In My Life...ScullyIn My Life...Scully 
By Megan Greytak 
starbuck_trinity@yahoo.com 



Classification: MSR...definitely

Rating: PG, maybe a little PG13ish, but if you're reading fanfic, it's nothing
you haven't already heard.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to the almighty Chris Carter
and 1013 Productions, as well as Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, as well
as all others who play the roles. I'm not making any money off of this story,
so don't sue me. I'm just a poor college student; I wait tables when I'm on
vacation, so I have very little money. All my money has been tied up in X-
Files stuff, so that's all you'll get if you sue! Oh, yeah. Any song or movie
or other trademarked product mentioned within belongs to whomever made
it/produced it/acted it/sang it, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Feedback: Yes, please. I would very much like! I'll do my best to respond
asap. Any flames will be used to crucify those who send them. Criticize me,
but make it nice!

Distribution: Any where, just leave my name and addy and disclaimer stuff with
it!

Spoilers: Anything thru midseason...mainly Christmas Carol/Emily, Small
Potatoes, Memento Mori, and Redux/Redux II.

Author's notes: This part was kinda big, so I had to chop it into four pieces.
I just hope it comes out all right.  The rest are at the end......so on with
the show!

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In My Life...


I'd have to say that for the most part, my life has been fairly good. True, I
moved around a lot as a kid, but I always had my family, so it didn't bother
me so much. I was easily accepted into college and the F.B.I. And it's also
true that some really bad things have happened to me over the years, such as
the death of my father and my sister Melissa being shot (which I ultimately
feel should have been me). But life is generally okay, despite my hectic job
on the X-files, being abducted, and constantly worrying about Mulder. After
all, I do still have most of my family (though I will always miss my father
and sister), Mulder, who is my best friend in the whole world, a job I love,
and my health...sort of.



I thought that discovering that I had cancer would be the worst moment in my
life. What could be worse than discovering that you are going to die because
something done to you by a shadow government as a warning to your partner, and
that it couldn't be operated on? I was wrong, though. Telling Mulder was worse
than that. It was definitely the worst moment of my life. That look of guilt
and pain on his face, the sound of his voice as he desperately tried not to
cry, nearly killed me.



The last thing in the world that I wanted was for Mulder to suffer any more
than he already had. So I tried to distance myself. I tried to keep him as far
away as possible, to spare him any unnecessary pain. Unfortunately (or
fortunately), it didn't work.



It didn't take me very long to realize that I didn't want to go through
radiation and chemo treatments, that I wanted to work. Though I knew that by
working I'd wind up bringing Mulder into this, and as much as I didn't want
to, the thought of not being with him hurt worse than the thought of dying.
And as soon as he said, "Welcome back," and hugged me in that hospital, I knew
I'd made the right choice.



Having cancer was awful, but the effect it had on Mulder was so much worse. I
couldn't stand the pain I saw in his eyes every time I got a nosebleed, or had
to go to the doctor. I know he felt guilty, like the whole thing was his
fault. I tried to tell him that none of it was his fault, but nothing would
change his mind.



But finally, after months of suffering, and a recent drop in my health, Mulder
found a cure for me. Some people may argue with that, but I know it was Mulder
who cured me. Whether it was the chip he found or his strength that I drew
from, it was Mulder who saved me (well, I also believe that God played a part
in it, too). Unfortunately, at the same time, I learned that I couldn't have
children. I haven't actually thought about having children for a long time, my
maternal instincts having gone on hiatus pretty much since I started on the X-
Files, and then discovering that I was absolutely incapable of having a
child...I thought that my heart had been ripped out.



Mulder knew, of course, before I did. I should have known Mulder would be the
first to know. And I can understand why he didn't tell me, and why he wanted
to protect me (even though he knows that I don't want a bodyguard), so I
wasn't too mad when I found out that he already knew about my situation (even
more details than I did) when he came to help me try to adopt Emily.



Emily. My poor little Emily. She never even knew that I was her mother. I
never got to hear her call me "Mommy." I loved Emily so much. Before I knew
she was mine, I felt connected to her. I could tell that Mulder loved her,
too. That he wanted her just as much as I did (that Mr. Potato Head face he
made said it all). I know that if I had been able to adopt Emily, he would
have been her father. It didn't matter that we weren't married, or even
together, he would have been her father. She would have called him, "Daddy."



When Emily was in the hospital because of her "tumor," at the beginning of her
stay, one of the things that I remember most was when the doctor asked if we
were the parents. I wanted nothing more than to say, "Yes, we're her parents,"
or for Mulder to say that he was her father after I'd told the doctor that I
was her mother, but he turned away when I looked at him. I think the question
I was asking him was obvious, but I still don't know what he meant when he
turned away. Sometimes, I like to try to delude myself into thinking that he
didn't want to be presumptuous, but I don't think that was it.



But he had to know that I wanted him to be the father. He's the only man I
ever thought suitable for the job. Even if I hadn't found Emily, even before I
met her, I knew that I wanted him to be the father of my (future) child. I
just had an instinct that he would be good at the job.



Then, Emily was gone. And I pushed Mulder away. He tried to be there for me,
but I wouldn't let him. And every day, I mentally punch myself doing that. I
needed him, his strength, so badly, and I just pushed him away. I wish to God
that I hadn't. That way, we could have gone to see Emily together when she was
in a coma. We could have laid down with her and for a very brief moment, been
a family (I keep going back to that Mulder-as-father thing, don't I?).



I guess it all relates to family being important to me. And it is. I feel that
it's very important that a child should have people all around it who loves it
unconditionally. And the fact that I wanted Mulder to be the father didn't
mean that I was in love with. True, I loved him, but he's my best friend. I
guess it's hard to explain, but it's hard to understand, too.



I was very upset for a while. A long time, actually. Longer than I ever let
Mulder know. I couldn't stop my heart from breaking over the little girl that
I never got to know, to really love, to raise her, or get to hear her call me,
"Mommy" (that's important to me, too.)



To make me feel better, I guess, Mulder took me to see "Titanic." On
Valentine's Day, actually. I can't believe we actually managed to get tickets
to see it on that day, but I think Mulder pulled a few strings and got us in;
legally, of course (the man has connections everywhere). Anyway, it was one of
the biggest tear-jerkers I have ever seen. Very good movie. Two thumbs up. Not
necessarily the best movie of all time, but I liked it. I felt like someone
had released the floodgates in my eyes and let the rivers flow. I don't think
I've ever cried so much in my entire life. And I think the main thing that
made me cry was the injustice of it all. All the lost lives, and the story of
Rose and Jack. For about a month after I saw it, just seeing a commercial
would make me weepy. And even though he'd never admit it to anyone but me,
"Titanic" made Mulder cry, too.



