Jim Dennison did not say, "God has a good plan for each and every one of your lives. God has a plan for the life of Will Suffice. It's up to you to follow God's plans for your lives."

Jamie Lash did not say, "If Will Suffice only knew that sinful behavior isn't really worth it, and that the greater satisfaction is found in following God's plan for his life, he wouldn't do these bad things."

Dr. Son did not say, "You can't put God in a box, but maybe you can put Will Suffice in a box."

Dr. Bell did not say, "It's a funny thing about Will Suffice. He sounds conservative when he speaks in church or in chapel, but any other time you hear about him he's taking the position of the neo-Orthodox and the moderates."

Dr. Estes did not say, "Why wasn't Will Suffice on the ark?"

Dr. Naugle did not say, "Will Suffice's worldview isn't very good. He needs a liberal arts education. He needs to realize that God created the entire universe good the first time."

Professor Kappelman did not say, "Will Suffice? You know what I think about that. I think it's criminal. People should be fired for this. It's an atrocity. If Will Suffice were here, I'd kill him. I would. You know I would. You people that have had me for one or two classes, am I right? Wait, what are we talking about? I thought we were talking about Spongebob. Are we talking about Rick Warren? Rick Warren, I'd just tell him, 'Sir, Dostoyevsky's book was better'."

Dr. Underwood did not say, "We can learn a lot about Will Suffice from the success of the Mary Kay Corporation."

Dr. Smiles did not say, "As the demand for Will Suffice essays goes up, the supply will go down, and vice versa."

Dr. Bush did not say, "I want a three page paper on Monday on whether you think Will Suffice could have evolved from ape-like creatures, and why."

Dr. McCollister did not say, "Will Suffice doesn't really fit into either the Enlightenment or the Romantic periods."

Dr. Shelton did not say, "It's not easy to determine what C. S. Lewis would have thought about Will Suffice."

Hyper-active Calvinists did not say, "Will Suffice was condemned by the council of Paris in 567 A.D. as a heretic. But Jonathon Edwards, on the other hand, he was a Calvinist!"

Isaac De Los Santos did not say, "It's easy to see why the Republican Party has always opposed Will Suffice. Vote for Bush."

Heath Barkley did not say, "Will Suffice is destroying the capitalist work ethic our forefathers worked so hard to instill in our children."

David Gentiles did not say, "Will Suffice is irrelevant. We came here today to worship the Lord."

Mark Boone did not say, "Will Suffice is clearly illogical, that is, contrary to the rules of logic, sub-logical, less than logic, still within the realm of logic as contrary to its dictates. Not trans-logical."

Jonathon Lawoyin did not say, "A vote for me is a vote against Will Suffice."

Benny Barrett, Jr., did not say, "Will Suffice is totally just not as cool as Dr. Naugle."

The guy who streaked through chapel did not say, "I got punished. It's not fair they don't punish Will Suffice."

Ben Bolin did not say, "Will Suffice has no taste in music."

Adrian Vann did not say, "Will Suffice needs to stop making so much noise in the dorms late at night."