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2. Have very random deities. Like the Goddess of Birds Flying Into Very Clean Windows and Falling to the Ground, Mildly Dazed, or the God of Very Tiny Cupcakes. Bonus points if one of your characters is a priest/ess or avatar, or if one of the deities reveals something of great importance to the main character. [Michigan, avatar of the Goddess of Broken Nails]
3. You must have three minor characters named Victoria, Victor and Vickie. Bonus points if they're in a love triangle.
4. A vampire who is a hemophobiac. [Sonova]
5. A vampire who cannot stand blood. [Sonova]
6. A vegetarian werewolf. [Vickie]
7. A demon who is afraid of the dark. [Naomi]
8. Have your boldest, bravest character named "Wince".
9. Have a main character whose indian name is Filthy Bear. He/she doesn't have to be filthy, or a bear. It's just a name. Also, if you wish, you may have a wise old tribe leader appear suddenly and give said character a long speech about the signifigance of this name.
10. There is a ghost. It is a ghost of a robot or other mechanical device (how it became a ghost is up to you), and all it can say is 'ping'. [Ping]
11. Insert a small, talking rabbit who obsesses over character coupling. [Thein]
12. A knight with a gay twist; his warhorse wears bells on its legs, his flag has a phallic symbol on it, there are pansies and butterflies painted on his armor. [Victor]
13. Make a Mary Sue/Gary Stue. Make them last one day. Let them be killed off by an obscure branch of disease caused by being extremely annoying. Double points if the hero is about to gut them anyhow. [Mary Shihzue]
14. Have a major or minor character always referred to along with a physical trait. [Hugh Gray]
15. Have an outwardly respectable character that writes cheesy, raunchy romantic novels under a cheesy fake name. Bonus points if you include clips from the romance novels. [Professor Cassidy]
16. Naomi Worn.
17. Include multiple anagrams for NaNoWriMo in your novel. Have Mr. Ian Woon eat a warm onion while watching "Win A Moron" hosted by Ron O'Mawni.
18. Twist a children's story like "Little Red Riding Hood" so that it's quite a bit more entertaining. [Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella]
19. Have a character with a name of obvious character traits, like Charity Goodman or Evilia de Sade, who is nothing like their name. Other characters should never comment on it. [Charity Goodman]
20. Have an evil villain in your story. Have his name be "The Procrastinator".
21. Include a bouncy ditz-cheerleader type named Tristen.
22. Start your chapters with psuedo-profound epigrams all quoting a single fictional person. At the climax, when the true villain is revealed it turns out to be the person you have been quoting! [Mr. Ian Woon]
23. Title your chapters with the lyrics of one irrelevant song. Continue for the entire novel. Nothing poetic and no clever dramatic foreshadowing.
24. Start every damned chapter with "It was a dark and stormy night". Smart-ass modifications and extensions of the sentence are acceptable.
25. Have the narrator take the scenes where it's not a dark and stormy night very seriously.
26. One character discovers a 'rip in time' under their bed, and every so often something from the past, future or a parrallel universe comes flying out at the most inopportune moments.
27. "The cup isn't half empty, the cup isn't half full; the cup just contains some unidentifiable gooey substance and is singing Mary Had a Little Lamb."
28. Include a character who has repeated amnesia, ie wakes up the next morning and can't remember who they are or how they got there. This happens to them repeatedly.
29. Include all the plagues of Egypt in your novel. DON'T refer to them as the seven plagues. Just have them all happen. Don't have people notice and don't comment on this as the author.
30. Have your character be convinced that all of the spammy emails they receive contain secret messages that must be decoded in order for their task/quest/whatever to be successful. Tracking down spammers to ask for clarification on a few points is optional. Tracking down spammers for revenge when the "secret messages" lead the character astray would be appreciated.
31. Kill your main character multiple times, always bringing him/her back to life. Have your character get more and more annoyed with this as the story progresses.
