And lo, the Lord spake unto Rachel (that's me)"You will have large fleshy attachments on your chestular area. You will be blessed among chicks."
And Rachel (me again!) spake back at the Lord."Couldn't I just be wealthy instead?"
And the Lord did scowl."Only I can spake in these things, and no, you're gonna have big boobs."
Rachel felt ashamed for having spaken back to the Lord and was then born into the world. And lo, she did grow during the tumultuous teens and the men did converse with her boobular area and ignore her face. Even though the breasts remained silent, as they were both deaf and mute. Except when it was reeeeeealy cold. Turkey's Done!!
So, I hate big boobs. And I'm not talking about those saline bags that fake women sling around, though they usually look terrible anyway. There are many reasons.
1. No clothes fit your top. Because clothing designers don't think that women have chests anymore. The three sizes: smell, mehdium, and largh are all too darn smell for me.
2. I want gothy clothes. And most designs of darkness are made for waify chicks so thin I can snap them over my knee. Keee-rack!!!
3. Everything looks tarty or matronly. I always go for tarty so that people don't think I'm a funky haired alternative wetnurse.
4. People think you're stupid. Which is ironic, because I think my boobs are smarter than most people.
5. Men yell things at you. It's strange, I don't know of many relationships that start off with,"Hey, baby!! You got a big ole (insert name of body part or orifice)and I wanna ride!!" I like to run after their cars yelling, "Oh, wait!! Please verbally harrass me some more!! I love being treated like an object by someone so low on the simian family tree!!" Can you believe it, they usually speed off, looking kinda scared.
6. There are many more reasons, and the only advantages I can think of are always having a personal floatation device and crumb catcher upon which you can rest your drink as well.
Oh, well. At least if I fall foward, I won't hit my face. that and I will always have a place in the adult film industry. I can see it now: