I've moved! But only through Cyberspace this time. My new location is http://deanarae.livejournal.com. Come check it out! Sunday April 24, 2005 -- 7:00pm On Tuesday, Steve's phone, computer and car all stopped working. I decided to go over there before he spontaneously combusted, either out of sheer frustration or due to the malady that appeared to be striking everything around him. I went over and tried to be helpful, which basically involved vacuuming out my car and sitting outside drinking beer. It seemed to do the trick, because now everything works. Unfortunately, we missed Free Cone Day as a result. Obviously, this was very disappointing for us, so we tried to compensate by eating the non-free variety of ice cream as often as possible during the following few days. Also on Tuesday, the person I've been filling in for returned to work. Oddly enough, I have never been more busy. On Tuesday they had me go to "the other side" and answer phones. I h-h-h-hate answering phones as it is, but answering phones when the people on the other end are expecting you to help them and you have never even heard of the things you are supposed to be helping them with... well, it was highly not fun. Luckily on Wednesday I was back on my regular side and trying to help my alter ego get herself up to speed while also trying to get things ready for Thursday and Friday, when I would be out. This was made more entertaining and exciting by a couple of unforeseen events, and it ended up being a really busy, hectic day. On Thursday, Steve and I drove down to the vacation resort also known as my parents' house in Connecticut. We figured we couldn't afford/didn't have the time for a real vacation, but it would be nice to get away for a couple of days. And we were right. We didn't do a whole lot: drove around, ate pizza, watched movies, drank wine... it was perfect! We also went hiking out in White Memorial Nature Preserve on this cool boardwalk thing my brother told us about. (We paid $3 for a map after my brother gave up on trying to explain to me how to find it.) The weather was perfect, and we saw much wildlife, primarily in the form of birds. At one point, we paused to investigate something out in the marsh. It was large and white. Through the binoculars it also appeared furry or perhaps feathery. In either case, it seemed to be a large, deceased thing, and we were feeling kind of sad. Then a person with a dog came by on the boardwalk from the other direction. It's very narrow, so we turned sideways to let them by. When I turned my head back to the big dead thing, it suddenly had a long neck and face looking at me! It was a huge swan, very much alive. Back at home, I've managed to be fairly productive. Soon I'll be directing you to this blog's new home! Yay! Monday April 18, 2005 -- 6:35pm Uff. Today is one of those days when, if it was possible to not hang out with myself, I'd steer clear. As I suspected, no one seems to have an opinion on whether or not I should move this web site into a blog site... which reminds me of a drawback of doing just that. If people have the ability to comment and don't, will I get all insecure and feel rejected? Probably, but that's pretty stupid, so maybe I should just do it anyway and work on getting a grip on my insecurities! The person whose seat I've been keeping warm at the temp job is returning tomorrow. For mysterious reasons incomprehensible to me, they want me to stay on until the end of the month anyway. As it is, I spend most of every Tuesday and Wednesday and a good chunk of every Friday with absolutely nothing to do. So this should be interesting. Unfortunately, I am relocating to a desk that - while having decreased visibility to the general populous - is right in between the top two bosses' offices. Well, I'm just going to have to make more of a nuisance of myself about finding work to do. I fear asking for tasks, becasue I fear being given a task that I find intimidating or too difficult. ISSUES! Important Annoucements: Anyone in the Albany Region should be alerted to the fact that tomorrow is FREE CONE DAY at Ben and Jerry's on Lark Street. I will be stopping by on my walk home from work, oh yes indeed. Also, if you are in the Boston area, you should go to my fabulous friend Stephanie's opening reception for her art show at The Middle East (upstairs) on May 8th from 3-5pm. Or at least stop in during the month of May and check out her super-cool funky art. Oh, and... funny work story. I work for a place that trains social workers who do child welfare and child protective work how to use this computerized reporting system. For the trainings, they have fake cases to use as examples. One of the fake children had his first birthday recently, so someone actually got a cake done up for him and brought it in to the office! I thought that was pretty silly (in that good way). Saturday April 16, 2005 -- 11:05pm Baby showers are a good enough reason for me never to have children. I just don't think I could handle being the center of attention for two hours when I was toting around an infant in my belly. Among the other reasons I should never have children: Utter incapability to even take care of myself, never mind another human being; No booze for 9 months, plus breastfeeding time; Infringement upon sleeping time. All they need to