Feedback: Yes, please, this is my first attempt at something other than songfic so I'd like to know what everyone thinks.
Author's Note: I've read several stories about Toby having a child that no one at the White House knew about and I thought, why couldn't the same thing happen to CJ. So, here you go. Also, I'm not a doctor so if any of the medical stuff is inaccurate, my deepest apologies.
Toby entered CJ's office to get her for their meeting with Leo and the President. He paused at her doorway, seeing her at her desk with her hand on the phone, fighting back tears.
"CJ?"
No answer. Toby stepped further into the room and touched her softly on her arm, "CJ?", he said a little louder.
She jumped slightly in her seat, "Toby!".
He noticed her hands were shaking slightly and he became more and more concerned about her. "CJ, what's wrong."
She took in a shaky breath, "Mackie's roommate just called. She collapsed at basketball practice and was taken to the hospital. They don't know what's wrong." By the time she finished speaking, CJ had lost her battle with her tears and they were streaming down her face.
Toby grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly, "When are you going out to California?"
"I, I don't know if I can, I mean..."
"Go, I'll explain to Leo and the President."
She nodded, "Okay".
"You know, I'll have to tell them everything."
CJ took a deep breath, "I know". She looked up at him, giving him a shaky smile, "Thanks".
Toby turned to leave her office, knowing she needed some time alone and that he needed to get in to see Leo and the President. "Don't worry about it", he said over his shoulder. "Call me when you land."
"Yeah"
Toby left her office and headed to the Oval Office, wondering how in the world he was going to explain this to Leo and the President.
Leo and President Bartlet looked up, "Toby, come in, where's CJ?"
"She's getting ready to get on a plane to California."
Bartlet looked at him carefully, "Why?"
"The answer's going to require a lengthy explanation and I need to not be interrupted during it."
"Okay, sit."
Toby sat down and took a steadying breath to prepare himself to let out a decades old secret. "Many years ago, when CJ was nineteen, she met a guy named Jace. They started dating and were married the next year. A year after that, she got pregnant and had a little girl named Mackenzie." The President and Leo looked at him, startled at this revelation, but kept their mouths shut. Toby continued, "but things weren't going smoothly. Jace was beating her and she was always worried that he would do something to Mackie. But, she was more scared to leave, and so she stayed. Then, one night when Mackie was four, Jace completely lost control. He hit her several times, then went into the kitchen. CJ ran to the bedroom, grabbed Mackie, and left as he returned with a knife. I had met CJ about a year earlier while working on a campaign, and we had become friends. She came to my apartment..." Toby paused and closed his eyes briefly, remembering how terrified she had looked that night, holding Mackie and trying to keep it together for her. If only he'd recognized something was wrong before then. He opened his eyes and continued, "I helped CJ get a divorce, and get him in jail. She raised Mackie on her own and did an incredible job with her. When I went to get CJ for the campaign, Mackie had been at UC Berkeley for a year. Anyways, the reason why CJ is going to California is because she received a phone call from her roommate saying Mackie had collapsed during basketball practice and was taken to the hospital." Toby finished his story and looked at the two men in front of him, holding his breath for their reactions.
"CJ's daughter plays basketball?"
Toby let out a relieved chuckle at the President's question. "Yeah, she has CJ's height, but fortunately not her coordination."
"Or lack thereof"
He smiled, "yeah".
Bartlet nodded, "Okay, well we're going to need to talk to her when she comes back, but it's fine that she went to California. Let's get on with this meeting, shall we? You'll let us know when you hear something, right?"
Toby nodded, "yeah"
"Ziegler"
"It's me"
He could tell that she was trying to stop crying, "where are you?"
"I'm in a cab on my way to the hospital. Toby, I called her roommate when I landed and she said that Mackie hadn't woken up yet. Shouldn't she have woken up by now? What if something's really wrong? I don't know what to do, I can't..."
Toby could tell that she was about to breakdown completely, "CJ, listen to me. You've got to calm down. I know you're scared, but I bet you'll see that she's awake by the time you get to the hospital. She's going to want to see you, but if she sees you scared, she's gonna get scared. You've got to hold it together for Mackie right now, okay?"
He heard her take a shaky breath and release it slowly, "yeah, okay. Thanks."
"No problem. Call me when you find something out."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."
