Maybe.
1. Do you take more vitamins than
most people?
Only because I
den't eat solid food. If by take, you mean "shoved up my ass" then
no.
2. Do you have sinus trouble or
migraine headaches?
Only when I
stick a sharpened pensil in my ear. Yes, because of the little man
living in there.
3. Do you feel you are psychic?
I'll let you
know...In the future! I know you think your psychic.
4. Do you secretly feel you are
special or chosen?
No, but I
secretly feel myself.
5. Do you secretly fear being
accosted or kidnapped if you do not constantly monitor your
surroundings?
I fear that I
won't. If I stop
to answer this question, they'll get me.
6. Do you have trouble sleeping
through the night for unexplainable reasons?
Is
"sex" an explainable reason? No, I know the reasons, its
because of my girlfriends's sexual fetishes.
7. Have you seriously considered
or did you install a security system for your home even if there
was no justification?
I live in
Compton bee-itch! I gots a reason, yo!Yes, but the security system is
a line of toothpaste.
8. Do you have dreams of flying
or being outside your body?
Only when I'm
stonedI'm Timothy Leary
9. Do you dream about seeing
UFOs, being inside UFOs, or interacting with UFO occupants?
If by
"interact", you really meant "intercourse"
then yes. Those
"if by, you meant" jokes are getting stupid.
10. As a child or teenager, was
there a special place you secretly believed held a spiritual
meaning just for you?
I'm going to
my "special place" to think this out Yes, behind the
toilet.
11. As a child or adult, did you
ever hear a voice inside your head talking to you which wasn't
your own?
Yes, but my
voices are telling me to say no.No, I'm alone...so alone...
12. Did you ever experience a
period of time while awake where you could not
remember what you had done during that period of time? This
missing time may have been a half hour, several hours, a whole
day or more. Do not answer "yes" for memory lapses due
to highway driving, drinking binges, chronic pain, medical
conditions, exhaustion, effects of medication, mind-altering
substances, or being lost in reading a good book.
I can't be
sure, I don't remember.You excluded all my hobbies. Bastard!!
13. As a child or adult, have you
seen faces or beings near you when in bed which were not
explainable?
My Parents My parents tortured me with
mirrors.
14. Have you ever seen a UFO?
Unionized
Fish-splicers OrganizationUpwards of Fifty Orgasms
15. Have you ever seen a UFO up
close within short walking or driving distance?
There are 2
pinguins in a bathtub, One of them asks the other for soap.
16. If you have seen a UFO up
close, were you strongly compelled to walk, drive or stand near
it?
The other one
looks at him and says "What, do I look like a radio?!"
17. Do you have a waking memory
of being inside a UFO or interacting with its occupants?
I have been
with them, but it wasn't serious. They were from Venus, they kecked
my ass.
18. Do you feel fear or anxiety
over the subject of aliens or UFOs?
I feel myself over
the subject of aliens or UFOs "You are a tasteless pigfucker Joe!"
19. Have you had multiple
sightings of UFOs?
Hell, I
have multiple sightings of UFOs while taking a shower. UFO=Upwards of
Fifty Orgasms.
20. Are you more sensitive to
issues affecting the earth, its environment and all life forms
than other people?
Yes, except
Saudi Arabia. Nuke their ass. Hit me baby one more time!
21. Do you have dreams where superior beings, angels, or aliens are educating you about mankind, the universe, global changes or future events? Actually, don't bother answering, I already know the answer, the aliens told me.
22. Does your home have
unexplainable sounds, apparitions, or unusual events which are
attributed to ghosts?
I attribute them to
my dead girlfiends ghost. BANG. THUMP! SMURF!!!!!!!
23. As a child or adult, have you
had nosebleeds or found blood stains on your pillow for
unexplainable reasons?
Yes, In truth
the author has. I got my ass kicked by a venusian. True story. It can be explained by
the sex.
24. Have x-rays or other
procedures revealed unexplainable foreign objects lodged in your
body?
A dildo, but thats
explainable. I didn't
write that last one. Really.
25. Have you awakened to discover
unexplainable marks or bruises on your body?
May be because of
the sex It came
from my venusian ass-beating.
26. Your age:
19 or under
20 - 29
30 - 39
40 - 49
50 - 59
60 - 69
70 - 79
80 and over
27. Your gender:
Yes please! Damn! Why doesn't that joke
ever work for me? it works for everyone else.
28. Your ethnicity:
Honkey Cracka
Foo'
Jap
Joe
'nam
vet.
When you are done, click the "Score On Me" button next. They will do nothing. I think.