Disclaimers: Characters that you recognize from the show are not mine. All others probably are. Also, the title comes from the Robert Frost poem Stopping By Woods On a Snowy Evening. Don't sue, I have no money.
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy
Author's Note: This story starts about two months after The Road Less Traveled ended. It's summer and the campaign is underway. For the purposes of this story, I'm pretending Simon never happened. All episodes up to there are fair game.
Mackie stuffed the last of her things into her suitcase, sitting on it in order to be able to close it. Stasi looked on with an air of amusement.
"I thought you were only going to be gone for two weeks."
"I am"
"Then why do you need three suitcases?"
Mackie glared at her best friend, "because I do"
Stasi stifled a laugh, "okay".
Mackie ignored her as she dragged her suitcase off the bed. Stasi lost her battle with her laughter when the suitcase landed with a loud thump and pulled Mackie down with it, causing her to lose her balance and fall. Still laughing, Stasi went to help her, "so your mom's going to meet you at the airport?"
Mackie nodded, grabbing her other suitcases and heading towards the door, "yeah, and Toby's going to be with her."
Stasi grinned wider, "really?"
Mackie smiled, "yeah."
CJ was rushing around her office, trying desperately to gather the last of the things she needed to give Simon for the last briefing of the day. Josh entered her office and stood at the doorway, watching. "Excited to see your daughter, Claudia Jean?"
CJ didn't look up from her task, but allowed a small smile, "yeah."
"Sam and I will get to meet her while she's here, right?"
CJ glanced up at Josh, "I'm not really sure I want her to be exposed to you two goons."
Josh stepped back, dramatically placing his hand over his heart, "oh, that hurt."
CJ brushed past him, handing the necessary papers to Carol, "yeah, yeah."
Toby walked up to them, "you ready to go?"
CJ nodded, grabbing her briefcase from Carol, "let's go."
CJ and Toby waited at the terminal to Mackie's flight. The flight had been delayed an hour, so they sat in chairs side-by-side. They talked for awhile but Toby notice CJ was distracted and fidgety. He put his hand over hers to stop their nervous fiddling. "What's wrong?", he asked gently.
CJ looked at him, "It's just this is Mackie's first time visiting me here. It's going to be her first time meeting everyone. I know everyone's been real good about the situation, but what if it changes now that she's actually here. And what about the press? They've been hounding me with questions since they found out. I don't want this to make it harder for the President to be reelected. Goodness knows we have enough of an uphill battle as is."
"It's going to be fine, CJ. Everyone is really excited to meet Mackie and I'm sure they'll accept her fine. After all, she's just like you", Toby paused, "although I'm not sure the White House will be able to take both of you", he grinned at the glare CJ gave him and continued on, "and we'll make sure she stays as much out of the public eye as possible. As for hurting the President's chance of reelection, it's not going to happen. There is no way this can hurt us. Do you understand me?"
CJ nodded and they both turned their heads when it was announced that Mackie's flight had finally landed. They stood and waited at the gate. As people exited, CJ and Toby both looked around, but didn't see Mackie. Then, they heard, "Mom! Toby! Over here!"
CJ, Toby, and Mackie entered CJ's apartment. Between the three of them they managed to get all of Mackie's suitcases in. CJ surveyed the living room afterwards, "Are you sure you're only planning on staying two weeks?"
Mackie glared at her mother, "yes".
CJ chuckled, "okay".
Toby spoke up, "I'm starving, what are we planning on eating?"
CJ ordered pizza, then the three of them sat around talking about what had been going on in the past two months until it was time for CJ to go get the pizza. After she left, Toby and Mackie continued to talk, but Toby noticed that Mackie was fidgeting with her hands. He shook his head, she really was like her mother. "What's wrong?'"
Mackie avoided his eyes, "Nothing"
Toby sighed, "You lie the same way your mother does. What's wrong?"
Mackie looked up, "You can't tell mom."
Toby looked skeptically at her, "In the past, keep secrets from your mother has been hazardous to my health."
Mackie gave a small smile, then became serious again, "please."
Toby sighed and nodded, "okay."
Mackie resumed looking at her hands, "my father's contacted me four times in the past two months."
Toby's head snapped up, "Mackie, as horrible as this sounds, you can't have any contact with your father, he's dangerous and..."
Mackie cut him off, "I know, and each time he's called me, I've told him I'm not interested in seeing him, but he keeps on calling anyways. He says mom's been telling me lies and that he wants to set the record straight."
"Have you done anything about the phone calls?"
"Stasi and I have started screening all of our calls, but I don't know what else to do. I have no idea where he is, so I can't even really go to the police." She looked at Toby, "do you know where he is?"
Toby shook his head, "no".
Mackie sighed, "okay".
Toby hesitated before speaking again, "Mackie, I know you don't want to, but you really need to tell your mom about this..."
Mackie cut him off again, rising from her seat, "NO, no way. You know how upset she gets when he's even mentioned, I'm not telling her about this."