32. Put a traditional anime elf in your story - they're the ones with the positively enormous pointy ears. At some point, have other characters start speculating about why their ears are that large, and at least three of the following theories must be mentioned: is it for better hearing? So they can hang stuff on them? Are they erogenous zones? Handlebars during sex? Related somehow to sea shells? Not real at all and implants? Bonus points for ones you come up with on your own that are better than these.
33. Have your elves be ugly, or at least vaguely unpleasant-looking. [Giant ears, hooked beaklike noses, excessively pale skin, glowing]
34. Involve a character (male or female) who goes through a long pretty transformation scene into a superhero costume, is interrupted, and ends up nude for the battle. [Victoria]
35. Someone fights with a jump rope.
36. One constantly drunken medic and/or healing cleric. [Grrr]
37. A herbman/woman that constantly confuses his/her herbs. [Grrr]
38. A hippy elf, pot and all.
39. Have a character with a gamboling problem.
40. Have a character find a talkative book with no useful information to offer whatsoever, but have the character decide to lug the thing around because they've become friends.
41. "Sir Whatsisname and the Sword of Insufferable Annoyance."
42. You know how in many clich� stories, a main character has some curse on them, turning them into a frog or dragon or whatever? Do this, but have totally random things as the curse.
43. "STAFF OF LIGHT, I COMMAND YOU TO (dramatic pause) CUT THIS BANANA!" Well, it doesn't have to be a staff of light... it could be the STAFF OF THE COLOUR OF UNWASHED WHITE SHIRTS! Or the STAFF OF MODERATELY BRIGHT LIGHT OF THE ENTIRE SPECTRUM... ACTUALLY IT'S FAIRLY DIM. NO, DON'T TURN OFF!)
44. At the end of your story have the hero lynched.
45. Include five of the following (the more is better): A penguin, a lawyer, a weasel, a weasel who is a lawyer, a tea set missing the teapot, a troll who speaks like Shakespeare, a hyrdophobic goldfish, a giraffe, a three-legged chicken, and/or broccoli.
46. Have the hero's faithful steed be a lame ass.
47. Have someone say "That's not what you're supposed to do with frosting".
48. Have an office with an evil photocopier, one that actually must be bargained with to get it to work. Workers have to offer it things like more toner, a nice update, the good paper, etc. The sentient evil copier may or may not speak, it could just display a screen to type on.
49. Villain needs a dirty secret? He was arrested once for a theft of 50 000 rubber duckies. When this comes into light, it may prompt such questions as "Why?" and "Where did you put them all?" and "Again, why?". Feel free to involve the world's largest bathtub in his reasoning.
50. A bathtub needs to overflow and flood at least three rooms.
51. Have some character or another access the "information sharing network" of a newly-discovered planet, and find nothing but alien porn and advertisements for spying devices.
52. One of your characters is the bastard son of a famous warlord (hates his father; half-brothers will kill him on sight) [Victor]
53. One of your characters is trying to find a lost love (who is known to be traveling with a troupe of entertainers).
54. One of your characters is narcoleptic. He always tells people that he had a huge battle with (insert god of sleep's name here). He vanquished the god, but the god has sent an evil underling to continually stalk him and make him fall asleep at odd moments. Occasionally the character attacks something out of sight of the other characters, then says 'aha! I have beaten the evil little gnome once again.' Bonus points if he then pretends to be the gnome, throwing his voice to say 'I'll get you next time'. But one night at the pub he gets drunk and admits to the main character that he was just born with this tendency to fall asleep. Extra bonus points if it turns out that the gnome actually existed all along.
55. Write your story with constant reference to yourself, the author.
56. Have a character who is wildly obsessed with Harry Potter. The catch is, do not mention any names. That is, just have the character constantly allude and refer to the books/movies without saying the words "Harry Potter" or "Sirius Black" or even "JK Rowling".
