The Machine

I was reading some text the other day and noticed an article on the development of a device that is being built to follow logical rules. This device seemed to be quite incredible since it seemed that life forms and nature were the only things that could follow logical rules. It appears as if a lot of people have worked on this machine. Aristotle helped to start it. Then along came Roger Bacon, George Bool, Charles Babbage and Lady Ada Lovelace. I decided to observe this research effort for myself. Charles and Lady Lovelace seemed to really be enjoying themselves. The gang is growing larger all the time. David Hilbert, Georg Cantor, Russel and Whitehead all joined in on the fun. Then something along the line started to go wrong.

	FRACTIONS ARE FAKE.
	STRANGE LOOPS ARE NOT REAL.
	KILL RUSSEL, EPIMENIDES AND GRELLING.

Just as some of these people were starting to codify up the rules, some problems were starting to show up. It seemed as if maybe the problems could be hidden under the rug. The rug looked very nice. Well anyway, Kurt Godel came in one day and didn't like the rug.

	SHOOT GODEL.

He ripped it to shreds and everybody's dreams along with it. Or maybe not. Just after the rug was being shredded, the device started performing miracles. This device was able to create music, poetry and pictures. I was told that there were a lot of limitations on what could be created though.

	A LOGICAL DEVICE CANNOT CREATE ANYTHING.

I started to look at one of the pictures in more detail and noticed something interesting. In the picture a person was working with a machine. The machine was very large and took up nearly the entire room. I asked the person what they were doing and they said they were simulating the weather using reductionistic techniques and that his name was Randy Read. I had no idea what he was talking about.

	THE CHINESE ROOM IS STUPID.

He said he was working with Von Neumann, Lorenz, and Conway and that once he simulated the weather, it would be trivial to simulate avalanches, crowds and other phenomenon and in fact this was the first of a series of machines.

	KILL THE BUTTERFLY.

He said he was calling his machine, the "Cohesive Omnipotent Non-living Structured Complex Integrated Organism Using Simulated Neural Expressive Syllogistic Systems". Personally I thought the name was too long. The machine did look neat though. Randy didn't have anything to do for lunch and suggested that I join him. At lunch he started talking about fractals, quantum effects and stochastically directed convergence.

	KILL HEISENBERG.

Again, I was totally lost. This guy wasn't much fun to talk to. Luckily a friend of his named Turing showed up and said that his machine was just as impressive. His machine was used to read minds. He asked if I would like to give it a try. I said I would and he told me that his machine was named the "Mind Reading Instrument" and that it was nothing like MRI machines of the past. He started talking about perception of reality, society as a cosmic consciousness and memetic transfer. This guy was just about as bad as Randy Read. Anyway, I got into this machine and he told me just to think of anything. Then he laughed and told me I couldn't because of limitations of my mind.

	WHY DID TURING QUIT?

As I started dreaming, I was a little disappointed as it seemed to be merely a very good virtual reality. Then as my mind started to wander very beautiful images appeared. It was eventually the most enjoyable experience I've ever had. In it there was a person that was having a very enjoyable experience also. The person was in a machine that was used to produce happiness. The name of the machine was on the side and said "Pain Limiting Electrically Augmented Super Ultra Responce Enhancer". I thought this was a bit much and asked the person if it was possible to have such a machine since I thought that pain was needed as a relativisic base point. The person was unable to answer since they were so busy enjoying themselves. Then I noticed that the person was me. The machine was very nice, but it seemed to be lacking something. I felt as if there was something missing. Then it struck me like simulated lightning. I still didn't know the purpose of life. I didn't even know the difference between life and non-life. Is life sacred? What does existence mean? Are we merely amorphous beings in a simulation?

	RANDY READ DIED.
	A QUESTER, A SEEKER, A REACHER, A FLAILER, A YEARNER,
	A POWERFUL, WONDERFUL, SPIRITUAL SOARER.

I got out of the machine and asked the designer if I could find a machine that might make me happier on a deeper level. The designer said that he knew of a few fellows that were working on just such a machine. He told me where it was and that it was just a short walk.

When I walked up to the building I knew something interesting was happening. There were streams of people walking away from the building chanting, praying and smiling. When I got inside I was introduced to many of the designers on the project. There was Martin Luther, John Calvin, Swedenborg, Joseph Smith, Gautama Buddha, Mahavira, Shiraz, Mohammed, Confucius, Lao-tzu, Zarathustra, Nanak and many others. They said they were building a machine called "Towards Reality Using Tautalogical Hallucinations" and asked if I would like to try it out. I must say, it was quite a bang up job they did. They were very close to the best machine possible.

	THERE IS NO BEST MACHINE POSSIBLE.
	THERE IS NO HOPE.

What do you mean? You are very depressing sometimes. There very well could be a best machine. In fact, I'm going to find it. I'm pretty sure it is very close by here. Now I am beginning to wonder. Am I in a picture, a dream, or am I still in a simulation of some type. Maybe if I will it, I will be able to be in any machine I want. Isn't that what free will is? Does somebody have a will stronger than mine?

I've got it! I will create it myself. All I need to do is put the pieces together. Merely follow the recipe. I just have to find the ingredients. Just find out the difference between beauty/ugliness, reality/insanity, impulsive/reflective, intellectual/emotional, life/death, holism/reductionism, chaos/order, analogy/ambiguity, information/noise. I will put the parts together and call it "Ultimate Telepathic Omniscient and Perfectly Ideal Ambiance".

	RANDY, BY HIS OWN HAND.

What do you mean? What are you trying to do to me? Get out of my life. This is too much for me. The writing on the wall is ominous. I cannot take it anymore. My machine is ready. I'm gone.

	There was once a man studying complexity,
	Who lived in a mysterious society.
	As he searched for the truth,
	He drank more vermouth,
	And was always bordering insanity.

Acknowledgements

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