my nerves by balancing bottles of Molson on the $250,000 projector and the $250,000 computer console, but nothing bad happened. Unless you count the fact that there is now a beer bottle cap lost somewhere in the recesses of the ugly green seating. Some time after this, we decided it would be a good idea to go to the Pub. Somehow I got lost in the 4 blocks between the Key Bank and the Pub. I'd blame myself, but Troy sort of lends itself to getting hopelessly lost. The story gets somewhat fuzzier after this point, but needless to say, it was not really altogether fun getting up for work yesterday morning. I really didn't have to go in as early as I did, but I had this overwhelming fear that we'd left an empty bottle of Molson in some very prominent location and that a Board member would chose that day to bring his 4 year old niece and his great aunt, Sister Edna, to see the museum. (Scott very kindly pointed out that if we'd left one in the Hudson River Exhibit it was ok because, "There are beer bottles in the Hudson River!") Anyhow, it was another fun-filled 12 hour day at the museum yesterday, complete with minor staffing crises, petulant 7 year olds and stupid statements from pompous Board members. I have today off. Completely off. I have no idea how to handle this situation, but I think I might do some laundry. Woo-hoo! |
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