======== THE ACID DESK The Underground XFFanfic Newsletter Vol 1. No. 9 Welcome to THE ACID DESK, a bi-weekly newsletter discussing the latest fics, recs, trends, discussions, and even *gasp* gossip in the X-Files Fanfic Community. All opinions expressed herein belong solely to the author, CiCi Lean. Write to me and tell me how wrong I am! CiCi Lean cicilean@yahoo.com "Some people should die. That's just unconscious knowledge." -- "Pigs In Zen" ========= HOT BYTES Great Authors, Stories & More! ~~~~~~~~~ THE WORK OF "MEREDITH" -- (http://www.geocities.com/area51/zone/2095/meredith.html) "Underrated" is a word I hate using while describing a -very- talented author who, for some unknown reason, isn't being heralded to the skies, but unfortunately I can't think of any other. Meredith has been such a long-time staple of fine MSR writing, and such an innovator in so many ways, for so many years, I really can't figure it out. Maybe it's her unassuming and gentle personality, maybe it's her careful, painstaking craftsmanship that limits the number of fics she presents to us on the basis of quality, not quantity, or maybe she should change her posting name to "Really Fantastic Author You Shouldn't Miss!," but I have a feeling that just isn't her style. [grin] She's generous with her readers, giving them wonderful prose, beautifully and cleanly presented, along with characterization that many of us could take a lesson from. Look, when I say that she's *that* good, trust me... she's *that* good. "Heaven In Hell's Despair" is her "signature" piece, but if you stop there, you are missing FAR too much else that's great and wonderful in her catalog of goodies. I personally would recommend ALL of her works, especially her latest "Lower Heaven" the long awaited "follow-up" to HIHD. Read 'em and weep (especially if you are writer. Yes, this is what we have to aspire to.) So, get thee onto thy browser, plug in the URL I give to you and READ her stuff. After reading and falling in love with this fine author, be SURE to send her a letter, even if it's just a little one. Remember, our old XFFanfic troopers, especially one as graceful and talented as this as this, need those sweet lumps of feedback sugar to keep them writing. Go, run... read. And don't forget that feedback. THE WORK OF MEREDITH: http://www.geocities.com/area51/zone/2095/meredith.html MORE RECS FOR THE WEEK! (Get Them Hot, Get Them Fresh!) CiCi's XFFanfic Picks Page! http://www.geocities.com/soho/workshop/3293/picks.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ GOSSIP CORNER Eat Your Heart Out, Cindy Adams ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Item #1: Which poor deluded sap was left twisting naked in the wind by her good *pals* who had convinced her that USENET flaming under a pseudonym was not only FUN, but that it was perfectly SAFE provided she use a certain encrypted gateway that they themselves eschew, only to be proven wrong, wrong, WRONG? All together now, boys and girls... WHOOPS! Item #2: Which plucky megalomaniac has caused quite a snarling stir during their delightfully shameless bid for readers and top dog honors during a recent award giveaway, especially after it WORKED LIKE A CHARM! Good for her -- doing what we all only dare to dream. Thank God there's always next year, non? Item #3: If someone throws a retirement, and no one notices, how long will it take for them to sneak back? The Acid Desk Bookie Office is now OPEN! Odds are, whoops, 1 to 1 for less than a week later! Hmmm, sorry, but all bets are now off ladies and gents. (Hey, I give you plenty of my damn time, so my money is totally off-limits, punky bears.) ~~~~~~~~ ATXCARAMBA! The Latest From The Usenet Front (alt.tv.x-files.creative) ~~~~~~~~ THE LITTLE NEWSGROUP THAT COULD (and the Big Newsgroup That Just Couldn't STAND It!) ~~~~~~~~ The day after alt.tv.x-files.creative.mature was created on alt.configure is the day I decided to take a short vacation from USENET. And it wasn't because I was particularly unhappy with this new newsgroup's creation. (Nor was I particularly happy about it either. Frankly, I try not to think too hard about things that are inherently meaningless, such as the creation of a new ng in a hierarchy that boasts such intriguing topics as "alt.fatgrrls.love" and "alt.binaries.pictures.roadkill." Call me crazy, but that's just the way I am.) But, knowing that most denizens of atxc would not be quite as open-minded, I did take that vacation and boy, it was the smartest thing I ever did. Because what I returned to a week later was a pile of broken bodies that made the "Atlanta battlefield" scene in "Gone With the Wind" look like the aftermath of a rotten "free shrimp" night at the old Beefsteak Charlie's. Yes, it was *that* bad. Wincing my way through mile long threads of foot stamping, blue-faced tantrums, fists pummeling madly against cyber floors and pillows, I could only cover my ears against