Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Date: 1998/05/12 ~~~~~~~~~ Category: M/K - Humor Rating: R (for adult situations) Archive: No Gossamer. MKRA okay. Slash friendly pages okay too, but please let me know where it's going and keep piece intact from top to bottom. Spoilers: None that I can find. Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. CC does. Summary: After four years, a slash mystery is solved. THREE THOUSAND SECONDS by *DBKate dbkate@yahoo.com ~~~~~~~~~~ When Alex Krycek entered his motel room after yet -another- long day of spying, shooting, eyelid-sewing and quadruple-crossing, he tossed off his leather jacket, kicked off his shoes and was -just- about to run a hot, relaxing Calgon bath, when he noticed a hand- written note lying before him. "Don't Look Down" it said. Krycek's eyes widened, but before he could react, he felt himself being tackled to the floor, with a cold gun barrel pressed to his head, the faint scent of Armani cologne in his nostrils and a Jerry Garcia tie momentarily blinding his vision. "Gawk!" Krycek said, trying to wave the gaudy mix of red, blue, black, purple, green and pink silk away from his face. "Shut up, Krycek," replied the man who tackled him, with a voice that sounded -exactly- like Fox Mulder's. Krycek squinted at his attacker, still blinded by the hideous accessory. Why, it -was- Fox Mulder. All six trench-coated, brown-haired, hazel-eyed feet of Fox Mulder, towering over him, like an Armani-clad avenging angel. An avenging angel who had -no- taste in ties. Krycek blinked again, his vision slowly returning. "Jeez, Mulder, I know you're color-blind, but can't you have some buy your..." But, before he could finish his sentence, Krycek felt himself being scooped up into a strong pair of arms, and without warning, Mulder's lips were upon him, crushing his mouth beneath a heady mix of silken lips, Double Mint gum and cherry Chapstick. Without thinking, Krycek moaned into the kiss and returned it breathlessly, every nerve in his body keening its response. Suddenly, Mulder pulled back and stared into Krycek's eyes. "Gawk," said Krycek weakly. He took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "Uh, jeez...wow. Mulder, I mean...when? How? Why now?" Mulder smiled at Krycek seductively and knelt down next to him. "Well, there are lots of reasons Krycek, but for now, there is one in particular." To his amazement, Krycek felt himself flushing under Mulder's attentive gaze. "What reason? Is it that kiss I gave to you in your apartment?" he asked, feeling oddly shy. "Didn't you know that's just a quaint Russian custom?" "No, it's not that," replied Mulder, bending his head to Krycek's ear and softly licking the lobe. Krycek shivered under Mulder's gentle touch. "You realized that our *fighting* was just a cover for the -true- physical passion we were seeking?" "Nope," replied Mulder, licking his way down Krycek's neck. "You have a thing for amputees?" Krycek gasped. "Nope." Krycek pulled away and looked up at Mulder with a confused expression. "Then what the hell happened?" Mulder smiled and pulled out a large medicine bottle. "I got my prescription," Mulder said happily, shaking it at Krycek. A large medicine bottle with the word "VIAGRA" written in huge letters upon it. Krycek's mouth fell open. "Oh, wow. Jeez, Mulder. I had no idea." "Mmmm, hmmm," replied Mulder, going back to Krycek's neck. He pulled off his trench coat and suit jacket, and then pushed Krycek to the floor. He ripped off Krycek's t-shirt, and soon, both men were naked, gasping and grinding against one another, heatedly kissing and moaning in unison. But, a moment later, Mulder rolled off of Krycek and groaned. And it didn't sound like a good groan, Krycek noted with breathless disappointment. Without trying to be obvious, he took a covert glance down at Mulder's penis. Yikes. Feeling sympathetic, Krycek put his hand against Mulder's cheek and caressed it. "Don't worry," he said kindly. "Maybe you need more than one." But Mulder shook his head, wincing. "No, that's not it. You need to take it an hour before sex. I only took it fifteen minutes ago. I guess I was sort of impatient. But, Christ, Alex...you have no idea how long it's