Toby was saved from having to respond when CJ opened the door carrying the pizzas. The three settled down for the evening, Toby keeping his word and never bringing up Jace.
The next day at work, Toby nervously entered CJ's office. He knew she needed to know about Jace, but at the same time he had made a promise to Mackie. He was caught between a rock and a hard place and he wasn't sure what to do.
CJ looked up when she heard him enter, "Hey", she smiled.
He shuffled back and forth, "hey".
CJ narrowed her eyes, "what's wrong".
Toby shook his head, "nothing". He quickly changed the subject, "were you and Mackie able to do a lot of catching up after I left?"
CJ smiled, "yeah, she told me about school. She's really excited to be starting work on her Masters in the fall."
Toby smiled briefly, "That's good to hear", he paused, clearing his throat uncomfortably, "did she talk to you about anything else?"
"No, why, was there something else you were expecting her to talk to me about?"
"No, no, of course not."
CJ rose from her chair, "Toby-"
"Really CJ, it's nothing"
CJ looked at him for a moment, then nodded her head, deciding to let it go, for now, "Okay".
Toby let out a deep sigh of relief, "Okay. You ready to head to staff?"
"Yeah"
CJ let herself into her apartment after work, to see Mackie talking on the phone in the kitchen, apparently to Stasi. Not wanting to disrupt her, CJ quietly put her things in her room and returned to the living room. She was about to start going over some briefings for the next day when something Mackie said caught her attention.
"Has my dad called at all since I've left?"
CJ froze, she couldn't have heard Mackie right. But the next sentence out of Mackie's mouth confirmed it.
"No, no I haven't told my mom. I told Toby though. He doesn't know what I should do either."
*So that's what Toby was talking about today*, CJ thought. She sat lost in her thoughts until she heard Mackie hang up the phone. She looked up to see Mackie enter the living room. Upon seeing her mother, she froze. Trying to keep her emotions out of her voice, CJ spoke, "How long has your father been contacting you for?"
Mackie looked at her mother, "How much of that did you hear?"
"Enough, how long has your father been contacting you for?"
Mackie closed her eyes, "Two months".
CJ shot out of her seat, "Two months?!"
Mackie cringed, this was so bad, "Mom-"
"He's been contacting you for two months and you never told me?!"
"I didn't want you to get upset-"
"And what the hell do you think I am now!?"
Mackie'd had enough, "Mom, stop it! You think this has been easy for me? I can't even answer my own phone anymore! So why don't you get off your high horse for a moment and think about someone other than yourself for a change!"
CJ stood, stunned at her daughters words. Without a word, she turned around and left the apartment, closing the door softly behind her. Once she was gone,
Mackie sunk to the couch, holding her head in her hands.
Toby was at his apartment working on a speech when he heard a knock at the door. Grumbling at the intrusion, he opened it to find CJ on the other side, with tears streaming down her face. Immediately concerned, he reached for her and she fell into his arms. He brought her into the living room wondering what in the world could have happened. After seating her on the couch, he tried to talk to her, "CJ?"
CJ looked up at him, "How long have you known?"
Toby closed his eyes, there was no use pretending that he didn't understand her question, "She told me yesterday."
CJ's tears stopped and were replaced with anger as she realized what had happened, "While I was getting the pizzas?"
He nodded, "Yeah"
"Why the hell didn't you tell me Toby?!"
He put a hand out to try and calm her, "CJ, it wasn't my place to_"
CJ recoiled away from him, going to the opposite side of the room, "Not your place, she is my daughter, and she's quite likely in danger and you KNEW about it. And it wasn't your PLACE to?!"
Toby hung his head, "CJ-"
CJ cut him off, heading for the door, "No, you know what, you can go to hell." She slammed the door behind her. It was only once she got to the car that she realized that she had no place to go.
Toby was pacing back and forth in his living room debating whether or not he should try reaching CJ on her cell when someone knocked at his door. He ran to it, praying it'd be CJ. Flinging the door open, he found himself confronted with a tear-stained Mackie. Opening the door wider, he let her in. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she turned around to face him, "Um, is mom here?"
Toby shook his head, "She was, but she left."
Her voice was very small, "was she mad?"
Toby chuckled mirthlessly, "Yeah"
Mackie closed her eyes, her voice barely more than a whisper now, "I'm sorry".
Toby reached out to envelop her in a brief hug, "it's not your fault"
Mackie pulled away from him, "yeah it is, I'm the one who wouldn't let you tell her", she paused, "and I yelled at her tonight."
*Well that explains why CJ was crying when she came here tonight*. Toby shook his head, "we'll make this right, okay?"
Mackie nodded, "Okay. Do you know where she might be?"
"I've already called Josh and Sam and told them to call me if she went to either of their places. I also called White House security and told them to inform me if she went there."
"Is there anywhere else that she might go?"
"At this time of night? Not that I can think of."
Mackie nodded again, "Okay, what do we do now?"
