CHAPTER 13

The weather was gorgeous for late fall as A.J. and Keesha sat down at a table outside the solarium. A.J. soaked up the sun and the fresh air.

"Did Monica say when you get to go home?" Keesha asked.

"I think tomorrow. I'm hoping this was my last test. Mom said I had to get out of bed and walk around."

"Do you want to walk around the grounds? I can add my observations for her."

"Sure."

They rose from the table and began to walk.

"It's such a lovely day," Keesha commented, wanting to put their conversation in his room behind her.

"Yes, it is," A.J. agreed. His earlier enthusiasm for the day had dissipated, but he wanted to enjoy this time with Keesha.

"I'm glad you're improving," she offered.

"Thanks. I don't think I truly knew how sick I was or what could have really happened to me until I realized today how good I'm feeling again."

He asked to take her hand; she let him. They took their time walking through the gardens. There were still a few roses left on the rosebush. A.J. looked around before discreetly pulling out a light pink one and handing it to Keesha.

She laughed at his conspiratorial grin and smelled the rose's lovely fragrance. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," A.J. said and smiled. "It's nice to hear your laughter."

They walked to the end of the garden and stopped to rest for a few minutes.

"As many times as I've been in this hospital, I've never come out here before. Isn't that amazing? I guess I've taken more things for granted than I realized. It's hard to believe this is a hospital when you're out here," A.J. said.

"I know. It's so nice that the Board of Directors allowed something like this to be a part of the property."

"That makes my family responsible for this, doesn't it? See, I never realized that either."

He looked around at the luscious surroundings and couldn't help but feel somewhat despondent that his family was capable of providing such beauty for other people and yet there was so little of it in their own lives.

Keesha noticed the change in A.J.'s demeanor and wished she had not brought it up.

"Do you want to head back?"

"Not yet. I'm enjoying the fresh air, the quiet, and being alone with you."

Keesha returned his smile with one of her own.

"I'm enjoying it, too."

They stared at each other for a long moment. A.J. took a step closer to Keesha; she moved away.

"I think we should head back," she said.

"Is this because of last night?" he asked.

She looked up at the tranquil blue sky, searching for answers. What she wouldn't give to be able to love A.J. unconditionally. Just as he was with his moods and his alcoholic cravings. But she promised herself she would take it slowly, and that's what she intended to do. She looked at her rose and then at him.

"Partly. I promised myself, A.J., that I would take this slowly. I love being with you, and I love that we've found our way back to each other, but I want it to work this time. Don't you?"

"I thought it was working," he said.

"It is, A.J., it is. But I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to handle the rough times. There's so much I need to learn about you and your alcoholism."

"May I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Are you going to Al-Anon?"

Keesha shook her head. "No, I'm not. You're not drinking, and I'm not suffering. Maybe I'm looking for answers that don't exist."

"Maybe we both are," A.J. said, sadly realizing that Keesha was afraid of a relationship with him.

Keesha sensed his sadness and wished she had the words to reassure him, but the truth was she didn't.

The moment was lost. A.J. wanted to head back.

They were about to enter the solarium when they came face-to-face with Alan. He and A.J. stared at each other for a long moment; A.J. broke the contact.

"Let's get out of here, Keesha."

A.J. tried to sound strong, but he felt weak. His conversation with Keesha had been discouraging, and seeing his father made him realize that he was not ready to deal with their issues, and the way he felt at that moment, he didn't know if he ever would be.

They had taken a step towards the entrance when Alan grabbed A.J.'s left arm to stop him. Alan's grip was punishing; A.J. bit back a curse. Was his father purposely trying to hurt him by squeezing the arm that had had an IV removed from it less than an hour ago? He wouldn't give Alan the satisfaction of knowing the pain he was causing him. Keesha tried to tell Alan what he was doing to A.J.'s arm, but A.J. stopped her.

"It's okay, Keesha. My father obviously has something he wants to say to me."

"Damn right I do," Alan said and moved A.J. away from the entrance.

He mustered all the strength he had not to back down from his father.

"I know that you and I no longer have a relationship to speak of, but I will be damned if I'm going to let you ruin my relationship with my wife. Again. If you have concerns about me, you tell me. Not Monica. And if you have accusations to make, you make them to me. Not to your mother. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly, sir," A.J. ground out. "Now, let go of me."

