NetHack and the Internet Oracle

> Oh great Oracle, I have journeyed through countless kingdoms with no
> answer to my question. Soon I must embark on a journey to a place of
> great learning, but first I wish to either accent in nethack.. or break
> my addiction. Tell me, is there a way to forget about the Amulet of
> Yendor so that I may go on with life as if it never was my goal? I've
> tried countless things. Potions of booze have only left me with
> illegitimate children, sleeping through spells, wands, and potions has
> only given me night terrors of the wizard, and although I may forget
> much after reading a scroll of amnesia, it seems to have only given me
> a desire to know maud better. Can anything cure me of this relentless
> desire?

Supplicant, you've got it all backwards. After all, this is NetHack we're talking about. Now, here's what you do:

Don't worry about breaking the addiction, just head off to the university. Once you're there, sign all of your work "@" (or 'x' if you're doing #conduct illiterate). Use a pick-axe to create shorter routes between your classes. Tell your prof.'s that if they ever need anything, they can just place a magic portal around subbasement 12.

Go around campus killing everything in sight. Occasionally, announce to anyone near by that you have gained a level. Don't forget to eat the corpses of what you kill, either. Finding food on a college campus can be tough. Post a YANI on RGRN that the campus should get a cafeteria so you can stop killing students for food (though not of your own species, of course. Unless you're chaotic.)

If you ever need to borrow a text book and the owner refuses (possibly because you're holding the corpse of a partially eaten student), complain that they won't need it for another 20,000 turns anyway. Wait till said person is over water and then steal their ring of levitation. Then no one can use the book, and that's what selfish people deserve.

Instead of doing your homework and studying, spend all night quaffing unidentified potions. Call it research, and say that there's nothing you really don't want to drink, as long as it isn't cursed. (Helpful hint: you can convert the altar in the school chapel by sacrificing your grades on it).

If you're ever low on cash, considering dealing your excess potions of hallucination and confusion. Hang around fountains, and #chat with anyone who appears. If the campus has a storage facility/steam pipes/what-have-you below it, go there: if it's sufficiently mazelike, consider forsaking the college and descending for the amulet.

When exams come around, complain that your pen is out of charges and that you just used your last blessed scroll of charging last night at the bar, on your ring of adornment (it really DOES helps pick up beautiful women. Another method is to find homely women and zap them with a wand of polymorph until they become a 'new human' with better stats).

Eventually, if you follow these instructions carefully, you'll flunk out and quite possibly get arrested and wind up in an asylum. And then you have plenty of time for NetHack.

You owe the Oracle 500 zorkmids for this major consultation.

P.S. This really is the only way. Nothing's going to cure you of the desire; not even actually managing to get the blasted Amulet.

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Yes, I can sense your frustration. You shelled out your hard earned money on brand new state-of-the-art dual SLI 128MB SGRAM bump-mapping bezier-belting polygon-pumping NURBS-blurbing texel-torturing phong-bonging texture-twisting pixel-puking super-pipelining super-parallelizing super-conducting super-colliding Video Blister512 Platinum TV Pro Y2K Plus Millennium AGP8x cards, only to find out that the driver for ASCII text games is buggy.

Well, I am afraid there's little you can do but complain to the manufacturer and hope for timely updates to the drivers. In the mean time, stop trying to play NetHack. And get used to the fact that you'll be stuck playing Quake at 6400x4800 resolution with a measly 589 frames per second.

You owe the Oracle 300 Zorkmids and the Amulet of Yendor.

> Is nethack the greatest game ever or is there something better and if
> there is something better, what is this something better than nethack?

There's a single word that applies here:

Sex.

You owe the Oracle a daily walk in the daylight so you can break down some of that bilirubin.

> When ladies' smocks of silver white do paint the meadows with
> delight, it is a pale mockery of the brilliance of the Oracle,
>
> Where's the best place to sacrifice in the Denver Airport? I've got
> a layover there for four hours next week.