the echos of howling that must have reverberated through USENET all the way to alt.bunnies.on.a.stick. There were screams, there were cries, there were meetings and committees formed, rmgrps plotted and tendered, there were threats and accusations... There were GRUESOME AND FATAL SELF-IMMOLATIONS! (All right, there weren't any of those. Unfortunately. Hey, a newsletter editor can dream, can't she?) All of them over a new "alt" newsgroup that would have died its own quiet death if everyone had just shrugged and went on with their business. But, as the endless rant went, was it "right" to create this new newsgroup without "permission" or "voting"? Was it FAIR? WAS IT "NICE"? Who knows? Who cares? It was already done. Slightly saner folks asked and then asked again, was creating this new newsgroup so spur of the moment really such a good idea? Probably not, but, let me repeat, IT WAS DONE. For anyone who knew the slightest thing about USENET (and since there appeared to be dozens of "protocol" and "nettiquite" experts pontificating all over the place, there should have been at least *one* person on ATXC who did) they would have known it was TOO DAMN LATE to do anything about ATXCM but ignore it. That's right. Ignore it completely. For you see, dear friends, ATXCM was already in existence by this time and the *only* way to have gotten rid of it (beyond the incredibly rude and pointless posting of a rmgrp to alt.configure, which was attempted, but brutally spurned and rightly so by the sysops) would have been to limit its propagation via complete and total... what, boys and girls? Silence. That's right. The ONLY way that ATXCM could have been destroyed in a quick and efficient manner was silence. And, let me tell you, it would have worked like a charm, limiting its propagation to such a narrow corridor of USENET as to virtually guarantee its swift removal from the scene. There would have been no flame wars, no unhappiness and ultimately, no ATXCM. Wouldn't that have been great? Everything you could have possibly wanted all in one easy step. But that wasn't to be. What's that prayer again? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference? Well, there wasn't a whole lot of serenity or wisdom flying around ATXC that week. In fact, all I saw were a bunch of hysterics hanging themselves with a rope they themselves wove. A group that wasn't lucid enough to see beyond their immediate and violent emotional reaction to be able to pull themselves together and work out a problem in such a way that could have possibly resulted not only in achieving their desired goal, but earning back some of the respect that the newsgroup had lost during the *last* five or six pointless flame wars. Here was an occasion, it could have been magnificently risen to, but instead all that is left behind in the smelly ashes is a new newsgroup and a DejaNews record of ATXC's loudest, scariest and most pathetic week. Color me amazed. So, welcome, ATXCM to the alt.tv.xf hierarchy. Good luck to you, and may you learn your lessons in what NOT to do under ANY circumstances from your "immature" sister group -- ATXC. NANNY-NANNY HEY!: Just an F.Y.I. that the Naughty Nanny Plagiarist page is down as of a few weeks ago, no doubt in response to the concerted efforts of the XFFanfic Community. Kudos to those who cared enough about our author's original efforts to take the minute and support them. Kudos also to Lydia Bower, Karen Rasch and Plausible Deniability for their cool heads and general good humor during what must have been a miserable and humiliating episode. It's cold comfort, but while NN had no scruples, she did have taste. Keep writing guys, we need you. ~~~~~~~~~ THE GOSS-IPER Notes on The Archive of Note ~~~~~~ THE BIG ARCHIVE THAT COULDN'T (and How No One Was Very Surprised...) ~~~~~~~ A scenario even Chicken Little refused to contemplate. He looks up. *Gasp!* Good Lord! His dire predication has come true! The sky *has* fallen! It's a terrible, FRIGHTENING sight! And, much to his shock, no one notices. Or cares. Yes, the inevitable has happened as that Bulging Bandwidth Behemoth, The Mighty Gossamer X-Philes USA is tossed from its server sometime in early February. That's right, Gossamer is down to, count 'em, -two- mirror sites, (Birdfeeder and Germany) both of them waiting like shivering dominos to follow in Big Boy's wake, straight down into Overload Hell. It *is* a dire picture this time, especially after the news on the grapevine is that most server owners would rather eat a tube of Crest on a Saltine cracker than host an infamous bandwidth hog such as Gossamer no matter how prestigious it might be. But, what's the *really* interesting story here? No, it's not that Gossamer is in danger of collapse yet *again,* but the fandom's latest reaction to this possible disaster is what really intrigues me. No screams of "Save Gossamer!" or long threads of possible solutions ranging