"Okay. Tell Mackie I'm praying for her and that there are easier ways of getting out of basketball practice than passing out."
He heard a brief chuckle, "yeah".
Toby hung up the phone and said a silent prayer for his best friend and her daughter, three thousand miles away.
CJ walked into the waiting room she was directed to and looked around for Stasi, Mackie's roommate. She saw her sitting in a corner by herself with her head in her hands. CJ waited until she was directly in front of the girl to get her attention, "Stasi"
The girl's head snapped up and she looked at CJ with red-rimmed eyes. "Ms. Cregg, the doctors won't tell me anything, they said they'll only talk to family."
CJ nodded, "okay, where are they, do you know?"
She pointed to a door, "in there, they said to tell you to go over there when you got in."
CJ took a deep breath, "yeah".
As soon as she walked through the door Stasi had indicated, a doctor approached her.
"Are you Mackenzie Cregg's mother?"
CJ nodded, "yeah, what's wrong with her?"
The doctor indicated some chairs, "why don't we sit over here."
CJ closed her eyes briefly to keep her composure, "just tell me, please."
The doctor nodded, "okay, well we performed an MRI on Mackenzie when she first came in. The results show a brain tumor."
CJ couldn't believe what she was hearing, "cancer?"
"We don't know yet. The tumor could be benign. Either way, we need to operate to remove it. Since Mackenzie is over 18, she needs to make the decision. She's not awake yet, but she should be soon. Would you like to go see her?"
Trying to fight back tears, CJ just nodded. Following the doctor, she wondered how she was going to tell her daughter that she might have cancer.
CJ had been sitting in Mackie's room holding her hand for about ten minutes when she began to stir.
"Mackie? Mackie, it's mom. Come on Mackie, open your eyes", she pleaded softly.
"Mom?", she asked weakly, then groaned, "my head hurts".
CJ's eyes filled with tears as she watched her daughter in pain, "I know sweetie, but the doctors gave you something to make it go away so you should be okay in a couple of minutes."
She waited patiently until Mackie's face relaxed, "Are you feeling better now?"
Mackie carefully pulled herself into a sitting position, "Yeah. When'd you get here?"
"Only about twenty minutes ago. Stasi called me after the ambulance came."
"Oh. Do the doctor's know what's wrong?"
CJ's eyes filled with tears. She remembered what her life had been like at Mackie's age. She'd had a newborn daughter and was terrified of her husband. She'd done everything in her power to make sure that Mackie's life would be different, that it would be better, and it had. And now, the one thing she had no control over was threatening to take it all away. Life could be so cruel sometimes. "Mackie honey, the doctors found a brain tumor. They don't know if it's cancerous or not, they need to operate to find out. But since you're over eighteen, you have to make the decision yourself."
Mackie's grip on her mother's hand tightened as she fought to control the tears streaming down her face, "I can't make the decision", she whispered, "you make it, I trust your judgment."
CJ closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer for guidance, "I think you should have the operation."
Mackie nodded, "Okay".
Mackie and CJ talked to Stasi and sent her home, then talked with the doctor for a little while and scheduled the surgery for the next morning. Afterwards, CJ stayed with Mackie until she fell asleep. When she was sure she was out for the night, CJ left the room and dialed Toby's number.
"Ziegler"
"It's me"
Toby immediately stopped the speech he was working on and turned his full attention to CJ's voice on the other end of the phone, "How's everything?"
CJ fought to keep her composure as she answered, "She has a brain tumor. They don't know if it's cancerous, she going to have surgery tomorrow". Try as she did, CJ couldn't keep her voice from wavering, "my baby might have cancer".
Toby closed his eyes to stave off his own tears, opening them before he responded, "CJ, it's going to be okay..."
CJ cut in, "You can't promise that."
"Yes, I can, because no matter what happens we'll handle it together, okay?"
CJ nodded, though he couldn't see, "yeah".
"Why don't you try to get some sleep tonight and I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay"
After hanging up the phone, Toby stared at it for a while. Then he picked it up again and began to dial.
"Have you heard anything?"
Toby turned to answer the President, briefly closing his eyes to retain his tenuous hold on his composure.
"Yeah, they found a tumor and Mackie's going to have surgery today to see if it's cancerous or not."
