FAIL-SAFE BUSH

By Harvey Wheeler

Michael Moore has told us about Boy George's many defects. The most alarming, as he points out, is functional illiteracy.

President with hand on the nuke trigger and can't read the Fail-Safe directions...

I'm going to vote for Ralph Nader - BUT - If Boy George is elected, we've got to make him a Fail-Safe Bush.

I'll do my part.

If he wins I'll volunteer to bring him up to speed in Standard English literacy.

My C-MODE (Computer-Mediated Online & Distant Education) program works. I'll teach Boy George free of charge.

This program has been successful with At-Risk functional illiterates and was proved out during seven years of development and teaching application, using double-blind tests. It was first developed at USC when I was Martha Boaz Distinguished Research Professor In Academic Information Systems. Foundation Support has permitted its high school installation.

I think I can get the Foundation to approve special training for Prez Boy George.

I will charge nothing for my time.

I promise to bring him up to college level literacy in four months -- free of charge.

So, vote Nader without qualms.

I can do a Fail-Safe literacy fix on Boy George in a jiffy.

Harvey Wheeler, author of Fail Safe with Eugene Burdick, is a frequent contributor to The Idler.