This fic was inspired by the song "Frame of Mind" by Dark Materia.
Frame of Mind
Incident 1:
For the first time since the last thing he could remember Nooj drew breath, sensing that he was alive. His mind a dull haze of drugs that coursed through his veins and he tried to force his concentration to figure out what was going on.
"Something's taped to my hand.. Where am I? It's cold. Am I dead?" the thoughts coursed through his mind and then very slowly he forced his eyes open, hissing and then closing them just as quickly at the shock of seeing light for the first time in a while. His lips parted to give way to a hoarse groan and carefully opened his eyes once more, acclimating them to the light.
"What happened to me?" he murmured in a whisper, twisting his neck slightly to see what was attached to his right arm and noting that an iv needle had been placed at his wrist and taped there to keep it in place. As he gazed at his right arm in a daze his memories started to come back in shocking flashes, the roaring sound of the fiends and their foul breath. The visions of razor sharp fangs shredding apart his left arm and leg and the last thought he could remember, knowing he was going to die. Shaking violently his eyes cautiously wondered to his left side and then widened as they took in his shoulder.
"What.. what the hell?!" he gasped, gazing at the metallic arm that had replaced his real one, bandaged at the shoulder where metal met the flesh of his body in sacreligious conjuction. Forcing himself to a sitting position with every ounce of strength he had, Nooj threw back the sheets to stare in further horror at the machina leg that now existed where his original leg once had been.
"What is this! What is going on!?" Nooj screamed in a raw voice, twisting sharply causing searing pain to run from both of the bandaged limbs through his body and causing him to collapse back against the bed that he was in. As he panted breathlessly the singular door in the sterile steel walled room was opened, his eyes searching out the figure who stood in the doorway.
"Ah.. You're finally awake, we were afraid your body had gone into a permanent coma but apparently my confidence in your strenght was true.." Maester Seymour said enthusiastically as he walked over, flanked by a couple white mages in Yevonite robes.
"Maester?! Is this Bevelle? Someone tell me what in Yevon's name is going on!" Nooj demanded, trying to force himself into a sitting position.
"Lay down, before you hurt yourself. Your wounds are still healing after all. You are quite perceptive for your age though, as this is indeed Bevelle. If you will calm yourself I will gladly explain everything to you." Seymour said in soothing tones, moving to stand by the bed and reaching out to brush his fingers across Nooj's forehead. Gritting his teeth in frustration Nooj lay back with an expectant expression on his face.
"Good.. You were brought here after your arm and leg were severed by fiends in the last battle you participated in. Bevelle for a long time has been designing a plan to create the perfect soldier, and since you were going to die anyway your body was used for the experiment. The main point of the experiment was to see if human limbs could be replaced by artificial limbs, and now we've just been waiting for you to wake up since the surgery to see if they would function or not." Seymour explained and Nooj's eyes widened, shifing from the Maester to the machina limbs and back again.
"Experiment.. So it was you who attached these blasphemous things to my body!! Why?! You should've let me die but instead you do this! You've mutilated me! H-how dare you!" Nooj began to scream and then in pure rage moved as though to punch Seymour, the artificial arm responding to his thoughts and the fingers balling into a fist, swiping at the Maester but just missing as Seymour stepped back. The rapid action shifting Nooj so that he was dropped to the floor, splayed and struggling to get to his hands and knees.
"Mages.. Restrain him. Apparently it was a success, now we will just have to condition him since it appears he has become unstable." Seymour spoke to the two white mages who nodded and then grabbed the struggling warrior and placed him back onto the bed and then strapping him down with leather restraints.
"Let me go! Damn you! Let me go I said!!" Nooj shrieked, his lips drawn back in a snarl while he pulled violently against the restraints. Once Nooj was safely secured Seymour walked back over with a pleased smirk on his lips, placing one hand against Nooj's cheek gently.
"I am afraid that until you are mentally stable that will not be happening. However you needn't worry, those limbs of yours will function with close to the same accuracy as your original limbs with a couple of exceptions which you'll need to learn to control.. Ah, but you are beautiful... Seventeen years old, at physical prime, implanted with machina that have more power than any normal human limb. You are the beautiful killing machine I wished to create." Seymour whispered and then turned away from Nooj, pausing to murmur something to one of the white mages before exiting through the door he'd entered from. Nooj's words had trailed off into incoherent sobs, only able to watch as one of the mages moved to his side and injected some type of drug into him before leaving as Seymour had moments before.
"God.. Help me.." he moaned, still writhing against the restraints until the drugs he'd been given began to make him sluggish, leaving him staring up at the ceiling in a daze.
Frame of Mind
Incident 2:
"So, as of this afternoon we are going to be releasing you among the public as a test. For now you will be unable to leave Bevelle, however in time you will be able to rejoin the Crusaders. Aren't you pleased, Nooj?" Seymour said, folding his hands as he watched Nooj remove the bandages and dress himself. Nooj glanced over his shoulder at the cerulean haired Maester wordlessly before he continued to unwrap the bandages from his shoulder, tossing the gauze aside and then letting his right hand roam across the scarred conjunction of flesh and cold steel.