Anyway, after we saw the movie, Mulder seemed to develop this "thing" for the
love theme. You know, the "smash hit," "My Heart Will Go On," so the next day,
he went out and bought the soundtrack (him and the rest of the country). I got
him to make a copy of the song for me, and I listened to it everywhere I went,
until a week later, when Mulder gave me that Celine Dion CD, "Let's Talk About
Love" for my birthday. As soon as I got home from dinner that night (Mulder
insisted that we go out to dinner for my birthday), I popped the CD in the
player, and decided to be democratic and listen to the other songs on the CD
before wearing out "My Heart Will Go On." But I didn't get that far. As soon
as I heard the first song on the CD, I lost it. For, like, the next two weeks,
all I would listen to was that first song, "The Reason." (after the first
couple of weeks, I managed to force myself into listening to the rest of the
album, but constantly found myself returning to that song. That one, and "Tell
Him.") The first time I heard it, I cried, and I'm really not the crying type.
But it made me think of Mulder. God, I could listen to that song forever.



Whoa. Guess I kind of went off on a tangent there for a minute. But it's
important to my story.



Anyway, a few months after we saw "Titanic," Mulder and I were down in our
office, talking. Just talking. It's weird because one minute, we were
finishing up a case file, and the next, we were talking like long lost friends
(which maybe we were, in a sense, because we've been friends forever now, but
we never actually talked). I felt a little strange at first because the last
time I'd had a real conversation with Mulder, it'd turned out to be Eddie van
Blundht (the "h" is silent), but I forgot about that in no time (maybe because
he didn't have a bottle of wine and he actually conversed this time).



Man, we talked about everything. He found my senior prom story quite humorous,
but so was his (he couldn't afford a hotel, so he and his date went back to
his house, and his parents walked in on them). We talked about our lives
before the X-Files, our lives (or lack there of) since joining the
FBI...everything.



Quite some time later, Mulder realized that it was way past the time when we
should have left work, and since we weren't getting over time, and we weren't
working on a case, we should probably go home. I didn't want to leave, though.
I was really enjoying talking to Mulder like that, no holds barred.



But, of course, I didn't let him know. I just acted like it was a good idea
that we go home. I didn't tell him that I wanted him to go home with ME.



So, I gathered my stuff and walked to the door. I was just considering
inviting him over so we could continue our conversation, when he grabbed my
arm, turned me around, and said, "I love you." I thought my heart was going to
explode. My mouth dropped open, but before I could say anything, he kissed me.
That's when my heart stopped beating and my blood stopped flowing. I'd been
waiting for this to happen for more than five years (yes, I'd been fantasizing
about kissing him since we started working together. I was just waiting for
the right moment). I think we stayed in our lip lock for something like five
minutes.



Then I pulled away from him. The look on his face was classic. He looked
panicked, like I was going to slap him or something. But I surprised him. I
told him that I love him. I've never seen anyone smile that big before in my
entire life. Then I kissed him again.



I thought that nothing could be better than that first kiss we shared, but
this one was better. I could, literally feel the love in the room. Then he
lifted me up so that our faces were even with each others. On an impulse, I
wrapped my legs around his waist. That definitely got a reaction from him
(trust me on this, okay).



He pulled away from me a short eternity later because he realized that the
office door was wide open and if anyone was brave enough to wander down into
the lair of Mr. and Mrs. Spooky, we could have been caught (we don't get many
visitors down there, but if we had tried to...have some fun, you know that
everyone in the Bureau would have decided to come a-callin'). So he put me
back down on the floor, and we agreed to meet at my apartment in two hours.



We both walked very calmly out of the building, and very calmly to our cars,
but as soon as he was out of sight, I drove like hell to my apartment. It only
took me about twenty minutes to get home (it usually takes me anywhere from
forty-five minutes to an hour and a half to get home, depending on the
traffic). What can I say? I was excited. And because it was later than usual,
the traffic was light.



As soon as I got home, I jumped into the shower and washed at light speed.
When I got out, I blow dried my hair and did my make up at the same time (I'm
so talented). Finding something to wear was the part that took me the longest.
I wanted to wear something nice, but casual, suggestive, but not slutty. I
wound up wearing a pair of black pants and a white shirt (the kind that clings
like plastic wrap to everything you've got and would make a six-year-old look
chesty). I don't know why I bothered to get so worked up about it; if all went
well, it'd all wind up on the floor anyway (please God).



As soon as I was dressed, there was a knock on my door (figures, right?). I
didn't want to seem too eager, though, so I waited about, oh I don't know, two
seconds before I opened the door.



Without even a hello (from either of us), he swept into my apartment (I know
it sounds funny, but there was definitely sweeping) and we jumped each other.
I was all over him like butter on popcorn, like white on rice (get the idea?).
He was early, but like I really cared. I just wanted him.



But to be perfectly honest, I was scared. God, I was so scared. I couldn't
believe we were finally at this point. I was about to make love to Fox Mulder.
I was so afraid that I would disappoint him or do something wrong that I
actually started to shake. I had no idea what kind of expectations he had, but
suddenly, I had to know.



I pulled away from him (rather reluctantly, I might add) and looked deep into
his eyes; big, chocolate brown eyes that were filled with pure, unconditional,
true love. But he was scared, too, because he was shaking like a leaf. My one
concern became to make sure that he knew that I really love him. I smiled at
him, and he smiled back, and then we went at it again.



I was a little unsure about how far he wanted to go. I knew that I wanted to
go all the way, but he'd been hurt so many times, I didn't want to push him.
So, hoping I wasn't being too forward, I pulled his jacket off. When there was
no resistance (resistance is futile, you know), I took another leap of faith
and pulled off his tee-shirt. Good God, he has a beautiful chest. I couldn't
keep my hands off of it.



I guess that was all the assurance he needed, because then he pulled my shirt
off. Then he actually stood back to look at me, or more specifically, my
chest. He just stood there, ogling me like it was the most beautiful thing
he'd ever seen. Not that I mind. Any other man staring at me like that would
have pissed me off royally. But with Mulder, it was different. Besides, it
gave me a chance to stare at his chest some more.



Then we were in each other's arms again, working on each other's pants. And
before I knew it, he was standing in front of me in nothing more than silk
boxers. Oh, beautiful, for spacious skies...



....Okay, let me explain that one. That's a patriotic song, right? And when
you think of patriotism, you think of flag poles and standing at attention,
right? I'm not saying anything more. Except, God bless America!



Surprisingly enough, I wasn't embarrassed to be standing in front of Mulder in
my underwear. Though I won't often admit it, I'm shy about those kinds of
things. Even with my doctor, I still get nervous and uncomfortable. But it
wasn't like that with Mulder; it felt perfectly natural.



