��������������� The radio wasn�t loud, but in my mind it was blaring. Where the streets have no name, where the streets have no name� I did want to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to fly away from this life and never look back. I wanted Darren to be okay. I wanted Ben to come back. I wanted to have my life back. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted, and for once I thought that it would be okay to be selfish for a while.

��������������� Better than being real.

��������������� I felt weak. Exhausted. I needed to eat lunch. Hell, I needed to eat something. But I didn�t care. I wasn�t budging from that room until I heard news on Darren.

��������������� Thankfully, that news came soon enough, in the shape of a round brunette who introduced herself as Dr. Janet Henchcliff. She seemed to me like she�d have made a better day care teacher than doctor, what with the omnipresent smile and motherly air she presented. I saw right through it and knew things weren�t good. I introduced myself and sat down, resting my chin in my hands and gazing upwards, expectant of some form of consolation or worse thing.

��������������� She said nothing, just stared.

��������������� �You don�t have to hide anything from me, doctor. Just� tell me what happened.�

��������������� She sighed and offered her words with a smile that screamed, �remorse.� �He�s awake now. Other than that, I can�t say much. I suppose you were the one in the room when� he suffered a mild heart attack. His body was so used to being at rest that once it began functioning again, it couldn�t remember how.�

��������������� I didn�t understand much of it� but he was awake. She continued on. They had him sedated at the moment, but nobody knew for how long. I�d stopped hearing her voice and concentrated on the tone. It was smooth, rehearsed, and maternal. Just the kind of voice you�d expect to hear when news like that was being conveyed to a grief-stricken puddle such as myself. I leaned back into the chair and caught the last of her report. �� We�re doing everything we can. Even if the odds are against us, there�s still a chance that he�ll pull through without any permanent damage.�

��������������� I�ll bet you are. And if you�re not, God help you, and something happens to him� I closed my eyes. Not now. Not here. Go wallow someplace where it�d matter. Dr. Henchcliff was beginning to walk back down the hallway, and (although it took most of my energy to even stand) I rose to follow her. �Doctor, wait up! Are they keeping people out of his room�?�

��������������� She turned and nodded. �Yes, at the moment,� I must�ve looked crushed. Not that I would have felt it. She gave a quick glance down the hall and motioned for me to follow her. �You can sit outside his door. If anyone asks, tell them I sent you.� What could have amounted to a sly smile brightened her dark, almond eyes. I mouthed �thank you� and sat down.

���������������

��������������� I�d sat there for hours. Although it probably wasn�t much more than twenty minutes, that�s what it felt like. It hurt so fucking much to be on the other side of the glass again. Every so often, I�d peer through the window to catch a glimpse of him� sleeping� I took a silent vow that I�d never see him like this again. He�d pull through. He had to. Without Darren, my life in all aspects was over.

��������������� I wanted to be back inside. I wanted to hold his hand. He needed me, and I was trying so hard to be there� but it felt like failure. I had my forehead pressed against the glass, staring longingly inside and hoping for some sign of acknowledgement that my unspoken prayers would be answered. Please�

��������������� Who knew how long Ben had been standing there? I felt his arms wrap around my neck as he gently pulled me from the window. I raised one hand in protest, but it dropped. I turned. �Dan��

��������������� He looked as though he were struggling to breathe. �I heard what happened� Dan, go home. Eat. Sleep. Do something, anything. You can�t make this place your tomb.� I must look as bad as I feel. I weakly shook my head and gestured to Darren, no matter how far away he felt. �He�s awake now. If I leave, I�ll be deserting him.� My logic, however feeble, was all that I could hold on to.

��������������� �All I can ask is that you take care of yourself. Even if Darren needs you right now, hurting yourself isn�t doing any good. I�m not trying to force you into anything� I care about you. And if Darren was here right now, he�d be disgusted to have to watch you destroy yourself like this.� I let the words sink in a bit. Perhaps Ben was right� maybe I was taking this to a bit of an extreme� But I couldn�t stand the thought of leaving. I wouldn�t have it.

��������������� �I�ll be fine. But I can�t leave him alone in here�� He interrupted, glaring at me with an uncharacteristic fury lurking behind his garnet eyes.

��������������� �He didn�t ask you to be his martyr, Daniel.� His face said, �Stew over that one, Jonesy.� I slumped back onto the chair, heavy hearted. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do.

��������������� So grand of you to screw this up, as well. I could only hope that there was an end to all of this chaos, somewhere out there. Just waiting to be found� a solution. Some answers. But until I found them� there was nothing. I was lost, Darren was lost, Ben was lost. There was a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stifled the urge to burst out, sobbing.

��������������� Don�t cry, Dan� I�ll be fine.

��������������� Darren�s voice rang through my ears like a battle call. Even though I hadn�t heard that voice for more than a week (too long). I snapped my eyes open and looked to Ben, who was still towering over me. �Did you hear that�?� One blink. Two. He shook his head. �It sounded like Darren�� A wounded look jolted across his face. He knelt in front of me, bringing us to eye level.

��������������� �� Daniel� go� please.� He thought I was mad. He thought Darren hadn�t said� I fiercely shook my head. �There�s no way I�m leaving now. He�s conscious. He�s going to be okay� I need to be here for him when he wakes up.�

��������������� He stood and began walking out. �I�ll be at the hotel. I can�t make you come with me� but I hope you come to your senses, soon.�]]���������������

��������������� I waved. He walked. I stared through the glass. God, how I wished I were on the other side of that window