57. Have a scene where the people in the background (or the MC) dance around a huge fire naked with wolves.
58. Make a reference to the Ministry of Silly Walks at least once.
59. Have the faith of the world be decided over a wet t-shirt contest.
60. Have your society's economy be based almost entirely on dragon-based products, leaving your hero forced to save the poor dragons from the rapacious princess who has her soldiers slay every dragon they can find in order to increase her wealth.
61. Have absolutely no one in the novel care at all about your hero's quest to defeat evil.
62. Near the start of the story, a character orders a pizza. Somewhere near the end of the story, even if it's hundreds of years later and on another world entirely, the pizza finally arrives.
63. Have your MC be really strict and honorable. He's increadibly chivalrous and follows a code like bushido, where it's all about honour and protecting the women and the young. And then have the Super Villain be a female. [Wince Cabbage]
64. "No, damnit, I was sure it was fish!"
65. You must have a 38-year-old virgin. Bonus points if s/he is not a monk. [Filthy Bear]
66. One character must hate your favorite author/actor/singer with a passion. Reasons why must be given.
67. A black g-string must be found in the boot (trunk) of a car. Despite much questioning, it is never determined where it came from.
68. Have a character who absolutely refuses to answer to his/her/its real name or anything similar to it. [Bubbles]
69. Have a truly gothy person really be named something like Bubbles, but refuse to tell anyone about this. Then come across a spell thing which demands that ones true name is told, and after much buts and whys they finally confess to their real name.
70. Have a minor character who thinks s/he is a superhero. Cape is extra credit.
71. Have the sentence saying "And there was much rejoicing" multiple times.
72. A claustrophobic dwarf.
73. A vastly overweight elf.
74. A magic user that says something along the lines of "Wow didn't see that coming" or "So that's what that spell does" every time s/he casts a spell.
75. An evil "wizard" who thinks he has magical powers, but in fact he hasn't.
76. A clock who continously tell people how long they'll live.
77. A hero who only wants to pi�ata the Most Powerful Overlord.
78. Include a character whose nervous habit is smoothing her eyebrows. Extra points if you can make the control freak character super-mad at them.
79. Include a princess (or any female MC) kissing a frog. The more imaginative things he turn into the better.
80. Have a MC think he's God.
81. Drunk computers.
82. A living candle that starts screaming every time it's lit.
83. A god that says "boo!" every time someone enters his temple.
84. Have a small wooden artistic mannequin (the kind that have the metal rods jammed in painful places) come to life and decide to take revenge on a member of the cast who's an artist and use it for pose work. They're kinda too small to do anything, so its method of revenge could be interesting.
85. Have one or two in the group drag the MC to a strip club.
86. Include a questing serf or a prince who needs to slay the dragon by noon so he's back in time for tea.
87. A bad character who isn't really evil, he's just trying to exercise his magic. But while doing that, it sucks the life and souls out of the neighboring town's children.
88. Magic is only discovered by orphans; a candidate must have lost both parents to be able to cast even the simplest of spells.
89. Every time your MC wakes up, have them clutching a different random item in their hands (a xylophone, a small cake, etc). Offer no explanation.
90. Include Zombie Elvis in your novel. Bonus point if it makes some sort of sense.
91. "Hey, where's your talking sword?" "I traded it for this cool zombie!"
92. Have a character calculate the Speed of Dark. Make it critical to the plot resolution. Make sure it's handled seriously.
93. Have one character think everyone is gay based on anything that they do or say. For example, 'oh, he's gay - yesterday I saw him getting a diet coke from the pop machine.'
94. "One of the first rules of sex, after all, is never to sleep with anyone more messed up than you are."
95. Have your MC contemplate the effect that bleach will have on mages and especially your villain.
96. Have a secondary character refer to your MC's 'broomstick' as often as possible. Everytime s/he mentions this 'broomstick', your MC sneezes and something, somewhere, blows up.
