Josh sat in the empty studio, his elbows resting on the keyboard in front of him and rubbed his temples. Come on brain, think! He was stuck… again.

    He looked over the words on the paper in front of him and groaned. What is this? This is horrible! He crumpled up the paper and tossed it at the garbage, but missed. It landed on the floor next to the many others that hadn’t made it into the basket.
I’m losing it. Damn this writer’s block!

    He stopped for a moment, considering his previous thought. This isn’t just writer’s block, I haven’t written a good song in months. I’ve lost my touch. I just can’t do this anymore.. Maybe I should just give up…

    A lump formed in his throat and he fought to keep tears of frustration from rolling down his cheeks. Josh was so tired, so completely, emotionally and physically drained.

    Everyday, he’d come to work, in effort to accomplish something…anything. Music was what he loved, but he just hadn’t seemed to have the knack for it lately. He would come home to an empty house after each uneventful day and try to keep himself occupied, tried to keep his mind off of the pathetic road his life had taken.

    Tears filled his eyes as the thought of his loneliness filled his heart. He jumped when there was a soft knock on the door. He took a deep breath, in an attempt to get the lump in his throat to fade.

    “Go away please,” he seethed to whoever was at the door without looking up.

    It was quiet. “Are you okay?” a soft female voice asked.

    “No,” he grumbled. “Please leave.”

    He heard footsteps, but they weren’t retreating. The girl was entering the room. Josh slammed his hands down on the keyboard and turned quickly to face whoever was at his side.

    “Can’t you see that I---” He stopped short, seeing that it was Claudia. She looked so innocent and concerned that he just couldn’t raise his voice to her.

    He sighed and turned away from her. “I just need to be alone right now.”

    Noticing his red rimmed eyes, she spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear her. “It seems like you always want to be alone.”

    Josh stared at the keyboard in front of him, and chewed his bottom lip. He didn’t have the strength to yell the angry comments that came to him at that moment. “I enjoy my own company, is that okay or are you going to try to fix that too?” he said as calmly as he could.

    So many questions picked at Claudia’s brain, wishing she could ask him. Why couldn’t he be civil or kind to her, just once? Why did he shut everyone away? Why couldn’t he let her, or anyone else, in?

    She knew that she couldn’t ask these questions without him becoming angry at her, so she pushed them into the back of her mind. “Did you ever stop to think that someone else might enjoy your company too?” she reasoned.

    Nobody would enjoy my company, Josh thought. I’m just an angry, bitter, rude, cold person. I can’t think of a single person who would want to give me a chance after the way I’ve acted towards everyone who has tried to be nice.

    Josh wanted to explain this to her, but the last thing he wanted was her sympathy, and he knew if he did tell her, she would give it. So instead, he said nothing.

    “I’m going to go out to get some lunch and I was looking for someone to join me,” she hinted.

    “Well, I suggest that you look elsewhere. I wouldn’t exactly be a great lunch date,“ he warned.

    “How about I try to prove that theory wrong?” she prompted.

    He was becoming annoyed with her persistency. “Because I don’t want you to prove me to be wrong, okay?“ he cried angrily. Suddenly, more angry words began flying out of his mouth before he could stop them. “If I prove myself wrong, that means that I’m really not the rude, selfish, jerk that I’ve acted like for the last two years. That means I really could be a nice person if I tried and that’s not what I want to be. I’m perfectly happy without letting people into my life who will, undoubtedly, hurt me again.”

    Suddenly, Josh’s attitude made sense to Claudia. The reason he shut everyone out and acted cold towards every person who was nice to him was because he was afraid of being hurt again. He must have been hurt in his past and by shutting everyone out, no one could ever get a chance to do it again. He was trying to cover up his vulnerable side, and he didn’t want to let anyone know that that side of him ever existed.

    Josh’s heart was pounding loudly in his ears. He hadn’t meant to say those words. He hadn’t said anything like that to anyone in so long because he had tried so hard not to. Josh had let her into his life, just a little bit, by saying those words, and even just a little bit was too much. He looked up at Claudia to see her reaction, and he hated himself for what he saw.

    She understood him. There was a look of understanding and compassion in her eyes, and Josh had brought that look there himself.

    “Why don’t you go out to lunch with me? You look like you could use a big hearty meal,” she teased, nodding at his gaunt figure.

    “I really can’t, I-I have a lot of work to do. Please, just go away.”

    Claudia could see that a part of him wanted to join her, but he couldn’t bring himself to that. He was fighting to keep her out. “Oh come on, I know you want to,” she urged. “I’ll even let you pick the restaurant. Let’s see, there’s a Friendly’s down the street… Jack Astor’s is good…”

    “I said I don’t want to go!” he said, raising his voice. He then spoke more quietly. “Please, I’m begging you, just leave…me…alone!”

    Claudia could tell that he was becoming upset, and he didn’t want to let her see his vulnerable side. But she didn’t want to leave. “Why Josh?” She demanded. “Why does everyone have to leave you alone? Don’t you see that I’m willing to be your friend, that I want to be your friend? Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

    “I don’t want a friend and I don’t need one either. Now, stop feeling sorry for me and go on with your perfect little life… and leave me out of it,” he grumbled.

    Claudia could see that this wasn’t going to work. She had pushed too far, and she wasn’t sure what would happen if she pushed any harder. “All right,” she sighed in defeat. “I’ll just- leave you alone if that’s what you really want.” She opened the door and let herself out.

    Josh watched the door as it closed behind her, feeling even worse now that she had left. He laid his head down on the keyboard and shut his eyes tight.

    “No. Don’t you see that’s not what I really want?”

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