from the ridiculous to the sensible are being heard anywhere. No mourning or sympathy cards for our harried archivists or offers of volunteering are coming in from any corner of Wonderland. Barely a ripple has registered across the community, with only the odd, "Hey, I can't access X-Philes" responded to by a "Oh, for God's sake can't you just SHUT UP?" breaking through the daily monotony. The relative silence is eerie and a far cry from the desperate panic of only a year ago. Of course, there are reasons for this seemingly drastic change in attitude. And not least of which is the fact that Gossamer has long ago ceased to have a timely relevance to a community that used to depend upon it for nearly all its reading and storing needs. Now a full six months behind on archiving, with only two working mirrors, creaky hardware and even creakier software, and twice the downtime versus up, Gossamer has finally and officially become the "tourist trap" of XFFanfic. Sure, it's gotten the mainstream media attention via "The New York Times" and "The Telegraph" but like the Carnegie Deli in Manhattan only out-of-towners and new arrivals go anywhere near the place, not realizing it's living off decades-old fame and that any native with a working set of taste buds wouldn't be caught dead eating there. (Not unless five pounds of old, greasy pastrami piled ten thousand feet high on stale bread actually *appeals* to you, of course.) In short, between authors' homepages and Ephemeral, regular readers and writers alike just can't be bothered anymore. I mean, how seriously can you take a archive that offers this as a time line for its eventual return to the Web? "It'll be up when it goes up." Oh, okay. That says it all we suppose. The sad fact is that most folks learned their lesson from the panic of a year back. Yes, there -are- folks who are willing to build mirrors, give obscene amounts of bandwidth and time and tech help in any way they can, and many of these folks are honest and legit in their willingness to give their all to the Gossamer cause. So, will it happen? Nope, nope and nope. Why, dare you ask? Simple. Because even the casual observer has finally gotten the message that the Gossamer administration doesn't want anyone's help. I won't presume to know why they don't (although I have my theories,) they can explain it to you themselves, and I'll leave any guessing to my readers. But the fact is, that without immediate intervention, overhauling, and complete restructuring, Gossamer is eventually going down for good. I'm not saying this will happen today, or even tomorrow, but it cannot go on this way. The fandom is too big, too busy, too prolific and there *is* only so much ceiling room left for a site as large, as overloaded and central as this one. It's just a simple fact. And with it are going down a ton of fics that are exclusive to the place, really old fics from '94 and '95 that can be found nowhere else, whose authors have long left 'net, and therefore cannot be reached to gain permission to re-archive these fics into smaller, safer havens (perhaps such as a "Golden Oldie" site or the like?) What happens to those? Who *owns* them now? Who owns the "Gossamer" trademark? Is there, can there be such a thing? What about mirror sites? What about splitting up the archive into either old and new, romo and non-romo, date or alphabetically or anything resembling a manageable site and who will *allow* certain folks to run those sites and why should they be the ones who *grant* that permission? And so on, and so on and so on. So, while being being a fully functioning, up-to-date, *useful* archive and resource for the fanfiction community is no longer on Gossamer's list of immediate (or even long-term) priorities there are still serious implications of a complete Gossamer blow-out, not least of which is the loss of our "heritage." One that can't be held hostage for very much longer. So, come out, come out wherever you are Chicken Little. You were right, the sky has fallen. And no, we aren't that scared anymore, but, then again, there is just something we might be forgetting. ~~~~~~~~~ FANFIC LINE OF THE WEEK: (Where The Names Have Been Changed to Protect...well, Everyone.) ~~~~~~~~~ from: "The Fire of Our Love" by "happyarsonist@badmetaphor.com" "His loins were burning brightly." Uh, Mulder? Don't panic, but I think we have a situation here... ~~~~~~~~~ GRATUITOUS PENDY MENTION OF THE WEEK (A.P.I.G.P: All Pendrell is Good Pendrell) ~~~~~~~~~ Proving there's life after Pendrell, kudos to the talented Brendan Beiser for his performance on Showtime's "Deadman's Gun" and "Nightman." No, I didn't get to see "Deadman's Gun" [sobbing hysterically] but I did see some fine scenery chewing on "Nightman" which is repeated again this up and coming March 22nd re-run. See him snarl, see him kill, see him cackle with evil glee, see him wear RED and get away with it! (Check local listings