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[ Daniel ]

��Hey, Dan, I�m going to get lunch� want anything?�

�I looked up, blinked. �No thanks, I�m good.�

��You sure?� Ben gave one of those �knowing� looks, as if to say, �I know what you did. Just because it�s over doesn�t mean I�ve forgotten.� I simply nodded. It had been a week since I�d passed out in Darren�s apartment and the hospital had released me after two days. I�d been staying at the hotel room they�d given us although my days were spent in Darren�s room. After the first visit, I�d been afraid to ask about his official diagnosis. There were so many things I�d feared. What if he was in a permanent coma? What if he was a vegetable? I don�t think I�d be able to stand knowing that Darren was alive but couldn�t move or speak. It was hard to imagine him not smiling, laughing.

�It wasn�t as bad as I�d feared, although it wasn�t good to say the least. From what I�d been able to gather, he was in severe shock. No one knew how long it�d be before he woke up, and for the first few days they�d kept him sedated. But I was afraid of what would happen when he woke up. After being thrown through the windshield, Darren had practically crushed his skull and had undergone a grueling thirteen-hour reconstructive operation. They weren�t sure how badly his brain had been damaged, which was a blow in itself.

�My imagination went wild: what if his personality had been affected? What if he awoke to be a totally different person? I wasn�t sure how common that was with cases like his. There were also more frightening possibilities that my mind almost didn�t dare to touch upon: what if his memory had been affected? What if he could no longer speak or walk? What if he was still the same Darren, but couldn�t remember it? Short-term memory loss, I knew, was quite common.

�There was also the possibility that he�d never wake up at all.

�And I wasn�t quite sure I could handle that.

�Which brought me to my current position: hunched over in an uncomfortable canvas chair, listening to the slow, electronic rhythm of Darren�s heartbeats on the monitor. Never wavering, never ceasing.

�I�d moved the chair from its previous position along the far wall to his bedside. The rest of the room wasn�t much different from the room I�d stayed in, save for the surges of get-well cards and flowers from various friends, family, and fans surrounding the nightstand. I was strangely glad my stays hadn�t been long enough to get that sort of response. It was beautiful and hopeful, yet also tragic in a way. I wondered if all the good will from everyone would be enough to make Darren come back.

�Ben had exited off to some restaurant or another, leaving me alone in the room. Sort of. I shifted quietly, leaning one of my elbows against the sterile-sheeted mattress with a timid, mouse-like yawn. Once again, I let my vision occupy Darren: cold, pale, lifeless.

�Porcelain� a silent, sleeping doll. And that description seemed all too fitting. I wished he�d open his eyes, breaking the illusion that he was nothing more than a painting.

��� Dazza� I�m so sorry.� I tried to swallow the growing lump hanging in my throat. Of course, he didn�t reply. Was I expecting him to? �I just want you to open your eyes. I-is that too much to ask?�

�How foolish you were to think you could be strong through this. I slumped, not caring whether my eyes watered or not and wishing I had all the answers. Just think, I told myself, once he gets out of this, you can laugh about how foolish you�ve been acting. Although my heart was saying otherwise. Sure, Darren knew I loved him� but I�d come to realize in the last few days that there was something more than love or friendship holding me here. I had no idea what it was� but there was some force, some deep personal affliction keeping me pinned to him. Once again I wished that I knew everything.