been." Krycek shook his head. "No, I don't. How long has it been?" Mulder grimaced horribly. "Ever since -she- walked into my office." "She?" asked Krycek raising an eyebrow at Mulder. "Yes, -she-," said Mulder irritably. "-She- as in Scully, that's who. One day I'm a normal guy, popping a hard-on every other hour, and then one day, she walks in, starts spouting her "Mulder, you're nuts and I'm right!" routine, and BAM! I'm sitting around making balloon animals for the next four years." Krycek winced in sympathy. "Yow." "It was terrible, Krycek," began Mulder sadly. "But the worst part was, is that when she was abducted and they assigned you as my partner, the problem went away. Completely. Man, I was saluting all over the place, especially when you were around. Hell, I had sex for the first time in -years-. Vampires, flukemen, llamas, you name it, I did it. Mulder sighed. "I hate to say this, Alex, but there was a reason I cried when she came back." "Wow, that's...that's....terrible," said Krycek, shaking his head. He slid over and pulled Mulder closer. "Well, let's see if this stuff works," he whispered, kissing him softly. He ran his hand over Mulder's stomach and down his thighs. "Anything?" Mulder shook his head, sighed, and looked at his watch. "No, I think I still have about twenty minutes to go." "Oh," said Krycek, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Well...what do you want to do while we wait?" "Oh, I dunno," Mulder shrugged. "We can talk. So, how's The Project going?" "Oh, fine," replied Krycek. "Busy, busy. How's the Resistance going?" "Pretty good," said Mulder, nodding. "Hey, I heard a rumor you were doing the ol' suck-face double-cross with my blond informant." Krycek winced. "Oh, Marita? Ugh. Talk about balloon animals..." "Mmm," agreed Mulder sympathetically. He took anther glance at his watch as Krycek tapped his fingers impatiently against the floor. "About twelve more minutes." "Mulder, are you -sure- this stuff works?" asked Krycek, in an unconvinced voice. "I mean..." Mulder lips began trembling. "Krycek, if it -doesn't- work, I'm in big trouble. Either I kill myself or strap Scully to the next space shuttle, have sex once, and -then- kill myself." Krycek sighed. "Okay, but Mulder, I don't know how much longer I can wait here. I only came back for a shower. I have a microfilm to steal at midnight." Mulder looked at him pleadingly. "Come on, Alex, only ten minutes left." "Yeah, well," sighed Krycek. "Say, how about we schedule a whole afternoon later this week? Because if even if this works now, I'll only have about five minutes before I have to shower and run. How about next Thursday?" Mulder groaned loudly. "I'm going to Kansas with Scully on Thursday. Some stupid Ladies of Pathology convention." Krycek sighed and thought hard. "How about Saturday?" "Knicks game. Got playoff tickets. Third row," said Mulder, sitting up and pulling on his undershirt. "I can make it on Sunday." Krycek shook his head. "No good. I have a break-in -and- an assassination at three. Monday?" "Meeting with Skinner." "Christ," snarled Krycek. "This sucks." "Hardly," replied Mulder, drily, pulling on his dress shirt. "Oh, well. I guess I was just kidding myself. This stuff probably doesn't work anyway. Guess I'll have to eat my gun. Tell the Consortium not to laugh too hard when they find out. I'll bet Cancerman has an easier time popping a boner than I do." Yeah, he does, Krycek thought, but said nothing. "Come on, Mulder," he pleaded. "Don't give up yet. I mean it might work, you just have to give it a chance." "No, it's past the time and..." said Mulder miserably, but then, he stopped and looked down. His eyes widened and a huge smile appeared, beaming brightly from his face. Krycek followed Mulder's eyes downward. And then smiled himself. "Hot damn!" yelled Krycek, yanking Mulder back to the floor and pulling off his clothes. "Hot damn!" crowed Mulder, before taking Krycek's mouth beneath his own once more. And soon, all that could be heard were the sounds of two men moaning, furniture breaking... And the scrape of tiny little pills skittering across a hardwood floor. ~~~~~~~~~ THE END! If you've laughed, please let me know. :-) *dbkate*@yahoo.com