When Darkness is Upon Your Door

Part I

Darren�s POV

I sat silently, studying the words to �Crash and Burn�, desperately trying to make my handwriting come into focus. This was getting ridiculous. For some time now the world around me had been turning rather hazy; things faded in and out of focus, people and words and objects tended to blur. Though I�d made certain that those around me were none the wiser, it became apparent that I was losing my sight.

As much as I tried to hide it, my fellow bandmates were starting to figure me out. After all, there are only so many times that one can trip over things and blame klutzyness. I�d stopped reading the papers and magazines�even when they had written articles about the group. I had stopped watching television, I typed almost everything to make it legible and because I didn�t need to see to type. During the shows, I moved around less on stage and I rarely used the various ramps and platforms anymore. I also found myself sticking closer to Daniel while we performed, and not in any flirtatious manner as was formerly my habit. Instead, I all but clung to him but attempted to look as normal as possible.

Daniel, I knew, had noticed the change even if our bandmates remained in the dark.

The dark� I was slowly being left in the dark. Actually, it really wasn�t a slow transition. It all started several months ago as symptoms I attributed to stress: headaches, dizziness, vision whiting out around the edges. Over the past few weeks things had become dimmer and my range of vision grew increasingly smaller. I attempted to discreetly get checked out. About a month before I visited an optometrist who came to the conclusion that I was merely overworking my eyes and simply gave me a pair of prescription lenses and dark sunglasses. That didn�t solve my problem and my vision didn�t clear so I went to a doctor. That one doctor turned into several doctors and on each visit I was poked, prodded, and I swear pinched to within an inch of my life. None of the doctors could determine the cause of my sight problems. One even wanted me to come in for a MRI or some such thing, but I hadn�t the time for it. As it was, I had to sneak away from the rest of the group under the guise of going shopping--they don�t call me a Diva for nothing and, for once, I used it to my advantage.

There was only one flaw in that alibi. Each time I left for a doctors appointment I�d be gone for a couple of hours "shopping" and would return empty-handed or sometimes, when I could manage it, only a bag or two. Angie and Elisa, the group�s back-up vocalists, were suspicious of that at once. In fact, anyone who knew my usual shopping habits grew suspicious, but there was nothing that I could do about it.

I might not have been able to see much--just whatever was directly in front of me at a rather close range--but I still hadn�t missed the looks Daniel had been giving me. It was more of a feeling, really� I could feel him studying me, trying to figure me out, and he knew something was up. He had yet to say anything, but I knew that he knew. Or suspected something, at least.

The many doctors and specialists I�d been to may not have known the cause of my failing eyesight, but they all agreed on one thing: it was only a matter of time before I became completely blind. Blind� the very thought scared me to death. //What happens then? For the matter of that, what happens now? What happens to me, what happens to the band, what the hell am I going to do?//

My life, was a right cock-up; a real mess, and I didn�t know what to do about it.

When darkness is upon your door�

I laughed mirthlessly when that line swam into focus. Oh yes, the darkness was upon me and I had no one to turn to. I knew that I needed to confide in someone but how was I supposed to tell my best mates: "Eh, the tour�s goin� great, yeah? But we�ve one minor problem--I�ve lost most of my sight and am soon to be blind!"

Oh yeah, that would go over smashingly. Really�

With a sigh, I cast the lyric sheet aside and flopped down onto my hotel bed, rubbing my temples as a headache made itself painfully known.

//Well, think on the bright side of things.// part of my mind whispers. Oh, my optimism, I�d be lost without it�//There are worse fates than being blind// it tells me //Being deaf would kill you.//

And that cheery little voice was right, of course. It reminded me that as much as pending blindness was a shock and a difficulty to adjust to, I didn�t need to see to create music. So, it was a small comfort then to know that, even when I lost my sight, I wouldn�t lose the music. I would have been lost for certain if that happened. Being able to blend my words with Daniel�s melodies is what I�d always lived and breathed for. At least that wouldn�t be taken away�

Or would it?

My doubts consumed me. //Would the group want to continue with a blind singer? More importantly would Daniel continue on with, not only a blind singer, but a blind partner as well as a blind best friend? I really should tell them. It's going to come as a shock and they have every right to know. They�ll need time to adjust--hell *I* need time to adjust as well!//

A sudden knock on my door interrupted my musing. Slowly, I rose from the bed and made my way over to the door. On the other side was Daniel, lounging in the doorway, a concerned look lighting his eyes.

"Dan?"

"Daz," he said in return.

"What brings you to darkening my doorstep, mate?"

