�The states, Danny?� Darren�s voice reflected an inner pain.

Daniel nodded.

�That concert incident?�

Daniel shook his head.� �Before then.�

Darren could barely hear Daniel�s timid voice.

�Was� was it something I did?�

�No.� Not really� it�s just� always asking� digging� prying�.� And not being able to say what I wanted to say. Always hiding. Feeling like a thief when we�d steal time together.�

Tears began spilling from closed eyes.

Darren looked at Paul, who simply nodded.� Darren reached over, put his arms around Daniel, and pulled him close as he began to shudder.� Darren began rubbing the small of his back as he sobbed on Darren�s shoulder.

�Shh� Danny, it�ll be okay.�

Darren rocked him gently, still murmuring in his ear.� One hand gently massaged the back of his neck, while his other held Daniel tight. Safe.

Slowly the shaking and sobbing eased.� Left Daniel gasping for breath, and flushed with embarrassment.

�Daniel, I�m going to tell you something.� I want you to think about it, and I want you to add it to the things I�m going to ask you to do.� That is, if you want to continue.� Do you, Daniel?�� Paul spoke kindly.

Daniel heaved one last post-crying sigh, and nodded.

�First, never be ashamed to love. Never be ashamed of who you love or how you love.� Second, tell yourself every day �what I feel is right.�� �What I feel is good.�� �What I feel is an important part of who I am, and by acknowledging this, I acknowledge what makes me whole.�� What did you feel for Darren back then, Daniel?�

�I � I � �

�Whole?� Complete?� Blessed?�

Daniel nodded wordlessly.

�As human love is meant to be.� As it was intended to be.� Many people have infatuations.� Many people find and lose love every day. Some manage to live �Happily Ever After�.� A blessed few find their soul mate.� The one our creator intended us to spend the rest of our lives with. �You need to accept it.� Acknowledge it.� You�ve got to want it so bad you can taste it.� When you are comfortable with it, you need to tell others.� Start with people you know won�t criticize you for your choices.� It won�t be easy.� But it will affect whether or not the rest of the program will work for you.� And you�ll start to feel better immediately.� If you start today, which you should, by the way; your negative thoughts about who you are will start to change.� It�s the first and most important step to your recovery.� If you�re willing to take it.�

Darren looked at Daniel.� His eyes were slightly glazed.� As if everything the doctor had said had overwhelmed him.

�Darren?�

�Yes?� he tore his gaze from Daniel to look at the doctor.

�He needs support, encouragement, and an environment that�s relatively stress free.� Can you help him with that?�

�Yes I can.�

Dr. Willoughby walked over to a small shelf, looked through several stacks of paper, then returned with a small pamphlet.� He handed it to Daniel.� �Understanding Sexuality in Relation to Social Anxiety.�

�This will remind you what I want you to tell yourself.� You need to be able to say it out loud to yourself at least three times a day.� If you feel self-conscious, go where you won�t be embarrassed.� And every time you look at Darren, or think of him, I want you to repeat it to yourself mentally.� Believe it.� It will make you stronger.�

�You� you really believe that, don�t you Paul?� Wonder and disbelief played across Daniel�s features.

�I do. I�ve lived it, Daniel.�� He showed them his wrists, the scars long healed.�� �I know it works.� Now, I think we�re done for today.� Call if you feel a need to talk, about anything.� Either of you.� In order to give you time to think about today, and practice what I�ve given you; how about I see you back here in four days.� Same time?� And I promise to meet you at the door this time.�� Paul grinned with mild embarrassment.

Darren and Daniel smiled back, and shook his hand as they left.

�So, what do you think?�� Darren quietly asked Daniel on the way home.

�I think I�m not going to have much time to do anything, if I follow his recommendations.�

�Oh? How�s that, Danny?�

The silence grew.� Darren risked a glance at Daniel. The pamphlet was open, and he appeared to be absorbed in reading it.

�Daniel?�

Dan cleared his throat. �I-I� well. You remember how the doctor � �

�Paul.�

Dan nodded even though Darren was watching traffic.� �Yeah. Paul.� Remember how he wanted me to say all those things� when� when��

It was Darren�s turn to nod, and he smiled softly. �Yes I do. �What I feel is right. What I feel is good. What I feel is an important part of what I am and by acknowledging this, I acknowledge what makes me whole.�� Yes, Dan, I do remember. Because I believe it with all my heart.�

�You do?�

Darren put his left hand on Daniel�s knee.� �I do, Dan.� Remember you asked me what I was doing here?�

�Yeah.�

�Do you remember what I told you?�

�You wanted to see me.�

�Because I miss you, Danny. I miss being with you. I miss what we had. No one made me happy. There weren�t any one night stands.� He chuckled. �The one date I had was a disaster. I kept talking about you.�

�Really?�� One corner of his mouth raised.