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If you have to, then do it, but it is not always a good idea to try to convert an altar.

You owe The Oracle a complete map of the Denver Airport branch of the Dungeons of Doom.

> Oh great and mighty oracle, what Nethack weapons would best serve to
> defeat the horde of monsters that determine college admissions
> (or, more appropriately, rejections)?

Try wielding $. They'll all fall dead.

You owe the Oracle a mimic corpse.

> Unconvertable, stable and fully-qualified Oracle, you
> continue as you have always been throughout eternity.
> Even the most absolute supplicant (which I certainly
> am not) can feel envy at your perspagacity in having
> already learned everything before anyone knew about it.
>
> I have sinned greatly, and seek absolution.  I tried
> going to Confession at the Catholic church down the
> street and it didn't work.  Father O'Malley told me
> to do 31 Hail Marys and 17 Our Fathers.  Nothing
> happened.  Should I maybe drink more Absolut?  Will
> I become more absolute?  And what about Cardinal Sin?
> And Manila?

If you've strayed, praying isn't going to make things any better. This is going to take a few sacrifices.

Please note that, whatever may have happened in the past, the church now frowns upon human sacrifices. I mean, actual human sacrifices, with the blood, and the screaming, and the bursts of fire. The church isn't considered chaotic these days; it's lawful, or, in a secular state, neutral. Sacrificing a human on the altar *would* be a cardinal sin. Naturally, being a follower of a lawful or neutral god, you wouldn't be able to get humans to sacrifice without becoming a murderer anyway. Losing telepathy sucks.

No, what you need is to sacrifice a few animals. Big ones, preferably. A few unicorns would do the trick, but sadly they seem to be genocided, or at least extinct. You'll have to make do with ordinary animals. The problem is, most are neutrally aligned, so if you're neutral as well, which is quite likely, just killing animals isn't going to improve things with your god. You'll have to drag them onto the altar and offer them up. Unfortunately, there aren't too many big animals to be found nearby, so you'll have to go out hunting.

The corpses - the ones worth sacrificing - are damn heavy, so by the time you get them to the altar they may have gone off. Gods like their meat fresh, so this won't do any good. The best solution would be to get an icebox and dump the corpses in there, then haul the box to the altar. Then you can sacrifice away!

Once you're in your god's good books again, you can get some great stuff. You'll be able to make holy water, you can get magic books, you can even get some neat weaponry. A nice sharp blade will make your day much easier. The vorpal blade goes snicker-snack, and whoops! there goes someone's head! Isn't this fun?

Now, you should be careful when you're drinking. Those potions of booze will probably make you confused, and you wouldn't want to accidentally cut your priest's head off, would you? That would undo all your good work. The gods don't have anything on my ZOT power, but the lightning bolts they throw can still pack a punch. If you have the right scrolls, you'll be able to protect your armor from the ravages of rust and acid. You won't need to bother doing that with your new sword - that special coating on the steel is a miracle.

A nice big donation to the priest for a healthy dose of protection, and you're on your way. You'll have your hands on the Amulet in no time!

You owe the Oracle a four-leaf clover. You should have seen plenty of them by now.

> O oracle most wise and benevolent please hear me.
>
> Where is the real amulet of yendor?

There is a hidden entrance to an ancient labyrinth that pre-dates the rise of man five blocks due north of the Colosseum in Rome. Most of those unfortunate few who find their way into this labyrinth, either in search of it or by accident, end up lost and starve or become victims of the strange creatures that live there. It is said that one day the Chosen One will enter and descend over 100 levels down, into the lowest and most dangerous portion of the labyrinth, just outside the Gates of Hell. Along the way he will face many challenges, some too hideous for even me to speak of. Once outside the Gates of Hell, he will face the indescribably hideous and fierce twin creatures who were put there millennia ago to guard the Amulet. Should he manage to defeat them, he then will be set upon by the demons of Hell as he tries to ascend back to the surface.

