April 14, 1912

It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. Joey had invited her to breakfast, and she had accepted thinking that Lance wouldn’t be there.

But he was and it was obvious he hadn’t slept much last night.

Hannah picked at the eggs on her plate. She wasn’t hungry and picking at the food with her fork was only keeping her attention away from the conversation going around the table.

“So, you’re moving in with Lance when you get to New York?” JC was not the least bit thrilled about the news of Lance and Janine’s reunion.

Hannah bit a slice of her toast. She didn’t say anything, though JC and Chris were staring at her.

“Yeah, isn’t it great?” Janine sipped her coffee with one hand on the handle of her cup, while her other hand rested on Lance’s lap. “Just like old times. Right, baby?” She squeezed Lance’s hand. He just smiled, but Hannah could see right through this act he was putting on.

“Shit,” Justin muttered quietly.

“No kidding,” JC agreed. Chris nodded, understanding. No one them were very happy with Lance at the moment. The news about his reunion with Janine wasn’t only upsetting, but they were afraid for their friend. They knew his heart would get broken again, just like the first time.

This is all my fault, Hannah thought.

She watched out of the corner of her eye as Janine kissed Lance right on the lips. She shuddered then quickly turned her head the other direction. She was being watched.

Lance watched her intently. Whenever he looked at her, he found her looking right back at him. But she would turn her head before he managed to get his head completely turned towards her.  It was occurring to him now that something very strange was going on.

Janine suddenly turned towards Hannah, who was adding some milk to her coffee. Janine knew she had won. It was finally over. She had Lance back, at last. It had taken a lot longer than she had planned. She’d come on this ship thinking it wouldn’t take much to get Lance back. She would apologize for all her wrongs, then he would forgive her and all would be okay again.

But that was before Janine found out about Hannah. Lance’s precious Hannah, the mystery woman who everybody in first class was talking about. The whole ship knew what class she was from, and they could tell that the young steerage girl had stolen Lance’s heart.

It made Janine sick. But delivering threat after threat to the poor young Hannah, finally gave Janine exactly what she wanted. It was great how Hannah couldn’t even look at Lance anymore. She had done exactly what Janine had told her to do.

Janine had to admit that she had been rather mean. It wasn’t like her to threaten someone’s life. But her future with Lance had been at stake. What else could she do? She did what she had to do to keep her man.

Hannah refused to watch anymore as Janine’s hand rested comfortably on Lance’s lap, slowly moving down. Without even excusing herself, Hannah got up from her chair and ran out the door.

Janine hid her grin. Yes, things were finally working out.

Chris glanced at the door that Hannah had just exited from. “Is she okay? She’s been looking down all morning,” he said.

Lance just looked down at his untouched bowl of oatmeal. He realized everyone expected him to answer. He looked up at them. “How the hell should I know?”

“Because she’s your friend. You’re the one she’s been spending a lot of time with,” Justin said.

“We’re not friends,” Lance said bitterly. “Not anymore.”

Janine smiled and pulled on his arm. “Let’s go for a walk on the boat deck. You look like you could use some air.”

“No,” he snapped, pulling his arm away and jumping up from the table. He almost knocked off a few plates and cups. But he didn’t care. “I need some space. Everybody just leave me alone, okay?”

“But Lance---”

“Janine, leave me the hell alone! We’re not back together and we’re never going to be, got that? I don’t love you anymore and I never will again!”

Chris and JC started to clap.

Lance snarled at them. “Stop it,” he said. He grabbed his black leather jacket off the back of his chair. “I don’t know what’s gotten into everybody lately. They think they know what’s best for me, but they don’t! Just stay away from me. Give me some damn space, I’m not a child who needs protection.”

Justin stopped chewing suddenly. No one, not even Janine, had ever heard him so angry before.

Chris spat out his coffee.

JC looked at his watch, trying to think about anything else but the way Lance was acting. This was getting too damn strange.

Joey ate some more cookies, grabbing three at a time off the plate.

“Lance, why are you so upset?” Janine asked softly.

“Because you’ve ruined my life!” Lance grabbed a piece of toast and shoved it in his mouth. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. He hadn’t touched any food for a long time, it seemed.

Everyone that was in the dining room was staring at them. When Lance sensed this, he made his way towards the exit. He reached the staircase after running up a few set of stairs. He was breathing heavily, he leaned against the wall to catch his breath.

He heard two woman talking just around the corner.