do is say you shouldn't eat cheese while pregnant, and I'll be convinced for good. I'm at Steve's. He got this very exciting new cable deal, which involves tv-radio-hoo-ha. It's very exciting, akin to my beloved Launchcast. His new cable deal also involves sporadic breakdowns of all connection whatsoever, so I'm taking quite a risk trying to update from here. I like to live on the edge, you know. We ordered some cds recently, and awaiting there arrival is the main source of excitement in my life right now. Oh yeah. I clicked some button, and now I am getting a million pop ups per minute on Steve's computer. I am hoping he will think this is his fault and not the fault of his rotten girlfriend, but he'll probably catch on. Friday April 15, 2005 -- 7:30pm And just like that, it's Spring. It surprises me every year, which is funny given my disdain for surprise over weather patterns that happen every year. It just always seems to happen overnight. On Thursday, everything is brown and there isn't a flower to be seen. On Friday, the trees have little green buds, there are daffodils that I swear were not there yesterday, it's just a tiny bit too warm with my jacket on, and I smell lilacs. They're not in bloom anywhere, but I smell them. Every store and restaurant has its front door open, so the walk home was peppered with delicious smells like pizza, Indian food, fried chicken, Nag Champa... Another few weeks and they'll close up again and crank the air conditioning, but for now it's delightful. I am toying with an idea regarding this here journal-type-thing. Since this is the only thing I really ever update on my website, I've been thinking about relocating it to an actual blog site, like Live Journal, for anyone who's familiar with that. I would still be able to post pictures when I felt like it, as long as I can figure out how, and it would have the added benefit of readers being able to post comments to entries, which is something I have always wished for on this. I'm trying to think of what the drawbacks would be. So far the only one I have come up with is decreased control over the appearance of the blog. But some people do neat things with theirs, and I'm sure it's just a matter of figuring it out. Anyhow, if anyone has an opinion on the matter, please weigh in here. In other news, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald just came on my Launchcast, and I'm in Heaven! Wednesday April 13, 2005 -- 9:30pm Well, this is odd! It's 9:30pm, and I'm not super-tired! Perhaps it's because I actually took my gross B-12 nasal gel stuff as prescribed instead of trying to ration it out as sparsely as possible. Not to Self: Don't be such a doofus. Heck, I might even splurge and refill the prescription! I discovered that the position I was rejected for (the one on the war ship) was given to someone with actual experience on war ships. This makes me feel a little better about it all, although having a real job that I like would be more effective. To that end, I picked up a small amount of work teaching camp-ins at a museum down the street. Unfortunately, I probably won't actually get to do this until the winter, but it's something. I need the real job to appear soon. I am starting to have real doubts regarding my worth as a human being. I'm still at the same temp job and will probably be there until the end of the month. It's not bad, it's just boring, and my brain is starting to atrophy. Sunday April 10, 2005 -- 3:15pm I think maybe this time of year is the most dangerous for driving... even worse than the first snows in November, when it appears that everyone's ability to drive in the stuff has been eliminated by the few months of respite offered by Summer. In April we get the first weekend of really nice weather, and everyone is instinctively drawn outdoors and compelled to act foolish. People in cars drive fast and recklessly. Pedestrians and bicyclists disregard petty things like crosswalks and traffic signals. Dogs and frisbees are everywhere and at the height of unpredictability. I am not immune to this. It takes a great deal of awareness and determination to prevent myself from cranking up the radio, rolling down the windows and acting like a race car driver on the roads of someone's little subdivision. And speaking of the radio, why is the tuner lured to classic rock in Spring? While driving today, everything sounded like schlock until I happened upon the classic rock station. The Allman Brothers' "Jessica" was playing, and suddenly it was the Best Song Ever. I wished it would go on forever... which, conveniently, it does. Thursday April 7, 2005 -- 8:00pm This morning at the coffee shop, I am sure the woman behind the counter actually said, "Can I help whoever's next?" But I thought she said, "Can I help you have sex?" I really didn't know what to say about that. I mean, this isn't the place to discuss it really, but I think I'm ok in that department. I felt it was best to simply reply, "I'll have a large regular, please." All I got in return was coffee, so I think I did the right thing. Today I had An Important Self-Realization. I haven't had one of those in a long while. And, unlike all previous Important Self-Realizations, this one actually has a practical application in every day life and isn't totally self-deprecating. I always used