A/N: Thanks to Sara for the inspirational birthing habits conversation we had.

And thanks to Mandy for the article on male breast-feeding.

Darren woke to the feeling of fingers weakly running through his hair. He sat up with a start, looking over at Daniel. Eyes of pale sea mist looked back at him and his heart skipped a beat. He grabbed the hand that had been in his hair and stood up, moving closer to the head of the bed.

"Daniel," he spoke softly, his voice slightly rough. "Stay with me, please, Daniel." He bent down to gently kiss Daniel�s dry lips.

"Sorry�" Daniel whispered.

Darren stroked Daniel�s hair with one hand, the other still holding the younger man�s hand to his chest. "You�ve nothing to be sorry for. Don�t worry. Just rest and heal. I can�t lose you, too, Daniel. I can�t." He closed his eyes and willed himself not to break down as he rested his cheek against Daniel�s head.

Darren stood up when the door opened. "Dr. Medwyn, Daniel is awake."

"That�s a good sign." He smiled as he walked over. He checked Daniel�s pulse, checked his eyes, and then made a notation on the half empty IV bag.

"The baby?" Daniel asked weakly.

"A boy, Danny, but�." Darren�s voice broke and he began to shiver.

"Come here," the younger man ordered faintly, pulling feebly on the hand that held his.

Darren collapsed on his husband�s chest, his arms going around Daniel�s neck as the tears fell.

"I�m sorry, Danny�. I wanted to be strong�"

"Shh� shh�" Fingers stroked gently in his hair again.

"We were able to save your uterus, Daniel. You�ll be as fertile as you were before."

Daniel nodded. "Thank you."

"Throat dry?"

Another nod.

"I�ll tell the nurse to bring you some ice chips. Suck them slowly, don�t chew them. We need to give your intestines time to wake up from surgery, too."

Daniel smiled weakly and held Darren to him as the older man cried for them both.

"Your friends are still waiting outside. Do you feel up to seeing them?"

"For a few minutes�" Daniel replied softly.

Dr. Medwyn left then. A short time later Leonie and the Andersons entered the room. Darren gave Daniel a quick squeeze, then reluctantly pulled from his embrace to greet the others. They each gave Daniel a hug, expressing thanks that it seemed he would be okay.

A nurse brought the ice chips in. Miko happily offered them to Daniel while Leonie cornered Darren about funeral arrangements.

"Leo, I just don�t know." Darren was getting quite agitated.

"I�m sorry, Darren. I�m just trying to take some of the pressure off you."

"Well it�s not working. Daniel and I haven�t even had time to talk about it. About anything. So please. Just leave it. If we decide anything, I�ll let you know."

Leonie frowned worriedly. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but nodded. She gave him a quick hug. "I�ll see if I can find out what time Daniel�s parents are due in and pick them up. If it�s late, I�ll get them a hotel room. Otherwise I�ll bring them here first."

Darren nodded and sighed. "Thanks."

Giving him a kiss on the cheek and wishing her best to Daniel, Leonie left.

Paula went to Darren and put her arm around his shoulder. "Is there anything you need us to do? I�ll take care of your house, don�t worry. We�ll give Leonie a call if you like, and have her bring Daniel�s parents to our house, or yours, if you like." She had surreptitiously brought Darren back to Daniel�s side and gently urged him to sit.

Darren looked at Daniel, a bit dazed. "Do you think they�d want to be at our house alone?"

"Would it be to much trouble�?" Daniel�s voice was a little stronger now that his throat was moist.

"Not at all, Daniel." Naomi assured him. "We�ll answer all their questions, if you like."

"I�I think�" Darren nodded. "Please."

"Darren, if you want, I�ll get the pictures developed for you." Paula offered.

Darren nodded, unable to speak around the lump in his throat and handed her the camera.

"Mom, I think we�d best leave if we�re going to be having company so we can get ready." David urged.

Miko nodded, put the cup on the bedside table, and gave Daniel a kiss on the forehead. Then she gave Darren a hug with strength that anyone would find at odds with her size. "Don�t you worry, we take care of parents. You take care of Daniel. May the Gods bless you both." She gave him a kiss on the cheek before they all left.

After they�d gone, Darren reached up and took Daniel�s hand in his again, holding it with his left while the fingers of his right hand rubbed across the back of it in aimless circles.

"What did the doctor mean� you�ll be as fertile as you were before?" he raised his sad blue eyes to Daniel�s. They weren�t as pale as they had been. Darren sighed and hoped that was another good sign.