Unfortunately for the Chosen One, the Amulet of Yendor is now in a locked drawer (second one down on the right) of a desk in a forgotten basement room of the restaurant next door to the labyrinth's hidden entrance.

You owe the Oracle the Amulet of Yendor and an expression of thanks that you're not the Chosen One.

> Oh Most Great and Mighty Oracle, whose Wisdom is even better than
> a blessed +6 Mitre of Holiness, and whose breath slayeth the wicked
> even faster than a Cone of Cold spell cast by a wizard who is expert
> at attack spells!  Please hear my plaintive cry for help.
>
> My level 27 Wizard with tons of keen equipments and 30 known spells
> just bit the dust on the first level of Gehennom.  He was doing fine
> for awhile, but an arch lich kept casting spells of create monster,
> and the crowd became too much for his ring of regeneration to keep
> up with after awhile.  I'm so sad.
>
> So what kind of character should I try next time?

Be a priest. In fact, you should be *my* priest. All my priests seem to have gone on holiday. Or was that who you were cutting down with Frost Brand?

Either way, you owe the Oracle five years of servitude or the Amulet of Yendor, whichever comes first.

> Oracle, who can quaff a scroll of identify,
>
> What's going to be new in Version 4.0.0 of Nethack?

Many enhancements are in the works, supplicant.

Deity-based warfare will become possible. Imagine the thrill of apocalyptic battle among thousands of adherents of Ptah, Thoth, and Anhur, in the end settling nothing but leaving many corpses for you to plunder. Also, differently aligned sects of a single deity will be introduced, fighting each other as fiercely as the infidels who worship something else. Sects-change will in some cases be quite easy; for instance a lawful Mainstream Christian can change to a chaotic KKKlansman simply by wearing a white -3 Dunce Cap, or a Hostage can change to anything else by uttering the magic incantation "oh yes, I see it quite clearly now, your holy book is the True Word Of God". Becoming a Hostage can also be quite easy.

Your grovel said more than you knew. Alchemy will be extended to allow the combination of two or more items of any type. Impress your friends as you wear your stylish new +2 newt-scale fedora. Or read a scroll of Confuse Katana, or zap a wand of Fruit Juice Regeneration. Potions of Invisible Light will cause eyeless adversaries to remain blind. Slay a certain monster in a single blow by wielding Gridbugbane. Repel sensitive Elves with your Throne of Stinking Cloud (make sure to keep plenty of Scrolls of Blank Paper nearby). Watch with amusement as an Orc howls in pain from mounting the Beartrap Saddle you left sitting innocently atop a peaceful pony. Lay bets with friends as to what a Land Mine Of Tricks, or a Worthless Yellowish Brown Stethoscope, or a Hawaiian Shirt Corpse, will do. (Admittedly only the very jaded will take this feature to the extreme of creating something like The Two Handed Vorpal Slime Mold of Yendor. But there's something for everyone in this game, no?)

New special levels are under construction. Temptation Island will feature level 20 super-nymphs, -succubi, and -nurses; if you are stealthy they may ignore you and continue their activities with each other (or alone), but many intrepid adventurers will opt to remove their elven boots, not to mention most of their other armor (especially their gauntlets of fumbling!), and join in the fun. Booze and bullwhips will be in profusion. You won't accomplish much there except to ruin your Constitution, but somehow you'll decide it was worth your time anyway. Gamble away all your gold pieces at Moloch's Casino on this level, and don't make the mistake of complaining to the pit boss about the obvious cheating by the dealer. Bring along a dented pot and use alchemy on the native fauna to create a Purple Helmeted Worm with which to delight many of the denizens. Also in the spirit of this level, a new item of armor, the thong, will be introduced; wearing it and nothing else when you arrive at Temptation Island will increase your experience in a hurry. (The alchemical effects of combining a thong with other items such as an amulet of magical breathing are yet to be determined.)

Regrettably, due to trademark hassles, the Dev Team was unable to obtain rights to construct a level for Nethack Idol, or for Who Wants To Be Ascended. Curse you Simon and Regis.