"I am pleased to get out of this damn room for the first time since I can remember. I can safely assume guards will be watching me to make sure I don't run off an leave?" Nooj returned the statment indifferently with a question of his own as he pulled his shirt on over his head and then reached back and gathered his hair into a ponytail, securing it with a crimson band.
"Of course, this is only a test to see how you do outside of here. Leaving you unguarded would be asinine, considering how smart you are and the fact that we knew that your initial thought upon being released would likely be a desire to escape here." Seymour nodded, his silvery-blue eyes examining Nooj as though double checking to make sure there was nothing he'd forgotten.
"How I'll fare and how people will respond to my presance are two different issues. After all, I do have a pair of sacreligious objects grafted into my body.." Nooj growled irritably, moving to sit at the bed and put on his boots.
"Now now, they will adapt. You've learned to use the machina quite well, so there's no need to be so resentful about them. You're not crushing things with your hand by accident anymore and you almost walk normally." Seymour replied, recieving a withering glare from Nooj in response. Sighing slightly Nooj got to his feet, fully dressed and looking impatient to leave.
"Like that makes having these damn things any better.. Fine, just let me out of here." he said calmly and at the words Seymour got up and led him from the room. Nooj kept his eyes averted from the priests and mages who watched him as he limped behind the Maester out of the back rooms of the temple, having no desire to see their expressions of curiosity as they took note of his prosthetic limbs. He continued to follow Seymour all the way to the exit of the temple where he paused and turned to face Nooj.
"Now remember, just behave like any normal person. Do not cause any disturbances or else we'll have to bring you back here for more conditioning, understand?" Seymour looked Nooj in the eyes as he spoke.
"Like a normal person.. Feh, normal people haven't been tortured and experimented on. Don't worry though, I'll be a good little soldier and do as I'm told. Anything's better than being put back in that hell." Nooj replied coldly and pushed past the Maester to go out into the city, and while he didn't look back he could feel Seymour's eyes on him until he finally walked out of sight. He spent the day wandering about, trying to avoid contact with people when at all possible until evening when he stopped at one of the local bars where the crusaders used to gather.
"Holy shit.. Is that? Oh my god it is!" a voice spoke as Nooj entered the bar and he turned to see another young man sitting among a group of crusaders who was staring at him. He blinked and then continued walking, taking a seat at the bar as he listened to the sudden hushed flurry of whispering from the table where the other crusaders sat.
"How did he survive? Wasn't he dead? Look at his left arm and leg, they're machina.. He's inhuman to survive that!" the whispers continued until he turned around to look at the group of crusaders who became silent as they watched him nervously.
"Undying is the proper term.. Remember it, imbeciles." Nooj growled at them and then turned back to the liquor he'd ordered and made a better effort at ignoring the continuing chatter from the crusaders. Nooj drank until the bartender finally refused to serve him any longer and then staggered out into the dark streets, his glazed eyes peering through the lenses of his glasses dully. As he started to walk back to the residence he'd been assigned by the Yevon Clergy to stay at until he was fully integrated into society he heard footsteps behind him.
"Hey! Look what we have here.. Everyone else was too terrified to go through the the dare but it looks like you're nothing more than a drunk.. Care to see if what my teammates said about being undying was true?" a voice spoke from behind him and Nooj slowly turned to see one of the crusaders from earlier watching him with a smirk.
"Go the hell away.. I'm in no mood." he murmured, glaring at the soldier. The young man didn't back down though, instead drawing his gun and then firing a warning shot into the air while taking the knife he had with him in his other hand. At the sound of the gunshot Nooj's eyes widened, the sound triggering an outpouring of memories from when he'd lost his arm and leg. He could see the fiend that tore of his limbs, watching him with shining claws and teeth and his eyes widened.
"No.. no not again.." he murmured and then lunged at the creature, tackling it and grasping one of it's claws. Ripping the claw away he began to stab the creature with his right hand, his left hand constricting around the fiends throat until it was crushed in the grip of his machina hand and the steel fingers started to tear through the flesh. All he could see was the creature's hideous face as he continued to stab it until it stopped moving at all, and then dragging himself away from it up against one of the nearby cliff walls and pulling his knees up to his chest in fear.
"Never.. Never again.. I can't die.. I can't die.." he whispered, quivering as he stared at the dead body of the fiend from his hiding place.
Frame of Mind
Incident 3:
"How do you feel about the person you used to be?" Seymour asked clinically as he gazed at Nooj who sat across from him, gazing at the Maester calmly through the bars of his cell.
"I feel terrible. But thanks to you I'm doing much better now, and I am confident that when I leave I will be ready to take my place in society." Nooj answered, giving a faint smile as he gripped the bars with an expression that was hopeful, seeming quite assured of his release. Seymour nodded at the answer and then folded his hands.
"And when do you think that will be?" he speculatively asked, tilting his head to one side causing the stray lock of sapphire hair to half obscure his vision.
"Well... Now. Right away." Nooj said surely, blinking at Seymour with a puzzled expression at the continued questions.
"Why do you say that?" Seymour pursed his lips as he spoke, his cold eyes continuing to watch Nooj calculatingly.