The younger man looked away a moment, then looked back at his husband. "I only have one ovary, Darren, and it�s deformed. I don�t ovulate regularly. My getting pregnant was a miracle�. One that may never happen again."

The older man broke their gaze then, nodding absently.

"I lost the baby, didn�t I? Through my stupidity." Daniel said bitterly.

"No, Daniel, no. Don�t think that. When you�re better and we�re ready to have another child, we�ll get counseling. There are a lot of options out there, maybe one will work for us." He stood up and moved to the head of the bed again, just as he had earlier.

He bent down and gently kissed Daniel�s lips, slowly deepening the kiss, putting all the love he had behind it. Long minutes later he pulled back, giving in to the need for air reluctantly. "Never blame yourself. From what the doctor said, our baby was marked for heaven from the start."

A nurse came in and changed the IV bag. "Dr. Medwyn has given orders that you are allowed to stay the night. It�s a small bed. I�d be happy to bring you a pillow and blanket."

"Thank you. I�d appreciate that."

She smiled and left. Darren looked back at his husband and slowly brushed a few locks of stray hair from Daniel�s forehead. He could see the tiredness.

"Rest. You need rest to get better. We�ll talk more when you�re stronger. I promise."

Daniel nodded and closed his eyes. His breathing evened out almost immediately. Darren placed a soft kiss on his forehead, then sat down and took his hand again. When the doctor came back, Darren followed him into the hallway. "Tell me the truth, how is Daniel doing?"

"There could still be complications, but everything really looks good, Darren; I think he�ll be fine. The transplant surgery went well. Kevin is in the hospital morgue until you make further arrangements. Have you given any thought to counseling? I can suggest some good people."

They stepped aside and Darren managed a small smile for the nurse who brought his blanket and pillow. "I�ll think about it. See how Daniel is. I think he�ll need something� Are you aware he has only one ovary? I mean, could you tell when you operated?"

Dr. Medwyn nodded. "But if he got pregnant once, then with proper planning you could have another child. The first thing we need to do will be to start a daily prescription of folic acid. Then get him healed physically and mentally. The incidence of repeat anencephaly is only four percent if a strict regimen is followed prior to trying to conceive again."

"That�s very good news�. But I want to take it one step at a time. He�s my main concern now."

"I understand." He put his hand on Darren�s shoulder. "Let me know any decisions you make. I�d hope you consider me your family doctor. I�ll be glad to help you any way I can to be sure your next baby is healthy."

Darren rubbed fingers over his closed eyes tiredly, pausing at the bridge of his nose before nodding and opening his eyes again. "I think we�d appreciate that. But again�"

Dr. Medwyn nodded. "Why don�t you try and get some rest. Though it�s a tight fit, the bed will hold two."

"I don�t want to cause him any more pain right now. The chair will be fine. Thank you."

~*~*~*~

Daniel stayed in the hospital a week. Dr. Medwyn ran several tests and took advantage of Daniel�s parents visiting to work up an extensive medical history, hoping to pinpoint if Daniel had just fallen victim to a bizarre set of circumstances or if the odds were such that the couple should not have another baby.

Daniel�s parents were very supportive to both men. Chris and John Jones settled into the spare bedroom farthest from the master bedroom, taking over many of the day-to-day activities of the house.

Paula was not shunted aside, either. She and her grandmother were specially welcomed every day to rouse the men from their depression, to be sure they ate, showered, and dressed every day. Miko made certain to get them out of the house every day, too. Something the doctors had insisted would be necessary to help stave off severe depression, otherwise medication might be necessary.

The men found it extremely difficult to tell the energetic lady �no�. She had come to mean a great deal to them during Daniel�s pregnancy and had become a cherished member of the family now.

~*~*~*~

Darren and Daniel, after much soul searching and discussion with Miko, decided to have Kevin cremated. They paid for everyone to fly to Australia for dispersal of the ashes at sea. Darren sang "You Can Still Be Free", accompanied by Daniel on his acoustic guitar. Darren had invited his parents. His mother came alone, which Darren found oddly reassuring. At least he wouldn�t have to listen to his father�s hateful rhetoric concerning fags and how the death of his baby had been a direct result of his sins. His father�s short letter had explained his position quite clearly.