Then, he put his arms around me and unhooked my bra, and in an achingly slow
speed, he pulled it off. I though his eyeballs were going to pop out of his
sockets when he saw me. I personally don't think it's that impressive, but,
hell, if it makes him happy.



After that, we just did the rest by ourselves so we could get on with our
lives. But as soon as he stepped out of his boxers, oh, my GOD! You want to
talk about beauty, just look at a naked Fox Mulder, the most beautiful
creature ever to exist (yeah, like I'm really gonna let anyone see him naked).
And I think the feeling was mutual. He just stared at me as if he'd never seen
a naked woman before. I halfway expected him to fall down on his knees and
start bowing before me. That's what I felt like doing.



At that point, we started making our way to the bedroom, and after what felt
like an eternity, we fell in a heap onto my bed. Then Mulder actually asked if
I was sure I wanted to do this. Was I sure?! Hell, yeah, I was sure! I'd never
been more sure of anything before in my life! But I just smiled at him and
pulled him back to me and kissed him. The rest of the night was, well,
magical. Honest to God, magical.



And, thank the heavens. It was very long. We didn't stop until we were too
exhausted to lift our limbs. See? That's what five years of celibacy will do
to a person. But let's face it. We did, after all, have five years of lust to
make up for and by the end of that night, we were only part way through the
first couple of months.



And, yes, I'm very aware that it's soap opera-ish to say, "I love you," then
rip your clothes off and go for it, but this was a completely different
situation. This was true love. And as Robert Modell's sister, Linda Bowman,
said, "Why wait when it's true love?" I couldn't agree more.



Afterwards, we just lay there in each other's arms, perfectly happy and
content (and exhausted). It was more perfect than I ever could have hoped for.
I could tell that Mulder wanted to say something, but I could also tell that
he had no idea how say it. I knew, though. Somehow, I just knew. I looked up
at him and said, "I know," and hugged him. And that's how we fell asleep.



Even the morning after was nice. I woke up with his arms around me, feeling
all warm and secure. It was one of the best feelings in the world. I'd never
felt like that on the morning after before. We actually called in sick to work
that day. We woke up late, and we were way too exhausted to do anything,
anyway. So we spent the day lounging around in very little clothing, and in
bed, mostly. Not necessarily gettin' down and dirty (although that was a
factor), but getting used to feeling like this. It was easy to get adjusted
to. We had no trouble adapting.



It's weird; all we said to each other was, "I love you." There was no
explanation why, no reasons or justifications, no promises of forever or to be
faithful. Just, "I love you." But that's all that we needed. The rest was
already common knowledge.


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Then next several months were, well, pretty blissful. We'd go to work every
day, act normal, as if there was nothing going on between us, but at night,
we'd go to our apartment (he hardly used his anymore), or hotel room
sometimes, if we were away and thought we could get away with it, and screw
like sheep in heat (graphic enough for ya?). But we never let our personal
life interfere with our professional one. We kept up our front of platonic
partners while at work. I didn't have any problems with it. Why should I? I
knew that at the end of the day, I'd be able to make love to Mulder (yes, we
did it every night for a while. So what? It's our prerogative).



Unfortunately, we couldn't tell anyone about our relationship. We had to keep
it between us. Doesn't that suck? I wanted to shout it from the top of the
Hoover building. I wanted the whole world to know that I was in love with Fox
Mulder (love makes you do crazy things. Or, at least fantasize about them).
Maybe someday the whole world would know. But for the time being, we would
have to keep it very hush-hush. But he told me every chance he got that he
loved me. So, of course, I had to return the favor.



Everything was going fine until one day when we were eating pizza at home. I
knew something was up with him, but I didn't know how to broach the topic. He
was so serious that I thought he was going to break up with me. As soon as
that thought crossed my mind, I couldn't get it out of my head. I was so
scared that I could barely choke down my food.



I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even pay attention to him
until he was holding something in front of my face, then saying, "Will you
marry me?"



I'm fairly sure that my heart stopped beating then. I most definitely was not
expecting that. I stopped chewing my food and my mouth hung open (pretty
gross). I just stared at him until I tried to breathe again, which may have
been a mistake because I started to hyperventilate and nearly killed myself
before getting myself under control again. I was stunned, to put it mildly.



I guess he misunderstood my silence because he started to go on and on about
how much he loved me, that he wanted us to be together forever, etc. As if I
needed convincing or something.



As soon as he stopped talking, I swallowed again (cotton mouth), took the ring
from him (that's what he'd been holding in my face) and asked, semi-teasingly,
if it was for me. He just smiled and said, "Duh."



Without thinking, I started to slide the ring on my finger when he grabbed it
from me and said, "You have to say 'yes' before you can wear it." So I told
him, "Duh!" But he just kept waiting. I guess he just wanted to hear me say
yes. I don't blame him. I wanted to say yes, but, I did want to play with him
a little. But the pressure got to be too much (after about five seconds) and I
couldn't take it anymore, so I practically screamed, "YES!" Then he put the
ring on my finger.



That was the first time I got a really good look at the ring. It was
beautiful. It was absolutely perfect, and the rock was huge. I know that the
ring isn't the important part, and size doesn't matter in a relationship (get
your mind out of the gutter), but I loved the ring. Don't get me wrong, I
would have married him, ring or not. It was just a perk. And the boy is good;
the ring felt like it had been made especially for me.



Then I started to cry, romantic sap that I am. But I couldn't help it. It was
like the whole situation hit me like a ton of bricks (good bricks, not bad
ones). I'd just been proposed to. And I had accepted. I was getting married.
That's a big thing. I couldn't help but get emotional. I don't know if he
could understand me or not, the waterworks being what they were, but I told
him I loved him (over and over again), and how beautiful the ring was.



I then grabbed his shirt and yanked him toward me, and then proceeded to
attempt to suck his face off. Then I pulled him down on me so that we were
laying on the couch together. I knew where I wanted the evening to go (okay, I
can admit it; I'm a horny little devil. I like to make love to him as much as
possible. So I'm a sex addict. So SUE me! It's not as if the night wouldn't
have headed in that direction anyway.).



Then he pulled away from me and said something about my brother not being too
happy about us getting married. My oh-so-eloquent response to that? "Screw my
brother." I have a way with words, don't I?



Of course, Mulder had to one-up me. He said, "No thanks; he's not my type.
I'll stick to you." That goober. I can't believe he said that. It did crack me
up, though. But what do you say in response to something like that? Not much
apparently, because I just hugged him.

