THE HAUNTING-REMAKE
Actors: Catherine Zeta Jones, Liam Neeson, Lily Taylor, people that were gotten rid of
Hmm. Where can I start, it all looks so bad. A truly mediocre remake, it fares even worse in comparison to the excellent original. I saw that film when I was wee, and it scared the wee out of me. The remake's actors(hah) must have been pretty hard up for some kind of chemical when they signed on.
The only thing scary about this movie was the dialouge. How something so asinine could have been approved by any half-literate asshole is beyond me. And the plot stinks even more. The original never needed to explain the reasons for the evil, it was a disease, a cancer of the house. Good, invisible evil, good. Scared the crap out of me, yes.
But when your main character looks like a cross between Wolvie of the X-Men and Dr. Xaius and you're trying to establish some twisted blood relationship between the mutie and Lily Taylor as a plot point, you're going to have some truly laughable results. The only terrifying result of this movie was the number of Snicker's Miniatures I had to consume to get through it. That and I was afraid I'd die of laughter.
Doctor: It appears she choked on a slow-roasted peanut.
Officer: Anything else?
Doctor: Yes, she also seems to be filled with a delicious nougat center.