| Sunday September 29, 2002 -- 5:45pm For someone of supposedly above average intelligence, I do an awful lot of stupid things. Saturday September 28, 2002 -- 4:30pm In exactly 3 months I will be 29 years old. I never thought I would feel this way, but I find this to be very depressing. When people say, "Hey! Nice ass!" I have to wonder about them. There is nothing nice about ass. Assess are for sitting on and for pooping out of. It is quite possibly the very least attractive part of the human anatomy (externally anyway). That is why we call jerky people "asses." I have a headache today, which could be because I spend too much time at work. Last night we had our first ever planetarium concert, and, for some reason, I offered to be at the admissions desk. I have a feeling the show was very, very cool, but maybe not the best thing to bring 20 9 year olds to. I got severely bitched at by an irate mother because (a) "That wasn't real music!" (b) The small army of children she brought with her, not surprisingly, couldn't make it through an hour of new age music and a light show, and (c) I could not tell her the exact hours at which the director of the museum would be sitting next to his phone, anxiously awaiting her outraged call. I conveniently failed to tell this woman that I'm actually the one responsible for general public programming. Friday September 27, 2002 -- 8:00am I have been out of bed for less than one hour and I am already bored. This cannot possibly bode well for the rest of the day. Thursday September 26, 2002 -- 8:50am Yesterday Bianca walked into the staff meeting and said, "Today is my last day. I am moving to Philadelphia on Friday." We reacted to this in our now habitual unimpressed resignation and denial. Later, Joe and I exchanged such panicked words as, "Here's Bianca's key card," and "Let's give her green key to Greg." She's moving because she is suddenly homeless. Sunday night, a man drove a stolen car into the first floor of her building at 90 mph, with his pregnant girlfriend in the passenger seat, no less. No one was injured, but the building was condemned and appears to be slowly falling down. Other highlights of my week so far: - dumb blonde jokes told to me by the man fixing my tire - actually finished writing previously mentioned grant - alarming obsession for Wing Chun seems to be developing - even more alarming obsession for the song, "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" also developing - Board members saying things like, "You work at a children's museum! How can you possibly be too busy to stuff 500 envelopes for me?" - Joe slipping into a state of delirium and giggling maniacally at said Board members Tuesday September 24, 2002 -- 8:00pm Happy Birthday to Doyle and Jay Keith! I work at a children's museum. My work does not save lives, or the planet, or anything else of much importance. Thus, there is no reason for me to feel stressed to the point of nausea. And yet... El jefe keeps pestering me about this grant I am supposed to write. Yes, I should really get it done, and quickly, but I put a letter in his Inbox two weeks ago for him to sign - all he has to do is sign the stupid thing - and he hasn't managed to do that yet. Today really sucked. Plus, I left early and went to Wing Chun, completely forgetting about my poor, abused work-study student who would be arriving 10 minutes after I left. Oops. Monday September 23, 2002 -- 8:15pm I am intrigued by smokers who do not consider cigarette butts to be litter. That is all. Saturday September 21, 2002 -- 9:00pm I am pretty certain there must exist a mathematical equation with which one can determine the level of drunkeness of a group of people based on how positively they respond to bagpipes. -- 9:15am Part of my job, apparently, is to put warning notes on illegally parked cars in our lot. Since I don't get in until 11:00, this has numerous challenges. I have to go and find every visitor and ask them what car they drive. I carefully explain that I am going to tag cars that have parked illegally in our lot, and I don't want to put one on their cars. Visitors seem to have 2 ways of reacting to this. (1) "Oh! Hehehehehe!" (Those are the smart, slightly evil visitors.) (2) "What?!? But I parked in your lot! Don't tow my car!!!" (These visitors need to get more sleep.) Mom and I are off to the IrishFest today! Wednesday September 18, 2002 -- 8:45pm After lunch today, Angie took Heidi upstairs to show her the latest additions to the holding tanks for the Hudson River exhibit. She returned almost immediately and said, with only tiredness in her voice, "Jake, the eel got out." Jake sat there for a moment, then said, "Oh good. Let me get my coffee." The eel survived, thankfully. This is unfortunately not true for our large iguana, who was sent to Iguana Heaven yesterday when it was discovered that his kidneys were failing. Poor old guy. Rest in Peace, Buddy. (Actually, he was a terribly ornery iguana, but still.) Last night, at about 8:30 when I got home, I managed to flatten one of my tires. This was not really what I felt like