for time.) Oh, and if you are at Sundance or some other independent film fests, don't forget to check out "Aardvark," "The Vigil," "Dirty" and "The Deadline" for more Brendan than CC ever gave us. (Yes, there are no labcoats in any of these, but it's still better than nothing... [grin]) "THE VIGIL" WEBSITE: http://www.thevigil.com/vigil.html {And be sure to write to him and ask him to wipe that weasel off of his face when he's done...thanks! :-} ~~~~~~~ Rant-O-Rama "AND THE WINNER IS..." by CiCi Lean, 1999 ~~~~~~~~ Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the biggest ego of them all? Don't answer that dearie, unless you want to go for a walk in the woods with Mr. Hunter, all right? Ah, Award Season. The smell of boiling blood is in the air and hot, sweaty jealous glances are being strewn about with measured carelessness and itchy trigger fingers are poised over those "send e-mail" buttons with intentions both good and evil. Stuffers and pranksters, ulcer-ridden authors and gung-ho readers, egomaniacs and sobbing newbie hopefuls, every one of them shoving, pushing, KILLING for their chance to become a player in the ultimate game of Fanfic Chess -- becoming the Queen of FOREVER via an actual award! Doncha just LOVE it? I'm not going to talk about the ATXC Spooky Awards today, mainly because they are deserving of their very own Special Edition. (Lucky, lucky them! *cough*) Instead, I'm going to talk about a much smaller, lesser known award, one that went off surprisingly well in its first year of creation. Yes, I'm talking about The Whammys. Ah, the poor, innocent Whammys, the annual XFFanfic Slash Awards. An award that quietly imploded upon itself during the very last days of voting and has now disappeared into that sad and overcrowded bin labeled "Ideas We Thought Would Be Fun." It's a crying shame really, because the Whammys were created by very nice people with the excellent intentions of promoting a genre that is *not* beloved by the other awards in our fandom, but has a quality of writing and a stable of talent that doesn't deserved to be so roundly and casually ignored by all the other awards, big and small. From my observations, the Whammy committee consisted of three honest, sensitive, idealistic people, who decided to take a large chunk of time out of their busy real life schedules, while also abandoning many of their more pleasurable on-line activities to run this award and their intentions were, *gasp* -- good. They really believed that they'd be presenting the best that slash had to offer in a relaxed and fun environment and that everyone would be so happy that the genre was finally getting a fair shake, that they'd actually behave themselves. It would be a gay, educational time for all involved and with any luck, an award like this would give a much needed shot of legitimacy to a genre that's been called everything from "garbage" to "trash" to "canonless porn" by the ignorant masses over in GenLand. Unfortunately, what the poor Whammy committee *didn't* realize that in fact what they were offering was as far removed from a public service as one could get even if they were presenting a "Do It Yourself" suicide booth at a mental health clinic. That unbeknownst to them, they were facilitating the presentation of one of the most fearsome, the most violent, the most shameless, the most TERRIFYING of all the green-eyed psychodramas that could ever plague the narrow confines of this universe or any other... An ego contest between amateur writers. Dear God in Heaven! What could -possibly- be worse? (All right, a production of "CATS" directed by the House Impeachment Managers, featuring Rep. Henry Hyde singing from a giant litter box *does* come to mind, but let's not go there, okay?) Anyway, everything appeared okay at first, as the nominations went off with relatively few hitches with the most serious being the huge, nearly impossible-to-download listings page and some minor scuffles over eligibility. Most folks voted for their favorites without too many complaints and, for a while, everything seemed just ducky. (Just to keep the record straight, I didn't vote in the nominations, I *did* get nominated in two categories, "Best Other" and "Best Humor" and I did vote in the final round. Yes, and I voted for myself. I mean, duh. {grin}) But, gosh, that last round. It seems so odd to me that the nominations are always so peaceful, but when it comes to that final announcement, that "ultimate" crowning of ONE fic to lord over all the rest, people just seem to lose their minds. So, yes, there was stuffing and cheating and screaming and misery during the final round of this year's Whammy Awards and a lot of it. (According to one member of the administration, it wasn't the authors who were doing or encouraging the cheating, but groups of overzealous friends and readers of various authors and certain factions of trolls who were trying to get certain