Upon saying this, I stepped aside to allow him to enter my room then took my time closing the door. When I turned around again he was standing right behind me, studying me intently. He was far enough away from me to appear slightly blurred, but I could feel the gaze of his emerald eyes.

"Daniel?" I tried to break the silence.

Daniel simply closed the distance between us and placed his hands on my shoulders. My vision was limited to only his face, but I could see the questioning and confusion and worry hidden in those green depths.

"Jonsey?" I attempted again.

Daniel sighed, his hands unmoving. "Darren," he began. //Uh oh. I don�t like that tone�// "What�s going on with you?"

"Whatever do you mean?" //Oh yeah. Play it innocent and he may just believe you. Yeah *right�*//

"Don�t give me that!" Daniel shot back. //Damn.// "I know you Daz, sometimes better than you know yourself. Well enough, at least, to know when something�s not right. So, out with it!"

Throughout his speech, his eyes never left my face. I was still under his scrutiny.

"Danny, I don't know what you're on about�" I hedged only to be fixed with an unbelieving glare. Daniel didn�t say anything though, surprisingly enough. Instead, he simply removed one of his hands from my shoulder. I didn't bother to try and follow the movement (a mistake) but left my gaze riveted on his face.

Suddenly I felt a stirring of air around my face, quickly followed by a startling crack against my right cheek. I jumped back in shock, bringing my hand up to touch my face, staring at Daniel in disbelief. He had hit me! Sure, it hadn't been all that hard and it didn't really hurt, but he still struck me. I was aghast. Daniel just stood in front of me regarding me silently. There was a look of guilty sadness in his eyes, combined with a glimmer of somber knowing.

Softly, sadly, he spoke up. "You didn't see it coming did you?" It was more of a statement and not a question.

I took a slow breath and let it out as a shaky sigh. "No," I whispered in defeat. "I didn't see it. I couldn't." The sadness in his eyes increased, but he silently waited for me to finish. With difficulty, I did so. "I'm going blind, Danny�" The last part of my sentence came out in a half-sob, the frustrations of the past few months finally catching with me. It was then that Daniel wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body close to his, holding me tightly. He led me over to sit on my bed not letting me go. I continued to cry as he began to rock me slightly, as if I was a scared infant.

"Oh, Darren�" he murmured, rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. "Oh, Dazza, things will be all right. Just let it out now. You'll be all right."

I buried my face in his shoulder, still crying, and nodded my head to show him that I was listening. As my tears continued to flow, I could feel them taking some of my anger and frustration along with them. After what seemed to be an eternity my tears stopped, but I did not remove myself from Daniel's embrace nor did he make any move to let me go. We sat there, me sniffling slightly and him gently rubbing my back. Neither one of us seemed to be inclined to be the first to speak.

I was tired emotionally and physically. I felt myself slowly beginning to drift off to sleep when Daniel broke the silence. "How long have you known?" he asked softly, his low voice almost whispering in my ears.

"Awhile," I admitted slowly. Hesitantly. "I first saw an eye doctor a few months ago when I started having trouble�"

"That long?"

I nodded and Daniel's hand continued to stroke along my spine. "What's happening to your eyes?"

With a sigh, I nestled my head deeper into his shoulder. "No one knows," I muttered against the skin of his neck. He shifted slightly as my breath tickled him. "One specialist wants me to go in for an MRI."

"Are you?"

"As soon as I can."

"How much time�" Daniel trailed off, uncertain.

"Before the lights go out completely?" I finished for him. "Don't know, really. Only a matter of time, I suppose."

"Oh god�" Daniel sighed explosively, running a hand through his already tossled blonde hair. His other hand remained on my back. "Well, what are we going to do?"

"We?" I repeated, confused.

"Yes, *we*," was the reply. "You're not alone in this Darren. I'm behind you, and the rest of the group will be too once you tell them. We love you too much to let you deal with this on your own.

I could feel my eyes filling with tears again, blurring my already hazy vision even more. Blinking to ebb the flow, I attempted to pull away from Daniel, only to be tugged back against him. Once more, I rested my head on his warm shoulder as he softly stoked his fingers through my hair.

"You won't be alone," he repeated in reassurance. "I've got you; you won't be alone�"

His calm voice stopped my tears before they could start up again. "Thanks Jonesy�" I whispered. "But I still don't know what I'm going to do."

Daniel hesitated before answering. "You could start by telling the rest of the band about this," he suggested. "Then you call up one of your doctors and set up that MRI. After that, we'll see�"

"You might, I won't�" I quipped weakly. This earned me a half-exasperated snort.

"Not funny."

"Maybe not, but it is a distinct possibility."

"Don't talk like that; don't *think* like that! Where's your optimism?"

"Currently? Somewhere in the back of my mind being pummeled by my pessimism."