Both Leo and the President stared in shock at Toby, neither knowing what to say. Toby took the opportunity to bring up the real reason for his visit. "CJ's at the end of her rope and she needs someone to be there with her right now. She's trying to be the strong one, but I don't know how much more of this she can take. I've already made flight arrangements. I need to be with CJ and Mackie right now."
The President nodded, and, finding his voice, answered, "That's fine, how long do you think you'll be gone?"
"I don't know. If it turns out everything's okay, probably in a couple of days. If there's problems, who knows."
Leo took the opportunity to speak up, "both of you stay as long as you need, if necessary, you can do some work from there."
Toby nodded gratefully, "Thanks", he said as he turned to leave.
Toby entered the waiting room that the nurse had directed him to. According to her, Mackie's surgery had started an hour ago and would be over in a couple of hours. As he walked in to the room, he saw CJ sitting in a chair against the wall. She was staring at a newspaper, but she had tears streaming down her face and he doubted she saw any of the words on the paper. Not wanting to startle her, Toby quietly walked over and sat down next to her, then softly laid his hand on her arm. "CJ"
CJ looked over at him, startled, then tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, "Toby! What are you doing here? Why aren't you in D.C.?"
Toby gently moved her hand away and began to wipe her tears for her, "This is where I need to be right now. Leo and the President agreed."
"Toby, I..."
He grasped her hands to stop their frantic fidgeting, "CJ, let me be here for you, okay?"
CJ nodded, whispering, "Why have you always been there for me?"
Toby brushed back a lock of her hair before pulling her to him, "Because that's what friends are for", he murmured into her hair.
"Well, isn't this touching?"
Startled, both Toby and CJ turned around to see Jace a couple of feet in front of them.
Toby immediately stood up, putting himself in between CJ and Jace. "What the hell are you doing here?", he growled.
Jace ignored Toby, and, smirking, looked around him to CJ, who sat frozen in place, trying to keep old fears from overwhelming her. "Long time, no see Claudia."
Toby turned in time to see CJ flinch at the use of her first name. She hated when it was used and Jace knew that. He was deliberately trying to upset her. She didn't need this right now. He turned back to Jace. "Again, what the hell are you doing here?!"
Finally, Jace glanced at Toby, "What, I'm not allowed to see my daughter in the hospital?"
Finding her voice, CJ stood, "no, you're not, you're not allowed anywhere near either of us and you know that."
"She might have cancer, and you'd still keep me away from her because of something that happened almost twenty years ago?"
Toby'd had enough, "You beat CJ for six years, so yes, you will be kept away from Mackie. Now, and forever. Get out, or I'll call the police."
Jace smirked at Toby, "you don't scare me."
"Yeah, well I should", Toby said, advancing on him, "get out".
For the first time, Jace started to look nervous. "Fine, whatever", he said, turning on his heel and leaving quickly.
When he was gone, Toby turned back to CJ who'd sat back down in her chair, trying to control her trembling. He knelt in front of her, taking her hands in both of his. "You okay?"
CJ nodded and managed a small smile, "yeah, I'm okay. Thanks"
Toby withdrew one of his hands to smooth back some of her hair, "Don't worry about it. I'm going to go up front and make sure the nurses know to call the police if he comes back, okay?"
CJ nodded again, "okay".
After Toby left, CJ sank back into her chair and said a silent prayer that things would get better soon, she didn't know how much more she could take.
Mackie's surgery went well and after she woke up briefly and went back to sleep, Toby persuaded CJ to check into a hotel room and get some sleep. The next day, Toby stayed in his hotel room to do some work while CJ returned to the hospital. He knew she wanted to spend some time alone with Mackie for awhile. He told her he'd join them in a few hours.
CJ entered Mackie's room quietly. The nurse had said she was awake, but CJ didn't want to wake her in case she'd fallen back asleep. Mackie immediately opened her eyes as CJ came around to the side of her bed. "Hi mom", she said quietly.
"Hi, how you feeling?"
Mackie winced slightly, her face relaxing afterwards, "Better. Where's Toby?"
"He's back at the hotel, he's coming over later."
Mackie smiled wanly, "Why'd he come out here with you?"
"He didn't, he came later."
Mackie grinned wider, "Why?"
"Because he was worried about me and..." CJ finally noticed her daughter's large grin, "what?"
Mackie put on her best innocent face, "nothing".
CJ eyed her suspiciously, "okay"
"It's just that..."