Alan released his hold on A.J. suddenly, causing him to stumble. Keesha was there to steady him. He glared at Alan with a mixture of hurt and disbelief at the way he was treating his own son.

"Why do you hate me so much?" A.J. asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Alan didn't answer.

"Come on, A.J.," Keesha said, scowling at Alan. "Let's head back."

She kept her arm around A.J.'s waist as she led him into the solarium. She received authorization from the nurse to take him to his room. A.J., shaking from his encounter with Alan, didn’t resist Keesha’s offer to take him to his room in a wheelchair.

Alan watched the proceedings from outside. He saw A.J. holding his left arm, where his grip had been, and realized he no longer had the IV in his arm. He could tell from the way he was holding it that he had hurt him. He hadn't meant to do that or had he? He blamed his behavior on his hellish day. If only Monica hadn't taken his pills. He knew A.J. was the one who told Monica about the painkillers, and when he thought of that, he became furious at him all over again. How dare A.J. get in the middle of his business when he wasn't taking care of his own. Alan felt a rage he'd never experienced before, and it scared him. He knew he needed to reign in his anger, and the best way to do that was to get his pills back from Monica. He needed a plan.

As soon as Keesha and A.J. reached his room, she helped him out of the wheelchair and realized he remained unsteady. She was about to assist him to the bed when he stopped her.

"I know I have no right to ask this," he said, his hazel eyes filled with pain, "but would you hold me?"

"Of course," Keesha said and willingly took him into her arms. She embraced him lovingly and encouraged him to draw whatever strength he needed from her. She gently rubbed his back in an effort to ease some of the pain she knew he was feeling. After a few long moments, she could feel him beginning to relax under her tender touch.

"It's okay, sweetheart," she said soothingly. "Everything's going to be okay."

"I'm not so sure it is, Keesha. But when I hear you say it, I almost believe it. You're my lifeline; do you know that? I'd be so lost without you."

She did know that, and putting aside her earlier misgivings for the moment, she held him closer and continued to comfort him. He wanted to stay in the serenity of her arms forever but finally forced himself to pull away.

A.J. looked at her with love and gratefulness in his eyes. "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Keesha asked softly, concerned about what she had witnessed between him and Alan.

"I will be," A.J. said, running his hands along her arms. "As long as I have you by my side. I'm terrified you're going to leave me, Keesha."

She placed a finger to his lips to silence him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, guess what? A.J. is."

He turned at the sound of Monica's voice as she entered the room.

"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.

"I heard you did very well this afternoon. You look good and you feel good, right?"

A.J. nodded. He didn't feel as well as he did when the day had started, but Monica didn't need to know that.

"So, I am officially discharging you."

"Now?" A.J. asked, thinking this was the best news he'd heard in a long time.

"Now," Monica confirmed. "I'll give you a prescription for the medication. Go home and enjoy your own place tonight, unless you would rather spend a couple of days with us so I can keep my eye on you." Monica didn't hold out much hope that A.J. would take her up on her offer, but she wanted to extend it.

"I can't, Mom," he said quietly. His father's latest actions were more than he could handle. There was no way he could stay at the mansion.

"I understand," Monica said.

"I love you for caring so much about me, but I'll be fine in my apartment."

Monica nodded. "I'll get the paperwork going."

She turned to leave when A.J. stopped her with a heartfelt hug.

"Thank you," he whispered, holding his mom close.

Monica readily returned the hug, grateful that her son was healthy once more. Their embrace was cut short when Monica's pager beeped. A.J. released her so that she could check it.

"Looks like I'm needed elsewhere. I'll sign your papers as soon as I leave here, and Amy will be in with a wheelchair. I'll check on you tonight."

A.J. nodded and thanked his mom again as she left the room.

"I feel so bad for her," Keesha said.

"Me, too. She doesn't deserve this, and yet I feel as though I'm the one putting the sadness in her eyes."

"Hopefully the two of you will be able to talk soon."

A.J. nodded. "Well, on a happier note, I guess I better get dressed, so I can get the heck out of here."

Keesha grinned at him as he made his way to the bathroom to get dressed so he could go home.


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