I moved my head from Daniel's shoulder to see him smiling wryly at me. "Well, your sarcasm is certainly in full working order," he said, still smiling.

I grinned back and slowly drew myself out of his arms. Almost reluctantly, he let me go.

"I'm sorry for hitting you�" Daniel told me. I could hear the guilt and shame in his voice; they had to go. Immediately.

"S'okay, Jonesy. You didn't hurt me, just startled me a bit. It wasn't something that I was expecting and you proved your point."

He nodded, relieved, and proceeded to startle me again. He slowly lifted his arm, deliberately so that I could see it, not to hit me again but to apologetically stroke his hand over the drying tear tracks on my face. His slightly callused but tender fingers felt wonderful on my skin, shocking my brain to stillness and causing my body to instantly react to his touch. Shamelessly, I leaned my face into his warm, soft palm and let him continue his gentle ministrations.

When I heard myself practically purring, my brain decided to kick back on, full speed, bringing dozens of questions surging to the fore, the loudest of which being: //What the hell is going on?!?//

My body jerked in reaction to my thoughts, but Daniel thought I was opposed to his touch and he hastily removed his hand, apologies tumbling from his lips. "I'm so sorry Darren," he said in a rush, as he attempted to draw himself away from me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have�"

"Shouldn't have what?" I interrupted him, not wanting to let him embark on another guilt trip. "You shouldn't have been trying to comfort me?"

"No�no that's not it�"

"Then what is it?" I was confused, but a seed of knowing began to grow in my mind. "You sound and act as though you've done something wrong. But you haven't. I like being comforted by you. And if you needed it you know that I would be doing the same for you, probably for the same reasons." //I hope// my mind added, silently.

Daniel just sighed explosively. "You don't know my reasons," he finally managed to get out, his tone self-deprecating.

//Please let me be right about this!// my mind screamed as I replied. "Yes, that's true," I began lightly then continued in a voice lowered and laden with promise. "But I know *my* reasons."

My words and change in tone confused him. He was still very uncertain but I had him intrigued. He raised an eyebrow at me, his stare appraising. "And what are your reasons?" he asked slowly.

My mind wailed. //Please, please, PLEASE let me be right!//

"Because I love you, Danny," I replied at length, focusing all my attention on clearly seeing his face in an attempt to gauge his reaction. On non-reaction as the case seemed to be. He sat there silently, studying my face, my eyes. His expression was intent but confused.

"How so?" he finally asked, breaking the heavy silence.

That was neither the reaction nor the question that I was expecting. "What do you mean, 'how so'?" I demanded, highly confused.

He hesitated before clarifying. "In what way? In a brotherly way or a best mate sort of way or�" he trailed off, not wanting to dare complete that thought.

I didn't bother with trying to put words together to formulate an answer. Instead, I cast my inhibitions aside and moved one of my hands to capture Daniel's face in a gentle grip. Slowly, I inched our faces closer together, all the while staring deeply into his eyes, giving him plenty of time to pull away. He didn't. He sat there, anxious and apprehensive, the tension mounting in the air around us.

Then Daniel's eyes slipped shut and I closed the final distance, joining our lips together. In that instant the tension broke. Daniel's body relaxed and he kissed me back full-force, sighing against my lips. My hands slid upwards to entangle themselves in his hair and his arms slipped down to wrap around my waist and draw my body towards his.

It was a wonderful feeling. I, too, closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the sensation. I gasped in surprise when he seemed to take the initiative and his questing tongue sought entry into my mouth. I immediately parted my lips further to let him in, allowing him to taste me, meeting his tongue with mine. Finally the heated kiss ended naturally between us and we pulled apart gasping to regain our breath.

"Was that a good enough reason?" I asked Daniel with a smirk growing on my lips.

"Maybe�" he drawled out. "But you still haven't heard my reasons yet."

"Oh?" I began but was cut off as Daniel rejoined our mouths, engaging in another drawn out kissing session. At length, we broke apart for the second time, laughing a little, but still continued to hold each other.

"Your reasons are pretty good, too," I admitted earning a chuckle form my counterpart. Still laughing lightly, Daniel moved back to sit against the bedhead, pulling me to sit with him. "Demanding aren't you?" I grinned as I allowed myself to collapse in his embrace.

"Yup," he returned, giving an almost incredulous laugh. Then, "I don't know about you, Daz, but I am more than a little confused about what the hell just happened�"

That statement scared me a bit, instantly putting me on edge. I wasn't certain why it did, but it just struck me wrong. "We kissed, Daniel," I said bluntly. Almost harshly. "What's so confusing about that?"

