IT'S PAT: THE MOVIE
ACTORS: Julia Sweeney, Dave Foley, and a whole mess of SNL people who seem to live off of Lorne Micheal's table scraps
This is one of those movies that makes you yearn for the days when "undesireable" children were left in a snowdrift to die. Which is certainly what would have been done with Pat. When it came on HBO, I was suffering from yet another bout of insomnia, so I decided to watch it and write a review. I figured it would find its way into my awful movie archives.
It's too bad that now that I've seen it, even poking out my own eyes won't erase it from my memories. But at least I can warn you, gentle viewer, so that you can be spared unimaginable torment.
When I decided to watch this crap, I figured that I would be in for an "Ugly Androgynous Load Reveals Gender and Discovers the True Meaning of Christmas (hint: it's money!!!)" kind of flick. Wrong. Midway through this truly horrific "movie" I was only watching it for the same reasons people will sometimes drink after ralphing, trying to find something that will numb them and wash the taste of puke from their mouths. This movie owed me a definite gender identity, dammit!! Which it never delivered.
And what the Hell was Dave Foley doing in "Pat"? Dave, honey, if you needed the money or a place to stay, I'm good for it!! You're sooo much better than this! Even your bit part in "3 Men and A Baby" gets you in the door with Tom Selleck. I heard he's nice, hit him up for a loan! And if Mr. NRA is too intimidating you could always sleep on Gutenburg's couch! He's a pushover.
Though, I suppose you sold your soul to Lorne Micheals in your "Kids in The Hall" days. Sigh...
Summing up, Pat's gender doesn't matter, as s/he explains in the movie. It's the fact that s/he's not funny and really annoying that counts. Ms. Sweeney, God may exist, and s/he may have even said "Ha!", but definitely not during this movie.