authors disqualified for humiliation purposes. Most of these folks were caught via their IPs and fake AOL addys, but a lot weren't. In the end, everyone was basically suspect and the award disintegrated under pressure to the committee.) The final result? All the nominees were declared winners and the poor, tired Whammy committee took off, bruised and battered, never to run another award again. Now, is this a shame? Yes, especially for this particular genre. Was it unexpected? No, not really. Over the years, I've seen authors get physically ill during the waiting period for the final winners, seen readers fight like dogs to round up support for their favorites, heard of folks never speaking to each other again before, during and after these awards. I mean, I've seen it ALL and none of it was very nice. And I don't think all this cheating and angst happens because an author wants to be known as "the best" either. No, I believe it's something much, much worse than that. See, I don't think any author necessarily wants to win over everyone else... But they sure as hell don't to lose to someone they don't like. To a writer, THAT is a fate much, -much- worse than the simple loss of an award. Really, I know writers who would rather drop dead than see an author they dislike or have no respect for win ANYTHING over them. Thus the hysteria. And ultimately all the nasty, underhanded, miserable things that go along with that insecurity. Such as cheating, stuffing, fighting, crying, and all the rest. So, what's the solution to all this silliness you might ask? Well, I guess the obvious one would be not to throw awards, but I can also see the reader's perspective of things. Awards are great form of recommendations for them, a way to send feedback via voting and a nice way to make their own mark felt in a world that often seems to view them as outsiders ... interlopers even. Another solution would be to do away with that *final* First Place prize and let the nominees share for each category, thus reducing hostilities to a minimum, and removing the need for cheating of any kind. It's vaguely unsatisfying, but the peace might be worth it. Or, we can just all throw an award and give them to ourselves on a daily basis, for the mere act of completing, editing and posting a fic of any kind, which in my view, is often an act of heroism unto itself and deserving of *something.* We can call them... the "I Made This!" Award. And give ourselves a first prize every single time we post. CiCi Lean, 1999 ~~~~~~~~ NEW! THE ACID DESK HAS GONE BI-LINGUAL! For the benefit of our comprehension-challenged readers, The Acid Desk is now offered in both English and "Moron," courtesy of the Dialectizer (tm.) When signing up for home delivery of the Acid Desk please specify (to the best of your ability) which copy you'll need. Certain satirists in particular might want to take advantage of this offer, since our editors have noticed a distinct struggle upon their parts to understand the various subtleties of The Acid Desk's humor. We don't blame them pesonally, because remember, faulting genetics *is* the polite thing to do these days. So, for those folks who "just don't get it," get your copy of THE ACID DESK in "Moron" today! SAMPLE TRANSLATION: THE ACID DESK HAS GONE BI-LINGUAL! Doihh, COOL! F' de benebit of our c'prehenshun-challengid readehs, duuhhhh, De Acid Desk is now offehid in bod English 'n "Moron," courtesy of de Dialeckizeh (tm.) When signigg up f' home delibehy of de Acid Desk blease specify (to de best of your abiltiby) which copy you'll need. Cehtain satirists in particular mite want t' take adbantage of dis offeh, siss our editors habe noticid a distinct struggle upon deir parts t' undehstand de barous subtleties of De Acid Desk's yoomeh. Webuh don't blame dem pesonal, cuz remembeh, faultigg genetics *is* de polite digg t' do. So, f' dose folks who "dgust don't get it, uh," get your copy of THE ACID DESK in "Moron" today! Doihh, COOL! ~~~~~~~~~~~ That's it for this edition. Thanks to all my friends and supporters who continue to write to me and request The Acid Desk and give me good vibes in general. Love ya all! Come again next time, and I'll have some more snarky rants, squealing raves, gratuitous Pendrell Slapping, filthy gossip and a whole lot more! THE ACID DESK is, hopefully, a bi-weekly (monthly?) newsletter, written & created by CiCi Lean. This newsletter may NOT be copied, forwarded or posted to any other list, USENET news group of web page without express permission of the author, CiCi Lean (cicilean@yahoo.com). In short, if you sneak it around, I'll catch you and eat you alive. (And I chew 100 times per bite, just like Mama Lean taught me to.) All comments are welcome. Send to cicilean@yahoo.com TO GET "HOME DELIVERY" OF THE ACID DESK: Send an E-mail to: acid-desk-subscribe@makelist.com Google Home - Advertising Programs - Business Solutions - About Google ©2004 Google