Poor Danny. He seemed rather taken aback by my tone. "I didn't mean anything bad by it," he explained. "I just want to know why we're locking lips all of a sudden, that's all. Doesn't it surprise you in the least?"

"Not really. Especially since I have been wanting to do that for the longest time."

"Really?" Definite incredulity crept into his voice. "You, too?"

In reply, I snuggled deeper into his arms and turned my head to press a quick kiss on the base of his neck. His arms tightened around my body.

"How long have you felt like this?" Daniel asked.

//My, isn't he just full of questions today�// my inner voice purred.

With a cheeky grin I began humming the chorus to "I Knew I Loved You." Daniel was apparently still in awe, and therefore immune to my cheesy humor.

"I can't believe it's been here all this while," he murmured. "And we've just been too blind to see it."

//And I thought *I* was supposed to be the sap!// With a laugh, I told him, "I'm the one who's going blind, Danny, not you�"

Daniel sharply shook his head at my comment, coming out of his awed state. He looked me over with a slight frown, then asked, "How can you laugh about it?"

I just cast him a wry smirk. "At this point it�s either laugh or cry, Jonesy�" I remarked. "And I've had my fill of the crying."

He nodded and held me tighter. I sighed happily; I could get used to this. As much as I wanted to just lie like that forever, I knew we wouldn't be able to. When I glanced at the large digital clock by my bedside, I realized that our cozy-contentment would have to end a lot sooner than I expected. With a groan, I turned away form the clock and burrowed my head back into Daniel's shoulder. Once Daniel turned to read the clock himself, he echoed my groan with one of his own.

"We have rehearsal in forty-five minutes," he grumbled, unnecessarily.

"I know," was my reply. Then I decided to whine. "Do we HAVE to go?"

Daniel laughed. "Afraid so."

It was then time to turn on the charm; I turned a pout on him�full-force.

"Not gonna work," he stated. He gave me a little nudge to get me up. "As much as I love you, we have to get going."

My pout faded at that statement and I instantly perked up, whining forgotten about. "Exactly how much DO you love me?"

"More than you'll ever know."

"Good answer," I said while slowly removing myself from the circle of his arms. "And because I love you so, I'll get up." With a sigh, I slid off the bed, then reached over and pulled him up with me.

"I think you should tell the rest of the group this afternoon�About your sight."

I nodded absently. "I'll think on it."

"You do that." He leaned down to capture my lips once more. Our light kiss was interrupted as it began to grow more heated, by an incessant pounding on my door.

"Darren?" I heard as the knocking paused, only to start up again a second later. It was Leonie. "Darren, c'mon. We need to be going, I can't find Daniel, and Ben is threatening to wander off. Could you please get a move on?"

With an annoyed eye-roll, I broke off our kiss, released Daniel and walked over to fumble with the door. Finally, I managed to get it open to reveal Leo and the rest of the band standing on the hallway. Karl and Lee looked bored, Elisa seemed tired but eternally chipper, Leonie was impatient, and Angie had Ben gripped by his shirt collar to keep him from going anywhere.

Upon seeing Daniel with me, Leonie looked a bit less frantic. "Okay, good," she stated briskly. "We�ve located Daniel--we can leave now."

"'Bout time�" Ben muttered. Angie lightly cuffed him on the back of the head.

"We weren't that late!" I exclaimed defensively.

"For once!" Karl laughed.

I merely shook my head, donned a pair or REALLY dark sunglasses, and proceeded to move down the hallway. The others followed, laughing. We made it out of the hotel without incident, but I managed to embarrass myself thoroughly as we approached our car. While getting into the vehicle I didn't see the curb ending and oh-so-gracefully slipped off the edge, lost my balance, and would have ended up flat on my back. Luckily for me, Daniel came to my rescue and caught me before I hit the ground.

"Woah there, Daz!" Lee said as Daniel steadied me.

"Curb!" Elisa and Angie laughed, helpfully.

I attempted to shrug it off. "So, I'm a klutz�What else is new?"

"Ya know," Ben began. "It might help you to see the world if your sunglasses weren't so damned dark!"

I cringed briefly before laughing weakly and replying, "You could be right Benny. For once�"

"Heh, I'm always right!" was his comment as he got into the rental. Slowly, the others followed suit, leaving only Daniel and me standing on the curb.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"M'fine. Thank you�"

This time I managed to get into the car without braining myself.

* * * * * * * * * *

Our rehearsal that day didn't go nearly as easily. There I tripped over wires, Ben's amp, Elisa's shoes that she had taken off mid-practice, and just about anything else foolish enough to get in my way. Finally, I grew fed up with bumping into things I couldn't see and just stuck close to Daniel. If the others noticed my wonderful glue impersonation, they didn't comment. And Daniel didn't seem to mind me becoming like a second skin. We got through the rest of the rehearsal without me killing myself and I silently thanked whatever deities existed for that. When our practice came to an end we abandoned the stage, leaving the crew to set up for the evening's show.

