by J. Estelle Newlin
and I sunk my head under the flow of crystal water.
Allowing the water to fill my ears,
I could hear the steady thump of my own heartbeat in my head.
Then it hit me, I never even got to hear your heart beat.
My eyes fluttered open in the water,
Causing me to sit straight up, and slosh water onto the floor.
I hadn't even been aware you were coming, and yet I mourn you.
I lay bak down, my hair swimming about me in the water,
And my fingers began to trace their way down my flesh.
Every little curve was felt, as my hands explored my own skin.
Every little scar was traced,
and then my hand touched the soft flesh of my abdomen.
I pressed there, only feeling the resistance my skin gave.
And I thought, I would have felt you there.
Alive, kicking, filling that empty void within me.
I couldn't stop myself from mourning, I began to cry in that water.
Thinking of you, and how my own body betrayed me.
My body... how it could think something so precious was a parasite.
I didn't even know you had been there,
I never got to bask in the glory of your life.
I know I wasn't ready for you, neither was he.
But that doesn't make mourning you any easier.
I feel the pain, in my stomache.
The memory of you leaving me.
That void once again empty...
I didn't even know you where there,
Flesh of my flesh... blood of my blood.
And I mourn you.
(Copyright 2004 J. Estelle Newlin)