1. Surprise, Wonder & The Joyful Discovery of XFFanfic. You
read like crazy, loving every word. Wow. It's like having a new
episode every day. Oh joy!

2. Suddenly, a nagging voice that says "I think I can do that..."

3. You write your first fanfic. Terror and pissy pants from first post.

4. First piece of positive feedback arrives. Orgasm follows.

5. The addiction has begun. You continue to write and drool,
waiting for feedback.

6. You continue to read, but start noticing that a lot of
fanfic out there isn't *that* good. This surprises you,
but you think it's just a *dry* spell. You, however, are busy
trying to write so you can get feedback, so who has time to
read some other shlubs' crappy work anyway?

7. Then, on one fateful day, you write *that* special piece that gets you
wide acclaim and TONS of feedback. You go into shock
and wonder what you've done.

8. You suddenly realize you've done nothing that's unusual
for *you*...you're just a better writer than almost everyone else.
You are vaguely disturbed by this knowledge. Other authors
begin to look worse and worse...

9. Your first Spooky Awards come up. You, to your complete shock
are nominated in FIVE categories. You don't win, but are happy
nonetheless. You continue to improve your writing and begin to
ask for people to recommend good fic, because you are just too
damn busy to read crap.

9. You make friends with *elite* authors, the ones who frightened you
before. You commiserate with them on how awful fanfic suddenly has
become and loudly praise each other's work and beg each other in equal
turns to *please* write something to bring the quality of fanfic back to
something coherent. You start to parody *lesser* authors and have many
laughs with your new friends.

10. Your name starts popping up on fanfic message boards, Usenet and
other various 'net sources. You get the disconcerting feeling people are
talking about you behind your back, but everyone assures you they
are only saying the most wonderful things. You continue to write, but
give up reading almost entirely. Because everyone else basically *sucks*.

11. Someone begs you to let them archive your work on a web page they
built just for you. You are interviewed for fanfic newsletters and the Spooky
Awards come up again before you know it and you are nominated in almost
every category. You yawn and makes jokes about what kind of statue
a *Spooky* would be. You mentally put it on your bookcase.

12. The Spookys are announced.

13. You don't win a single one.

14. Overnight you turn bitter and strange, wondering how on EARTH
a 95 part *shipper fic could POSSIBLY have won every Spooky there is
even though the author's idea of a plot is Mulder & Scully helping each
other defecate. You start muttering to fellow spurned authors that there
are serious double standards here, and that the Spookys are shamelessly
rigged by *shippers and that your genius will never be known unless you
lower yourself to romance fic, which you utterly refuse to do. You have
standards, you know.

15. One day, over a trivial matter that most likely has nothing to do with you,
you loudly and furiously resign from all mailing lists and Gossamer. You are
too damn good for them and besides, they'll miss you MUCH more than
you'll miss them. This causes an uproar and you disappear for long periods,
and when your new works *do* appear, they take on a mythical status.
You answer the three, 10-page feedback letters you receive with long quotes from Swinburne and continue to write to the only other two authors who understand
and respect you and your work. Suddenly in a fit of paranoia, you realize that
they too, are against you and you disappear from XFFanfic entirely,
never to be heard from again.

16. You stop watching the X-Files and start watching Babylon 5.

17. You discover Babylon Five fanfic. Child-like joy ensues.

18. Go to Step One.