Toby sighed, "we wait"
CJ sat in her car a couple of blocks away from the White House, trying to wipe away her tears. Leo was probably still working and if he saw her, she didn't want him to know that she'd been crying. But every time she tried, she thought about the words that had passed between her and Mackie and her and Toby. She couldn't believe the things that had been said. Finally, in frustration she hit her dashboard. *Dammit!* She thought. *Everything was going so well. Then Jace rears his ugly head and everything goes to hell!* She slumped into her seat, sobs beginning to rack her body again. Would she ever be free of him? CJ straightened up when someone opened the passenger side door and sat down next to her. She reluctantly turned around, figuring either Mackie or Toby had found her. Instead, she came face to face with Jace.
Leo sighed, this morning he'd had to park three blocks away from the White House because of protestors, now at 2 a.m. it was just an annoying walk along empty streets. He was almost to his car when he heard muffled screams and the sound of struggling. Frowning, he looked around him. He didn't see anything, but something didn't feel right. He pulled out his cell phone and called White House security, telling them there was something they needed to check out. He continued to walk slowly down the street, trying to figure out where the sounds were coming from. Finally, he found himself approaching a car that looked familiar as the sounds grew louder. Leo began to run as he realized that the car was CJ's.
Toby and Mackie were sitting silently on the couch in Toby's apartment, both waiting to hear something about CJ. It'd been two hours since she left there, and they still had no idea where she was. Finally, the phone rang, causing both of them to jump. Toby grabbed the phone, "CJ? Leo, why are you calling at_" Mackie turned as Toby's voice trailed off. She watched in growing apprehension as horror spread across his face, "Yeah, yeah, we'll be right there." By the time he got off the phone Mackie could barely breathe.
"What's going on?"
"They've taken CJ to GW, we need to get there now", Toby closed his eyes, "Jace found her".
Mackie and Toby ran into the hospital, where they were directed to the ICU. Upon reaching the floor, they immediately saw Leo. When he heard them approaching, he rose from his chair, anxiety plain on his face.
"How is she?"
Leo glanced from Toby to Mackie, his heart stopping for a moment. It was the first time he'd met her, and she was the spitting image of CJ. He hesitated before answering Toby, "She, um, has a concussion and some broken ribs. She also broke her leg, but they're waiting until she's stable to operate."
He stopped speaking, but Toby could tell there was more, "Leo..."
Leo drew in a deep breath, "They found some swelling in her brain. They've given her something that they hope will help the swelling go down, but if it doesn't, they might have to take other measures."
Toby was having trouble breathing, "What other measures?"
Leo shook his head, "I don't know"
Finally Mackie spoke up, "Where's my father?"
Leo turned to the girl, "he was taken downtown and is being held without bail."
Mackie nodded, "good".
Leo looked at her, surprised, then turned to Toby, who just shook his head. "Do they know what happened yet?"
"Not really. They think he found her in her car and attacked her. I heard noises on the way to my car and called White House security. They arrived about the same time I did and took care of him", Leo closed his eyes, "she was already unconscious when we got there."
Toby closed his eyes and nodded, briefly squeezing Mackie's arm, who was beginning to shake. "Can we see her?"
"Yeah, it's the room at the end of the hall. It's supposed to be family only, but I got special permission to let you in as well."
Toby nodded his appreciation, then turned to Mackie, who shook her head at him, her voice trembling as she tried not to cry, "I can't go in there and see her like that."
"It wasn't your fault..."
"I know, but I can't go in there", her voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't".
Toby wasn't sure what to do, he didn't want to leave her out in the hallway by herself, but he also wanted to see CJ. Leo seemed to understand his dilemna, "Go, Mackie and I will stay out here and talk." Toby turned to Mackie who nodded, then proceeded down the hallway and into CJ's room.
Out in the hallway, Mackie sat in a chair and watched Leo as he paced back and forth down the corridor. Calling first the President, then Sam and Josh. Though she had never met any of these men, she felt like she knew them through the stories her mom and Toby and told her. She knew they thought of her mom as family and her heart constricted at the knowledge that they were going through the same thing as her and it was partially her fault. Mackie snapped out of her reverie when she heard the clearing of a throat. Looking up, she saw that Leo had gotten off the phone. He smiled kindly at her, �Sam Seaborn and Josh Lyman are on they�re way here. They�re��
Mackie hesitantly interrupted him, �I know who they are.�
Leo gave her a sad smile as he sat down in the chair across from her, �I suppose you would.�
Mackie nodded, �yeah�
He cleared his throat again, �well, we�ve all been excited to meet you, but I was definitely hoping for it to be under better circumstances.�
Mackie snorted, �No kidding�.
