Author's Note: The next part in my CJ/Toby friendship post-ep series.
Archive: Sure, just tell me.
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy.
Spoilers: Post-ep to Noel, so everything up to there is game.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue, I have no money. The song's not mine either.
Crouching down inside a deep ravine
those angry cries pass quickly by can't be seen
so many ways spent hiding in so many undone plans
forgetting what it's like to fight when no one understands
I sit in my office, looking at the scotch in my h ands. Josh is in with some guy from ATVA that Leo called in for him. Maybe he'll be able to help him. None of the rest of us have.
Close call there in the shadows
there's no end to the dark
there's no one out there
I knew something was wrong with him at the Congressional Christmas party. I could just tell. But I didn't do anything about it. I should have.
All those feelings pain and anger flood back one by one
they must be just around the bend they always come
at night as I lay sleeping they come to me in herds
their lies remain the dreams the same it's only fleeting words
The next day he came in with his hand wrapped in a bandage. I look at my drink again, *what happened to your hand, Josh?*; my drink doesn't answer. CJ and I talked about it, about what he could've done. She said Donna was afraid it was PTSD.
Close call there in the shadows
there's no end to the dark
'cause there's no one out there no one but me
That'd make sense. I've seen guys act like this before, after 'Nam. I should have figured it out. I should have seen it without Donna pointing it out. I should have known.
the hours pass so slowly the life's slipping out of me
no way's the right way is there a way out for me
my life's slipping out
CJ says there's no way we could have known, but Donna did. I should have known. I failed him.
The night is done the bright lights glare and now the time is come
held back in my pitied world where everything's undone
Just like I failed him at Rosslyn, when I couldn't get him to stop bleeding, I failed him again.
a cold wind blows right through me I'm made a hollow shed
there's nothing left just ash remains enrich the soil no soul no soul
I should have known.
Some one calls there in the shadows
there's an end to the dark
'cause there's someone out there someone like me
the hours pass so slowly the life's slipping out of me
"Toby?" I look up to see CJ standing in my doorway. Judging by the look on her face, she's been trying to get my attention for awhile.
I put down my scotch, "yeah?"
She steps inside. "Josh is out," she pauses, "Donna's taking him to have his hand checked". I don't say anything. She takes a step closer, "I talked to Leo, he says he thinks the guy helped. He's going to be okay, Toby." I look at her eyes, and for the first time I realize that I'm not the only one feeling guilty. It's obvious she wants to believe what she's saying.
no way's the right way is there a way out for me
the hours pass so slowly the life's slipping out of me is there a way out for me
I nod, "yeah". Now I just need to make myself believe it.
the hours pass so slowly the life's slipping out of me is there a way out for me
She turns to leave, "I'm gonna go". After she's left, I sit for awhile. Then, I get up and leave as well, leaving my glass of scotch on the desk, untouched.
there must be a way out for me
Finis
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