That Saturday, we decided to go visit my mother to tell her the good news (I
knew she'd be thrilled; she loves Mulder). Unfortunately, when we pulled up in
front of her house, my brother's car was there (which means he drove there
from San Diego, that weirdo). I could see Mulder immediately tense up. The
poor man was nervous enough as it was, he didn't need my brother antagonizing
him. So I just gave his hand a squeeze and said, "Don't worry about Bill. I'm
going to marry you no matter what he thinks. I don't need his approval." That
made him feel better, but not much.



Not that I can blame him. Bill hates his guts. He blames Mulder for everything
bad that has happened to our family since I started working on the X-Files.



Anyway, we got out of the car, and went to the door, and knocked on the door
(you know, what one normally does when trying to visit someone). Then we heard
my mother yelling to wait, she'd be right there. As soon as she opened the
door, she gave me a great big bear hug (I guess it had been a while since I
last saw her). Then Bill came to the door and hugged me, too, while Mom was
still hugging me (it'd been even longer since I last saw him). Then they
finally realized that Mulder was with me. Mom seemed just as happy to see him
as she was to see me, and hugged him until he was blue in the face. Bill,
however, was not quite as happy. He gave Mulder a barely audible hello and a
slight sneer, which I don't think he realized I saw.



I could hardly wait to tell Mom that I was getting married. So as soon as we
were inside and had our coats off, I told them that I had an announcement to
make. Mom and Bill looked a little worried.



So then I just plunged right in. I started by apologizing for not telling them
sooner, but that it wasn't my fault. Then I told them that I'd been involved
with someone for about five months (two jaws simultaneously hit the floor with
that), then I told them that on Wednesday, he'd asked me to marry him, and I'd
accepted.



Of course, Mom went ballistic. She started hugging me and telling me how happy
she was, yada, yada, yada. Bill hugged me, too, and congratulated me. I think
he was relieved because that meant I wouldn't spend so much time with Mulder.
Obviously, it hadn't clicked as to why Mulder was there with me.



At that point, Mom asked me who I was going to marry (act first, think later),
or rather, who the "lucky man" was. So I looked at Mulder and we smiled at
each other. Then he stepped forward and held my hand. Then we waited several
moments as all the pieces fell into place in their minds. As soon as Mom
figured it out, she did the maternal equivalent of jumping one's bones. She
was all over us. Thrilled is putting it mildly. She started going on and on
about how it was meant to be, that we were made for each other, and that she
knew this day would come.



Bill, on the other hand, was considerably less than thrilled. His jaw was
practically dragging on the floor.



As soon as Mom was finished hugging us, Bill dragged me into the kitchen. I
knew what he wanted. He wanted to talk some "sense" into me.



First thing, he said, "Are you crazy?"



I said, "Probably, but what does that have to do with anything?" So he tried a
different tactic. He told me that I was marrying a curse, and that Mulder was
no good for me. He said that he was nothing but trouble, and not only did I
not love him (apparently, I'm only infatuated with Mulder, which is good to
know, before I marry him and all that), but he didn't love me either, that he
just wanted me for his own selfish purposes.



I could not believe he had the balls to say something like that. And I told
him so. I asked him how he knew what I felt, or what Mulder felt, and where
did he get off telling me that Mulder was no good for me? (I was tempted to
say something dirty in reference to my feelings for Mulder, but that really
wouldn't have helped. Blood shed wasn't necessary today. We don't want Bill in
traction, now do we?)



Bill told me that he knew what kind of person Mulder was, that he'd seen
enough to know. I told him that he had NO idea WHAT kind of person Mulder is,
and if he was such a jerk, I wouldn't love him so much, and I wouldn't be
marrying him if I didn't love him and he didn't love me.



But this is the part that pissed me off the most. Bill said, "There's no way
you're marrying that man. I won't allow it." He won't allow it?! Ooo. I almost
bitch-slapped him right then and there for that. I don't know why I didn't. He
more than deserved it. But I knew that it wouldn't help anything, so I
refrained. So (in a barely controlled voice, I might add), I told him, "I
don't give a flying fuck what you think. You don't 'allow' me to do anything.
I'm a grown woman; I can do whatever the hell I want to. I love Mulder and I'm
going to marry him." I called him a few choice words, then I stormed out of
the kitchen and slammed the door behind me.



I tried to keep my face neutral as I walked back into the living room. Bill
followed me a couple of seconds later. Mom and Mulder were looking at us in
surprise.



I didn't say anything. I just walked back up to Mulder, stood on tiptoes and
tried to suck his testicles out through his mouth. I mainly did that to piss
off Bill. Not that I didn't want to kiss Mulder. I hadn't kissed him in a
while (fifteen minutes) and my mouth missed him. I think Mulder knew, though.
He kissed me back with just as much force.



When I finally pulled away, I told him that I loved him, then gave Bill a look
that would have frozen the earth's core (hey, I'm not the Ice Maiden for
nothing). Mom caught the look, She looked over at Bill, who was sending Mulder
an acid look. Then Bill noticed that our mother had caught his look, too, and
actually had the nerve to look down like he was embarrassed. Then she took his
arm and pulled >him< into the kitchen to talk some sense into >him.<



Mulder wanted to know what Bill and I had talked about, but I wouldn't tell
him because I didn't want to fuel the fire. If he knew what my brother had
said about him, I don't think it would have helped the situation. So I just
told him that Bill was a jerk and it didn't matter. I was saved from further
interrogation because at that moment, Tara came down the stairs with Matthew
in her arms.



She'd been upstairs giving Matthew a bath and didn't even know we were there.
Of course, I had to tell her the good news. I stuck my ring finger in her face
(to show off the ring...duh, thanks, Barney, like that wasn't really obvious)
and told her that Mulder and I were engaged. Then we both started to jump up
and down and shriek like little kids (Matthew got a kick out of that). Then
Tara hugged me and congratulated us both.



When we had calmed down, though, she wanted to know where Mom and her (putz)
husband were. So I told her that Mom was in the kitchen, lecturing Bill on how
to treat family.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tara tried to apologize for him, but Mulder said, "Don't worry about it. We
don't need his approval to get married. All we need is each other."
Considering his nervousness when we first arrived, his confidence now
surprised me.



Just then, Mom and Bill came out of the kitchen. Bill wouldn't look at me or
Mulder, but Mom was all smiles and announced that we had to celebrate. We
ordered Chinese takeout (which may not have been much of a celebration to some
people, but it was spur of the moment and as long as I was celebrating it with
Mulder, I didn't care), then we sat on the floor for several hours, eating and
talking, mostly about me and Mulder, but about the rest of them, too.



