Do you have any idea how I felt when you sang *our* songs?

Did you think about how I would feel?

Did you even care?

Why did you ask Aneiki to open for you?

Was it because you liked their music?

Because you wanted to finally acknowledge what *I�m* doing now?

Because you know that I�ve been to every concert they�ve given, still nervous about my first production venture?

Or was it because you wanted to hurt me in a way you knew would hurt me most,

knowing I would not protest you doing our songs, because they were yours, too.

Though you tell everyone they are yours alone�

Never acknowledging *my* part unless questioned outright�

Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

You did a wonderful job with your songs.� I�m so proud of you.

You remembered everything I taught you.� Everything we discussed and worked out.

I seem to have given you a lot of inspiration� just not the way I would have liked.

I listened for a bit� to *our* songs� you performed them well, but they lacked� something�

I wanted to be there with you� for you�. Would have enjoyed doing it again�.

But you made it clear not all that long ago that you didn�t need or want me any more.

Because *I* couldn�t do it like you�

Couldn�t go, and go, and go�

Why is that? I tried� for you. I *really* did� but I just couldn�t adapt�.

I grew weaker, while you grew stronger.

More distant.

So instead of going out there� and asking you to let me do something I could have done only those few nights, I stayed backstage and cried.

I cried my heart out.

Kathleen wanted to know what was wrong. How she could help.� But what could I say?

She would never understand what *you* singing *our* songs did to me.

Or *why* it should bother me like it did.

I hope I never hurt her the way you hurt me� but then, the allegory isn�t quite the same.

You rejected me because I can�t give you children.

There are thousands of children in the world. We could have given one a home.� A loving home.

But that wasn�t enough for you.� You want *your* child� your way�.

I brought up the possibility of a surrogate mother� but you said it wouldn�t be fair to the child.

I would have done anything to make you happy� but I couldn�t do the two things you needed.

The two things you wanted most�

So you rejected me�

And I do the only thing left to me� I produce.

No men though, only women.

I�d compare them all to you, and they�d all fall short� it wouldn�t be fair to them.

I still write� but it�s not the same� there�s something missing from *my* music, too.

The fans have noticed� I�ve heard the comments� the put-downs�

Do you think they would understand if I told them you don�t want me back?

You keep telling them it was *my* decision. What *I* wanted�.

Do you think they would believe me if I told them the truth?

I won�t though, because if by some chance they *did* believe me, they might turn against you.

And I couldn�t stand to hurt you that way.� Hurt you at all� because I love you too much.

I�ve always had to protect you.� Even after what you did to me.� To us.� The way you hurt me.

It�s just not in me to retaliate in such a way.

So I work� and try to find happiness with Kathleen, knowing that it will never be complete�

That *I* will never be complete� without you.

It�s all you�ve left me.

And she loves me.� She does her best to raise my spirits when I�m down, which is most days now.

I think she suspects, though.

She�s realized that whenever she finds me crying, you are always involved, somehow.

If she does comprehend it, she hides it well.� She puts her fears aside for me.� And I love her for it.

I wish I could have set aside my fears for you.� With all my heart, I do.

I hope one day you�ll need me, the way I need you� it�s not fair to Kathleen� second best�

But I don�t want to be alone the rest of my life� And I�m afraid I will be if I wait for you�

Won�t I?