Leo reached out and took on of her hands in his own, �Look, kid, I know you�re scared to death right now, but you�re mom�s gonna be okay. She�s a fighter and she has a lot of people pulling for her�, Mackie simply looked at him. Leo sighed before going on, �and to top it all off, there is currently a man sitting by her bedside who loves her more than life itself. She has us, and she has you. She�ll be okay.�
Mackie closed her eyes, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat, �you have no idea how badly I want to believe that.�
�Well, believe it.�
Mackie nodded, whispering, �okay�
Toby sat down by CJ�s bedside. He couldn�t believe how still she was. This woman with bandages around her head, covered in tubes and surrounded by machines was not the woman he knew. He cautiously took her right hand, careful not to bump any of the wires and tubes. He lightly ran his thumb over the back of her hand, saying a silent prayer that she�d wake up, that she�d be okay. Finally, the eerie silence of the room, punctuated only by the sound of her heart monitor and the steady sound of her breathing was too much for him to take, and so he began to speak, his voice shaky. �CJ, I don�t know if you can hear me, but I am so sorry,� his voice dropped to a whisper as he repeated, �I am so sorry�. He paused for a moment, trying to reign in his emotions, �CJ, you have to wake up. You have a lot of people waiting for you. You can�t leave Mackie and me, CJ,� his voice broke as he finally lost his composure, �what would we do without you?� No longer able to speak, Toby bowed his head, keeping hold of CJ�s hand, and allowed himself to cry. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room. Quickly wiping away his tears, he looked expectantly at the intruder.
The doctor stepped further into the room, �my name is Dr. Jameson. I�m CJ�s attending physician.�
�Do you have any news?�
The doctor nodded, �yes, although I�d rather share it with everyone at once.�
Toby nodded back, �okay, I�ll be out there in a second.� Once the doctor had left, Toby turned back to CJ, squeezing the hand he still held lightly, �I�ll be right back�, he whispered, getting up and brushing a light kiss on her cheek. As he reached the doorway, he couldn�t help but look back at her still form, then head out into the hall, sending up a silent prayer that the doctor would have good news.
Sam and Josh entered the floor, stopping when they reached Mackie, who didn�t see them. Josh spoke first, �Um, are you Mackie?�
Mackie immediately lifted her head, �yeah�, she said, trying to smile, �you guys must be Josh and Sam.�
This time it was Sam who spoke, �yeah, I�m Sam and he�s Josh.� Mackie nodded. Sam continued, �um, how�s CJ doing?�
Mackie shook her head, wrapping her arms around her stomach, �they haven�t said anything new, yet.�
Josh spoke up again, �Where�s Toby and Leo?�
�Toby�s in with Mom, Leo went to go get us coffee.�
Before either of them could respond, they heard Leo�s voice and they all turned to face him, �Josh, Sam, I�m glad you could come.� He glanced at the three of them, �I guess you guys have already met Mackie�. They nodded, �well, I saw the doctor on my way back and she said she�d come talk to us in a couple of minutes, so why don�t we all have a seat�, he said handing a cup to Mackie and settling down himself.
Toby walked down the hall just in time to see the doctor join the group. He noticed that Sam and Josh had arrived and cleared his throat to announce his presence. They all looked at him then turned back to Dr. Jameson. �Now that you�re all here�, he began, �I�ve got some good news. The swelling in Ms. Cregg�s brain has gone down and we�ve managed to get her stabilized. We�re going to take her into surgery soon to operate on her leg. We�re currently cautiously optimistic, but I think that she�ll be fine.� He looked around him as the group let out a relieved sigh. He turned to Mackie and Toby, �the two of you are welcome to stay with her until we come to prep her for surgery, but the rest of you need to stay out in the hallway.� They all nodded and the doctor left. Once he was gone, Toby turned to Mackie, who shook her head, �I still can�t go in there�. Toby thought of saying something but changed his mind and simply nodded. He turned to go back to CJ�s room when Mackie caught his arm and he turned around, �Could you please tell my mom�, Mackie�s voice cracked, �can you tell her I love her and I�m praying for her?� Reaching down to take her hand and squeeze it lightly, Toby nodded, then released her hand and returned to the room.
Toby stayed with CJ until they came to prep her for surgery. During the surgery, he and Mackie convinced Josh and Sam to go home, although Leo insisted on staying. He rightly pointed out that when CJ got out of surgery Toby would want to go back in to sit with her but wouldn�t like leaving Mackie in the waiting room by herself. After the surgery, CJ was taken to the recovery room for awhile before being transported back to her room, where she could again have visitors. Toby returned to CJ�s room, leaving Mackie and Leo to talk in the waiting room. Toby carefully took the hand that did not have an IV in it and sat silently for awhile. The doctors said it could still be several hours before CJ woke up, but Toby didn�t know how much more of the silence he could take. It seemed unnatural to have CJ be so still. �CJ� and �quiet� were not synonymous.