We heard about how Mom and Dad met (well, I've heard it before, but she threw
in a couple of extra details, slightly graphic details, that she'd left out
before. Maybe she thought we were old enough now to hear those kind. But I'm
not. I will NEVER be old enough to hear that), and how Bill and Tara met. But
they all knew how we met (gee, that was a tough one), so we told them about
them our journey toward togetherness. And of course, every time we got to a
point in our little story that was sentimental or sweet or sappy or something
(like taking each other out for dinner on each other's birthday, sleeping in
chairs in a hospital while waiting for the other one to wake up, stuff like
that...okay, so maybe that last one isn't what the average couple does, but
when in Rome, I guess), anyway, Mom and Tara would say, "Awww." By the time we
were finished, the three of us (Mom, Tara, and I) were in tears. Mulder was
pretty close to tears himself, but managed to hold back. That's one of the
things I love most about Mulder; he's not afraid to cry.



Tara seemed, I don't know, impressed by our story. She'd never known, before
that day, the kind of hells we'd survived to get to this point. She said that
we'd earned the right to be together, screw FBI policy. I had to agree 100%.



The four of us talked about the policy thing for a while (Bill wouldn't
contribute to the conversation), and we came to the decision that we should
tell Skinner to take it up the ass if he tried to separate us in anyway,
because it's not like we're making out at or getting it on on the desk in the
office. Hell, we hardly ever even talk about our personal lives at work.
However, we did think that maybe we might be able to convince him that this
was a good thing because we'd save money on hotel rooms, and that money could
go to better places. It was highly unlikely that he'd go for it, but we had to
give it a chance.



Meanwhile, Bill pouted. He sulked like a giant baby. He was so pissed off that
I was marrying Mulder. Just the fact that I was associated with him drove him
nuts, so the fact that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him made him
go ape-shit.



His actions, in turn, pissed Tara off. She told Bill to stop pouting because
he was worse than Matthew. She looked to Mom for permission before she covered
the baby's ears as she told him a few more things that were unsuitable for
Matthew's young ears.



To put it mildly, she told her husband that I have the right to marry anyone I
damn well please, and if Mulder and I loved each other, there was nothing he
could do about it. Then she pointed out that Mulder treats me better than he
treats himself, that he always puts my needs ahead of his own, and that he
never forces me to do anything (I knew I loved Tara for some reason). One of
the best parts was that Mom didn't even blink an eye as Tara went on her
little rampage. She just let him have it. Bill joined in the conversation
after that (sort of), but he still refused to look at either of us.



Mom wanted us to spend the night there (I guess she didn't mind the fact that
we had co-ed sleep overs), but we couldn't because we didn't have any extra
clothes and even though I didn't say it out loud, I didn't want to spend the
night anywhere in the vicinity of my brother. But she told us that she'd be
seeing us soon because we had, "a wedding to plan, you know."



Mulder and I knew that we had to talk to Bill before we left. We had to try to
clear the air with him. So we went upstairs and waited for him to finish
tucking Matthew into bed. Then we pounced.



Bill didn't look thrilled at all to be talking to us, but we had him in a
literal corner and he knew it and he didn't want to make a lot of noise
because he didn't want to wake Matthew.



I think he was expecting us to maybe start screaming and yelling or something,
judging by the look on his face, but we were very calm and rational. We told
him that we loved each other, forget the stupid rules and regulations, that
we're too involved in each other's lives to back out now. Nor did we want to
back out. We told him that we wanted to be together more than anything else in
the world. I told Bill that the bad things that had happened to our family
weren't Mulder's fault, and I had chosen to stay with him and become his
partner.



At that point, the emotional strain finally got to me and I burst into tears.
I turned around and basically collapsed into Mulder's arms. I did that on
purpose. Well, not the crying, because I hate crying, but the collapsing into
Mulder's arms thing. Okay, so I would have no matter what, but I tried to use
body language to tell Bill if he didn't accept Mulder, then it was bye-bye,
Dana.



I guess maybe that made something click in Bill's puny little brain because he
started to apologize, saying he'd be nicer to his soon-to-be brother-in-law
because he didn't want to lose me. I guess he received my message. I'm just
glad he didn't realize how badly I didn't want to follow through with that
threat. Asshole that he is, I love my brother and I don't want to lose him.



However, Bill took this opportunity to throw his two cents in. He told us why
he hated Mulder so much and why he hates the fact that we're together.
Basically, it was every reason we suspected. I felt slightly sympathetic
toward him, but considering he had insulted just about everything about
Mulder, I couldn't feel too sorry for him.



He promised to try to be nicer to Mulder. And Mulder promised that he'd try to
keep me out of trouble (I know he wasn't being chauvinistic, he was just
trying to console Bill). I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my
shoulders...until about two weeks later.



Bill decided to "visit" me at work. Somehow, he managed to get to me at a time
when Mulder was in a meeting with Skinner (I'll never know how he managed to
do that) and I was alone.



Silly me for assuming that he came to DC for a friendly visit (well, you know
what happens when you assume). I met him upstairs in the lobby when the
receptionist called to tell me that he was there, and invited him down to our
office. He was quite pleasant until we got downstairs. I don't know if it was
the office that set him off or if he'd been planning it all along, but as soon
as I shut the door behind us, he snapped. He started to yell and scream, and
basically try to take control of my life. He told me I couldn't marry Mulder,
not now, not ever. He called Mulder a loser, a liar, a jerk, and just about
every other derogatory name that existed ("sorry son of a bitch" sticks out,
but that was actually his first nick name for Mulder), and insulted everything
about him. What happened next was in no way my fault.



I guess I couldn't hold it in anymore. Everyone has their limits, and Bill
just pushed mine too far. So I punched him. Not slapped, or even bitch-
slapped; punched. Right in the jaw. The force of it knocked him halfway across
the room.



I then said, "Listen to me, you mother fuckin'...(there was a whole bunch more
names, but I don't think I should repeat them. Most people don't realize it,
but I use language that would make a sailor blush. At least, when I get pissed
I do)...you don't tell me what I can and can't do. If I want to marry Fox
Mulder, I God damn will (see what he pushed me to? I hate saying G.D.). And if
I ever, ever, hear you say anything like that about him again, I will never
speak to you again for as long as I live, so help me God."



Bill didn't say anything to that, but that was mainly because I had broken his
jaw and he really couldn't talk. But he actually had the nerve to look at me
as if I was the one who'd crossed the line. Just that look was enough to send
me over the edge again.



I was just about to attack him again when Mulder walked in (lucky for Bill
because he was about to become worm food). He didn't know what was going on,
or who I was attacking, or who was lying on the floor, but as soon as he saw
me ready to pounce, he ran over and pulled me back. Though he's a foot taller
than me and outweighs me by close to a hundred pounds, he could barely hold me
back. I was in full attack mode (I felt like I was on Jerry Springer).