~*~*~*~

Daniel�s thirtieth birthday was not the happy affair Darren had planned for. Everyone had gone out of their way to make it cheerful in spite of the circumstances of the previous month. Darren was exceedingly grateful to the Andersons and Daniel�s parents for managing to bring more than one smile to Daniel�s face.

Leonie finally released a statement to the musical industry explaining Darren�s sudden cancellation of interviews and appearances. The news spread rapidly and caused much less dissention than she had expected. Thousands of cards and e-mails pronouncing sympathy and congratulations began coming in.

And where many couples might have been torn apart, Darren and Daniel drew closer together. Darren was grateful that Daniel allowed the older man to touch him, hold him, and love him in ways that didn�t require sexual intimacy. And Daniel was able to provide the same to Darren when he would suddenly break down emotionally.

They spent days and weeks just cuddling. Holding each other. Communicating in that silent way that had always been between them.

Chris and Paula made sure they kept their appointments with both Dr. Medwyn and now Dr. DuMonte, as well. Dr. Medwyn assured them that based on family history, a regimen of folic acid would almost certainly guarantee a healthy baby next time.

Thanks to the photos the nurse had taken, Dr. DuMonte was able to help Daniel understand that the loss of their baby was not his fault. Had it not been for the terminal defect, their baby would most likely have survived the early delivery.

~*~*~*~

The Joneses stayed with their son and son-in-law for three months, until they felt the boys had weathered the worst. They trusted the Andersons to look in on them and made sure Paula had their number in case of emergency or if the boys weren�t as stable as they seemed.

Darren continued his hiatus from recording, performing and interviews. Leonie�s complaints fell on deaf ears. If the time away from the fans killed his career, so be it. He had to be there for Daniel and quite frankly, needed Daniel there for him.

Their one-year anniversary was spent quietly. Darren fixed dinner, using Miko�s recipe for Satay chicken. Miko had brought them chocolate pudding earlier in the day, with a conspiratorial grin and a wink, telling them the time was right. Both men had laughed and thanked her.

That night they lay in bed - candlelight, soft music, side by side - looking at Kevin�s pictures.

"I wish I could have known him." Daniel sighed, two fingers tracing over one of the photos.

"You did know him. You knew him for five and a half months. And he was beautiful. Just like his daddy." Darren rubbed one hand along Daniel�s side, then grabbed the long-fingered hand and brought it to his lips.

Daniel gasped lightly.

Darren turned on his side, facing the younger man, and brushed the back of his hand along the wet cheek. "Don�t cry, Daniel. I was so happy. We were so happy. And we can be again. We will be, again. I promise you."

He rose up on one arm to kiss his husband gently. First on the damp cheeks, then on the lips. Both men moaned as tongues caressed for the first time in months. As the kiss deepened, hands moved. Cautiously at first, reacquainting themselves with the bodies they had known so intimately before. Hesitation became encouragement and then needy desire, as bodies craved the intimate closeness once again.

Darren began writing songs again after that night. Daniel helped, relishing the renewal of their creative partnership. It would be different this time, though. More like Elton John and Bernie Taupin. One half of the writing duo would remain behind the scenes.

~*~*~*~

Daniel had been on folic acid for over a year when he went in for his monthly check-up.

"How�ve you been feeling, Daniel?" Dr. Medwyn asked.

"A bit tired, nauseous in the morning�"

"Vomiting?"

"No. Just queasy."

"Well, I hope you�ll be happy when I tell you this. You�re pregnant, Daniel."

Daniel was thankful to be sitting.

"I want to draw more blood today and I�ve scheduled a 3-D ultrasound. It will help us determine how far along you are and if the baby will be normal."

Daniel paled but nodded. He stood up and followed the doctor.

"Just relax, Daniel." Dr. Medwyn said, as the technician prepared the machine. "How is Darren doing?" he asked, trying to calm the lanky man.

Daniel smiled a bit more easily. "He�s back in the recording studio. Working on his second album."

Dr. Medwyn returned his smile. "Sounds good for him. Ready?"

Daniel nodded nervously and watched as they prepared his stomach. They began scanning. After a few moments, an image began to appear, line by line. Daniel watched, awed by the difference in the display. His eyes flitted from the screen to the doctor and technician. Finally the doctor spoke.

"Well, Daniel, your baby looks to be about seven weeks. So I estimate your due date to be January around the 20th, I�d say. We�ll know more when you�re a bit further along. I want you to come in once a week for the next few weeks. The fetus is a bit small now, but it looks normal. A little more size and we�ll know for certain. I don�t expect any problems, though. You�ve been taking your Folic supplement for over a year and clinical studies have shown the recurrence of problems like you experienced is almost nil. So don�t worry, okay?" he smiled reassuringly.

