Susie's POV
Paul avoided me like hell over the next few days. I never had a single second alone with him. As soon as I entered any room with him in it, he'd scuttle away murmuring 'bathroom' or 'going out'.
What made it worse was that I kept having these dreams... about Paul. You know, sex dreams. I won't go into detail but anyone with an imagination can supply the particulars. I'd wake up from one and as soon as I fell asleep again I'd have another one... And the weird thing was, even though they freaked me out like hell when I thought about them, I actually kind of enjoyed them while I was having them.
And I just didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't know how or what to feel, either. Was there any possibility- any chance at all- that I could love Paul?
Anyway, the me/Benji/Paul thing was overshadowed by something else that week...
Paul's POV
I guess I was kinda self-involved over those few days. I just didn't look around me at all.
I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when Billy entered the living room. I jumped, thinking it was Suse; then recognised the tall slim body of our guitarist and sat back down again, murmuring "Hi, Billy."
"Paul, will ya do something for me?"
"Sure, lil' Billy, anything." I was in a good mood with my bandmates at that point in time, remembering all the stuff we'd been through together.
"Can you stay in the same room as Suse for five minutes?"
"Why?"
Billy blushed, which was a rare occurence. "There's something that all of you should, um, know... Please, Paul, just come through into the kitchen?"
I complied, although I took care to sit in the empty seat next to Chris and not the empty seat next to Suse. She darted me a confused look but I kept facing forward.
Susie's POV
When Paul entered the kitched we were all there- me and the band- sitting around the table.
"Billy and Joel have something to tell us," Benji said, grinning.
"Then how come you already know?" asked Chris suspiciously, squinting his eyes at Benji.
Benji and Joel plastered evil grins on their faces and spoke as one. "We're identical. We tell each other everything."
"I wish you wouldn't do that! It's freaky!" shrieked Chris.
Benji punched him in the arm, whereupon Chris launched a tickle fight upon Benji. I rolled my eyes. You might not think it but those two are the most immature people I have ever met.
Billy coughed for attention. "Scuse me, guys, but could you possibly do that later?"
"Sorry, dude," said Chris.
"OK, well," started Billy. He blushed violently. You have no idea how weird it is to see his normally chalk-white face go red. "Um, well, Joel and I have something to say, and we wanted to let you guys know first, as our bandmates. And Susie, of course, as our managery-person and one of our oldest friends. Um... ok... well... Joel!"
Joel sighed. "I knew I'd end up doing this," he said. "OK, well, me and Billy are kind of... together."
There was a shocked silence for a while, and then Chris smiled and said "Congratulations!" and Paul smiled and said "Cool," in that understated way he has, but Billy and Joel knew that it meant he'd support them. And I smiled and gave them both a huge hug.
"So you don't mind?" Billy asked nervously.
"Mind? Why would we mind? It's cool, if you're both happy," said Chris.
And I was happy for them, I really was, but it just made me feel like everyone was coupling up and there was me, with no-one to be with. And later that evening was even worse; when Joel and Billy went out for a walk in the January snow and Chris and his girlfriend went to the movies and Benji went out to see Tony and Paul hid away in his room. And I just sat by the fire in the living room, watching sitcoms, cuddled up in a big fluffy blanket and eating ice-cream straight from the tub... alone.
Paul's POV
I looked at the red figures on my digital clock. 11:14 pm. It was late, but Billy hadn't come back yet. Maybe he's staying over at Joel's, I thought. I heard Suse come up the stairs and go into the bathroom.
Susie's POV
I couldn't think straight anymore. I didn't want to feel, I didn't even want to cry. It was like I'd gone way, way too far to cry. All I knew was that I didn't want to be anymore. I shut myself into the bathroom, not bothering to lock it, and pulled out the big bottle of red wine, box of 50 pills and a knife. Slowly, I took the first pill and put it in my mouth, washing it down with a gulp of the wine. Then another. Then another and another until I lost count and just kept going, slowly, one after the other. When I'd gone through the whole box I took the kitchen knife and placed it on my wrist, making a cut. Not deep enough. Again. Harder...
Paul's POV
I wasn't doing anything, just sitting in my room reading. I looked at my clock again. 11:59 pm. Something was wrong and I couldn't work out what it was.
Suddenly I realised that although I'd heard Susie enter the bathroom, I hadn't heard her leave... What could she be doing in there for 45 minutes?! Shit...
Susie's POV
People think that when you take an overdose, you die immediately. But you don't. Think about it, when have headache tablets ever worked instantly? If they did, they really would be a miracle cure. But no. It takes about half-an-hour for all that shit to go into your bloodstream. If you're lucky you'll pass out and choke to death on your own vomit. If you're unlucky, all that stuff will hit your liver and destroy it... slowly, agonizingly, over three days.
That's why I was trying to hit my artery as well. To make sure. I nearly would have done it as well, if it wasn't for Skunkboy.
Paul's POV
I sprung out of my bed and ran down the corridor. "Suse!" I called. "Suse, honey, are you all right?"
Susie's POV
I never managed to get my artery after all. The pills began to take effect... I started chucking up and after each time I felt drowsier. I heard Paul call my name, but I just couldn't answer, couldn't tell him that the door was open. My head hit the edge of the toilet seat with a clang as I passed out.
Paul's POV
If I'd suspected something was wrong before, I knew when I heard that clang. "Susie!" I yelled desperately. I shook my head, thinking Oh my God I'm gonna have to batter the door down, why'd she have to lock it? Wait... did she lock it?
What a muppet I was. I opened the door and the worst sight I have ever seen in my entire life greeted me. Susie. My darling Susie, passed out on the floor. I mean, Jesus, I've seen her passed out before, like when we go drinking and stuff, but not like this. Never like this. Never with her own blood making red streaks on her white t-shirt. Never with a pill packet on the floor next to her. Never with that look of despair on her face. I called 911 and held her in my arms. She woke and stared into my eyes, saying something that I couldn't hear. "It's alright, baby, shh, don't speak, but don't fall asleep again either, oh God Suse..." I murmured.
Susie's POV
It was so dark, so alone. And then I knew that I didn't wanna leave after all. I didn't wanna leave my life, my job- the best job in the world. My friends. My family.
And Paul. I opened my eyes, freed from the blackness for a second. I struggled to stay awake, to tell Paul how much I cared for him, how sorry I was. But the darkness sucked at me and pulled me back down into oblivion.