When Mulder finally saw who it was that I was attacking, his eyes nearly fell
out of their sockets. He didn't say anything, though. He just advised Bill to
get out before I got loose (accidentally, of course. It's not as if Mulder has
anything against Bill, you know). Bill slid (slithered) past the two of us so
that he was out of arms reach. As he walked past us, we both couldn't help but
stare at how bruised and swollen his jaw was. It looked like he was growing
another head.



As soon as Bill left, all the fight went out of me. I turned around and
collapsed against Mulder. I started shaking and crying then (it has to be
something about Mulder because I was never this emotional before we were
together. I wouldn't change it for the world, though). Mulder just held me
until I calmed down. That's another thing I love about him; he's so patient.
He didn't pressure me to tell him what happened; he just waited until I felt
up to do it on my own.



When I was able to breathe again, I told him what had happened. He didn't say
much in response to it, but on the other hand, what was there to say. He just
hugged me again and told me that everything would be all right.



Of course, being the little baby that he is, Bill ran and told Mommy what had
happened, conveniently leaving out the minor little details of him yelling at
me at work, though Mom knew I wouldn't punch him like that for no reason. When
she found out that I'd broken Bill's jaw, she called a mandatory family
meeting. She made Bill schlepp all the way from California for it. I could
understand her concern, though; we REEEEALLY needed to talk about it.



The meeting mainly took place between me, Mom, and Bill. Mulder joined in
later because he was part of it all (I could tell that Bill was pissed that
Mulder was there at all, but I very rarely go anywhere without him, and vice
versa).



Mom was really hacked at Bill. She lectured him for a long time about not
being in charge of my life and all the other stuff I'd told him but he never
listened to. She wasn't too happy with me, either, and she told me how much it
upset her that I had actually punched my brother like that (but she didn't say
disappointed, which I took as a good sign), and although she'll never admit
it, I could tell that she was impressed. Not that I'd broken my brother's jaw,
but that I had the ability to knock someone twice my size halfway across the
room and render him relatively mute and on a liquid diet for months.



Not long after all this happened, Mulder and I decided that we needed to tell
his mother about the engagement. He was so nervous about seeing his mother
again. On the other hand, she did slap him the last time they saw each other,
so I can't say I blame him.



Fortunately, though, she didn't seem to harbor any hard feelings about that
whole situation and was happy to see us (she actually hugged me, which really
surprised me because, sweet as she is, to me at least, she never seemed to be
the affectionate type).



Then Mulder just told her that we were engaged. Just like that. We were hardly
even in the house and he just told her. Needless to say, she was surprised (to
put it mildly). The last time she saw her son, he was half baked, essentially,
and was not even in a relationship, and now he was getting married. I guess
that would surprise me, too.



She stared at us for a couple of seconds before she grinned. I never knew she
had that many teeth. Then she hugged us both at once, and started crying, and
told Mulder how proud she was of him. That really affected him. He started to
cry when she said that.



I felt a little (okay, a lot) out of place watching Mulder and Teena have a
mother-son bonding moment. Kind of third wheel-ish, even though I was kind of
responsible for this little reunion. But then Teena turned to me and said,
"You have no idea how happy I am that Fox found someone like you. You're such
a good person, Dana. He needs you so much, and I know that you'll take care of
him, and love him the way he deserves to be loved. I'm so happy you're going
to be part of the Mulder family, Dana."



I told her that the two of them would, of course, be a part of the Scully
family, because Mom loves Mulder so much. But she said she was still happy
that I was going to be her daughter. So I told her I was happy, too, and that
Mulder makes me happy.



Then Teena said, "You're an angel."



That surprised me so much that I actually laughed. "I'm no angel," I said.



But she said that I was to her, and that I was Mulder's guardian angel, and
that she'd always be thankful to me for saving her son, in more ways than one.



After that, I was stuck with the nickname, "Angel." Teena called me that more
often than she called me Dana. Mulder still called me Scully most times (or
Dana), but he would call me Angel from time to time, mainly, I think, just to
see me turn red. I don't know why it embarrassed me so much, but it never
failed to make me blush.



Anyway, we stayed with her for the weekend, and she doted on us constantly.
She was even going to take out on of those annoying engagement ads in the
paper, but we barely managed to talk her out of it. After that, we brought her
to D.C. so she could be part of the wedding plans. She very much wanted in on
that (after all, this would be the only time her son would get married, if he
knew what was good for him). She got along really well with my mother, who I
hadn't realized she hadn't met before that. Mulder and I had known each other
for almost six years, we'd both been in the hospital numerous times, sometimes
together, and our mothers had never met before we became engaged. That's
strange. But Teena did wind up staying with Mom until the wedding.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The following months went by at warp speed. We were so
busy planning everything that we hardly had time to be together by ourselves.
We constantly had people at our apartment for some reason or another; either
our mothers, or some kind of wedding coordinator (color schemes; the two words
in the English language that are guaranteed to make Mulder laugh. Word in a
foreign language: Bangkok. Figure it out), someone always there to keep us
busy. So we wound up staying awake later at night to spend time together.



We had lots of interesting conversations in the months between our initial
engagement and the wedding. I guess it was a good way to spend the nights
since we'd agreed, about a month after he proposed, to hold off on the wild
monkey dance until we got married. That way, our wedding night would seem even
more special than it was already going to be. But considering how horny I am
for the man (which, I think, we've already established, haven't we?), it was
especially torturous on me. Mulder seemed to be doing well, the little punk.
That fact, however, didn't do a whole lot of good for my self-esteem. He did
reassure me quite often, though, that it wasn't that he didn't want me, but
just thinking about what the wedding night was going to be like kept him
going.



Anyway, one night, I woke up in a cold sweat, crying and shaking; I'd had such
an awful nightmare. Maybe, in retrospect, it doesn't seem that bad, but at the
time, it terrified me.



I was walking through a barren land; a desert, I think, very dark and desolate
and empty. I was searching for something I knew I'd never find. And all around
me, all I could hear were crying babies. That was the only noise.



When I woke up, I quickly interpreted that to mean the thing that's been on my
mind a lot lately: That I can't have children. It was upsetting me a lot more
than I was letting Mulder know.



I tried to lie back in his arms so he wouldn't wake up and see me so upset,
but we have this connection with each that I never would have believed in
until I met Mulder. I can always feel when he's upset and vice versa. I mean,
even before we became involved, I could always sense it. But now, if he wakes
up, I wake up, and if I wake up, he wakes up. So basically, as soon as I
jolted up, he followed.



