TO My Other Half
A/N: the song isn�t part of the letter� it�s just the theme. (Blink 182 - Adam's Song)
{Lirics are in these}
To my brother, my twin, my other half:
{i never thought i'd die alone
i laughed the loudest who'd have known
i trace the cord back to the wall
no wonder it was never plugged in at all
i took my time, i hurried up
the choice was mine i didn't think enough
i'm too depressed to go on
you'll be sorry when I'm gone}
You watch me closely, as if you already knew. Sometimes, I wondered. You we�re my twin� And sometimes, the thought that you knew how depressed and ugly I had become was worse than anything in the world.
Because you were my life. You were all that I stayed even this long for. I didn�t know if I�d ever go through with anything, because of you. You, my twin, my brother, my other half. You were my everything. Still, I can only take so much pain. I�d bare the world upon my shoulders for you, but I could only hold it so long. I was no god, despite what the teenagers that always ask for our autographs may think.
{i never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when i still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over i'd survived
i couldn't wait till i got home
to pass the time in my room alone}
Do you remember, when we were sixteen? When we actually had a life, besides constant go� When the world still held so many possibilities. We�d been working since our birthday, as much as possible, just to get the bills payed.
And then he left. We moved, and we survived. And now, it seems like touring is the same� only with out the comfort that it�s gonna get better.
Because it wont. I used to want out of the house so bad, away from everything. To forget the way life had to be. And now I can only pray to god I get home soon. So that I don�t suffer and don�t make other people suffer.
{
i never thought i'd die alone
another six months i'll be unknown
give all my things to all my friends
you'll never set foot in my room again
you'll close it off, board it up
remember the time that i spilled the cup
of apple juice in the hall
please tell mom this is not her fault} I never actually thought I�d do something alone. I don�t know what I thought I�d do on our wedding days. But I seriously never thought I�d do something alone. You were always there.
But in no time at all, I�ll be a memory for people to think of when there�s nothing else. I�ll be something at the bottom of childhood dreams. The faded picture on the screen when they talk about those who couldn�t take the stress.
It�ll be silent in our house. Maybe you�ll sell it and get a new one, and smaller one. Maybe you�ll move in with someone else. But my room wont be the same. It�ll take on that stale tinge� that �old and gone� look. Dusty and all that.
Always keep the rules you set for me. They�ll probably be good one�s for your kids. But remember WHY you made the rules. The one�s about anything other than water never leaving the hardwoods� The one about apple-juice only in the kitchen.
And do me a favor� Tell mom I love her, and she had nothing to do with this. You didn�t either, bro. Never. You�re what kept me hanging on.
{i never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when i still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over i'd survived
i couldn't wait till i got home
to pass the time in my room alone}
Man, that�s something I�ll miss� I�ll never see. Your kids. Or your wife. Or Josh�s, or Sarah�s husband. You and Josh will have to quiz him extra hard for me�. Think up some of those strange questions� some of those questions I�d have thought of.
God, bro� I don�t know why this has to happen. I really don�t. But I love you. And I love my music. I love anything you touched. But loving isn�t the same as being able to survive it. I can�t take it� I have to go on now� Maybe I�ll see you again sometime.
{i never conquered, rarely came
but tomorrow holds such better days
days when i can still feel alive
when i can't wait to get outside
the world is wide, the time goes by
the tour is over, i've survived
i can't wait till i get home
to pass the time in my room alone} I love you. I always will.
Love, Ben
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Dammit� I�m starting to cry. Can you not tell? Do the tear blotches not give it away?