For a few minutes the band hung around back stage to listen to instructions for the night and in order to go over our strengths and weaknesses. With business out of the way, we all stood about to simply chat a bit about nothing.

"So, what are we going to be doing for the next couple of hours?" Elisa asked the gathered group.

Normally, in the bit of downtime before a show we would all split up and vege for an hour or two before we had to meet back for last minute preparations. I knew this time wouldn't be any different.

"I'm going back to the hotel and catching up on my sleep!" Karl said grabbing his jacket from the back of a chair.

"You're no fun!" Ben laughed. "I wanna go clubbin'!"

"Oh, no you don't," Leonie said. "You save bar-hopping until *after* the show!"

"Damn�" he muttered.

Angie cut off anything else Ben might have said, by stating," Well, Elisa, Leonie, and I are going shopping. Anyone else want to come?" She looked in my direction. "Darren?"

"Not this time around," I told her. "I think I'm just going to find someplace quiet and grab a bite to eat. Any takers?"

"Mind if I tag along?" Daniel asked me, playing it nonchalant.

I turned to offer him a bright smile, glad that he wanted to join me. "Of course not!" I replied while patting down my pockets to grope blindly for my sunglasses. After much fumbling, I managed to withdraw them.

"Oh Dazzy!" Ban drawled out. "I think there's something that you're not telling us!"

I froze in the middle of putting on my sunglasses--my one shield against the world. //Oh shit! They've noticed something's wrong�// "Wh�what?" I quavered, getting the glasses in place.

Ben's tone was smug. "I think there's something that you're not telling us about you and Danny-boy!"

The breath that I hadn't even realized I'd been holding left my lungs in a rush and I began to laugh. I hadn't been expecting that and felt an absurd sense of relief. That was in the two seconds before I realized what Ben was implying. My laughter was cut off instantly and I had no clue what to reply to that. I gave Daniel a desperate look (a hard feat to accomplish through sunglasses) and said, "I dunno�Danny is there something that they don't know about?" This was followed by a big, cheesy grin.

Daniel smirked. "There's probably a lot in the world that Ben doesn't know," he stated. "But I can't imagine what it is that he is getting at�"

"Hey!" Ben shrieked in protest once he registered the insult.

"Alright, alright�" Leonie interrupted, just before things could get interesting. "Enough talking. We've got about two hours before you need to meet back here. Get going, but don't you dare be late. And be CAREFUL!"

"Yes, mum!" I said, not being able to resist ribbing Leo. This earned me an evil look from her and laughter from the rest of the gathered group. We split up on that note, all going in different directions. Daniel held onto my arm as we exited the stage and continued to lead me outside, to a taxi. I half-heartedly protested this action. "I don't need a seeing-eye dog, yet!" I told him once he had relinquished my arm.

"So?" he shot back as we settled in the back of the cab and told the spacey-looking driver our destination. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while before I slowly and quietly spoke up, "Jonsey?"

"Yeah, Daz?"

"Might I ask you something?"

"Fire away�"

"What are we exactly, that we haven't told Ben and the others? We've become something new, but haven't talked about it."

"Well, we didn't have much time before," Daniel reminded me, pulling me close to him to stroke my hair. "I seem to recall a lot of kissing going on at the time, if I remember correctly."

"That's true�" I murmured, closing my eyes at the calming sensation. "So, what are we?"

"What do you want us to be?"

"And he answers a question with a question�" I groused, sitting up with a sigh. I removed my sunglasses in order to see into Daniel's eyes. "I want us to be us; together."

He pulled me back to his chest before he replied. "And that's what I want, too. Forever�"

I smiled. "It's going to be a good forever."

"That it will." Daniel's arms tightened around me.

It was then that the cab driver pulled to a stop and informed us that we had arrived. At this, Daniel and I disentangled ourselves from each other, paid the fare, and exited the cab. Our destination was a small, quiet, out-of-the-way restaurant modeled after the cafes in Paris. It was a nice place with a romantic, laid-back atmosphere. A place where Daniel and I could eat without really worrying about being bothered.

Lunch was wonderful, full of good food and blatant flirting. We kept the conversation light and loving, avoiding stressful topics (like the evening's show) and worrisome topics (such as my failing sight). It was a terrific feeling sitting together, laughing, with our clasped hands hidden under the table. I hadn't felt that good in a long time. Daniel and I spent over an hour in the little café, not wanting our lazy lunch to end.

