Chapter 03


Serrie lay down on the massive sofa next to Joel. He curved his arm around her and stroked her curly dark hair softly, then leant in and kissed her. He rolled over and tried to reach in and touch her, but she pushed him away. He frowned, shocked; she had never resisted him like that before.

"Serrie... what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she replied, with what sounded like a sigh of irritation. She got up and began to pace around the room.

"Are you scared someone's going to come back?" Joel asked. "'Cos you don't have to be. Benji and Billy went to this party so they won't be back 'till late and Billy's family have gone to stay over at relatives somewhere."

Serrie shook her head restlessly. Her mood seemed to suit the weather, all fidgety. It had been hot, humid and muggy all day and now the sky was dark with an impending thunderstorm even though it was only five p.m.

Joel was also feeling nervy. What he'd said about Billy and Benji being out was true, but there was something he hadn't mentioned. Benji had been in an absolutely foul mood when he left the house and now Joel was worrying about him, hoping against hope that he wouldn't go out and get smashed- because if he did, there was no way 'lil Billy could cope with it on his own. "He's the elder twin; why can't he act like it sometimes? Why do I always have to go and sort Benji out?" thought Joel.

"Why, what's he done?" asked Serrie.

Joel realised he must have spoken aloud. "Nothing," he said hastily.

"Are you not telling me things, now?" Serrie's green eyes seemed to look right into Joel.

"It's just... he's always been, you know, self-destructive; always in fights and trouble and this and that... and now, just recently, he's started with the over-the-top drinking..."

"He'll be a Catholic like you an' me, though?"

"Well, yeah."

"So maybe you could take him down to the priest... they could have a little chat..."

"No... I mean, Benji believes and he'll go to church and stuff, but I don't think he'd listen to the priest. He doesn't much like authority. Anyway. Let's forget about him."

"OK," said Serrie, rather listlessly.

"I know the perfect way," said Joel, with a saucy smile, as he reached out for her.

"No, Joel, stop!" she cried.

"Seriously, Serrie, what's up with you? Why don't you want to?"

"It's wrong, isn't it? Us not being wed an' all. You know it, Joel. I can't. And if me mam and dad found out... it'd kill 'em."

"Why would they find out? Serrie... I need you..."

"No, you don't. And Him up there..." Serrie cast her eyes heavenwards. "He'd know, even if my parents don't."

"You're not the girl I thought you were, then," said Joel bitterly.

"Just because I remembered in the nick of time that I have principles and won't let you fuck me anymore?!" asked Serrie disgustedly.

"You weren't so passive in it, either, if I remember rightly!" cried Joel.

"Joel, I made a mistake... or two or three..."

"Don't...don't call it a mistake, Serrie, please... What happened to all your spontaneity and firiness?"

"It's still here," she said, tapping her chest. "Look, Joel, if you can't cope with this, maybe we should just split up..."

The house lit up suddenly as a lightning flash streaked the outside sky. The growl of thunder that followed it drowned out Serrie's next words.

"...now." She picked up her bag and started to walk out.

"Serrie... please... think about it. We've already done it now, it's too late to decide you wanna be celibate or something..."

"You know it doesn't work like that, Joel. Maybe I should just go now. Don't contact me."

"I know you're still attracted to me! Doesn't that count for something?"

"Look, Joel, there is definitely a spark. The first time... on the hill... I just, I just got carried away. But now... this is causing us both pain, clearly, so I'm going to go and please, don't try to stop me!"

Serrie ran out of the door.

"Serrie, you can't go out in rain like that, you'll catch a dreadful cold!"

But she had gone. Just like that. Joel shook with anger, fear and lust; yes, still lust. He picked up a glass and brought it smashing down on the floor. It broke evenly in three; with jagged sharp edges. He picked up a piece and began slashing his arm with it- not to try and kill himself but to cancel out the pain he was feeling. Different emotions coursed through his body as easily and forcefully as his own blood; he wept like a baby as a red drop splashed onto the kitchen floor.