CJ finally realized what her daughter was hinting at, "Don't start with me Mackenzie Cregg, all we are is friends, you know that."
Mackie shrugged, "if you say so."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing", she quickly assured her mother.
"What are you doing picking on me anyways?"
Mackie quickly sobered, "it keeps my mind off of other things, like if the tumor was cancerous or not."
CJ immediately regretted inadvertently changing the subject. "Don't worry sweetie, everything will be fine, you'll see. We'll get through whatever happens together."
Mackie nodded, "okay".
CJ and Mackie quickly steered the topic to something less disturbing and talked for almost an hour. Mackie got tired and took a short nap, while CJ stayed with her, holding her hand. When she woke up, they continued to converse. Eventually, their conversation strayed back to Toby.
"Where is he, anyway? I thought you said he would only be gone for a couple of hours."
"Well, you know how he is when he's working, he wouldn't know if a bomb went off outside."
A familiar voice from the door interrupted the women's giggling, "I resent that".
Mackie smiled at Toby, "oh, come on Toby, we were just joking."
"Ha, ha", he muttered, circling around to the side of her bed that CJ was on, "I see you're feeling better."
"Yeah"
Toby couldn't help but smile at the large grin Mackie gave him. She looked so much like CJ did at her age it stunned him sometimes. "Well, that's good", he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "So, what were you guys talking about before you started making fun of me?"
CJ spoke up, "I was just telling her stories about work"
Mackie grinned again, "Yeah, she was catching me up on all of the Sam and Josh stories."
Toby smiled as he settled into a seat next to CJ, "oh, this could take hours."
The Sam and Josh stories did take hours, and afterwards, CJ and Toby left so that Mackie could get some sleep. They told her they'd be back in the morning before she went to have her MRI done. Upon returning to the hotel, CJ and Toby went up to his room, because CJ wasn't ready to be alone yet. Toby agreed they could sit up and talk for awhile. They talked for awhile about work and the speech that Toby had worked on that morning. But Toby noticed that CJ was distracted and not really listening. Finally, he'd had enough. He stopped talking about the agricultural bill and sat down next to CJ on the bed.
"CJ, what's wrong?"
"Nothing"
Toby looked at her skeptically, "then why weren't you paying attention to what we were talking about?"
"I was"
"Fine, then what do you think about the proposal that was outlined?"
CJ finally looked up, confusion in her eyes, "what proposal?"
Toby sighed, "never mind. What's going on?"
CJ took a deep breath, "it's just, I can't stop worrying about the MRI tomorrow. What if they didn't get it all, what if they can't get it all, or if it turns out it is cancerous. What then?"
Toby took hold of her hands, holding them tightly between his own, "No matter what the tests show, everything is going to be fine, CJ. Mackie is just like you, she's a fighter. It's going to be okay."
CJ nodded, "Thanks, I think I needed to hear that."
Toby smiled slightly, "no problem"
"How long are you out here for?"
"For as long as you need me out here."
"Toby..."
He held up his hand, "Don't start CJ, the President and Leo both said we could stay out here as long as necessary. If we need to, we'll do work over the phone and the computer, okay?"
CJ nodded again, "Okay. Were they really okay about all this?"
"Yeah. CJ, they're both parents, they understood."
"Yeah, so how'd they take it when you told them about Mackie?"
Toby chuckled, "You should have seen the look on their faces."
CJ smiled slightly, "I can imagine."
The next morning, CJ and Toby went to see Mackie before her MRI. Stasi was already there, and the four talked for awhile before the doctor came in. After Mackie was taken for the test, Stasi left, saying she would come by later that night after they heard the results. Despite Toby's urgings, CJ refused to leave the hospital while Mackie was having the test done.
"I'm not leaving"
Toby sighed, "CJ..."
"No Toby, I'm not leaving."
"Why not, it's going to take a couple of hours, we can go get something to eat and come back before she gets back."
"You can go if you want to, I'm staying." Finally giving up, Toby sat down next to CJ and they waited side by side for the test to be over.
After the MRI was over, Toby and CJ went back to Mackie's room to wait for the results. The doctor said that it would take a couple of hours. Though they tried to talk about lighter subjects, their conversation invariably returned to what the results of the test would be.
"What if it is cancerous? I can't go to school if I'm in the hospital going through chemo and radiation. I can't afford to fall behind in my classes. What am I supposed to do?"
