| All I'm Saying Is... High gas prices have forced some drastic measures -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As a stand-up comedian, I travel all over the country every week. I am constantly on the road, usually driving, from Michigan to Colorado to South Dakota and everywhere in between. I am very proud that I am able to support myself by telling jokes. However, if gas starts to get more expensive than front-row seats at a Snoop Dogg concert, I'm afraid I will once again find myself at Denny's scraping syrupy eggs from the plates. Perhaps hurricanes Katrina and Rita bear some of the blame for the increase. Damaged and flooded refineries due to natural disasters are completely legitimate reasons to raise prices. What I don't understand is why they were already so high before disaster struck. Some people tell me that it's due to the war on terrorism, while others say that President Bush is in the oil business and trying to cash in for himself. All I know is that yesterday I spent $85 at the pump, which sucks, especially when I was just trying to fill up my lawnmower. Simply put, times are tough. Due to our increased fuel expenses, we have to cut back on certain things we enjoy. Going out to eat or to the movies and taking weekend road trips are prime examples. Even my dad is pinching pennies. He recently downgraded from Heineken to Natural Ice. As for me, instead of driving to faraway locations in my trusty and comfortable automobile, I've started riding the (gasp!) Greyhound bus. Those of you who have ever "Let Greyhound Do the Driving" already understand what I'm talking about. It's kind of like flying, except it takes longer and the only peanuts I had were the ones that the smelly guy next to me was sitting on. Recently on TV, I saw a gentleman explaining some ways to conserve our precious petrol. One recommendation was to keep the air-conditioning turned off. Which is a pretty good idea, I suppose. However, when it's a hot, muggy, 92-degree day and traffic is at a standstill on the Kennedy Bridge, the A/C is the only thing keeping me from going crazier than I already am. He also suggested driving slower and during the night whenever possible. Both prevent the fuel from burning as fast, resulting in better mileage. I am happy to say that I tried both of these methods and they absolutely work. The bad news is that my drive from here to Lexington took seven hours. As depressing as it can be, I am trying to stay optimistic that prices will drop and the days of $1.29 per gallon will once again be upon us. What an exciting and glorious time that will be! Until then, stop in at Denny's and I'll hook you up with some free toast. (Published 10/5/05 in Velocity Weekly) |