I very rarely have nightmares, so when I do, Mulder makes a big deal out of
it. He has nightmares fairly often, and though I try to make a fuss over him,
but all he'll usually let me do is hold him until he calms down. He calls them
his "standard issue" nightmares and says he's use to them by now, though he
has been having them a lot less than just a year ago (which, he says, is
because of me).



Usually, when I wake up from a nightmare, I'm sweating, and maybe shaking a
little; I don't cry and I never ever try to hide from him. When I bolted up
this time, he woke up right behind me. And when I tried to pretend that
nothing had happened, he immediately knew something was really wrong.



He asked me what I'd dreamed about and I actually lied to him: I said I'd had
a "falling" dream and that it was nothing to worry about. Then I closed my
eyes and pretended that I was trying to sleep. But he didn't fall for it; he
just lay on his side, looking at me until I finally opened my eyes. The look
on his face made me melt, so I sat up to tell him the truth. We've never
really been able to lie to each other, anyway.



I told him that he couldn't marry me (that happens to every woman, doesn't it?
We always have at least one panic attack and start to feel unworthy of a man's
love for some reason or another). Before he could ask why, I told him. I said,
"I can't have children. You'll have no way to carry on the Mulder name. I'm no
good; I'm barren."



He didn't say anything at that point. He just pulled me into his arms and held
me for a long time. After awhile, he said, "So we can't have kids--so what?
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind kids, but we're okay without them. And if
we want one badly enough, we can always adopt. And you never know; miracles
can happen." God, I love this man.



Then, the magnitude of what he said hit me. He said "we." We can't have kids.
That meant so much to me. It meant that it wasn't just me and it wasn't just
him; it was us. We're one, in a sense. It was just one of the sweetest things
he'd ever said to me. I guess maybe you have to be in that position to
understand it, but when someone (especially a male) refers to any situation in
life as "we" instead of "you" or "me," it makes you feel like you're in this
for the long haul and you'll always be together. It's just really important,
okay?



A couple months before the wedding, we had to face the music and talk to
Skinner. Obviously, we were doing a good job of hiding our relationship
because no one had mentioned it to us. But we knew that we'd have to tell
Skinner at some point, so we set up a time for us to see him.



He honestly had no idea what we wanted to talk to him about because when we
told him that we were engaged, he just about had a stroke. His eyes bulged out
and he sort of gripped the arm rests of his chair. So we used his silence as
an opportunity to tell him the whole story. And he let us speak our piece
before he started to lecture us.



He gave us the obligatory, "relationships in the workplace" speech, but it was
obvious he didn't mean it (like I said; obligatory). We pointed out that our
working relationship was just as it had always been and no one had known we
were involved until we told them.



He told us he'd continue to let us be partners as long as we kept our personal
lives just that; personal. Leave our sex life and any fights we may have at
home. Then he said he wanted to come to the wedding. I told him that his
invitation was being processed as we spoke (it was actually waiting on his
desk when he got back from taking us out to a celebratory lunch).



Our wedding day, June 21, arrived. Everything was in place and ready to
go...and I was freaking out. I had no idea why. I wanted to be with Mulder
forever.



But I just went bonkers that day. I found something wrong with everything. I
hated my hair, I hated my dress, I hated the idea of an outdoor ceremony, the
bridesmaid's dresses were the wrong color, yada, yada, yada. I kept saying,
"There's no way I can marry Mulder like this. He deserves better than this." A
couple of times, my mother said, "You two should have just eloped."



I was so worked up that my mother actually had to hold a water glass for me
while I drank because my hands were shaking too bad for me to hold it by
myself. I was seriously doubting myself. I just didn't feel like I was good
enough for Mulder.



At one point, to calm my nerves, Tara went to check on Mulder for me (Tara was
one of my bridesmaids, as was Charlie's wife...I just wish Missy could have
been there). When she came back, she reported that he was very excited and
couldn't wait for the ceremony to begin. That actually did make me feel
better. My hair looked good, the weather outside was perfect, the bridesmaid's
dresses were exactly the right color, and my dress was absolutely gorgeous.



That dress is what I've always imagined myself to get married in. I guess you
could call it a fantasy come to life. It was white, of course (even though,
technically, I couldn't wear white), and semi-fancy (that means it wasn't some
Vera Wang or Bob Mackie concoction, but it wasn't something I found at the
Salvation Army, either), floor length with a full skirt (not Scarlett O'Hara-
ish, just lots of layers), a tight bodice, sleeveless and off the shoulders. I
love it.



Then, the ceremony began. The flower girl (Charlie's daughter) and ring-bearer
(Charlie's son) walked down the aisle first. Then my bridesmaids and maid of
honor (my mother). Then it was my turn. And I milked it. This was going to be
my only trip down the aisle, so I wanted to remember everything.

Everyone stood as the wedding march played and Charlie walked me down the
aisle (I didn't even bother asking Bill; I knew it'd be pointless. Besides,
Charles was always a lot more supportive of me and Mulder than Bill).



I forced myself to look at my surroundings before I looked at my husband-to-be
(YES!) because I knew that once I saw him in a tux, I wouldn't be able to
concentrate on anything else. We'd talked Langly, Byers, and Frohike into
being his groomsmen (or whatever they're called), and I got a kick out of
seeing them in their tuxedos. It wasn't easy talking the ultimate paranoidiacs
into being in a wedding that was filmed and photographed, but basically, it
was my womanly powers of persuasion. All I did was lay on the charm...really
thick. It's sad; I was trying to get them to come to my wedding, and they
still fell for it. Well, I knew Frohike would come no matter what, but the
other two was a different story. Frohike wasn't too happy, though, because he
still had a crush on me (six years, and I've still got it).



Mulder's best man was a big surprise and the most natural thing in the world
all in one: it was Skinner.



Then, I couldn't hold out any longer, so I looked at Mulder. He looks so
incredible in a tuxedo. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I just stared at
him for the rest of the walk down the aisle. And he stared right back. He was
looking at me like I was some kind of goddess.

Then it hit me: I was getting married. I was going to spend the rest of my
life with this man. And that thought didn't scare me at all; it just made me
even more excited. And the grin that seemed to be permanently etched on my
face got even bigger. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I was marrying the
greatest, most wonderful man in the world.



I'm going to be perfectly honest. The ceremony is really just a blur. I tried
hard to focus on what was going on around me, but all I could see was Mulder.
I only vaguely remember saying, "I do." I do (ha ha), however, very clearly
remember Mulder saying it. Then we exchanged rings and vows, then we were
pronounced husband and wife and he kissed me. That kind of snapped me back
into reality. We kissed for a long time. Probably too long, but ask me if I
care. And when we finally came up for air, everyone was still applauding. They
were laughing, too. I guess maybe it was kind of funny, but give us a break;
we'd just gotten married.