to have these Important Self-Realizations, but I would be left thinking, "Yeah? So what?" This one might actually be useful, if I can get myself to act on it before it gets stale. Anyhow, the Important Self-Realization was this: When I work for/near/with people they tend to offer me jobs. Bigger and better jobs. For instance, on this silly temp job - which I have had for a whole 4 weeks now - it has twice been implied that I would be hired for a position if I applied. Not the silly temp position I'm filling. Today it was implied that I should apply for a curriculum development position that will be coming open. This was implied by the person who is essentially the head of the curriculum development. I don't want the job, but that's not the point. The point is that I need to really work on getting my foot in the door in the vicinity of a job that I do want and stop being so worried about it being the exactly right position. In other news, I had some very delicious tiramisu tonight at The Lark Tavern. I had no intention of ordering it, really, but the dessert-maker came by and sang its virtues, mocked me for wanting the coffee-Bailey's cheesecake (silly me), and I caved. It was so good that I briefly lost control of my mind and told the dessert-maker that I felt like I should hug her. She said, "You can if you want to," and I did. Highly un-Deana-like. Steve asked her to marry him, but she said that wasn't allowed. Some kind of crazy No-Marrying-The-Customers rule. Anyhow, I highly recommend it. The tiramisu. Not marrying your customers. Sunday April 3, 2005 -- 9:15pm It has been a very busy week, and another weekend packed with travel and events. I got home from Virginia about an hour ago and have finally managed to put away my travel stuff from last weekend. Unpacking from that trip was really more like dumping everything out of my bag so I could pack it again for this weekend. I'm hoping for a few nights of sitting around doing nothing this week. Overall, this was a good weekend. There was some sadness involved that feels a little hard to handle just now, but I also got to see a group of people that I never see anymore, and there was a lot of telling of old stories and laughing, and that's always good. I got to celebrate Tim and Robin's marriage, and I even somehow, miraculously, got their wedding gift done in time to leave it on the gift table at the reception! Virginia was lovely, warm, green and blossoming. My eyes are so starved for green things by this time of year. I couldn't help but stick my hands in the grass. We were able to stop in Richmond and see my parents' new place where magnolias were blooming. I wish we could have stayed longer. We needed another day. New York feels gray and ugly and is actually a bit on the water-logged side. We saw an entire trailer park sitting in ankle-deep water not too far south of here. I have to do a little more unpacking, then it's off to bed. Since I was not at work on Friday, I should actually have lots to do tomorrow. In "real job" news, I received another rejection letter on Thursday. I didn't even get an interview for that one. Wah. >>>Sunday March 27, 2005 -- 9:10pm I had a busy, good weekend, and there is so much I want to say about it, but I am beat, and my bed is calling to me. This week is going to be busy too. I don't know when I'll have time, and it'll probably all be lost to oblivion. I still don't like New York City, but I had guacamole that I liked for the first time ever this weekend. I still don't care for parties at which I know very few people, but I am fascinated with NYC's Garment District. I hope never to set foot in that Macy's again, and there really are people who pay thousands of dollars for really ugly art and then proudly display it in their living rooms. It's Easter, and I played Yahtzee for the first time ever. I lost. Steve's dad did better, even though he kept trying to horde his sixes. I don't really want to go to my job tomorrow, but I don't really mind either. I love my family, my friends, and my boyfriend! It's true! The end. Time for bed. Oh. And my cats and bird! Love them too. Wednesday March 23, 2005 -- 8:15pm Last night I had a dream in which a red leaf was growing out of the back of my head. It was very creepy and disturbing, but everyone told me not to worry too much about it, it would grow out. I tugged on it, but it wouldn't come out. The stem of the leaf was like an extension of my skin, so I was afraid to cut it. I thought it would probably hurt. I was really disturbed by it. Everyone else just kind of shrugged it off. When I got out a mirror to investigate more closely, I discovered a second leaf, only this one was still below the surface of my skin. It was a full leaf, but not completely unfurled. My skin was so thin over it that I could see the color and texture of it. This leaf was also red. It was going to break through any minute. Then I would have two leaves hanging out of the back of my head. The main feelings of this dream were horror, panic and stress. Interpretations, anyone? Am I having some sort of issue with my Canadian heritage?!? Is there something horrifying to me, yet pretty enough to most, on the back of my mind? Should I never have another Yeungling Black and Tan so long as I live? |
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