Disclaimer: Not mine. Song's not mine either. Don't sue, I have no money.
Author's Note: 5th in my POV series. This one's Jed.
Archive: Sure, just tell me.
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy.
Spoilers: Two Cathedrals
Flower man, flower man
When are you gonna grow?
When you gonna lay down
Everything you know?
I try not to cringe as my father's voice rises another level.
"Look at these grades! What is wrong with you?! You think because I'm the headmaster you can get away with this crap?! These grades have got to be better next time or else you're going somewhere else! I will not be embarrassed by my own son!"
Flower man, flower man
How you gonna sleep
With all these people
Cutting down your feet?
When he's done and has dismissed me, I sit on a bench and look at my grades. They're not really all that bad, at least I didn't think so. Mostly A's, a couple of A minuses, and a B. Not my best effort certainly, but not bad. But these don't fit into Robert Bartlet's idea of acceptable. Since my father's idea of acceptable is perfection, I very rarely fit into his idea of acceptable.
Flower man flower man
Flower man flower man
After the "non-denominational" funeral service, I meet my dad's new secretary, Delores Landingham. She seems nice enough, if a bit odd.
Flower man, flower man
You're head's above the rest
If you're gonna trust them
They gotta pass the test
For the next couple of weeks, Mrs. Landingham bugs me about the wage differences between the men and women on campus. I try to ignore her, but it's hard. A lot of what she says makes sense, but there's no way I'm going to talk to my father about this. Finally, I tell her to bring me numbers, figuring that will get her off my back. She returns the next day with the numbers.
Flower man, flower man
You're living in the sun
Shattered and hollow
You shine for everyone
After hearing the numbers, I promised her I'd talk to him. So, here I am standing in front of his office door trying not to throw up. Mrs. Landingham passes me as she leaves for the evening. She stops and turns to me.
"You know, if you spend your entire life afraid of him, you're never going to accomplish all that you're capable of", she says, then resumes her walk out.
Flower man flower man
Flower man flower man
As I continue to stand outside of his door, I think about what she said. I decide to go ahead.
They get enough to hurt you
With all the things they say
So you put on your armour
And stand in the way
But when I go in, he starts to yell at me about an article I wrote concerning book banning. And, remembering her words, for the first time I yell back.
You're wearin' the target
That took so long to earn
And you start looking sideways
On every turn
The slap surprises me, though by now I should have known to expect it. With it comes all of my old fears and insecurities. It doesn't matter what Mrs. Landingham said, she doesn't understand. Defeated, I leave.
You start looking sideways
At every turn
As I lay in bed that night, I think again about what she said. As I do, I start to get angry, who is she to judge me like that? She doesn't understand the way it is between my father and I, she has no right to comment on what she thinks she sees.
Flower man flower man
Flower man flower man
I roll over and look at the clock-4:32 a.m. I guess I won't be sleeping tonight. My mind goes back yet again to what she said. So much of what I do and don't do is based on my fear of my father's reaction. That article represented the first time I dared purposely do something that I knew would anger my father. My yelling back at him tonight was the second time. Those both worked real well. Still, she's right. If I always do according to fear of my father's wrath, I will never become all that I could. As light begins to seep in through the window, I finally sleep.
Flower man flower man
Flower man flower man
Finis