97.Use a forest whose trees yell out insults to all passerby. [Rude forest]
98. Have a character who changes almost everything s/he hears into sexual innuendo. [Thein]
99. Include a bunch of male elves who enjoy getting facials.
100. At least three times in the novel, have a character attempt to say "spaceship" but instead say "superstore" and quickly correct him or herself. Have the other characters think nothing of this. [Vickie]
101. Have a character that wants to meet elves badly (a la Sam in LOTR). They have heard so much about elves, so great, so handsome, smart, blah blah, regular Tolkienish elves. Then, have the character meet the elves, but they turn out to be like Santa's elves. Short, cheerful, and good at nothing but making toys.
102. Have a battle decided by both parties going down and rolling dice as per D&D.
103. Have a "science" novelist in a fantasy novel.
104. Have a group playing "Sewers and Airplanes" (as opposed to D&D)
105. Have an elemental system of magic. However, instead of basing it on a classical set of elements (fire, water, eart, wind) base it of the Periodic Table.
106. Write an entire chapter from the point of view of a hamster.
107. Write a chapter from the point of view of an inanimate object.
108. Have a MC that hates the outdoors, and force them to travel cross-country, sleeping among Mother Nature's creatures, etc.
109. If you are writing a story which involves war on terrorism or a very unpopular war which many of your characters do not support, then give George W Bush a cameo in which he is NOT the president and neither was his father, other than that they live the exact same lives. George W is a member of the army and gets called into duty, gets horribly injured, and dies a slow, painful death weeks later by infection of the wound due to inadequate medical care through a hospital billing network glitch of some kind. He doesn't have to be the MC but his thoughts and feelings should be very thoroughly examined.
110. "My God he has a spork, run for your life"
111. Let someone die via spork death. Bonus point if there are multiple sporks.
112. Make a somewhat secondary character die from getting his little toe stuck in a mosetrap.
113. Kill someone using a single strand of hair.
114. Have a pair of siblings working together. [Randy and Tristen]
115. Include a character who plans to go to the supreme court to legally change his date of birth from January 18 1975 to March 5 1975, just because he feels like it. Have all the lower courts actually pass his case through.
116. Have one of your characters fall madly in love with Gilderoy Lockhart. They must declare it to their friends at least once in the novel. They are also completely aware that he is a fictional character, and are otherwise not crazy.
117. Make a Monty Python reference at least once every 5000 words.
118. Have a character make a prank call, only to find out that they called the president and s/he is now (country here)'s most wanted.
119. "And then we discovered that rhododendrons liked cuddling."
120. I have a frog, his name is Michigan. He wants to hop through your novel.
121. Have a curse upon the male hero that he can only wear uncomfortable women's footwear - and then have him fight in six inch stilettos.
122. Kill somone using a stiletto. A stiletto-heeled shoe.
123. The first line of your novel must be "Six years later, the memory of raw fish cubes continued to haunt her."
124. Mario wants to be involved in your novel. At least three times. As a video game character, as a pizza delivery man, whatever. Just include Mario.
125. In a situation where at least three characters need to get somewhere fast but they preferred method of transportation is broken down (or died if it's a pack animal of any kind) a car/spaceship transportation vehicle/cart full of horses whips around a particularly sharp corner and the last vehicle/spaceship/horse/dragon/etc. falls off a few feet from your characters, keys in the ignition/etc. or fully fed and rested and ready to go. And grinning, if it's alive (as to say "Here I am, ready to save the day!") in any shape or form.
126. A character who, through an as-yet unspecified Freak Accident, has gained the ability to project his inner monologues on those scrolling billboards. Though, of course, the character can't control this ability.
127. Include a reference to a secret society of something completely random.
128. Have a complex society with an unknown goal figure significantly into your story. However, at the end of the book, the purpose, core members, etc. of the society are still secret.
129. Have your MC induced into a secret society where s/he is taken to meetings blindfolded, but s/he never understands what's going on during the meetings and what the purpose of the society is, and the members look different every time. Bonus points if s/he leaves town and they still keep finding her and taking her to the meetings.
130. Include a character who has repeated amnesia, ie wakes up the next morning and can't remember who they are or how they got there. This happens to them repeatedly.
131.