Author�s Notes: The song Out of Control is by U2. This chapter fluxuates between Grissom and Catherine�s POV�s. Hopefully it�ll be pretty obvious who�s POV it is when. All other notes and stuff is in Chapter 1.
Spoilers: The Pilot and Cool Change
Monday morning
Eighteen years of dawning
I say how long
You say how long
I don�t know how long I�ve been standing here, propped up against the wall, but I don�t think I can move. I saw Lieutenant Gribbs when she broke down, they�ve led her out of the hallway now. All these weeks of trying to figure out what my dream could be foreshadowing, and it never occurred to me that it would be something like this.
It was one dull morning
Woke the world with bawling
I was so sad
It was so bad
I just stand, staring at the table. I told her to stay on the job, to give it a chance. All those weeks of waking up in tears and screaming, wondering why the dream was back. I know now.
I was of a feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control
I don�t know when it was exactly that my life went completely out of control, but I hate the feeling. Holly�s gone, Brass is out of CSI and Grissom�s brought in someone from San Francisco. Nothing�s the same anymore.
Boys and Girls
Go to the school and girls
They make children
Not like this one
On Holly�s first night, I had to process this little girl, right around Lindsey�s age. I hate cases like that, but I was doing okay until she asked me to take care of her dolly for her. Sometimes I can�t believe what human beings are capable of doing to each other.
I was of a feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control
I told Holly I love this job, and most of the time I do, but there are days when I just wish it�d all go away.
I was of a feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control
After shift, I sit it Brass� office�my office. I sink into the chair. This is my office now. A couple of days ago, everything was fine. Sure, I was exhausted from the nightmares, but I was coping. But now�now everything�s different.
Out of control
After shift, I go to try to find Grissom. Everything�s spinning out of control, and I don�t want to be alone. Not now. It�s too dangerous for me to be alone right now.
I fought fate
There's blood on the garden gate
The man said childhood
It's in his childhood
I look up when I hear someone enter the room. Catherine comes in, with a look on her face that makes my blood run cold. Since her promise to never attempt suicide again, she has come to me a couple of times when it was obvious that it was on her mind, when she was struggling. The look on her face then is the one she�s wearing now.
One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late
You can't fight it
I enter the room and from the look on Gil�s face, I know he knows what�s wrong. This isn�t the first time I�ve come to him like this. I come whenever things have spun out of control and I�m just not sure if I can take it anymore. I will keep my promise. No matter how hard it is sometimes, or how badly I am tempted, I will keep my promise.
I was of a feeling it was out of control
Catherine comes and sits in the chair on the other side of the desk. No words are spoken, there aren�t really any that can be right now. We sit in silence as we hear the world go to hell around us.
I had the opinion it was out of control
TBC
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