| Chapter Twelve |
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--------------------------�-------------------------- [ Daniel ] ��������������� I�d watched enough television to know what that meant, and an ice-cold gasp escaped my lips. All I could do for a few numb moments was sit and stare, viewing the EKG monitor in dumb silence. The tiny peaks and depressions had grown so faint� in fact, they�d stopped altogether and had mutated into one sickeningly flat line. Then my mind (God bless it) jumped back into my body, and I stood immediately, stumbling over the chair as I scrambled out into the hallway, screaming. ��������������� There was already someone on the way, but I couldn�t stop screaming for help. What�s happening? What�s going to happen to Darren? Is he okay? A nurse who�d obviously heard the alarm at her station rushed past me into the room, followed by two men and another woman. I turned and stared blankly at the scene unfolding in slow motion. ��������������� The room was even whiter now, thanks to the uniforms of the medial personnel. It was like a blizzard. Staring out your window with a mug of hot cocoa watching as the snow blasted past, wondering when it would end and feeling quite sorry for anyone trapped outside. ��������������� Darren was lost inside the white. I couldn�t see him anymore. ��������������� Like
a flock of angels surrounding his bed� or perhaps vultures. Vultures
masquerading as angels. ��������������� There was a lot of yelling. I was hearing it, but most was complicated medical jargon that I had no help of understanding. Fifty CCs of that, twenty of this. RNs and BSNs and EKGs and EEGs and how was I ever supposed to comprehend any of it? I heard the words, �Cardiac arrest� repeated several times. I may not have been anything close to a doctor, but I knew that, too. ��������������� A heart attack. ��������������� Darren had snapped out of his coma long enough for his heart to go into shock and just� stop. The air around me suddenly felt very, very cold. Is he going to die now? ��������������� I could hear my own heartbeat pounding right inside my own ear, slow and ambient, it droned everything else out. My fingertips tingled, I tried and couldn�t move them. Another nurse bumped into my shoulder as she ran in carrying some sort of machine. I didn�t even look at her, didn�t care. Only one thought penetrated this bubble of blocked emotions: ��������������� Don�
t let anything happen to him. Please, God don�t let Darren die. [ ???? ] ��������������� Tick� ��������������� Tick� ��������������� �What�s going on in here?� �Rex, the guy just flat-lined. Where the fuck is Janet?� ��GET HER IN HERE, NOW.� One of the nurses inserted an intravenous line into my arm. I tried to protest, tried to push her away, but I couldn�t move anything. There were invisible chains holding my limbs to the bed. ��������������� �Hey!� I tried to shout.� �I�m okay! Don�t worry about me!� Then everything disappeared. The bodies around me faded to black, the light coming in from the window, the memories of Daniel sitting at my bedside� it all faded to a dark, murky color. That color suddenly burst into white. ��������������� I�m
back in the white again. How did this happen? Oh, God it hurts so much! I can�t
breathe I can�t scream I can�t move I can�t even cry I can barely think because
all there is all there ever was everything it�s all WHITE. ��������������� �Don�t
worry, Dazza. You�re going to be okay.� ��������������� Dazza�?
Is that me? Is that who I am, the person I�d forgotten that I am? ��������������� �What�s your name?� ��������������� I� I
don�t know! I don�t know anything anymore! I can�t get out of here and I can�t
remember! Why am I even here? What happened? Is Daniel all right? Where did he
go? ��������������� �What�s your name?� ��������������� I�m
trying to remember! I really am! It hurts too much! I can�t I can�t I CAN�T! ��������������� �Come on�� ��������������� DAZZA!
My name is Dazza! That�s all I know, honest, that�s all I know it�s all I�ve
ever known! ��������������� The
white is growing brighter now. Everything is forgotten except for the (golden,
shining) light that has taken its place. I can�t stand to look at it for more
than a few seconds, it�s so bright, but I can�t shut my eyes. ��������������� I
feel disembodied. I look down at my hand, or what I thought was my hand isn�t
it my hand still where�d my hand go? My hand is there. But it�s white, too.
Just like everything else. ��������������� I
hear voices. Someone�s shouting, someone�s screaming, there�s a woman asking
someone to get away. ��������������� �Dan,
I�m hurt. I can�t move anything�� ��������������� Dazza�
Daz, Daz, Daz are you all right? Daz what�s wrong? I love you, Dazza. ��������������� �I
won�t let anything happen to you.� ��������������� �Don�t
cry, Dan. I�m going to be okay.� Don�t cry� ��������������� �Oh,
Darren� Darren what happened to you?� ��������������� �What�s your name?� ��������������� Daz.
Dazza. Daz� Daz isn�t okay. What happened? Oh, Darren, what happened to you? Darren!
DARREN! MY NAME IS DARREN! Hello, can you hear me? Look, I�m Darren! I
remember! I remember everything now! The car, the hospital, Daniel� I remember! ��������������� Suddenly,
lightning stabs through my chest. It feels like lighting. The pain is so
intense, it�s worse than a knife a sword a gun� I shout my name again. Please
say you heard me� (DARREN!) but the pain is still there. It�s always been
there. I can�t remember a time where it wasn�t. I feel light-headed. I want to
sleep. My body feels limp, suspended in white. ��������������� Is
this what it�s like to die? ��������������� �Don�t
cry, Dan. I�m going to be okay.� |