�You know, I knew from the moment I met you that you were going to be trouble.� His own voice startled him. Toby hadn�t realized that he�d begun talking. But once he started, he found himself unable to stop, desperate to lift the oppressive silence bearing down on him. �You remember when we first met? It was during Lansing�s campaign. Mackie was what, three, at the time? I was arguing with the campaign manager, I don�t even remember his name anymore, and you came into the room. I was so busy arguing, I didn�t even notice you at first. Then you suddenly broke into the argument. I was about to cut you off, until I realized you were on my side. I�ll never forget the look on your face as you shouted the guy down. You were able to coherently argue our stance in a way I hadn�t. But then, out of the two of us you�ve always been better at thinking on your feet, haven�t you?� Toby stopped for a moment, his gaze returning to CJ�s face. He felt slightly silly sitting there talking to himself, but he didn�t know what else to do. Suddenly, it hit him. That was what was really bearing down on him, this feeling of total and complete helplessness. Just like he�d been unable to do anything to stop what happened to CJ all those years ago, there was nothing he could do now. He couldn�t go back and stop Jace from finding her tonight, he couldn�t make her injuries go away, he couldn�t take away the guilt that was consuming Mackie, he couldn�t even make CJ wake up and tell him she was alright. Suddenly overwhelmed by all that he couldn�t do, Toby resumed doing the one thing he could: talk. �You better wake up soon CJ, cause I think the walls are tired of listening to me. It�s always more fun to annoy someone who�s awake.� He paused again, thinking what CJ would want to hear if she was awake. �Mackie�s out in the waiting room with Leo. She won�t come in. I think she feels guilty about all this. She really is just like you, insisting on taking on the weight of the world.� Toby�s voice softened, all hint of teasing gone. �But then, I guess that�s what makes the two of you so special, huh? Come on CJ, you gotta wake up, you didn�t let Jace win the first time, you�re sure as hell not gonna let him win this time.� Finally, unable to sit still any longer, Toby got up from his chair, releasing CJ�s hand and beginning to pace the small room, waving his hands in the air. �You can�t just give up, dammit! The administration needs you too much, Mackie needs you too much�, his voice softened again, �I need you too much.� His voice then began to rise again as he continued to pace, his hand movements becoming even more frantic, �This isn�t where it stops CJ! We�ve still got the campaign to finish, and reelection. We�re gonna win, and we need you there with us, if you�re not, who�s gonna be there to handle the press the next time Sam accidentally sleeps with a call girl, or Josh makes some boneheaded comment to the press, or��
Suddenly, Toby stopped, silenced by a quiet but sarcastic voice from behind him, �Jeez, don�t you ever stop talking?� Stunned, Toby turned around to find CJ staring at him from her hospital bed, eyes wide open.
Toby pressed the button to call in a nurse. After CJ was checked over, the nurse left, promising to tell Leo and Mackie that CJ�d woken up. He talked to CJ for awhile as she slowly became more coherent and aware of her surroundings. Eventually, her focus turned to Mackie and why she wasn�t there.
�She refuses to come in to see you.�
�Why?�, CJ asked, hurt and confused.
Toby sighed, �I think she feels responsible for what happened.�
CJ sat up quickly, then doubled over in pain and shut her eyes tightly, trying to stave off the tears and nausea. Toby quickly grabbed a hold of her and gently eased her back down on the bed. When things were again manageable, CJ slowly turned her head to him, �it wasn�t her fault�, she whispered.
Toby nodded, �I know�, he whispered back, softly stroking her hair.
�I want to see her.�
�CJ��
�Please Toby, tell her I need to see her�, CJ pleaded.
Toby closed his eyes and nodded, �Will you be okay by yourself for a couple of minutes?�
CJ carefully nodded, �Go�.
Toby walked out to the waiting room, where he found Leo and Mackie debating the merits and debits of the Healthcare bill that had just passed through the House. Shaking his head and smiling, Toby approached the two. Mackie noticed him first and stopped the discussion, a look of panic crossing her face, �is everything okay?�
Toby nodded, �Your mom�s doing fine�, he hesitated, �she wants to see you.�
Mackie emphatically shook her head, �no�.
�Mackie��
�No, I will later, but not now, okay?�
Toby sighed, she was as stubborn as CJ, �No, it�s not okay. Your mother has asked to talk to you, she NEEDS to talk to you. I know you feel guilty, but it hurts her more knowing that you don�t want to see her than anything else ever could. Now, you�re going to go in there and talk to her.�
Mackie could feel her defenses rising, *how dare you, you�re not my father*. At this thought, she stopped, *No, he�s not my father, my father never cared for me the way he has*. She looked up at Toby, who was still staring at her, daring her to refuse. She remembered all the times he�d been there for her and her mom, as scenes from her childhood flashed behind her eyes. No, he wasn�t her father, he deserved much more respect than her father could ever hope for. Mackie nodded, then stood up and exited the room, leaving Toby and Leo alone. Letting out a sigh of relief, Toby sank down into the chair Mackie had vacated, Leo watching him carefully.
�How�s she really doing?�
Toby lifted up his eyes, �she�s doing okay, really.� Leo nodded then continued to study Toby�s face. Finally, Toby uncomfortably cleared his throat, trying to put his thoughts into words.