A new character class will be available: Gangsta. To ensure game balance, all Gangstas will meet their demise at the hands of a member of someone else's posse within the first 100 turns. It will certainly be the most challenging character type yet, with which to attempt an ascension.

An additional End Level will confront you after you defeat Pestilence and his buddies: The Mazes Of Tedium, dozens of levels containing twisty little passages that all look alike, with special items like Scrolls of Ennui and Wands of Boredom and Potions of Whatsthepoint, and with tough monsters like Minotaurs that would tear the head off of a level one Footpad but should be easy work for a high level character like yours. Oh wait, I think this idea is basically somewhere in the game already, never mind.

Several new Insta-Deaths will lurk. Prominent among these will be the Scroll of Insta-Death, the Potion of Insta-Death, and the Wand of Insta-Death. Unlike most scrolls, potions and wands, their name will be in cleartext and not be randomized with the other items. Avoid reading/quaffing/zapping them. Hand one to your quest nemesis and watch the fun.

To improve game balance, Wishing will be made much more restrictive. In particular, you will no longer be able to wish for more than one Spellbook of Instant Win. Sorry guys, but it was being abused. But try wishing up a few Cursed Scrolls of Insta-Death instead, they should work pretty much the same.

These are not the only new features I wanted to tell you about, but thinking of Maud I forgot everything else. Beta version should be available Real Soon Now.

You owe the Oracle a magic marker. I get writer's cramp now and then.

>

Yes, that's the way down. Before you go, be sure you've got your d with you, you're wearing your [ and have plenty of % so you don't get hungry.

You owe the Oracle a ! of booze.

> Oh Oracle of the Dungeons,
>
> Why must every floating eye be escorted by a single newt?

Because floating eyes are tremendous practical jokers, and the life and soul of every Nethack Christmas Office Party. What's funnier than a a paralysed adventurer being savaged to death by a newt? Other common floating eye jokes to look out for: paralysed adventurer gets hit in the face by pie full of rusty nails, paralysed adventurer gets bucket of whitewash and grid bugs emptied into his pants, paralysed adventurer gets shocked by hand buzzer, set on fire and left in the path of an angry umber hulk.

You owe the Oracle a Ring of Free Action.

>

You are in a courtyard. Statues of centaurs line the walls. In the centre, an archway leads to a small enclave. There is a sign next to the archway. Passageways lead out of the courtyard to the east, west, and northwest.

You hear bubbling water.

> x sign

The sign reads, "The Oracle is IN."

> in

A voice calls, "Hello, supplicant, welcome to Delphi!"

You are in the Oracle's enclave. The Oracle sits here, surrounded by four fountains. The Oracle watches you carefully.

> orrie, hello

"'Hello'?! Is that what passes for groveling these days?" The Oracle sighs. "Never mind. You here for a consultation?"

> yes

"You want a major or minor one?"

> major

"All right. You're supposed to get the Amulet of Yendor, but let's face it, that's about as likely as Dubai hosting the 2018 Winter Olympics. You barely remember which end of the sword to poke monsters with. If you want my advice, you'll bugger off home while you have the chance. Your lucky number is 11.

You owe the Oracle 850 zorkmids."

> give 850 zorkmids to orrie

"Thanks. Have a nice day. And stop calling me Orrie."

> dip sword in fountain

You dip your long sword in one of the fountains. Your sword rusts somewhat. The Oracle says, "Hey! Those fountains aren't cheap, you know!"

> dip sword in fountain

You dip your long sword in one of the fountains. Your sword rusts some more. The fountain dries up. The Oracle says, "Oh, sure. Use up all my fountains. You adventurers are all the same. You waltz in acting like you own the place, and pick up everything that isn't nailed down."

> dip sword in fountain

You dip your long sword in one of the fountains. Your sword rusts some more. The fountain dries up. The Oracle says, "Look, buddy, you do that one more time and I'll ZOT you. I don't care if it isn't in the rules."