But time, as always, wasn't on our side and we knew we had best be going. After paying the bill, we slowly got up to leave. We made our way towards the door with Daniel standing behind me, gently guiding me around tables and other obstacles. The action both pleased and embarrassed me and I could feel the rush of heat coloring my cheeks. I was immanently grateful for the dim lighting of the café. Once outside, Daniel hailed another cab for us while I attempted to locate the damnable, dark sunglasses that seemed to be becoming the bane of my existence.

I was just about to give up on the sunglasses and get into the cab when I heard a rush of excited voices from somewhere behind us. "Oh. My. GOD!" Several someones seemed to be screaming. "Its THEM!" Immediately, Daniel and I whirled around only to have flashes of white lights explode in our faces. The bright flash bulbs of cameras�

I reeled at the painful and blinding light, roughly stumbling back into Daniel who grabbed onto me as the flashes and screaming continued. I stood, blinking desperately trying to get the white to fade out of my vision, rather scared and confused as to what was going on around me. Repeatedly I blinked, harder and more rapidly as the white didn't leave. Panic began to set in as Daniel managed to get us away from the mob of fans and into the waiting cab. Dimly, I heard Daniel tell the driver to take us back to the arena and then he immediately turned his attention back to me.

"Darren?" Daniel's worried voice was close to my ear as his hands tightened on my arms. "Darren, what is it? What's wrong?"

"I can't see!" I gasped out, an edge of hysteria creeping out. My voice was nothing but a terrified whisper. "Danny, I can't see!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I CAN'T SEE!" My voice rose. I was now beyond scared and rubbed frantically at my eyes. "Nothing�not a damn thing. There's only white!"

My breathing grew rather rapid and Daniel wrapped his arms around me in an effort to calm me down. "It'll fade Darren," he soothed. "Don't worry, love, it'll fade. It shall pass�"

I was miserable and terrified. "Blurred vision was so much better than none at all!" I moaned despondently, burrowing my head against Daniel's chest. One of his hands immediately moved to stroke my hair. I kept blinking, praying that the whiteness would go away.

"Shhh, Daz, it will fade," he repeated. "You'll be alright."

Part of me believed him. Or at least desperately wanted to believe him. The rest of me was too scared for rational thought. What was I going to do now? I wasn't expecting total blindness so suddenly, let alone was I prepared to face it. So I sat, shaking in that cab, head buried in Daniel's shoulder, tears coursing uselessly down my cheeks.

"You're not alone in this, Darren," Daniel's sweet calm voice was becoming my lifeline. He kept talking, repeating soothing words in that same tone. Eventually, it broke through the sheer terror that engulfed me and began to calm me, somewhat. I closed my unseeing eyes and brought a hand up to massage my temples. Now that I could concentrate on something other than fear, I realized that I had developed a massive headache.

"What I wouldn't give for an aspirin�" I muttered.

"Another headache?"

"Oh yeah."

"Maybe that's what's keeping your vision whited out?"

"Maybe�" I wasn't convinced. Cautiously, I opened my eyes then sighed and let them slip closed again. "It's gone grey now."

"Your sight?"

I nodded into his shoulder. "It's gone from white to grey. Not long now before the world turns black."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"I have to be," I replied. Then paused. Clearing my throat, I attempted to make light of the situation by cracking a feeble joke. "But I may just have to take you up on your seeing-eye dog bit�" I weakly half-smiled, then reached a hand up to Daniel's lips to feel him also smiling slightly. He pressed a soft kiss to my curious fingertips then moved my hand away from his lips to hold it gently in one of his own.

"I'll be your very own seeing-eye-Dan," he solemnly promised me.

I laughed slightly though my tears still flowed. "I love you�" I whispered. It was the first time that I had really spoken the words seriously and bluntly, but they felt right at the time and I needed to say them.

And apparently, he needed to hear them because I was instantly pulled into his lap and crushed close to his body. One bit of my mind vaguely thought about what the hell the taxi driver must be thinking about our goings-on, but for the most part I ignored those thoughts and just let Daniel hold me.

"I love you, too, Darren." He told me. "And I meant it when I said forever."

I hoped so. But one thought still bothered me. I had to know� "Even if the blindness is permanent? Would you still want me if I couldn't see?"

"God yes!" he replied forcefully. I could tell that the question had shocked him. "I love you, not your sight, and there is no way that I would leave you alone when you needed me the most!"

God I loved him. In answer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned his tight embrace. It seemed that nothing could be better. My wristwatch took the opportunity to beep at this moment, signaling that we were late for meeting up with the rest of the group.

