A very juvenile, stupid, unfunny story which no-one will get except for Elli. But there ya go.
Disclaimer bit: This never really happened. I do not really think that Elli is that obsessive, or that Billy is on crack, or that Joel is so ghetto, or that Benji even owns a How to be More Punk manual, but it's fun to pretend. It is true, however, that Paul likes Shakespeare. Random fact! Anyway, here's the story:
Teacher: Hey kids! Why are you all looking so glum?
Elli: Busted dropped from no.1!!! I am so upset! My life is over, and you want to know why I am glum? Bizzotch faggot! *Elli jumps out of the window.*
Teacher: Oh. Oh dear. Well, never mind, she was too obsessive anyway. So why are the rest of you glum?
Billy: Someone stole mah crack! I can't find it! *Stoned-looking hamster emerges from Billy's pocket.* It's lil Crinkly! Wanna know why he's called Crinkly? 'Cause he crinkles. *Billy picks hamster up and crinkles its skin.*
Teacher: BILLY! Are you molesting that hamster?
Billy: No ma'am. Mah Crinkly likes dat crack, don'tcha Crinkly? Crinkles? CRINKLES?! *Crinkly appears to be having a heart attack. Billy sighs.* Goddarnit, another of my hamsters goes to heaven. BYE BYE CRINKLES! *Billy hurls Crinkly out the window, thinks for a bit, then follows him.*
Teacher: BILLY?! Jesus Christ this kid is too much for me...
Joel: Jesus? Somebody say Jesus? Jesus is the main man, yo, I don't want no disrespec' from that corner, bizzotch, ya hear me yo? Yo, dude, Benj, I got a Jesus tattoo innit dude? Benj? Jesus was a cool dude, yo?
Benji: *frantically consults How to be More Punk manual* Uhh... I think so, dude... I mean, yeah, whatever...
Joel: Benji! You ain't paying attention, dude. I mean, dat is, like, disrespect. Dude! You is supposed to be listenin to the lady dude at the front, yo. Dude! Dude! Oh, hot damn!! I is supposed to be on dis date wit dis totally hot girl! Sheit!! No disrespec', lady dude, but I is leavin dis class. Where is the door? *Joel spins around looking for the exit, spots the window, and jumps out of it. There is a soft flump as he lands on top of Billy. Billy makes no sound as he lies there and enjoys his crack. Joel runs away.*
Teacher: Joel! Joel! You're setting a bad example by skipping class. Oh, he's gone. And... where is everyone? Paul?
Paul: Yeah. What?
Teacher: Paul, where did Ice and Benji go?
Paul: Uhh. I dunno. Can we learn about Shakespeare now?
Teacher: No! Not with just one person! For the next scene we need at least three- Romeo, Juliet and the Friar...
*A distinct bang is heard in the store cupboard, followed by a rather rude word and 'Owww, my head!!'. Teacher opens the store cupboard- Ice and Benji fall out.*
Teacher: WHAT'S GOING ON?
Ice: Uhh, we were... uhh... Practising! For Romeo and Juliet! See, here's the balcony scene: Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo? *Ice leans out the window- too far! She falls out.*
Benji: Noooooooooooooo! My precious Ice!!! *Benji throws himself out the window.*
*Teacher looks at Paul. Paul shrugs.*