dealing with last night, but I knew I would be way less excited about it at 7:00 in the morning, so I changed the tire. I oddly enjoyed this. I do fine in pseudo-crisis situations. Getting the tire fixed is going to be another matter. That will be a challenge for me. Why are the easy things, like making dinner or going to the bank, so hard for me? Set the house on fire and I'm fine. I deal. I put out the fire. (I have actually done this, by the way. Twice.) Ask me to return library books on time and I might very well have an emotional meltdown. Tuesday September 17, 2002 -- 7:50am It's kind of funny how much more we all enjoyed work yesterday, when we weren't doing our actual jobs. We spent the day scraping glue off the walls and making tasteless jokes. It was just like the old days. At one point, Shirley, a former board member whom we are never quite sure about, walked into the room and loudly annouced, "Oh good! I am so sick of this stupid exhibit!" Score 1 for Shirley. The director has been distant and cold lately. He no longer pretends to like any of us. My mother has apparently extended the reach of my sarcastic wit and charming cynical humor (?) to our family in Newfoundland. I would imagine that she has chosen her victims carefully, but I still have horrible visions of my great-aunt Ina sitting in front of a computer, wide-eyed and pale with horror. Actually, I can't really imagine Aunt Ina even sitting in front of a computer, so I'm probably safe. Anyway, welcome beloved Newfoundland. What're ya at? Would you puh-leeeze send Great Big Sea this way again? Tell Alan Doyle I promise not to let my friends accost him again. Monday September 16, 2002 -- 8:00am Today we get to take down the stupid, poorly thought-out, quasi-racist hispanic exhibit that the general public seems to love so much. I would like to point out that the general public also seems to love "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective." Sunday September 15, 2002 -- 9:50am Cousin Dan brought up a good question yesterday. If the fish tank weighs 1,000 pounds before there is any water in it, it is going to weigh substantially more with water (and gravel, and fish, etc.) in it. Has anyone checked to make sure our crumbling old building can actually support this weight? Saturday September 14, 2002 -- 12:00 Noon Uh-oh. The Suburban Masses are arriving in swarms. (Today is LarkFest.) And me in my jammies still! I guess it's time to get dressed. -- 11:45am I should have followed my instinct regarding work yesterday. Do you ever wake up in the morning and think, "Oh no! I forgot to make the Goody Bags!!!"? No. Of course you don't, because you probably have a normal job which doesn't involve Goody Bags or pythons or 1,000 pound fish tanks! Of course, I guess it's kind of neat that these are the things I worry about. I am trying to figure out why, exactly, I am finding my job so stressful. It's just a children's museum! I mean, the world will not go down the tubes if no one comes to the Feeding Time workshop! Important Discovery: Bennett likes Cheerios. Friday September 13th (Eek!) 2002 -- 9:00am I seem to be especially unenthused about going to work today. Perhaps it's because I was at the museum for twelve hours yesterday. Only about 3 of them were any fun. At our staff meeting on Wednesday, it became apparent that we have a bit of a problem regarding a 1,000 pound fish tank that is going to be delivered to our door quite soon. Problem A: The tank does not fit through any of the openings in our building, other than the front door on the first floor. Problem B: The exhibit is on the third floor. Problem C: The tank weighs 1,000 pounds. The solution thus far: The company which installed our doors, although we have apparently not seen fit to have them come repair our front door, which has been flapping dangerously in the wind for a year and a half, will come and remove a third floor window. Some sort of lift (which we were apparently unable to aquire for the past two years to move a significant artifact from our old location to the new one) will move the tank through this window. I'm not really sure what happens then. I'm afraid it's something very much like everyone in the museum (maybe including visitors, if we have any) stands inside this window and attempts to ease the 1,000 pound tank into place. I can see the headlines now. Thursday September 12, 2002 -- 8:15am It boggles my mind. There are absolutely no cars parked on the other side of the street, except for one which is parked directly across someone's driveway. I can't tell you how much I wish the neighbors over there would discover they are out of Cheerios and need to make an emergency run to the grocery. In related news, I have a 12 hour day ahead of me. The only good thing about going in to work early is that I might just get to tag someone's illegally parked car. Wah-hah-haaaaaah! I am bringing the director to a Youth Advisory Board meeting this morning. I just know he is going to make an ass of himself and totally embarrass me. |
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