| Imagine two guys at a bar. (It's actually a meat market-- not in the carniceria sense, but more of the dot-com parties of the golden age.) One guy spots a sexy vixen and her friend from across the room. Guy #1 says to Guy #2, "Two bogies at 12'oclock. I'll take the one on the left. You're my wingman-- cover the one on the right." "The one on the right? She's a multi-axel vehicle! Why do I have to be your wingman?", Guy #2 exclaims. "Just do it, dude. I've helped you out so many other times. Anyway, these girls look like they want to party." "Fine. Go ahead." When Guy #1 racks his mental pickup line database and chooses the best intro, he struts on over with his wingman and goes in for the kill. And when he begins to open his mouth, the action begins. --SLAP!! Right across the face. Guy #2 isn't left out, either. His target dishes out a quick Nine-West toe into the shin. So what happened? It wasn't the pickup line. Since Guy #1 barely even spewed a word of his pick-up poetry, we can eliminate the problem as being what he was going to say. The problem was with what he already said. The 18-inch voice is necessary in many situations. In the example above, it may have led to a successful night. Unfortunately for these Cassanovas, it led to a crash and burn before they could even think about aborting the mission. My experience this weekend hardly rivals the embarrasment that Guy #1 and #2 endured. It hurt me in no way other than my friend probably losing all negotiation tools in a mattress purchase. To make that story short, I imparted some negotiation advice to just about everyone in the Mancini World Mattress Showroom. To my dismay, I had in fact imparted that advice to everyone. It gave the salesmen a pretty good method of knowing how people were going to haggle. Hey, I was only trying to help. So to those with Broadway quality voice-projection skills, I must preach the ways of versatility. Sometimes 18 inches is more than enough. |
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| Taming the vocals |
| PROJECTING A VOICE CAN BE HARMFUL |
| December 9-- I've forgotten many things I was supposed to learn from high school. But since I pretty much burned out after kindergarten, I'm relieved that all important skills and knowledge were imparted in that year. Not many average shmoes like me remember the mathematical theorems, polymerase chain reactions, or iambic pentameter courses that we all slept through in high school. Unfortunately, my brain failed to retain even the useful lessons. One of those was the 18-inch voice, which would save my butt in countless scenarios these days. If your eyes glazed over during your own teacher's presentation of this useful educational tidbit, then read on as I provide you an example. |