"Shit!" I cursed, releasing Daniel to grope for my watch and shut off the alarm. "I really hate time! We�re late again�And what the hell am I going to do?" I refused to start panicking again.

"We're almost there, Daz," Daniel soothed. "But I'm not sure that it matters. With your new predicament, I think we should cancel the show."

"We can't! Its beyond the last minute--the show's in a couple of hours. Maybe even less by now. We can't disappoint all those people."

"Well then how are you going to do the show? How will we get through it?"

"Damn it! I'm blind, not mute!" I was frustrated. Very frustrated.

Daniel sighed. "I know that Darren, but you've just gotten quite a shock. We should be getting you to a doctor!"

"I'll go to a doctor first thing tomorrow," I promised. "But I *can* do the show tonight. I've been doing it nearly blind for months now. Please Jonesy�"

Daniel was hesitant. I knew that he didn't want to let me--it went against every over-protective bone in his body. But I was determined and he knew it.

"Of you're certain that this is what you want to do, then I'm not going to say no to you, Daz. But--and this is a rather large BUT--we are going to have to be careful and you are going to have to promise to stay right next to me. And I *still* think it�s a mistake."

"I know. But it's just one show; I'll be fine. You know as well as I do that it is too late to cancel." I trailed off as I felt the cab slow to a stop. "Are we there?" I asked.

"Yeah� Darren are you sure?"

"Positive," I replied. "We can't back out now."

Daniel grumbled something that sounded like "Oh yes we can," before taking a deep breath. I was already attempting to struggle to get out. "Hold on a minute," he told me as he turned his attention to the driver. He paid the fare, thanked the man, then opened the car door. "What are we going to tell the others?" he asked as he gently guided me out of the cab.

"Nothing yet," I responded. "We don't have enough time�"

"They need to know!" he began.

"After the show," I interrupted. "We'll tell them after its over. There isn't any time now."

"Promise me you'll be careful. So very careful�Don't make me regret this."

"Never�" I smiled taking Daniel's hand. "How are we doing for time?"

We began to walk inside. I felt him twist our linked hands so that he could see my watch, then felt his pace change as he hurriedly led me along. "We're forty-five minutes late."

"Shit! Leonie's going to kill us."

"You said it," he replied. "Hurry along, I've got you."

Wordlessly, I allowed Daniel to carefully-but-quickly guide me through the jungle that was our backstage area. Every now and then I'd stumble over obstacles, but Daniel never let me fall. Over the din of the crew and the noise from the people already in the auditorium I heard Daniel open a door and I was pulled along behind him.

The second the door closed behind us I heard Ben's voice sing out, "You're laaatttteeeee!"

This was followed by Leonie's voice at an advancing range. "Indeed you are. Where the *hell* have you been?" she demanded.

"Uh, it�s a long story Leo�and not one we really have time for," I hedged as Daniel attempted to inconspicuously draw me into the nearest make-up chair. Seconds later I was startled to feel my sunglasses being removed, Daniel moving away, and unknown hands applying base to my face.

"I hate this�" I heard Daniel grumble from somewhere next to me and I smiled, knowing that he was only complaining to let me know where he was by the sound voice. Less than fifteen minutes later we were led from the chairs to be wardrobed. Leonie spent the entire time lecturing about our tardiness, but I didn't listen. I was focusing all of attention on not falling over. I really wanted Daniel at the moment, but he was across the room--I assumed--and not there for me to latch on to.

More hands roughly removed my shirt then quickly pulled a form-fitting sleeveless shirt onto my body. I was rather startled for awhile--all I could feel were hands grabbing at me, jostling me around. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity I was dressed, my hair was done, and I was back at Daniel's side.

"How are you holding up?" he whispered to me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

I attempted a shaky smile in what I hoped was his direction and answered, "Okay."

"And your vision?"

"The grey's slowly getting darker." I replied with a cringe. "I'd really like my sunglasses back. I feel safer with them on�"

Daniel's hands tightened reassuringly on my shoulders for a moment. "I've got a pair. You want 'em?"

"Please."

Daniel's hands briefly left my shoulders and after a few seconds of slight rustling, I felt him gently slip his sunglasses over my eyes. "Better?"

I sighed shakily. "Yes, thank you. We can do this, right?"

His hands moved back to rest on my shoulders once more a comforting pressure. "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts," he said, his tone incredulous.

"I'm scared," I admitted softly. My world was now a void a growing darkness, I was about to step out onto a stage in front of a massive live-audience, and I was terrified.

"Oh, Darren," Daniel sighed. I guessed that we were alone because he pulled me onto a close embrace. "Yes, we can do this," he assured me. "You said yourself that you're not mute, your voice will be just as beautiful now than it ever has been before."