CJ tried to calm down her anxious daughter, "If it is cancerous, we'll deal with it. I'm sure the school will work with you to keep you from falling too far behind."
"What about you? You'll be on the other side of the country. I don't want to have to go through this on my own."
Toby lightly squeezed CJ's shoulder as a tear ran down her face, "I can stay out here as long as you need me to."
Mackie shook her head, "not if I'm in here for a month or longer. The election's almost here. You need to be in Washington", she glanced at Toby, "both of you."
Toby cut in, "Mackie, I know you afraid, but worrying about 'what if' scenarios isn't going to help anything. We'll just deal with it as it comes, okay?"
Mackie nodded reluctantly, "okay."
An uneasy silence fell on the room. Just as CJ was about to talk about something, anything to lift the oppressive silence, the door opened and Mackie's doctor walked into the room. Looking at the three, she anounced, "I have the results of Mackenzie's MRI."
The three occupants of the room looked at the doctor, holding their breaths. Dr. Simmons broke into a smile, "according to the MRI, we got all of Mackenzie's tumor and according to our other tests, the tumor was benign."
CJ, Toby, and Mackie collectively let out their breaths. CJ hugged Mackie tightly to her before regaining her composure enough to ask, "So what happens now?"
"Well, we should be able to release her tomorrow. She'll need to stay home for about a week before she returns to school", she turned to Mackie, "you'll need to take it easy for awhile, but you'll be fine."
Mackie nodded, swallowing back tears, "Okay, thanks"
The doctor nodded and left.
Toby grinned after the doctor had left and lightly hugged Mackie, who hugged him back and repeated CJ's earlier question, "So what happens now?"
CJ looked at her, "Well, I should be able to stay for the week you have to stay at home, then I'll go back to D.C., if that's okay with you."
Mackie looked at her mother, "it's fine with me, but are you sure it'll be okay with the President?"
Toby answered her question, "The President's fine with it. I talked to him and Leo before I left."
Mackie turned to him, "What about you?"
"I'll probably leave tomorrow after we get you settled in."
Mackie nodded her agreement while CJ turned to look at him with a question in her eyes. He answered it before she had a chance to put a voice to it, "There's really no reason for me to stay here anymore now that we know everything's going to be okay. Besides, I'm sure Leo's told Josh and Sam about Mackie by now and if I come back early they can get most of their questions out of the way before you get there."
CJ nodded her appreciation and approval before turning back to Mackie and pulling her into her arms again,
"I told you everything would be all right."
A small smile, then, "Yeah".
The next day, CJ, Toby, and Stasi brought Mackie back to the apartment the two girls shared. Afterwards, CJ took Toby to the airport. Mackie got steadily better over the week and was anxious to get back to school, lest she fell too far behind. The day Mackie started back at school, CJ returned to D.C. Toby picked her up and took her back to her apartment. She let the two of them in, then went to make coffee. She gave him his cup and the two settled on the couch, talking about Mackie and work .
"But Simon handled it, right?"
"Yeah. It took a couple of days, but the press seems to have generally forgotten about it."
"Remind me to kill Josh when I get back to the White House."
Toby chuckled, "So I guess you're ready to get back to work, huh?"
"Yeah, I can't believe it, but I actually missed dealing with the press."
Toby laughed again, this time harder, "Unbelievable."
CJ smiled, "yeah". They sat in comfortable silence for awhile before CJ spoke again, "I know I said it before, but I really appreciate all you've done for Mackie and me. Not just recently, but throughout the years."
Toby shrugged, grabbing her hand and lightly rubbing his thumb over the back of it and avoiding her eyes.
CJ grabbed his chin and gently lifted his head so that his eyes met hers, "Why have you always been there for me?", she whispered.
Toby closed his eyes briefly and swallowed before answering her, "Because that's what friends are for", he said, repeating what he had told her in the hospital. CJ's hand fell away from his face and she began to move away from him when he tugged gently on her hand, bringing her back to him. Now it was his turn to gently cup her face in his hand, "and you're so much more to me than just a friend", he whispered, leaning closer to her.
CJ's eyes began to fill with tears, and her voice cracked as she spoke, "yeah?"
Toby nodded as he leaned even closer, "yeah", he responded, before lightly brushing her lips with his own.
Finis
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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