Darren chuckled again. �Yeah. He had blonde hair too. Hazel eyes. Polite, courteous. Even played guitar.� Darren smiled sheepishly, and felt a warm flush on his cheeks.� �But he wasn�t you.� I finally realized that, after he pointed it out.� Another nervous chuckle.

�How so?� Daniel asked, more lively than Darren had seen him in the three days he�d been there.

�Called him Danny one too many times.�

�You didn�t.�

��Fraid so.�

They turned into Daniel�s drive then, Darren parking behind Dan�s silver convertible.

�So. I ask you again. What do you think?�

Daniel turned in the seat to look at Darren.

�How�m I gonna get anything done if I�m repeating that stuff in my head all the time?�

Darren�s brows knit together as he frowned, wondering if he understood Dan properly.

�Well, he said whenever I look at you or think of you��

�Do you want me to leave? Get a room?�

Dan shook his head, and smiled shyly.� �That wouldn�t really help.� I�ve done nothing but think of you these last months.�

Darren�s brows rose.� �Oh?� He smiled uncertainly.

They stared at each other deeply.� Eyes darkened. Lips parted.� Tongues darted out to moisten coyly.

�Um� Think we should� go in?�� Darren asked with a rough voice.

�Uh�� Daniel nodded, unable to say more.

At the door, Daniel fumbled with his keys; but soon they were inside, Darren locking it again behind them.� When Darren turned back, Daniel pulled Darren to him.� Their lips met with crushing force.� His right hand tangled in Darren�s curly blonde locks as his left pulled Darren closer, his palm curving over the denim that covered Darren�s left buttock.

Darren shivered and moaned, then pulled back enough for their hungry tongues to clash in a mating frenzy as their lips pressed hard again.� His right hand went to the back of Daniel�s neck, teased the hairs there; while his left found its way up under Daniel�s t-shirt.

When they finally broke for air, they were both painfully aware of the heat that seemed centered between their legs.

�I�m so sorry, Dazza.�

�Why?�

�For�for everything-I-�

Darren put his fingers on Daniel�s lips.� �Shh� don�t think about it any more.� Ever.� I forgive you.� Just promise to forgive anything I ever did to hurt you, because I�m sorry too.�

Daniel nodded, and they kissed again. More gently than before, for which Darren was a little grateful.� He had the feeling his already full lips were going to be a little bruise swollen later.� He smiled inwardly, letting the smile travel to his mouth as they separated again.

�I�ve been wanting to do that for so long, Danny.�

Dan smiled warmly, and Darren�s knees threatened to melt.� It was �that� smile.� The one that always left him weak.� �So.� What are you thinking, Daniel?�� He whispered.

�What I feel is right. What I feel is so very good. What I feel is an important part of what I am� and by acknowledging this � �

�I acknowledge what makes me whole.�� They finished in unison.

�Sounds good, doesn�t it, Danny?�

�Darren?�

�Yes, Danny?�

�Could we?� Dan�s voice was little more than a husky whisper.

�What, Danny?�

�Make love?�

It was Darren�s turn to beam as he took Daniel�s hand and led him upstairs.

They faced each other nervously in the bedroom.

�Are you sure,Danny?�

Daniel pulled Darren close. He felt the electricity as their groins touched, and they moaned simultaneously. Daniel lowered his head, and Darren�s lips eagerly met his again.� Slowly Darren�s lips moved to Daniel�s strong chin. He licked along Daniel�s jaw, kissing softly. Daniel sighed, then shuddered as Darren sucked on the soft flesh in the curve of his neck, biting gently.

Daniel slid his hands up the front of Darren�s shirt. He knew how sensitve Darren was there.� As Daniel�s fingertips explored the contours, it was Darren�s turn to tremble.� When Daniel�s thumbs brushed over Darren�s hardened nipples, his knees buckled.

�Oh, God, Danny�� �He moaned as he grabbed Daniel for support.

Dan smiled gently and picked Darren up, laying him on the bed.� Then he crawled in beside Darren, kissing him gently on the neck.

�Danny� wh� what are you doing?�

Daniel looked at him, and he felt as if he were drowning.