�Leo, I�I just wanted to thank you for all that you did tonight�, he put up his hand to stop Leo�s protests, �no, please let me finish. You�ve stayed here the whole time, making sure Mackie was okay so I could stay with CJ. It�s bad enough that both CJ and I are missing work, but you�ve chosen to stay here as well.� Toby�s voice broke as he continued on, �And if you hadn�t been where you were, when you were,� Toby stopped, closing his eyes to stave off the tears threatening, �I don�t know what would have happened�, he whispered, �so, just, thank you.�
When he was sure that Toby had finished, Leo spoke up, �Toby, Mackie�s only a couple of years younger than Mallory. I know that I wasn�t always the best father to her, but I tried. Even so, I know that I�ve caused her a lot of pain and grief over the years. I can�t even imagine what Mackie�s going through. As for CJ�, Leo paused as his own voice broke, �I know I�ve been hard on her throughout the administration, but I admire her and I can�t imagine the White House without her.�
Toby nodded, �I think the three of us will be okay from here on out, if you want to go home and get some rest or go to work.�
Leo looked at him, �are you sure?�
�Yeah�, Toby paused, unsure how to ask his question, �but, um, would it be alright if I missed work for a couple more days, I just really think I need to be here with CJ and Mackie. I know we�re really busy, with the campaign and everything, it�s just��
Leo put a stop to Toby�s nervous rambling, �Toby, it�s fine, this is where you need to be. Take the week, at least, and we�ll see where we go from there, okay?�
Toby looked at him surprised, �are you sure��
Leo cut him off, �I�m sure. I�ve already talked to the President and he said it was fine.�
�Thank you�, he said gratefully.
�Yeah�, Leo said, rising, �I�m gonna go then, �k?�
Toby nodded, �Yeah�.
Mackie tentatively entered her mom�s room, hoping she�d fallen back asleep so that she wouldn�t have to talk to her. CJ immediately opened her eyes when she heard the door open and smiled wanly at her daughter, �hey you, why don�t you want to talk to your old mom?�
Mackie�s eyes immediately filled with tears as she slowly approached the bed, �Mom, I�m so sorry for what I said, I��
CJ reached her hand out to her trembling daughter, �it�s okay.�
Mackie retreated from her mother�s hand, violently shaking her head, �No, it�s not�, her voice quavering, she continued, �all you�ve ever done is think about me. From staying with dad when he was beating you so that I�d have two parents, to leaving the minute you thought he�d turn on me to pretending that you didn�t have nightmares all those years afterwards, so that I�d have as normal a childhood as possible, to leaving EMILY�s list and accepting that PR job you hated in L.A. so that I could go to college to flying out to California when they found the tumor. The only person you�ve ever worried about is me, and I�ve acted like it was nothing.� Once again approaching the bed, Mackie finally broke down, whispering her final comment, �I�m so, so sorry.�
CJ hesitantly reached out to her daughter again, relieved that she didn�t flinch away this time, but also frustrated that she was unable to sit up and gather her in her arms.
Tightly gripping Mackie�s arm, she whispered her words fervently, �I never minded sacrificing for you because you are my daughter,� she paused as tears began to flow down her face, then continued, �and you mean everything to me. What you said to me hurt, but I understand how scared you must have been�, she gripped her daughter�s arm tighter, �more than anyone else, I understand�, she said, her voice cracking as Mackie nodded and carefully put her arms around her mother and gave her a light hug.
�I�m sorry that I�ve been in the hospital almost the entire time you�ve been here. Some vacation this turned out to be, huh?�
Mackie looked up at the sound of her mother�s voice. CJ�d drifted off to sleep about two hours ago and she�d been reading the book she�d brought with her. She got out of her chair and walked over to CJ�s bedside. There was something she�d been meaning to tell her mom, but she hadn�t figured out how to yet. Now was as good a time as any. �You won�t be in the hospital the entire time I�m here.�
CJ looked at her, confused, �What are you talking about?�
�I�m staying an extra week.�
�But, how� I mean, you�ve got work, and��
Mackie shook her head, �I talked to my boss and explained the situation. She said she could get someone to cover for me for an extra week.�
CJ continued to look at her skeptically, �Are you sure?�
Mackie nodded, �Yeah�, she paused, then broke out into a grin, �So I guess it�s a good thing I packed so much, huh?�
CJ chuckled softly, �I guess so.�
Just then, Toby walked into the room. He stopped and looked at the two of them, �The last time I walked into a hospital room and the two of you were giggling, you were making fun of me.�
Mackie turned around and grinned even wider, then solemnly raised her right hand, �we weren�t making fun of you this time, scout�s honor.�
Toby smiled slightly as he walked over to the other side of CJ�s bed, leaning down to give her a quick kiss, �okay�.
CJ turned to him, �Mackie�s staying an extra week�.
Toby nodded, �she told me�.