Daniel nodded nervously.

At home, he wondered what to tell Darren. He�d been out of the music scene so long already, what would this do to his career? Kill it permanently? It wasn�t like he could hide the pregnancy for long. He went into the bedroom and stripped, turning sideways to study his profile. His eyes settled on his stomach and he didn�t hear Darren until the man was encircling him from behind, planting his lips on the back of Daniel�s neck.

Daniel�s cock jumped noticeably.

"To what do I owe this amazing vision?" Darren asked softly, pressing his lips a bit lower on Daniel�s spine, eliciting a shiver from the taller man. Daniel hardened further, quite noticeable in the mirror. Darren smiled softly and ran his tongue along the back of Daniel�s neck, before grabbing the lobe of one ear with his teeth.

"I�uh�"

Darren ran one hand up Daniel�s chest, then down, pausing over the younger man�s belly. They were looking at each other�s reflections. Daniel was certain Darren had seen the flash of fear that went through him when Darren�s hand settled on his stomach.

"What is it, Danny?" Darren�s gaze was earnest and concerned. "Please tell me."

"I�uh�saw Dr. Medwyn today."

Darren nodded.

"I�m pregnant�" Daniel barely managed to whisper the words, fear tingeing his words even at that volume.

"Oh, Danny." Darren gently turned the taller man, freeing him from the dual gaze. "It will be better this time. I can feel it." He held the trembling body to him. Rubbed his hand up and down the smooth back. Whispered reassurance and love.

As they lay in bed that night, Daniel�s body gleaming from their lovemaking, Darren draped beside him in a sated haze, Daniel looked at Darren through half-lidded eyes.

"You remember our anniversary, when Miko brought us the pudding?"

"Mmm� Yes, I do. Wonderful pudding."

"Do you remember what she said?"

"Mmm� not exactly� no�"

"Well, she said, �The time is right, boys, so eat up and enjoy.� And that night, we made love for the first time since her birthday."

Darren nodded, his head now on Daniel�s chest.

"And� I got pregnant that night� How did she know?"

Darren turned his head up and kissed the bottom of Daniel�s jaw. "Because she�s a very wise woman, I think. They�ll be thrilled when we tell them."

"I want to wait� until we�re sure�"

Darren nodded quietly, mumbling words of love before he pulled the sheet up over them and fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

"The cranial vault looks fine. See here?" Dr. Medwyn pointed to an area on the computer monitor.

"It�s so clear!" Darren said, amazed.

"I prefer �easy to differentiate�. This is definitely brain tissue. Development looks normal and on schedule." The doctor smiled at them as he printed out the clear picture from the monitor. "I want to see you again next week. If everything still looks good, then we�ll scale back on your visits a bit."

"Are you expecting problems?" Daniel asked nervously.

"Not after seeing this scan. But I want to be as certain as medical science will allow."

Both men nodded nervously, but Darren couldn�t keep the smile from his face as he looked at the picture in his hands.

~*~*~*~

Darren hated leaving Daniel, but now that his second album had rocketed up the charts he was in demand. He had many arguments with Leonie over the number and placement of appearances. As thrilled as he was over the success of their album, he didn�t like being away from Daniel more than a week, and he refused to be away more than two. He would simply die if something happened to Daniel or their new baby while he was away. Daniel did his best to reassure Darren, calling him every day no matter where he was in the world.

It wasn�t easy on Daniel either. He was more sensitive than ever with this pregnancy. He embarrassed himself more than once while at the Anderson�s, when innocent touches caused him to moan uncontrollably or even cum in his pants.

He tried to seclude himself after that episode, but neither Paula, nor Miko would hear of it.

Darren was very happy that his fans understood a world tour would have to wait until after their baby was born. He played smaller venues than during his first tour, when he made singing appearances at all. They were the only types of shows that fit within his guidelines for how much time he was willing to spend away from Daniel.

The rest of his time was divided between flying home for a few days, then flying out for another TV or radio appearance or interview.

~*~*~*~

Darren had been asked once again to perform at Capital Christmas FM. He didn�t want to go. Daniel was eight months now and Darren was not good at hiding his excitement or his worry.

