| Horror Story The day of the dead It was a cold and wet night in a little town called Shildon everything was calm. (Shildon has a mountain known to the locals as Shildonia where strange things happen). The night sky felt stale and Shamu the killer whale was tearing on the dead carcass of a cat called Fluffy. Things felt strange my leg felt� what! U doing, scram you dumb dog. As I walked down my street images were flashing in my head like images of tombstones. I thought, �well this is strange isn't it�. So I called for Ven, Chris, Hupin, Chunk and we phoned Martin and asked him to meet us at the national meeting point (outside my house). Then all of a sudden a Mongoose with red eyes jumped out of a bush and latched on to Ven's face. One by one wild animals tore chunks out of Venners so we all legged it except for Chunk who hid in a bush. Once we found Chunk we met up with Martin, by this time we knew something strange was going on because Martin had missed his tea for once. We walked along really freaked out by now and saw a strange man. Chunk walked up to him to ask if he liked Darlo. The man stabbed him with a knife repeatedly then tore out his intestine wrapped it round his neck and tied him to the top of a lamppost. By this time he was pretty much dead. The rest of us me, Martin, Hupin, and Chris ran at some speed until we saw Robbie, Chambers and Ben. We told them not to go down where we just came from Robbie did not listen and went down anyway. Robbie went down attracted to alcohol like a moth is attracted to light. He soon paid the price, a dead guy came round the corner and disembowelled Robbie with a spoon. We were just about to run when a garbage truck speeded round the corner instantly killing Ben and Martin. Well at least Martin died the way he wanted to die. This left only Hupin, Chris, Chambers and me left. Hupin was totally freaked and took a freak stabbing me and Chris and ran off screaming sweet sweet nectar. We did not see him again until we visited the insane asylum a few months later. Meanwhile Anth Chambers thought his tattoo was talking to him so he christened it the tattoo formally known as Smurf. As we walked along we had a hunch that someone was stalking us so we went in my house and chilled for a while. They ended up spending the night and Chambers ate my last pork chop (bastard). The next day when we woke up Go Johnny go go go go was on TV so we decided to risk going outside. Me, Chris and Chambers went to where Chunk was killed but he was gone! At this point I had a knife wound, Chris had a gaping flesh wound and Chambers was talking to his tattoo AGAIN. To top it all off we had several dead people walking around. We decided to try and get some more people out because at least 3 more people will die before the end and we needed someone to tell the tale. We called for a dozen people and in the end Darryl and Buzz were the only people we could find (talk about scraping the barrel). All of a sudden a decayed carcass that looked like Chunk came round the corner. Yes a zombie! We tried to talk to him but by the time he tore Buzz's head off and stuffed custard down his splintered windpipe we kind of got the idea that he was pissed off. We all ran away but Chunk followed on a milk float. We soon outran the float that was going about 10mph. With only four people left we were a bit edgy, we all wondered who will be next and we soon found out. Chambers had a great idea it involved chicken and bacon with sweetcorn in brown bread, at this point we new he was crazy. We were shocked when we saw Ben again. He told us that when the garbage truck hit Martin it cushioned the blow and he had survived. So in good spirit we all went up Scaifies house and had chicken soup for dinner. During that dinner we noticed that Ben may actually be dead (a zombie) because his ear fell off and landed in Chris's soup. Without knowing Chris had a spoon of soup with Ben's ear on it , he took a bite out of his ear without even noticing and replied �you can really taste the chicken cant you�. No one dared tell him so we carried on eating and went out. The next fatality was a little bit of fun that had tragic consequences. We told Chambers that his tattoo was flirting with Ben. Chambers took it seriously and gauged his tattoo off using nothing more than sandpaper and a 12-year-old rusty chisel. Then he attacked Ben the dead zombie type thing. When he was finished hacking at him with a pick axe we knew there was only one thing that could calm him down that is chicken and bacon with sweetcorn in brown bread. Then it came to us maybe the strange things that are happening have something to do with the snowy mountain called Snowdonia. Theirs only one to find out send Darryl up and hope he comes back alive. Sow did just that but Darryl didn't come back so we decided to investigate. It took about one hour to reach the top of the mountain and when we got there we were nackered. We walked into the strange building at the summit and sitting in front of us was Sam preying to the Fables of Reconstruction (visit their web page at www.reconstructingthefables.com and receive a free pen with every purchase). Anyway Sam joined our quest to do stuff and try not to get killed in the process. Then all of a sudden I had a great idea lets all sit in a circle and eat up marshmallows round a fire. Funnily enough no one agreed to take part. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh look theirs a hideous mutated Saber toothed Sloth and Chambers is stroking it. It looked tame and harmless until Chambers stole its chicken and bacon with sweetcorn in brown bread sandwich. It picked him up ripped his left arm off and gauged his eyes out, finally it feasted on him whilst he was still alive and at the same time did a cool rendition of Coldplay's yellow. After this miner setback we continued the quest and found Darryl he was bored and played dizzy ducks and lost his barings and got lost. After a while we found the source of the problem it was radioactive waste that was turning animals into killers and dead people into zombies. So we packed the waste up and sent it to Turkey hopefully they would not know the difference. One problem left what about all the people affected, easy we thought just send Darryl to attack them with a lawnmower. But our plan went tragically wrong and Darryl sold our lawnmower and bought a box of red laces. To top it all off he then ran away with the red laces and went to Spain to start a Norwich FC fan club (the only one in the world). This left us in a bit of a pickle so we decided that we should all try and tackle the things. Me and Chris were both wounded and Sam was tragically killed by a reversing milk float (yes Chunk was driving it). We eventually killed everything that moved including my next door neighbour by accident. This is a very bad end to a very good story and the moral of the story is don't drink and drive cos you will spill it. |