I feed yuppies. They have money, I get paid to tease them with chocolate so that they will buy overpriced "gourmet" (pronounced gore-may for those of you raised in boxes) foody items. Do NOT call me Snackgirl, Samplegirl, etc. I have a name, bow down before me 'cause I gots chocolate, too.
Do NOT take samples from my tray or I will pick my nose with the pretzels. You greedy little bastards will just have to keep your toxic little hands to yourselves. No one wants your germs, I just want your money. That's why I have tongs.
Tongs were created by an ancient Atlantian society. They were worshipped as Gods. Their Atlantian name was Lurdlywudgeheimer, which means "Great for Salads". Or maybe not.
Anyhoo(this is a word used by all the great historians), Atlantis sank into the ocean. But a few of the plucky tongs made it to a distant shore. They were then used by the Egyptians to pick up cat poo. Holy cat poo, which was the origin of the expression Holy Shit. Betcha didn't know that! Betcha it isn't true!
Skip forward a few years, to the first samples, given to the settlers by Squanto. Of course, this began the long tradition of taking food and taking advantage of the sweet, sweet samplers.
The long history of sample bastards leads me to believe that these degenerate habits will not die easily. Just remember, as I smile and hand out candy, and you stuff your face and stick your hands in the food, it wouldn't take much for me to shove those lovely tongs up your ass.
And I spit in the truffles.