�What� do you mean,� Dazza?�

Kisses punctuated the words. Daniel�s hand slowly pushed Darren�s shirt up, and he began kissing Darren�s chest.

�I� ahh� this was supposed to beee� for you��

�But� this is� for me��� Daniel had reached Darren�s nipples again.� Darren writhed and moaned as Daniel teased relentlessly.� Soon Dan had draped his long, lean body over Darren�s as his tongue finally left Darren�s overly sensitive nipples to engage his mouth in another deep kiss.� He lifted his head, and smiled lovingly at Darren.

�I�ve missed you so.�� He kissed Darren�s neck, and Darren felt as if he couldn�t get enough air.� �I�m so grateful, Darren��

Darren brought his right hand up, rubbed Daniel�s shoulder. �Why?� he asked, a confused smile on his face.

�Seeing Paul, listening to him�� He nibbled on Darren�s ear. �I feel as if� a weight is lifting��� He sucked on the soft skin in the curve of Darren�s neck, and Darren felt his lips smile as another shudder ran through him. �I�ve wanted to do this� for so long��

Darren began tugging at Daniel�s t-shirt. Daniel carefully disentagled himself from Darren�s body, sat back on his knees, and pulled his shirt over his head.

Darren took advantage of Daniel�s distraction to quickly remove his own shirt, then reached for Daniel�s waist with trembling hands. He paused, his hands on Daniel�s slim hips, gently stroking the soft flesh with his thumbs. He looked at Daniel�s lust darkened emerald eyes, knowing his own were darkened the same.

�I want you, Danny� Please��

Daniel�s hands caressed his curly locks.

�I want you, too, Dazza� Please�� Daniel�s hands cupped his face as Dan bent over and pulled him into a wanton kiss. Thrusting his tongue in and out of Darren�s mouth.

Darren whimpered and began tugging at the button on Dan�s jeans. It resisted. He wondered that Dan wasn�t in pain, the jeans were so tight now.

Finally the button released it�s hold, and he quickly pulled the zipper down.� Daniel lay down on his back, and raised his hips as Darren tugged his jeans off.

Darren�s own jeans quickly followed and he lay back down on the bed.� His arms went around Daniel as they embraced for another deep kiss.� He broke off then, to suck on Daniel�s neck. Heard Dan�s soft moan, felt his body move beneath him.

He began working his way down Daniel�s chest. Licking, kissing, sucking, nipping.� Tasting the flavor that was Daniel.

Daniel�s fingers massaged Darren�s scalp now, as his tongue swirled around Daniel�s navel.� He moved down farther, and Dan�s hips bucked uncontrollably.

�Darren� Dazza� please� I need you��

Gently Darren removed Daniel�s boxers, then his own.� �Danny�� he whispered in Daniel�s ear, and sucked gently on the lobe. �Lube?�

�Ah� nightstand��

Darren fumbled with the drawer.� Felt around as his lips moved down to Daniel�s collarbone. Grasped the tube as his tongue traced it�s way to Daniel�s throat.

He lay down fully beside Daniel. One leg between his, as he began sucking Daniel�s right nipple.

Daniel�s head arched backward. �Oh, Dazza��

Darren felt the heat pulsing between them, licked across to Daniel�s left nipple. Moaned as Dan�s hips thrust his hardness against Darren�s own.

�Oh, God, Daz� stop� teasing��

�Um� protection?�

�Wha�? Um� I�m clean��

Darren nodded. �Me too�� Two months ago��

He opened the lube, squirted some onto his fingers.

�Oh� oh�� Dan�s back arched as Darren prepared him.

�Ready?�

Dan nodded, moaned incoherent words as his body undulated below Darren.� He stiffened a moment, as Darren moved over him; then brought his legs up around Darren�s waist.

Darren smiled at the ecstasy shining in Dan�s eyes. Bent down to kiss him.

Daniel wrapped his arms around Darren�s neck, pulled him close as their bodies rocked in rhythm.

Broke for breath as they shuddered together.

�Dazza��

�Daniel!�

Their movements slowed and Darren laid his forehead on Daniel�s shoulder.� Then he collapsed onto Daniel. Dan ran a hand through his hair, gently kissed the side of his head. He struggled to slow his breathing as Daniel held him close.

�Thank you, Darren.�

He turned his head, and managed to find the energy to kiss his neck. �I love you, Danny.�

�Love you too, Dazza.�

�tbc