"Well you said that when I was able to accept what I'd done, and I understood the consequences of my actions that I would be free to go." Nooj replied, sounding faintly discouraged with his voice edged with confusion.
"Free to go? You mean you don't think you should stand trial for what you did?" Seymour raised an eyebrow incredulously, taking a step closer to the bars of Nooj's cell.
"No.. I'm looking forward to proving my innocence." he stated simply, his brows furrowing.
"I thought you said you accepted what you did." Seymour reminded him thoughtfully, and watched as Nooj began to pace the cell in frustration.
"That's-that's not what I meant..," Nooj sighed in irritation as he walked and then faced Seymour once again to speak, "I was sick when it happened! I wasn't responsible for what I did!"
"How do I know you're just not telling me what I want to hear? Perhaps we should continue this discussion... next week.." he responded in disbelief, his tone quite obviously ending the discussion as he turned to walk away.
"No! I-I wanna talk about this!" Nooj snapped desperately, grasping the bars and leaning out toward the Maester.
"Now! You're starting to sound angry again.. Maybe you need another treatment..." Seymour turned sharply on his heel, delicate eyebrows raised as he brought one hand up and snapped his fingers. At the sound a pair of Bevelle guards apporached the cell, entering it and carefully approaching Nooj who started to back into a corner wide-eyed.
"Noooo!" he shrieked in protest as he was siezed and dragged from the cell. Despite his refusal the next time that Seymour returned was a week later, looking a little more sadistic than usual as he approached the cell with a smirk on his lips.
"I remember when they brought you in. You were struggling, screaming... We could barely hold you down. In fact just getting the blood off your hands took over an hour." Seymour purred as he spoke, moving so that he would be just out of Nooj's reach beyond the cell bars. Nooj blinked in surprise at the statment, it was unlike any approache the Maester had ever taken with him.
"Blood?" he whispered, his eyes flickering down to his own hands and then back up at Seymour edgily.
"On your hands, clothes.. You didn't just kill that man. You mutilated him..." Seymour continued, obviously relishing seeing the shock on the teenager's face at his words.
"What are you talking about? I didn't kill anybody!" Nooj immediately denied the accusation, not recalling ever having killed anyone. He'd only been told that he had a mental breakdown and had a flashback due to post traumatic stress disorder.
"I'm afraid you did. You stabbed him, they found you near the body. The knife in your hand." Seymour pressed onward, ignoring Nooj's protests.
"No.. It's not true!" Nooj hissed, his eyes widening as Seymour maintained his statements.
"Yes it is! And if you ever get out of here you're going to stand trial.." the maester's words were edged with laughter while he coldly watched Nooj become more and more frustrated.
"You're lying!" Nooj snapped, backing away from the cell bars as Seymour took a step closer and smirked gleefully.
"I imagine the punishment will be quite severe, considering you stabbed him nine times!" Seymour answered, wrapping his own fingers around the bars as he spoke.
"No!" Nooj shook his head violently, collapsing back against the cold iron floor of his cell.
"Maybe you need another treatment..." Seymour said consideringly, taking a step back from the cell once more.
"What I need is to get out of this cell. I've been locked in here for.. for days! You've controlled my every move! You've told me what to eat, and what to think, and what to say and then! When I show a glimmer of independant thought... You strap me down! You inject me with drugs! You call it a treatment!" Nooj shouted, dragging himself to his feet, his voice breaking with emotion as he spoke.
"You're becoming agitated.." Seymour warned, raising his eyebrows at Nooj.
"You bet I'm agitated! I may be surrounded by insanity but I am not insane! And nothing you or anyone else can say will change that! And I won't let you or anyone else tell me that I am... You may be able to destroy my mind, but you can't change the fact that I'm innocent. I didn't kill that man!" Nooj started to scream, grasping one of the bars in his left hand and trying to pry it apart with all the strength his machina arm could provide.
"Is this driving you crazy? I can see we have a lot of work to do..." Seymour's voice was maliciously joyous as he grinned at Nooj, folding his hands as he met the teenager's wild brown eyed gaze.
"Nothing you can say will change the fact that I'm innocent! I'M NOT CRAZY! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy...." Nooj continued to scream even as Seymour turned away, his voice trailing off into a whisper at the last as he sank to his knees with his forehead pressed against the bars. Bitter tears sliding down his cheeks as he sobbed hopelessly. As Seymour exited the prison compound of Bevelle he was met by Kinoc and Mika who were waiting for a report.
"Unfortunately he is doubtful to bend to our will and he is much too dangerous for us to try to wield as a weapon. Not to mention, he made too much of a scene and rumors about him are beginning to spread around Bevelle." Seymour said to his fellow Maesters.
"Ah.. Then we must dispose of him. Give him to me, I have an easy way of getting rid of him that will both make him think he's being released and leaves us looking innocent. I'll place him into one of the teams for the Crimson Squad, since all of them are just sheep for the slaughter and then no one will know the wiser." Kinoc said, smirking deviously.
"I approve of the idea. It is safer to allow him to die like that and appear to be a war casualty than risking trying to dispose of him here in Bevelle." Mika agreed solemnly.