CJ looked at him for a moment, wondering since when Mackie had felt more comfortable telling Toby things before she told her. She shook her head, deciding she didn�t want to start an argument. As she cleared her mind, she realized that Mackie and Toby had begun talking.
�What are your plans for tomorrow?�
�Same as usual, I�m gonna stay with Mom most of the day.�
Toby grinned, �No you�re not.�
Both women looked at him, �What are you talking about?�
�You�re going to the White House. The President and First Lady want to meet you.�
Mackie�s face drained of color, �please tell me you�re joking.�
Toby shook his head, �Nope. Tomorrow�s gonna be a pretty light day, so the President suggested that it�d be the perfect time for you to come visit. Plus, you and I are gonna have dinner with him and the First Lady in the residence.�
�Or we could just tell them I�m sick and can�t come.�
CJ laughed at the look of panic on her daughter�s face, �Oh come on, Mackie, it�s not that bad. Most of the building had come in to see me, so you�ve already met just about everyone except the President and First Lady. It�ll be fine.�
Mackie sighed, knowing she was beat. There was no way she could win against the two of them combined, �yeah�.
The next day, Toby and Mackie walked into the White House. They stopped at the entrance to get Mackie a visitor�s pass, then continued on in. Mackie walked slowly, looking around her in awe, unable to believe that the people who worked here could act so nonchalantly about being in such an historic place. After the third time Toby turned a corner and looked back to find Mackie was no longer with him, he took her arm so that he�d stop losing her. Finally, they arrived at his office. Ginger looked up when she heard them approach. �Hey Mackie�, she smiled.
Mackie smiled nervously back. She had met Ginger once when she and the other assistants had come to the hospital to visit CJ, �hi�.
Toby looked at the two women while he held his hand out for messages. �Ginger, I need to make some phone calls, why don�t you go show Mackie around�, he said as he looked through the messages.
Ginger nodded, �sure�. She turned to Mackie and smiled, �Come on�.
Mackie glanced back at Toby, who motioned her on before going into his office.
Things got hectic after a phone call to Senator Jackson, which made it apparent that they were losing support for the Healthcare bill. Toby spent the rest of the morning and afternoon trying to get a hold of Senators and forgot completely about Mackie. At a quarter till six, Ginger knocked on the door. Toby looked up from the speech he was working on. �I thought you might want to head up to the residence for dinner.�
Toby looked at her in horror, �Dammit, I forgot all about Mackie! Where is��
Smirking, Ginger interrupted him obviously amused that he�d forgotten about CJ�s daughter. �She�s in Sam�s office arguing with him about the speech the President�s giving on Friday. Trust me, she�s fine.�
Toby almost smiled as he shook his head and got ready to go to the residence. He should�ve known she�d be fine. He went to Sam�s office and stuck his head in, watching silently for a moment as Mackie and Sam argued about the closing paragraph of the speech. Then, he cleared his throat and both occupants of the room turned around to face him. �C�mon Mackie, it�s time to head up to the residence.� Mackie�s face quickly paled, but she reluctantly got up and followed Toby out the door.
�So, what�d you do all day?�
Mackie glanced at him, �You mean since you forgot I was here?�
Toby nodded sheepishly, �yeah�.
�Ginger introduced me to some of the people I didn�t already know and I watched Simon give a press briefing. Then I spent most of the day in Sam�s office.�
�Sorry about that.�
Mackie shrugged, �it was fun�.
As they neared the dining room, Mackie�s steps slowed. Finally, she had stopped altogether. Toby stopped as well and walked back to her, �Mackie, come on�.
They both turned as they heard a new voice, �So, this is Mackie.�
Mackie�s face paled even further as the First Lady approached them, but she was able to get herself together enough to remember her manners. �Yes ma�am, it�s a pleasure to meet you�, she stammered as she held out her hand to shake the First Lady�s.
Abbey Bartlet smiled, �It�s great to meet you as well. CJ�s told me a lot about you recently.�
Mackie blushed, there was no way that could be a good thing. Abbey noticed the look on her face and smiled again. �Come on, let�s go eat.�
Mackie sighed. She was helping CJ get her things so she could leave the hospital while Toby took care of the paperwork. Since the dinner at the residence several days ago, CJ�d been bugging her to tell her how it went. It was not something Mackie was interested in reliving, let alone letting her mom know about. �No. Besides, I�m surprised Toby hasn�t told you.�
CJ grinned, �Oh, he did, I just want to hear your version of what happened.�
Mackie spun around from her position in the doorway to the restroom to face her mother, who was sitting on the hospital bed with an ear-to-ear grin on her face. �He what!�
CJ laughed at the mortified expression on her daughter�s face, �Oh, come one Mackie, it was funny.�
Mackie vigorously shook her head, �No, no it wasn�t. It wasn�t funny at all.�
Toby entered the room, �What wasn�t funny?�
Mackie glared at him, �you told her!�
Toby glanced back and forth between the two women, obviously confused, �told who what?�
�You told mom about what happened at the dinner in the residence!�
Toby smiled, �oh, that. C�mon Mackie, it was funny.�
�It was mortifying!�
Toby tilted his head a moment, as if thinking, then shook it, �No, it was funny.�
As much as she was enjoying the conversation, CJ was more than ready to leave. She knew that she would still have to stay home for another week recuperating before she�d be able to return to work even part time, but for now she was content just to get out of the hospital. She turned to Toby, �is the paperwork taken care of?�
Toby nodded. �Yeah�, he said, bringing the wheelchair over to the bed.