> out

As you leave, the Oracle mutters, "Good riddance."

You're in the courtyard.

> w

You walk through the passageway into another room. There is a staircase down here, and exits to the east and south.

There is a food ration here. There is a glass wand here.

> get all

Food ration: taken. Glass wand: taken.

As you pick up the glass wand, the floor suddenly gives way and you fall through. You are deposited on the next level in a heap.

"Hello, supplicant, welcome to Asidonhopo's general store!"

You are in a small store. Various items are dotted about the room. Asidonhopo stands by the door.

There is a scroll here. There is a spellbook here. There is a slime mold here. There is a suspicious-looking chest here.

> x asidonhopo

Asidonhopo scowls at you. He holds a forked wand in a vaguely menacing manner.

> asidonhopo, hello

"You going to buy something, or are you just going to stand around all day and get your grubby hands all over my merchandise?"

> get scroll

Scroll: taken. "That'll be 300 zorkmids."

> out

"You're not thinking of leaving without paying, are you?"

> no

"Good. Because then I would have to hurt you. Hand over the cash."

> pay asidonhopo

"Pleasure doing business with you."

You are in a darkened passageway outside the general store. The passageway leads to a room to the south. There is a newt here.

> kill newt

With a vicious swipe, you dispatch the newt. You feel strangely tough.

> s

You are in a dark room. A staircase leads down, and passages lead north and west.

> read scroll

You hear a rumbling noise. Out of nowhere, a boulder appears and lands on your head. Ouch.

> d

In a slight daze, you clamber down the stairs.

You're in another room. They all look pretty much the same by this point. Blah, blah, exits northwest, east, southwest, up.

> nw

Someone says, "Pilgrim, you enter a sacred place!"

You are in a temple. A blood-stained altar sits in the middle of the room. Beside it, a priest slouches surlily.

> x priest

The priest is dressed in faded, worn robes that identify him as a priest of the Church of the Oracle. His demeanour gives the distinct impression he wants to be somewhere else. Looking closely at his robes, you can barely make out the word "ZADOC".

> zadoc, hello

Zadoc mutters something about the In-Joke Retirement Fund and holds out a tin cup.

> give 50 zorkmids to zadoc

Zadoc says, "Whoop-dee-do. I'm rich. That'll buy me half a potion of booze."

> s

This room features a large pit in the centre. Doorways are to the north and east. A wood nymph is here.

> x nymph

The wood nymph is a paragon of feminine beauty. Long dark hair drapes over her shoulders. She quietly hums "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". She advances on you, larceny in her deep brown eyes.

> nymph, hello

"Hello, sailor." The wood nymph makes a lunge at your backpack.

> kill nymph

The wood nymph easily dodges your clumsy attempts to hit her with your rusty sword. She says, "Look over there, a three-headed monkey!" As you turn to look, she grabs a glass wand from your backpack.

> kill nymph

The wood nymph skilfully ducks under your swing. She grabs your wrist and wrenches the sword from your grasp. She gives it a disdainful glance before concealing it somewhere on her person.

> kill nymph

With what? Your bare hands?

> yes

The wood nymph effortlessly evades your blow. She zaps a glass wand at herself and vanishes.

> e

You enter a large room. A sink is in the corner. A staircase leads down. Doorways lead to the west, north, and northeast.

A cockatrice is here.

> x cockatrice

An ugly little thing. A sort of cross between the least appealing aspects of a chicken and a lizard, but considerably worse.

> kill cockatrice

With what? Your bare hands?

> yes

As you score a direct hit on the cockatrice, it occurs to you that attacking it bare-handed was not a very clever thing to do. You make a very surprised-looking statue.

You have died.

Do you want your possessions identified?

> yes

You scored 11 points out of a possible 1000. This gives you the rank of Newt.

Would you like to (R)estart or (Q)uit?

> q

You owe... never mind, I'll just send Zadoc over with a pick-axe and take what I can find.