"Darren, babe, you loved doing Capital Christmas. You�re still hot in England. Go! Have fun! Darrel and I will be fine. He�ll wait." Daniel smiled understandingly.

Darren ran a shaky hand over Daniel�s rounded abdomen before bending down to place a kiss over the clothed curve.

"I can�t believe my good fortune. First I�m graced with you, then I�m blessed with not one, but two sons." His voice was rough and a tear traced a hesitant track down one cheek. "I�I�m afraid Daniel. We�re so close now� I�I don�t want to leave you. Not for a minute, let alone the week I�ll have to be gone to perform."

"They�re some of your most loyal fans, Darren. Don�t disappoint them. We�ll be fine."

Daniel pressed his lips to Darren�s, then flicked his tongue out to catch the tear on his husband�s cheek. The shorter man shivered and leaned against the taller.

"Come on, let me give you a sendoff you won�t forget." Daniel�s voice was thick with desire as he put his arm around Darren�s shoulder and led him up to their bedroom.

~*~*~*~

"OH, GOD! Ohhhhh�." Daniel groaned and gasped raggedly. Darren sat behind him in the birthing tub, rubbing the groaning man�s temples with two fingers on each side.

"Remember your breathing exercises, Daniel." Chris Jones said as she wiped her son�s damp forehead with a warm cloth. She had returned to San Francisco to be there when the baby arrived and help out.

Daniel began the panting exercises as another contraction rippled across his protuberant belly. He gripped Darren�s thighs tightly as he moaned again.

"Everything�s looking fine, Daniel." Dr. Medwyn encouraged. "Try not to push yet, you need another centimeter or two of dilation."

"Oh, God� it hurts�" he said breathlessly.

Darren placed a soft kiss on Daniel�s neck and continued to murmur soft words of encouragement. Telling him how wonderful he was to do this without drugs. The warm water had helped a great deal at the beginning, but several hours had gone by and now that they were so near delivery, Daniel didn�t seem to notice anything. The doctor had said it helped �most� women have less pain. Apparently Daniel wasn�t part of the majority. Darren and Chris continued talking. Kneading his temples, rubbing his arms.

"Okay, Daniel�push!" Dr. Medwyn finally said.

Daniel grunted then pressed down.

"Don�t forget your breathing, dear." Chris reminded him.

"Ahhh! Ohh� Oh, God� AHHH!!!!"

"Got him!" Dr. Medwyn proclaimed. Daniel slumped back against Darren.

The doctor quickly cleaned some of the remaining blood from the baby and suddenly a loud scream punctuated the warm air of the birthing room. Then Dr. Medwyn placed the baby on Daniel�s slightly heaving chest.

Daniel smiled through the tears of pain and slowly moved his arms to envelop his son. He tilted his head back and Darren kissed him deeply, but quickly and then went back to massaging his temples.

"Oh, Daniel, he�s beautiful!" his mother congratulated. "Congratulations, Darren."

Darren beamed as Daniel stroked the smooth skin on his son�s back. The baby�s head was covered with fine, curly blonde hair.

The attending nurse stepped up then, and Dr. Medwyn spoke up.

"She needs to take him for his measurements and weight. He�ll be brought to you in your room. I need to deliver the placenta now. Then we�ll get you cleaned up, and settled. I think you�ll be able to go home in a day or two though, since you�ve had no complications and have more than enough help."

~*~*~*~

Chris Jones, together with Mark, Naomi, Miko and Paula, threw a welcome home party for Daniel and Darrel. Darren smiled and greeted everyone as he settled husband and son on the couch in the living room.

Everyone cooed over the beautiful little boy who seemed intent on sleeping through it all.

Darren arranged the pillows so Daniel could lean back and threw a light cover over them both. Daniel had decided to breastfeed while still in the hospital, and Darren couldn�t be more pleased.

The younger man glowed with contentment as he lay back against the pillows and promptly fell asleep, baby Darrel sprawled on his chest, the guitarist�s long fingered hands protectively to either side of their son.

Darren kissed his husband on the forehead, his son on the temple and then gave everyone his apologies that the guests of honor would be sleeping this one out.

They adjourned to the dining room to let father and son sleep in peace.

"He�s beautiful, Darren." "You two should be pleased."

"They both beautiful. You got much to be proud of." Miko commented, giving the singer a hug.

Darren hugged her back, a teary smile on his face. "And believe me, I am," he said, continuing to embrace her. "This is one time I feel truly complete and blessed.

The End.