This week the focus in the readings was the way we look at resources.  I find it interesting the process of creating research.  I know for me in college this was always a challenge to create a theme that had not been already covered and written about in three hundred pages by another source.  I feel the debate about is there ever an original idea applies here.  On some levels there are no original ideas because everything has been examined in such depth on so many levels, rather my thought is that we find a different dimension to what we are learning.  I see for myself that as I am learning stuff and my mind opens up to new ideas for me the idea about what I am working on in this class is new and original, but of course this is an idea that many have had before.  How do I as a teacher break out of the box that has been constructed for me and create a classroom that I consider effective, when there are so many ideas of what an effective classroom looks like.  I see myself evolving as a teacher but at the same time feeling trapped in the conventions of the past.  If it has been around for ever and there is an appearance of success with it does this make it the right method or the right path to take.
    Thinking about the ideas of biases, are we not all biased byour environment, our individuality, and our personal experiences.  Ilook at the children that I have been observing that tend to play out the same roles everyday, and wonder how biases have effected them.  I think before I became a teacher I had not realized how much this was so, but now working with first graders I see that even at such a young age as six they are already playing roles of good and bad, smart and stupid.  This creates a moral issue for me, because I do not desire to see them in these boxesor labels.  I choose to break out of what every one else has seen themand see them as human beings with unlimited potential.  The problemis that idealism does not go far when children throw candy, urinate in theair conditioner, and make life an impossibility when you are trying to teachthem and believe in them.  I find it interesting that in my quest tobelieve in my students at some point I went through the internal crisis ofnot believing in myself.  When did this happen I do not know but itdid.  How do I as a teacher erase eight years of labels, boxes and preconceptions?  Was I believing to much in the myth of the teacher and when I failed to becomethat myth did I stop believing in my own abilities.  What does thishave to do with technology?
    I think that before I began this journey into technology Ifelt fairly competent also with my ability to manipulate and control a computer.  I think what I am learning is that teaching and technology both have an infinitenessto them.  I think on some levels it is beneficial to believe that youhave a grasp on what you are doing in order to feel sane or competent andto do the job you have been given.  On the other hand, I feel like Ilost myself in the process of my search as a teacher.  I don't feelthat this has happened with technology as much because I have slowed downa great deal in my processes.  Biases are internal and what I perceive about myself is internal.  Anyone can be a master at anything for amoment because that is when the light bulb goes off and for that moment youbelieve you have an original idea.  I feel now what is original is thatat no other moment no other person is going to have the exact same experience,and it is from this that we evolve as people and as thinkers.

In the dark light of night, when the cold winds blow
you and I will be sitting by a fire
and thinking for the first time.
It is in that moment that I hope
I remember who I am.
Am I a teacher?
Am I a student?
Or am I just an individual sitting by a fire while the cold wind blows outside?   

Page Author: Danielle Earley