Hearing the rest of the group rapidly approaching, I pressed a quick kiss to Daniel's cheek and whispered, "Thank you, love."

He released me. "You're welcome."

Then we were unceremoniously surrounded by the rest of the band.

"Show time, guys!" Elisa called out happily.

"Time for the power up!" added Angie, drawing Daniel and me into the circle they had formed. "It's bad luck if you don't� Thumbs out!"

We loudly did our pre-show ritual then separated to get ready to go on. Daniel got his guitar, I checked my ear-pieces, and we all stood just breathing deeply waiting for the show to begin. My meditative state was broken by a tapping on my arm. I turned towards the tapper as they spoke. It was Lee.

"Hey, Daz�What's with the glasses, man?" he asked.

"Oh, just trying to look cool!" I answered, flippantly.

He laughed as we heard the music for our entrance begin. The others were to go out on stage first and be followed by Daniel and myself a few moments later. In the hustle of the others rushing to their places, I got shaken up and turned around and momentarily lost contact with Daniel. I reached an arm out. "Daniel?" I called out sharply, fear in my voice. He was beside me again in an instant.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think�" he began.

"No, its okay," I cut him off. "I just lost track of where I was for a second. I'm fine now. Let's go�"

"We can do this," he reminded me, capturing my lips in a hurried, but gentle kiss.

"We can," I agreed. And out we went.

I had always said that I knew our stage like the back of my hand, and for that fact I was thankful. I managed to confidently walk out and find my mic without too much trouble. From there at center stage, I knew approximately how many steps I could take in either direction and I figured as long as I didn't attempt to do anything overly-complicated that I'd be fine.

My world quickly became a wall of sound. I was surrounded on all sides by sound so loud and intense that I could hear my ears ringing. The dull roar of the crowd before me, the steady beat of the bass and the pounding of the drums, the scream of the guitars--it was consuming. I felt myself drowning in the sensation.

At first I was uncertain in my movements as well as my performance. But, as the concert went on, I grew more confident and simply let the music take control. I channeled it and let it pour from me like a beautiful spring of song. It was a glorious feeling�

And Daniel was always near, guiding me, being my eyes in such a way as to not broadcast my sudden disability. He made me feel safe, protected. Loved.

The show was going beautifully. If the others saw fault in my performance they didn't voice it. Daniel and I made sure that we were both doing okay during the hurried costume changes. We were actually pulling off a really good show with me blind as the proverbial bat. It was almost laughable.

I suppose that I grew too confident. Maybe we both did--him confident in my ability and me confident that I could care for myself, and if I couldn't that he could. I felt as if nothing could touch me as long as he was near me. I figured that nothing bad would ever happen. This over confidence was my downfall. Literally.

We had just moved into the last set. The crowd was totally vibing and I felt exhilarated, high on their energy. We were in the middle of playing "Tears of Pearls" and I threw myself totally into the song. I had started out staying near Daniel, dancing close, teasing him more than I should have, and attempting to make it all look like a jest; all in fun, not need. Then I let myself get lost in the music. I'd always loved this song and I began to give it my all. Really pouring it out there. I let the rhythm fill my body and take me over. Just like I always had done, I started dancing, lost in my own musical world. The rest of the universe ceased to exist. It became simply my words melded with Daniel's beautiful guitar--the two harmonizing and communicating together. I allowed myself to just let go. I felt free�

�Then reality reared its ugly head. Suddenly, I realized that I was no longer lost in the music but lost on the stage. During my dancing, I'd gotten turned around, just like I had backstage. I had no idea where I was. The music played on around me; it was the instrumental break and I knew that Daniel would be concentrating on it and not me.

I was alone. In all actuality, I was probably only a few feet away from him and the rest of the band, but I'd never felt as completely alone as I did then.

The instrumental ended and I forced myself to pick up the lyrics. While singing, I attempted to judge which direction the crowd was in based on the screaming, and began to try and walk back to Daniel. I had only taken a few steps when I heard Daniel urgently cry out over the music,

"DARREN!"

When I turned quickly to face his voice, it happened. I lost my balance. I tried to take a step back to catch myself, but it didn't help. I fell�I fell backwards and there was nothing there to catch me.

Too late, I realized that I had been standing too close to the edge of the stage. Daniel's desperate shout had been a warning. I screamed as I felt my body falling, reaching out to frantically claw for a hold. I didn't find one. It was only about a six-foot drop but it seemed to go in slow motion. Then time sped up once more and my body connected solidly and hard against the stadium's concrete floor. Pain exploded everywhere, shooting throughout my being. And then�there was simply�

�nothing�

TBC