Mackie turned to CJ and Toby as her flight number was announced. �Well, off I go�, she announced as she hugged Toby, then bent to hug CJ, who was still in a wheelchair.
CJ hugged her daughter back, �You�ll come back out for Christmas, right?�
Mackie nodded, �Yeah�. They heard the last call for her flight. Mackie turned and began to walk away, then quickly turned back. �Love ya, mom�, she called out. She then turned back around and began to run towards her gate. Toby glanced down at CJ. �Ready to go home? You need rest if you�re gonna go back to work tomorrow.�
CJ nodded, �yeah�.
�Sorry, I didn�t mean to wake you�, he said, sitting next to her.
She shook her head, then leaned it against his shoulder, �I was only catnapping.�
Toby smiled, �okay�.
They were silent a moment, then CJ began to speak. �They�ve set the date for Jace�s trial.�
Toby took a deep breath, �When?�
CJ snorted, �the day before the election.�
He turned slightly to look at her, �You�re kidding me.�
�Nope. Like I won�t have enough on my mind already.�
He gently stroked back her hair, �it�ll be fine.�
She nodded, �yeah�. They sat in silence as Toby continued to softly stroke her hair. Finally, CJ decided to bring up something that had been bothering her for the past couple of weeks. �Do you think I�m a bad mother?�
Surprised, Toby quickly glanced down at her, �Of course not. Why would you even think that?�
Taking a deep breath, CJ tried to put her thoughts into words without sounding offensive or ungrateful to him. �It�s just, it seems like lately she doesn�t feel like she can tell me anything before she talks to you first.�
He looked at her quizzically, �What do you mean?�
CJ sat upright and glanced down at her fidgeting hands, �When she was worried about the phone calls, she told you. I wouldn�t have even known if I hadn�t heard her talking to Stasi. Then, when she decided to stay a week longer, she talked to you first before she told me. It just feels like she doesn�t trust me anymore.�
Toby reached down to still her frantic hands. �CJ, you�re her mother, of course she trusts you. She loves you. That�s why she told me about Jace but not you. She was trying to protect you, she hates to see the pain that the mention of him causes you. And she told me about the extended stay first because she wanted to know if I thought you�d be okay with it or if I thought you�d think she was coddling you.� Toby paused for a moment, then continued, �She just doesn�t want to ever do anything to disappoint you. You�re opinion of her matters more than anyone else�s. You�re her mother�, he repeated.
CJ nodded, lightly squeezing the hand now holding hers. �You�re right. It�s just, I�ve made so many mistakes that I can�t help but wonder if I�ve done right by her.�
He gently lifted her chin so that his eyes met hers, �trust me, you have.�
She nodded again, �okay�.
Toby paced in front of her, not at all sure how to say what he wanted to say. Finally, he sat down on the couch next to her and took hold of both of her hands. �We�ve been friends a long time.� CJ nodded, not sure she wanted to know where this was going, but keeping quiet. �We�ve been through a lot together and I like to think that what we�ve been through has made us stronger, both individually and as a couple.� Toby paused, struggling to keep his voice even through what he had to say next. �I�ve known for a long time that you were important to me, to who I am, but I didn�t realize how important until you were in the hospital and I didn�t know if I would ever see you smile again, or hear you laugh or tell me I was an idiot or argue with me over something. While I was in that hospital room ranting at the walls because you weren�t able to listen, I realized that I couldn�t imagine what it would be like to only have the wall to talk to for the rest of my life.� He looked at CJ, who had quiet tears streaming down her face, and he raised his hand to gently cup her cheek. �I want you in my life, for the rest of my life.� He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box, opening it and revealing a simple diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"
CJ's nodded as he slipped the ring onto her finger, "Yes", she whispered.
"Yeah, the ring's beautiful", CJ laughed as she answered her daughter on the phone, "don't worry, you'll get to see it when you come out for Christmas. I know, we can't wait to see you too." CJ looked up to see Toby in the doorway. He motioned with his head that it was time to go. "Look Mackie, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later, ok?" Toby entered the office, holding his hand out to her, "Come on, they're about to announce who won." CJ allowed him to bring her back to where everyone was waiting to hear the results of the election. It had been a hard campaign, and now they were waiting to hear if it had been worth it. CJ grabbed Toby's hand and held it tightly as time seemed to stand still.
"And it appears that President Josiah Bartlet will have another four years in the White House!"
Finis
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
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