The reception was outside, too. We'd rented out a field for the day and had a
big tent set up. We hired a DJ instead of a band, that way we could hear the
songs as we knew them, not the way some group of people chose to interpret
them.



The first song we danced to was "Walking After You" by the Foo Fighters. It's
a very sweet, romantic song that really sounds like it was written especially
for the two of us. Then we danced to "The Reason" and then to "My Heart Will
Go On." It was a bit unconventional to dance to three songs together like that
instead of trading off partners after the first song, but, again, ask me if I
care.



After that, I danced with Bill, who was happy for me, even with his feelings
against Mulder, and Mulder danced with his mom, who was crying profusely. Then
I danced with Charlie, and Mulder danced with my mom. Then I danced with
Skinner, who kept telling me how proud he was of the two of us and how happy
he was for us, and Mulder danced with Tara. I also danced with all of the Lone
Gunmen (separately, of course), which was a hoot.



A few dances later, Mulder and I found each other again and held onto each
other for the rest of the night.



At some point, we cut the cake, and we fed it to each other, but that was
mainly because everyone seemed to expect it. But we didn't smear it on each
other's face. Actually, we were very mature about it. I'd feed him some, then
we'd kiss, and we'd both wind up eating it. Then he'd feed me some and so on.
We were very affectionate that day. For obvious reasons, I should think, but
also because we'd been keeping everything a secret for so long that we just
wanted to show everyone what we could do, so to speak.



Shortly after the cake thing, we saw a lot of highly irritated people on the
outskirts of the park. We guessed (and were later told) that some people had
been planning beginning-of-the-summer picnics, but hadn't been aware of the
fact that the field had been rented. There were some rather large groups, too
(I guess the first day of summer is something that people like to celebrate.
I've never personally given it much thought). So we let them join in the
festivities. Why not?



Lots of people joined the party. People just kept showing up. It was so cool.
Some people had even brought their own grills, so we had lots of hamburgers
and hotdogs and other good crap like that.



That was the party that wouldn't end. Everyone was having such a good time
that no one wanted to leave. Even after the DJ left, we still had music,
because what's a picnic without music? I think there were a dozen CD players,
and a couple thousand CDs. And there was lots of food after the caterer had
left. Even when the torrential rains started, the people stayed. We just
didn't have any room to move under the tent.



Around midnight, we opened the few presents that hadn't been sent in advance,
and the hundred or so cards that we'd been given. All the cards either had
certificates for furniture or appliances or whatever, or they had checks.
Money's always good, although we'd never really had a period where we were
"just starting out." We both had steady, decent paying jobs, Mulder had a huge
inheritance from his father, and ever since Mulder had officially moved in
months earlier (stopped paying bills on his bachelor pad), we'd been able to
save even more money, which accounted for our impending honeymoon to Hawaii.



When the reception was finally over (around two a.m.), we went home. Home.
That has a nice ring to it. And for no apparent reason, I was suddenly very
nervous. It was like our first time all over again, except it wasn't because I
was even more nervous about it the first time than I was this time. It just
felt like everything was different now (well, actually, it is, Dana, you numb-
nut. We're married...YAHOO!!).



I guess my nervousness was pretty obvious, because my husband (I just had to
say it) suggested that we talk first. It was a good idea in theory, but I was
drawing a blank about what to say. I was wound tighter than a tick attached to
the jugular (all that sexual tension; I tell ya, it'll kill a person).



But then he said, "Scully," so I decided to tell him about the last-name
thing. Professionally, I'd still be Dana Scully; Special Agent Dana Scully,
Dr. Scully, yada, yada, yada, and of course, he could still call me "Scully"
(because the way he says it makes it like a pet name). But for all other
intents and purposes, I wanted to be Mrs. Dana Mulder.



He seemed surprised that I'd thought it up. He told me he didn't care what my
last name was, he was just happy that I'd actually married him.



After that, the ice was broken, and I felt a whole lot better. No more
butterflies or knots. And a few hours later, I was extremely relaxed (sleepy,
too).



The next day, we went to Hawaii. It's a great place. The hotel room was
beautiful, the bed was extremely comfortable, and there was even a Jacuzzi in
the bathtub. I bet Hawaii looks nice on the outside, too. Can you imagine
that? Spending two solid weeks in a hotel room? Actually, we had to leave once
a day so they could clean the room, so we just went down to the pool. Other
than that though, we just holed up in our room, ordering room service or
sleeping to recuperate, or we played dueling bedsprings.



It's after midnight now, so it's officially our six-month anniversary. Sixth
months of wedded bliss. I'm not saying that everything's absolutely perfect,
but it's pretty darn close (knock on wood). I am so happy. I still can't
believe my luck.



Christmas is just a few days away. Our first married Christmas. And I have the
best present for him. I know it will show him how much I love him (like I
don't tell him enough already); it'll be like giving him a piece of me.



See, I went to the doctor about a week ago because I felt like I had the
stomach flu and was informed that I'm two months pregnant. Impossible? Not
when two people love each other as much as we do. As corny as it sounds, love
really does conquer all. But it's an absolute miracle. A baby. I won't even
question how it happened. I know how it did; God blessed us. I have never had
more faith in God than I do right now, or more faith in my love for Mulder.



And I can't stop smiling about it. I've been walking around for the past week
with this goofy grin on my face. Even now, as I'm trying to sleep, curled up
in Mulder's arms, I'm smiling. And I know he's watching me. He likes to do
that. And I like that he does it. Some people might get freaked out if someone
watched them while they slept, but I think it's sweet.



Mulder is the love of my life. He's the greatest thing that ever happened to
me. He's my reason. He's my reason for living. Everything I do, I do because
of him. I love him more than words can express. I can't wait to tell him that
I'm pregnant. I can't wait for the rest of our lives.









Author's Notes: I know it's long, but I hope it was worth it. And for the
record, yes I am a sap. I like happy endings...SUE ME!! We get enough unhappy
stuff in life, why not be creative in writing? I know it's not the best story
in the world, but it's the first fanfic I've really finished. Please read the
other part, In My Life...Mulder. It's pretty much the same, but the other side
of it. Another part will be coming along as soon as I finish it. I don't care
if no one wants to read it, it'll be here (I hope). Many thanks to the people
who believe in me; "Donna," first of all, because she was one of the first to
read it and she loved it. She's been supportive of me the entire time I've
known her and I love her for it! Thanks to Krissy (the greatest person alive)
just cuz she's her and she's the best. Thanks to Paola, who read it and liked
it, and she's my friend. Thanks to anyone else who has been there for me
through it all (you know who you are!). LOVE YOU ALL!! And for the
record...I'm not a big Celine Dion fan or Titanic fanatic, but this is just
how the story came out.





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