“He told you he loved you? That’s so sweet!” Lance recognized that as Lisa’s voice. He held his breath and wondered who she was talking to.

“Yeah. And I did the stupidest thing. Probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

That was Hannah talking, Lance realized. The dumbest thing she’s ever done? He wondered what she meant by that. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

Lisa sighed. “What did you do?”

Hannah waited, then she spoke. “I told him to go back to Janine, because he belonged with her, not me.”

Lisa had to cover her mouth to hide her shock. “Are you telling me that you didn’t tell him that you…”

“That I what?”

Lance waited. He wanted to know what Hannah really meant to say last night. If she was talking about what went on between them last night.

Maybe she was referring to someone else. No way. She was definately talking about him.

He turned the corner to get a better view of them. Hannah was leaning against the door that gave A deck passenger’s access to the library. Lisa was standing across from her, her hands on her hips.

“You didn’t tell him that you love him, did you?”

Lance stood there, his mouth hanging open. He closed it again. He didn’t want them to see him. He wanted to hear the rest of it. He needed to know.

“No.” Hannah ran her hands over her face. She looked very tired. “I don’t know why I didn’t. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to tell him? I never dreamed he felt the same way.”

Lisa put a hand on her shoulder. “Because you’re afraid for your life. Janine’s been threatening to kill you, for Christ’s sakes, if you didn’t stay away from Lance. You were doing what you thought was right for you.”

“And for him,” Hannah added quietly. “I told him that us not hanging around together anymore was best for both of us.” She sniffled and wiped her nose with the hanker chief that was handed to her. “It was never right. I knew that the moment he walked away from me. He was so angry at me. I’ve hurt him so badly.”

“But what other choice did you have? Your life was being threatened. You did what you had to do.” Lisa gave Hannah a second glance. “At the way you look, breakfast didn’t go too well. Did it?”

Hannah just shook her head and walked around, pacing the very small area. “All Janine did was sit there, her hands on any part of Lance she could reach. She kept grinning at me. She knows she won. She won,” she repeated in a quiet whisper, admitting defeat.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Lisa said. “You should be proud of the way you’ve handled this. You let go of him for his own good. And yours, too.”

But the way Hannah was looking, she was no longer sure it was what was best. She looked so sad, like the first time Lisa had met her. That first day after Hannah’s first encounter with Lance, that sadness had disappeared and something knew had formed in her eyes. It was as if she was happy, content.

“What chance did I have anyway?” Hannah said. “Look at him. He’s going to be rich and famous one day. He’ll need someone like Janine to keep him on his toes. I’m too normal.”

Lance appeared from the corner. “I like you exactly the way you are.”

Lisa tried to hide her smile. Hannah looked absolutely mortified. She turned away and hid her face with her coat.

“Lance,” Lisa said. “We were just talking about you.”

He smiled. “I heard.”

Hannah sighed from behind them. When the hell did he get here?

Oh, damn. This day just wasn’t going her way.

Lisa took the strained silence between the two as her cue to leave. She didn’t bother saying goodbye, she just walked around the corner, leaving the two of them alone.

Hannah removed her face from the coat and ended up staring right into Lance’s eyes. He was grinning now, and he was walking towards her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I was just leaving for some fresh air when I heard the two of you talking.” Lance reached her and stopped. They were close, but they weren’t touching. “You didn’t mean anything you said last night, did you?”

She turned away quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He pressed a hand to her back and rubbed the skin there. She was very tense. “Why didn’t you tell me what Janine was doing?” he asked.

“I didn’t think there was any reason to.”

His action on her back stopped, and he put his hands back down to his sides. “So it doesn’t matter how I feel? What if I told you that I couldn’t live without you and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you? Would you have done the same thing? Would you have lied and told me you didn’t love me?”

“You have no idea how much it hurt to have to say those things to you last night,” Hannah said. “It practically killed me.”

“And you don’t think it killed me to hear those things?”

Hannah turned away from him when she realized she was almost at the point of tears. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“Don’t be,” he said. “Just come here.” He held his arms open, hoping she would come into them.

She didn’t hesitate. She ran into his arms, and when his arms wrapped tightly around her, she clung to him desperately.

“You really back with her?” Hannah said against his chest.

He kissed her hair. “No.”

“Good.” She laid her head against his chest. She wasn’t crying anymore. She was happy just to be in his arms, even if it was the last time.

“Not when I’m in love with you.”

She took a deep breath then spoke the words she’d been so afraid to say. “I love you, too.”

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